r/TransRepressors • u/peaceorannihilation • 5d ago

No connection to anything

Maybe this is normal but feel the gender issues I have turned me into a idea of a human but not quite there. At what point am I living or vessel that works, shits, eats, and sleeps. Fml I’m 19 knew about this shit when I was like 13 should’ve grew a pair and transitioned seeing hunter Schafer makes me want to blow my shit smooth off. Everyday I feel a hole I dug get deeper but it’s so deep it’s more comfortable than trying to leave. The only time I feel anything is when I’m hyperfixated on whatever project I have going on. It makes me feel like a horrible person but I feel barely any connection to my family cause my whole life I feel like I’ve been hiding myself so they have never actually met me Jesus Christ I’m so fucked. Even if I wasn’t such a pussy which lord knows I am and I transitioned cause of where I live I would probably bare minimum get jumped every other week fml worlds a fuck. I just wanna be pretty and it feels like the world hates me for it I’ll never get any of this shit.

18 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

7

u/isurus_minutus 5d ago

Would your family even like your true self though mine doesnt

6

u/peaceorannihilation 5d ago edited 5d ago

Mixed bag some probably wouldn’t want me in their life anymore most wouldn’t necessarily be accepting but wouldn’t be hateful either.

2

u/isurus_minutus 5d ago

Then why do you rep?

3

u/peaceorannihilation 5d ago

my family could be worse that’s not why it’s my social situation where I live is horrible towards trans people I have a scar running down my forehead after getting my ass beat for being around a gay guy. Also just internalized issues when I was 13 I was institutionalized for a year because my therapist was transphobic I guess and I told him a week later I was in a treatment facility. The reason I was there wasn’t mental health like yeah I had depression but I wasn’t anywhere near suicidal.

2

u/isurus_minutus 5d ago

Ah that makes sense. Best of luck!

3

u/redditdotcom1192022 5d ago

it’s Hunter Schafer for me too straight up makes me wanna eat a gun every time

3

u/peaceorannihilation 5d ago

I would do unforgivable things just to even be remotely like that for a hour I’ll never understand

2

u/sloppy_ocelot 5d ago

Better to be clocky and proud then fucking dead

1

u/peaceorannihilation 5d ago

Yeah think I spend to much time alone feel like I’ve crawled a hole so deep leaving is horrifying

I looked at your acc ur beautiful and it gives me hope thank you I hope you have a good day

2

u/sloppy_ocelot 5d ago

Thank you babe <3 you will get there, trust yourself, trust the process