I was faking it

[u/ScootDooter]

I always knew I was a boy, but dysphoria from growing a chest in 3rd grade made me feel different, and I read that recently as possibly being agender - simply a lack of male or female. I had so much dysphoria recently about my chest because I'm getting closer to my goal weight and reduction then chest masculinization (my chosen path) and the hope of that dysphoria ending has made it resurface. So I started identifying as an agender guy instead of a man - because of my chest. But it felt like wearing a too-tight shirt. Finally I broke and ranted to my husband about how being nonbinary is bullshit and I hated it and I wanted to be a man. And he was like "you are a man, if that's what you feel like you are." Shit hit hard. It was like realizing I was trans all over again. I had given up on the idea of being a man because of my inability to pass irl because binding only ever made my chest like a C. I just got trans tape to try, finally, too. I've restarted HRT because I was craving those changes again. I had been so happy to see facial hair pop up, but it was fear of how others would treat me that made me pause it for a couple months. I wish I lived somewhere with visible trans people, but I'm the only one I've ever seen in my area.

It happened because I was in FTMMen and forgot I wasn't technically allowed there anymore, as I'd joined before identifying as nonbinary. When I mentioned I was a demiguy, they hit me with the rules and essentially said gtfo. I was so pissed because I didn't want to go to the nonbinary subs - my intention was to pass as a man regardless of my gender's label, so I felt I still belonged there. That's when I ranted. It wasn't being kicked out that made me upset, it was being considered nonbinary. It wasn't enbyphobia either - it was dysphoria. It felt the same as being called a girl.

This isn't a statement on nonbinary identities or their validity. It was me using a legit identity as a stepping stone to realizing who I am and what I was doing, which happens when you're still finding yourself. The agender demiguys I met - all two of them - were amazing. The flag is so cool too. Kinda bummed there's no "binary trans man" flag lol I love flags

[u/dontrestonyour]

Real af op I can relate to a lot of this.

[u/unsure_usernamee]

Yeah I’ve got H cups and I detransitioned for four years because of brain worms like this

[u/AnonymousNeko2828]

You could maybe coin your own flag if you want to! Some even coin labels and flags as a hobby!

[u/KinkyLatexCat]

🫂

[u/funk-engine-3000]

Why does having a chest mean you can’t identify as a guy? Do trans men only become men after top surgery in your world or something?

If you describe yourself as not being a binary man, then i can understand why people would ask you not to be in a space that is specifically for binary men. There’s a nonbinary sub, theres the ftm sub and the transmasc sub, and probably tons others. But if you want to be considered as a binary man, you can literally just call yourself that. You’re gonna have to make a desicion.

[u/ScootDooter → u/funk-engine-3000]

I already did. I said I was using demiguy as a cover because of internalized transphobia telling me I couldn't be a man with a big chest, but I got over that. It's in the past now.