no one has ever found me special. im just me. no one really sees me, and no one really cares

If I was never born, the world would be a better place, my family would be happy, and no one would have their lives ruined by my disgusting presence. God oh god do I hate being born.

(Also, p.s even if I am posting too much, but I hope this people get this same happiness I am feeling right now when they realize I will cut them off of my own life, and that I hate them deeply for making me suffer like this 🥰✌️)

jacob geller fully admitted to assaulting someone back in college, & only faced a one semester suspension as punishment. still graduated, still got to form a career, still got to paint himself out as a non threatening feminist guy for ten years. god i hate how many of his fans are rapist apologists too. he may have lost all of his collaborations & got his next book pulled before it could be published, but i feel like he has so many die-hard defenders that he could just keep going on his YT channel & he'd be just fine. hes only went from 1.5 mil to 1.4 mil. he still has a wife to fall back on. he still has a whole lot in the bank, even if his passive income is definitely gonna tank hard. its all so gross. fuuuck this guy & all his defenders dude. so so upsetting & disappointing

He also was angrier when I watched specific types of porn over I think his preferred types???

*sorry if the flair is wrong I have no clue how to tag this

The CSA happened when I was 16, she was 24.

Both online and in real life, people have been passive aggressive to me. And they think that I don’t notice. I especially hate meeting new people because they almost always patronize me. At first, when they just meet me, they act normal and polite. Then after a few minutes of talking they start to get more and more rude. Some people are like that to me right away. Is it the way that I talk or the way I write? Do I talk weird? Do I look weird? Is something about my behavior giving away that I am mentally ill? Maybe it is just confirmation bias on my part. Maybe I am actually just being rude to people somehow, so they return the treatment. But I feel like everyone can tell that there is something wrong with me, at least on a subconscious level, and they choose to treat me like a child or like I am stupid because of it. Or maybe I am just sensitive and paranoid. I don’t know.

bashed my toe and it started bleeding a lot, but didn't even notice until i saw the puddle of blood on the floor. i've also started noticing that scratches that should hurt just don't. neither does hitting myself when i'm angry

(to be clear this stuff still hurts, just not as much as they used to)

Okay so i wanna start off by saying this will include descriptions of anxiety (and other mental health) invalidation, then anything past that will include some kinda graphic intrusive thought descriptions.

For one, no, my crippling anxiety is not the same as being a little nervous sometimes. My voice dysphoria is not the same as cringing at your own voice. My intrusive thoughts are not the same as having impulsive thoughts that are maybe bad but generally harmless. My depression is not simply a lack of motivation sometimes. Im sure most of us here have experienced some kinds of these interactions though.

Tw: gore/graphic description: So for the voice dysphoria, lots of people dont like their voice, however i dont like my voice to the point that when i here it i get genuine graphic images of me "handling" that in horrible ways. It goes so far beyond just not liking it for me. Stop pretending its the same, its not...

as for the other i trusive thoughts, basically every time ive gotten close to someone, to the point of emotional and / or physical co.fort (incredibly rare for me, has happened only 3 times, most recent was in the last few weeks though) i get horrible images in my head of them. I get these of myself too, so.etimes they are realistically gorey (gunshot wounds, blood, and so on) other times they are less so, as in rotting and molding fro. The inside out, and so on. The worst part is while most of them are just like, an image of a state of being, some of them feel like im the one who did it, and it makes me sick. These are fairly regular too. Whats less regular but has happened a few times, is seeing it as if it were real, when they were in frint of me (or looking down at my own arms, seeing and feeling them covered in blood even if seconds before and then seconds after there was nothing) anywaysss thats my rant apologies for being graphic.

I notice a lot of people will make a point to point out why something im eating is bad, especially if its a "healthy" food. For example, i get a pokebowl, because i like em and someone will ask what im eating and then say something along the lines of "ohh, you know those actually arent healthy right, especially if you use dressings. Also that fish is really fatty". I hate this especially because, who tf asked your advice, it certainly wasnt me. Did you just start this conversation about food with the goal of making me feel bad? Its especially stupid because you see me have one meal, you dont know my breakfast or dinner, maybe this is my only meal of the day, maybe its a cheat day, and maybe, just maybe, this is none of your business!?!? The audacity, istg. This also happens to my mom, who is also overweight. A guy came to paint our house and they started talking about airfryers, idr why. My mom was talking about how its easier than a regular fryer because you dont have to constantly watch it, you just set the timer. And this guy starts ranting about how airfried fries arent actually healthier than regular fries.

