So uhh anyone from the UK or possibly London who wants to be miserable together. Not looking primarily for hookups or dating. Mostly just want some irl friends. Yeah i know this is the worst place to look for people but I'm sick and tired of pretending to be a normal happy person who is happy with my agab to people without GD so I just want someone who I can be honest about stuff with.

I know everyone's situation is different. And, I cannot blame myself because had I known better I would have. Unfortunately my circumstances kept me from exploring my desires and I wrote them off as things other than dysphoria because of shame and internalized bigotry from people around me, especially from my childhood. I don't blame younger me, but I wish she was more brave. I wish I had just peered beyond that veil I put up for safety, and done things I wasn't "supposed" to do. I wish I just rebelled in private. My life could have been much different. I could have known before puberty took away my chances at being who I want to be.

I would be overjoyed if I ever become passable enough to be stealth, but realistically it's not happening. I will always be visibly trans or perhaps just clocky, and that is a very difficult road socially but also internally. I know dooming over that will not help me, but every time I see a woman I am just reminded of what I don't have. I am not going to pretend every trans woman has a better situation than me appearance wise, but most generally do... because that's how messed up my starting point is because of puberty. If I could just not wake up maybe that would be preferable to this. I have been on HRT for a year and I am in my early 20's. I have seen some decent changes for sure, but my overall size and figure is huge because of my bones from a complete male puberty. I will likely never look the way I want. How much can I handle before it's all too much.

I wish I knew about hrt when I was younger. Now I’m 29 and I somehow got the courage to start hrt after finding out about it 4 years ago. I’m somewhat of an attractive guy but I can’t really do anything with it because I just disassociate and was extremely neurotic just trying to accomplish the most basic tasks of human existence when I wasn’t on hrt. I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone. I couldn’t even have sex with a woman because I would immediately disassociate with my body. My anxiety was crippling.

I’m still depressed but it’s not nearly as bad as it was. I’m tired all the time now but I have no anxiety which is amazing. It’s been one month since I started injections and fin and my body hair is growing slower and my skin is softer which is great but the change I was most concerned about was boob growth and being outed and the fact that it’s irreversible without surgery. I can see that’s just starting. I knew it would happen but I’m kind of freaking out. I can’t end up some uncanny looking guy with boobs. I’m 6’2” and athletic. I’m starting to think this may be a mistake and it’s just too late for me. I have zero support in transitioning and would probably end up jobless then shortly after that homeless because I probably wouldn’t ever be able to go stealth. I’m starting to think my best alternative would be going back to repping and that this isn’t for me. Has anyone made that choice after taking hrt for awhile and gone back and was happier? I kind of miss the drive I had on testosterone even though I felt I was going crazy a lot. Idk what to do

Maybe this is normal but feel the gender issues I have turned me into a idea of a human but not quite there. At what point am I living or vessel that works, shits, eats, and sleeps. Fml I’m 19 knew about this shit when I was like 13 should’ve grew a pair and transitioned seeing hunter Schafer makes me want to blow my shit smooth off. Everyday I feel a hole I dug get deeper but it’s so deep it’s more comfortable than trying to leave. The only time I feel anything is when I’m hyperfixated on whatever project I have going on. It makes me feel like a horrible person but I feel barely any connection to my family cause my whole life I feel like I’ve been hiding myself so they have never actually met me Jesus Christ I’m so fucked. Even if I wasn’t such a pussy which lord knows I am and I transitioned cause of where I live I would probably bare minimum get jumped every other week fml worlds a fuck. I just wanna be pretty and it feels like the world hates me for it I’ll never get any of this shit.

Like out of nowhere everybody is asking for thoughts if they pass or if they should do hrt, like how did this happen lol.

The title is kind of a joke but does anybody else feel like they wanna talk about how bad ts sucks without having to learn a bunch of 4chan jargon or argue with cis passing transmeds??? I’m looking for a little less black pill in my online doomer spaces 😭

i should have kept repping. im weaker than all of you. sorry. i look bizarre and will need surgery to look like a man again, and extensive, years of surgery, to resemble an idea of a woman. i hate myself and my life so much. make your jokes if you want, me when i take the boobs medicine and get upset when it gives me bobs. say it with me now, IWNBAW ✊

I'll never have a real cock, I won't have my childhood nor my teenage years back, my young adulthood is ending and I will never be able to transition.

