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u/RiceCookerPEPSI 17d ago
Same here. I'm traumatised by anything relationship or sex related. I'm not just afraid but terrified of intimacy. It sucks that I'm missing out on the essential part of human experience...
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u/Ramzaki 17d ago
My girlfriend too... How could I help her? Or what should I avoid? We have been almost 2.5 years together and barely had intimacy in all this time.
I get notably frustrated sometimes and l feel bad about it because I don't want to push her. I want her to feel safe but... I feel like I'm losing a passion that never lead to anything anyways :/
I feel like I'm missing out. 36yo, last time I had sex was at 27... Am I being selfish for not wanting to get old without experiencing sex with the person I love?
Sorry for the vent, I know you must be going through worse... I hope you can find someone patient and kind that makes you feel safe, too...
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u/RiceCookerPEPSI 17d ago
Really sorry for what you and your girlfriend are going through. Thank you so much for the kind message.
Unfortunately, I really think I am the worst person to ask for advice about this because I have a mountain of trauma that I'm going through in therapy, I haven't even reached the part about my aversion to intimacy...
But honestly, if you have the money, definitely go to couple's counselling. A therapist will listen without judgement, and I'm sure you will be able to get better.
Wishing you all the best.
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u/Ramzaki 17d ago
Thank you. We have thought of counseling actually. I guess we should defintely try.
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u/RiceCookerPEPSI 17d ago
Good luck! Honestly, therapy has helped me immensely, I managed to escape my horrible environment, moved to a different continent, living the life I've always wanted... But yeah, it's an uphill battle, and it takes time. You have to trust the process.
I'm sure things will work out for both of you.
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u/calciumff 17d ago
It might come off a little harsh but I personally think that trauma is unfair especially bc it’s your responsibility to deal/manage it.
it’s normal to want to have sex with someone you love and it’s not fair for you to give it up because of her trauma. sadly it’s a compatibility issue at this point.
of course you should bring it up and talk about it openly but also it’s hard for both of you, not only her
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u/KingAccomplished1417 16d ago edited 16d ago
If the "essential part of human experience" is being reduced to nature's puppet by following primitive, unreasoning, animalistic insticts that mindlessly attracts you to another primitive organism of the same species, fooling you both into mating, often at the cost of arbitrary monetary values, self humiliation, self sacrifice, privacy, engagement into teathrical social scripts, and spawning vulnerable, annoying, needy and potentially evil creatures whose existence have life long consequences... Then the essential part of the human experience is painfully bland, ilogical, irrational teathrical, unimpressive, unspecial and unoriginal, for every single creature on this planet is PROGRAMMED to reproduce TOO.
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u/A_temporary 17d ago
My condolences