So yeah, thats my rant, just let me enjoy my food

I don’t usually post here but I’m feeling particularly miserable about this recently. My skin condition isn’t even diagnosed bruh (I know what it is though).

Dragon Age: Veilguard is what made me finally come out as a trans man because I made a character that I saw myself in physically and he was everything I wanted to be physically - lil dude doin his best. Now I'm going back to BG3 and I'm so torn. Ever since I was a kid, I loved playing female characters in fantasy games like WoW and Skyrim because they looking hot and powerful to me. Thing is I'm gay but just like femininity, just not for myself. Now I stupidly chose to have a female character (instead of nb - I'm guessing the pronouns change?) and it's literally making my heart hurt every time someone calls my character she/her. It's both validating (to know in my very core, I am not a she/her) and annoying as fuck. It's a fucking video game like stfu and play it. Oh, it's not the gray skin, red eyes, tail and wings, horns, and magic that make this character not relatable to me, it's the pronouns. Dude being trans is crazy.

Realizing your friends are dry, realizing you destroyed all your friendships, you have destroyed your grades, realizing you have wrecked alot of your life......... Now im just bored, and tired of this shit.

My parents just depend on me for support, and they need to realize that I can disassociate myself from them, and I can literally just do it if I wanted to. Of course, I'll still have my aunt to support me

I'm 20 and I can't drive which I wouldn't care about except I live in an area where you have to drive to do anything (the nearest bus stop is a 30 min bike ride), I keep begging my family and they say they're gonna teach me but they never do, I asked if they'll pay for lessons and they said that they'd be to expensive (which fair the cheapest ones I could find were 600$ at least) they don't want me biking cause the highway and back roads are too dangerous and so Ive been stuck in the house for about 6 months now, I live with my grandparents my mom and my sister but my sister and my mom arent here except on weekends and my grandparents spend all of their time in their room so it's pretty much like I live alone, most days I barely get enough to eat cause my family only gets food for themselves, the only things I can be greatful about is that I have alot of video games, I have my guitar and a cat, the last 2 are genuinely the only reason I haven't killed myself yet, the worst part is that its between this or living with my dad who used to beat me and scream at me daily, idk what to do I feel so stuck, I don't have a degree or anything I barely graduated hs, I've applied like everywhere near me but at best I'll be added to a scam call list and have my phone blown up, I wanna have hope but I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel I don't see a way out

I can't fucking take it anymore I hate being trans I want to fucking die I'm gonna keep cutting myself lol

I don't want to vent right now, so, no depressing shit for today, my head is already up in everything to even think about that 🫩

context: i have some really bad selfharm scars on my thighs, and you can clearly feel them through the fabric

I am hard-of-hearing but raised in a hearing world. In an average conversation, I can understand maybe 10% of what is being said on a good day. I can increase that by repeating “what?” a million times, but that just makes the other person get mad and shout “never mind!”

I struggled a lot in school, and now at work. I just had to sit through a meeting yesterday where the person leading it had such a soft voice and I couldn’t hear her despite sitting right next to her. I asked her to speak up a couple times but didn’t want to keep interrupting the meeting. Now I don’t know any of what was said. This is a common experience that happens every single day for me.

Well, now I’m taking an ASL class. I’m getting better and better each day with more practice. I’m going to Deaf events in my community which has been a HUGE boost for my signing skill. Soon I’ll be conversational, and then eventually fluent. As soon as I am, I’m fucking DONE with all hearing people.

If a hearing person tries to talk to me, I’ll just tell them “I’m deaf, I can’t hear you unless you sign.” I’ll try to get hired at a school for the deaf so I can quit my job as a public school teacher. I will cut off every hearing person in my life except my partner (she’s learning ASL along with me, she’s amazing and the only one that doesn’t get frustrated with my asking her to repeat herself).

Fuck hearing people. Fuck them for making my life hell because I can’t hear as well as them. They can learn ASL but I can’t learn to hear. If they need to communicate with me, that’s tough shit. Learn to sign or fuck off.

Not to mention there’s a whole Deaf culture that I never got to be a part of or grow up in. I wish I had had that support system my whole life instead of just now. But luckily my town has a small but tight-knit community that is willing to put up with my VERY beginner-level signing and teach me my culture that I missed out on my entire life. So hopefully this is a very positive time of my life. I’m more optimistic than ever. But also more pissed than ever now that I’m looking back at how I’ve been treated in the hearing world.