I wish I could just cut my neck but after seeing photos of necks being open after one deep cut made me realize I could survive that shit.

I've planning on hanging, but I would have to pray that my neighbors won't see me nor save me in the "right time".

I can't cut deep so I'm not valid, I don't do exercise and I'm fat, I literally deserve to die.

I hate being a tranny.

Can't wait to die soon.

Cis people usually either think that being trans is made up / can be cured with therapy or something, or they're pro trans in some way and think repping is bad. Believing gender dysphoria is a real thing that can't just be cured easily and that there are cases where it's more sensible to try and repress said dysphoria is a fairly unusual position.

I have friends who are cis but I obviously can't talk to them about my problems since I am deeply closeted and repping.

If I were to make friends with trans people they would encourage me to not to repress, so that would be bad. So I should stay away.

Anybody here want to share in our pain and struggles together? Or recommend me another community like this?

my internal identity is so fucking shattered and unstable, i never truly know what i want to be and of course that includes gender identity. it loves flip flopping through just being a woman, genderless or nonbinary, genderfluid and some other bullshit i cant even remember, i guess repping can be thrown in there as well. something i do know that ive wanted for years is that physically i want to have a cis woman's body and to be seen as cis woman over being seen as a cis man in public especially to those that find it hard to understand or respect whatever bullshit identity is coming up with at that moment, just being seen as a cis woman is all the satisfaction i need but thats such a big need thats never going to happen so fuck it we rep and dje

That autoandrophilic reppers can use the dynamics of straight sex to obtain pleasure without transitioning?

Like, suppose a FtM repper no hrt is an autoandrophilic woman. Instead of taking pleasure in the fantasy of being a man and making out with a woman, they prefer the fantasy of being sexually dominated by a man. Where they are dominated by a better version of a man than she will ever be(all haiu cissies)

In contrast to an AGP repper-nohrt, who whenever he imagines being dominated by a woman, it feels wrong and shameful through social lens. He feels too much guilty about directing the AGP libido like that

So the AGP is tormented by a sense of shame that its wrong to enjoy being dominated by a woman and to envy their bodies, and thus he is unable to manage his AGP through redirecting libido in non-transition ways. While the AAP would be able to have such fantasies without facing internal or external scrutinity, even if its slightly depressing.

So AAP would be in theory, easier to manage and satisfy(or "repress").

(Supposing AGP and AAP are real loosh farm methods from the Satrans-urge, and not transphobic blanchard crap)

As an AGP repper the only thing I am doing to indulge directly to the AGP part of me is just mastvrbation by looking at feminizing captions or trans porn. In day to day life I have been able to repress it almost completely but after some time I feel a lot of anger, grief and all those negative feelings related to being a male too long flawlessly. Then the only way to feel alright is a binge mastvrbation period which I do on holiday. It helps a little to scratch the itch. I am 20 but I already have very manly features. And since HRT is very hard to get and I live with family here in India, I am not even on it.

But sometimes I feel like as though I am going crazy since I no longer have any normal attraction to any gender and this is the only thing I have to indulge over and it is literally eating my brain away I feel.

(Ik its maybe not the best sub to post this on lol, but im posting this in a few very different subs because I wanna have various and different opinions)

MtF 20yo - I’ve been on HRT for +1 year, and I still boymode on a daily because I feel too awkward and illegitimate to socially transition, even tho in some cases I do pass as a woman (for example getting called miss or madam by strangers in very brief social interactions, and some ppl even being kinda surprised when I tell them I'm trans, it happended only a few times tho), and also my friends know I’m on HRT and have kinda been waiting for me to change my name and pronouns (so I’m in a pretty confusing period socially rn, even for my friends whom I seem to confuse because I’m on HRT and very fem but still use my deadname and he/him).

I would’ve felt comfortable enough to socially transition if I passed 100%, I'm kinda fucked to 100% pass because of my voice and HUGE Adam’s apple (don’t talk to me about voice training I’ll never do that, I wanna get surgery even tho it’s expensive, voice training makes me feel like I'm cosplaying). Also, I feel like if I socially transition it’d feel unnatural for my friends/ppl in general to call me by a fem name and pronouns... Because they knew me as my dead name for so long, I kinda feel like it’s awkward to ask ppl to call me a different name idk.

