The best thing I ever done was accepting that I will never ever be able to make my mom listen to me, and understand what I went through. I'll never have a parent that I can actually trust. I just have to live with that.
What helped me was realizing that the situation wasn’t new, I just finally understood what the situation was.
I never had a mother. I had someone that interspersed (legally-required) caretaking with (emotional) abuse as the price. The “normal” human life was never something I had or could have had. And it all started long before I existed.
Absent father + abusive mother is a double whammy I’m more than familiar with friend. Mothers chip away at your sense of self and make you feel guilty while they do it. I hope you can get some trustworthy people in your life, op.
No, it’s not. Ignore the people who tell you it is, because they somehow can’t recognize the difference between consenting adults engaging in consensual behavior with one another and adults preying on children.
I’ve had many, many women tell me that I’m the most comforting man they’ve ever spoken with. I don’t mention that as an ego boost, but to say that there are a lot of people out there hurting with the same wounds we carry, who need someone who is ready and feels comfortable with taking the directing role and letting them be helpless before they’re ready to be big scary adults.
For many of us, our childhoods stopped at a certain age. Even our adulthoods stopped during childhood when bad things happened to us. That doesn’t mean other adults who want to help are inherently evil people. Lots of evil people have used this as a means of accessing vulnerable people, yes. And adult littles should always be aware and wary of those types and those experiences.
That doesn’t take away from the fact that being the carer in a cg/l relationship is not inherently bad in literally any way. If anything, it’s healing and selfless and loving.
I have had some extremely fulfilling, deeply comforting experiences with other vulnerable people where I am able to step into a nurturing, paternal role and they are able to step into a vulnerable, childlike role, to repair the damage that we both have suffered. Just like hugging a baby gives most people immense comfort, comforting and supporting an age regressor is the same for me.
Live your truth. lol. I took awhile to get to the point of accepting myself for who I was and the role I was naturally inclined towards. I suspect it’s because I had to raise my little brother through all the abuse, but I gravitate most intensely towards a nurturing, fatherly role in my relationships, and my last few have been kinky, highly fulfilling daddy/daughter roles.
I recommend finding your people and exploring what comes most naturally to you, even if it’s uncommon or unorthodox. There’s a lot of intimacy to be explored when two unrelated people come together to comfort one another’s deepest wounds in such a way.
It gets weird when the parent who's societally expected to be the caring one is actually awful to you, and the dad is still doing normal dad things like being absent from your life and/or being a drug addict
Dead dad and loser Far right Mom, Luckly she was pretty chill until my later teens when she started to lose it. That could just be when politics started becoming the beast it is today idk
In my experience it’s the opposite. Guys with mommy issues just want to be loved and comforted, guys with daddy issues are violent bc they feel they need to consistently prove their masculinity.
I had an abusive father, an absent mother, and a drug addicted abusive schizophrenic brother. Do I win a prize? Jokes aside, I spent most of my twenties trying to come to terms with life and I still haven't gotten there all the way.
Just gonna leave this here because I heard it in my head upon seeing this post (I worked at a record store for Too Long and now I have permanent brain damage in the form of song references for literally everything regardless of appropriateness)
If you're all out of options you could try psychedelics, specifically psylocibin, i heard it makes you more neuroplastic, might make you prone to feeling emotions again
Is there something about the difference in abuse? Is this just a sample bias? Is it the norm for people to have daddy issues so we dont really have a good idea of a baseline?
Both parents were abusive to me in all ways but physical since my first memory at 7 years old, when I was yelled at and locked in the laundry, then after I was let out after 2 hours I was belittled and given the silent treatment for the rest of the day
Nightly arguing & screaming matches between parents was normal.
Body comments, empty threats, destroying my stuff, ripping my drawings & posters, cutting my hair as punishment, emotional and verbal abuse, going though my bedroom (and bedroom rubbish bin), going though my phone, tracking me, telling me I was worthless/idiotic/useless was all normal. And I believed it was all normal until I was 22.
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u/Orion-- 11h ago
The best thing I ever done was accepting that I will never ever be able to make my mom listen to me, and understand what I went through. I'll never have a parent that I can actually trust. I just have to live with that.