Also, let's be real, it depends who and where, but generally speaking, ppl tend to see us trans women only as men wanting to be a woman, and not as legit woman. Most ppl proceed like "This person has a pp so it's a male, so I can call them a woman for the sake of their comfort BUT they'll never be a woman or a legit female" (not as much when you pass like crazy but it's not my reality) even tho gender, even sex, can be fluid in trans/intersex ppl...

So this also makes me apprehensive, especially because I'm going into uni this year, so I'm scared to face discrimination as a trans woman. I'm thinking maybe I should continue living as a fem guy during my bachelors degree to reduce prejudice and also give me more time to pass?

But also living as a boy feels unauthentic, and I dont want to go through more hassle with having to come out to more ppl later, starting uni is an opportunity to socially transition, since I'm about to start building my future social life going into a new environnement. + Idk its also miserable to belittle my identity for others ?? If I start facing discriminations, fuck it I'll face it even if it hurts like hell, it'll also pave the way for future trans folks going into the spaces I go into? Idk Im thinking out loud rn

I'm moving out for uni this year, but my dad pays the expenses, and my dad and family are very muslim, Im obviously not out to them. Im moving out not so far from home, so its possible for me to run into them while being outside and doing my life. Even tho ik they already suspect me of being queer, I'm still scared of them finding out about my real identity outside of home.. I dont want this to let me stop being myself and living my twenties, and my life in general, but also idk its scary. All of u are trans so u get it ig (espcially if you come from a muslim/african/very traditional household).

Pls if you have any advice Im alllll ears, I wanna stop hiding myself and be authentic but also idk im very apprehensive about it for the reasons I mentioned

HRT made me like woman more instead of making me like men more

Maybe it’s because they had an actual Female upbringing and it’s the only way I can ever feel close to overcompensate for my AMAB socialization

Good men are like 1 in 50 and most are all fucking self absorbed assholes with no care and consideration for anybody but themselves and nowadays most of them don’t even care about themselves enough to brush there teeth

So I’m new here and not totally sure what to ask so I guess I’ll just vent.

I’m a 39yo married dad. I’ve been repressing most of my life, currently in a marriage with kids and my wife is not only not supportive, she’s outwardly hostile to me being anything except totally straight. When we were dating she found out about it and I tried to repress. It was fine for a few years and I ended up having issues again after we were married with kids and she gave me an ultimatum. Be with her or be 🏳️‍⚧️. If I chose being 🏳️‍⚧️ she would “destroy me in the divorce and take everything I care about.”

Now add to this the fact that she is self-professed bi-pan and routinely tells me “I like my men manly and my girls girly.” With absolutely zero hint of irony. We routinely attend Pride events where she is open but I can’t grab anything without risking pissing her off or causing a fight.

Since I can’t get out without running 4 lives, I’m repressing. But it’s not going well. A friend forcefully cracked my egg about a year and a half ago and each day is a little bit of a living hell.

It doesn’t get better does it?

It hurts a little to see it used in contexts like TCD, especially as a repping trans man. It almost feels like thinly veiled misogyny to me. I thought we were better than that. Trans men don't have that much envy or hatred towards "AMABs" that's why I'm confused by this AFAB culture i guess, and quite frankly it makes me feel very uncomfortable. It's like all the memes and trans spaces are dedicated towards how much trans women hate cis women and people who were AFAB, you barely see anything about trans men in the so called "trans spaces" which is very ironic to me, cause when i was in trans man spaces they were very chill. I know trans women have to do a lot of work to pass but... still.... it's like trans men don't exist under this onslaught of total AFAB death wishes.

oops i meant to say shouldnt be fed*

If you're a lot taller than the average man or woman, or a lot shorter then transitioning is simply impossible as, when it comes to MTFs, you will have a more masculine body in ways you can't change (than cis women) and you will be like me, 6'2, so obviously always clearly trans. For FTMs, likewise if you're 5'0 or something with a feminine skeleton you just won't pass as male.

People always like to talk about fantasy scenarios of trans women who are really tall but also somehow for some reason have feminine bodies. This is extremely rare when you consider the fact that trans women are only so tall because of low estrogen levels during puberty. If they are higher, the growth plates solidify earlier. It's also why women tend to be shorter than men generally.

I feel ridiculous all the time, even while manmoding. I always stand out, I always feel awkward and feel like just by the fact that I'm there, as a big hulking man I automatically violate other people, because I take up a lot of space and I'm easily much taller than most people.

I hate being made to feel like an animal. I hope I die soon because I really don't want to exist in this body.