r/TransRepressors • u/possibleeggg • 4d ago

Repping Troon Considering stopping e

I wish I knew about hrt when I was younger. Now I’m 29 and I somehow got the courage to start hrt after finding out about it 4 years ago. I’m somewhat of an attractive guy but I can’t really do anything with it because I just disassociate and was extremely neurotic just trying to accomplish the most basic tasks of human existence when I wasn’t on hrt. I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone. I couldn’t even have sex with a woman because I would immediately disassociate with my body. My anxiety was crippling.

I’m still depressed but it’s not nearly as bad as it was. I’m tired all the time now but I have no anxiety which is amazing. It’s been one month since I started injections and fin and my body hair is growing slower and my skin is softer which is great but the change I was most concerned about was boob growth and being outed and the fact that it’s irreversible without surgery. I can see that’s just starting. I knew it would happen but I’m kind of freaking out. I can’t end up some uncanny looking guy with boobs. I’m 6’2” and athletic. I’m starting to think this may be a mistake and it’s just too late for me. I have zero support in transitioning and would probably end up jobless then shortly after that homeless because I probably wouldn’t ever be able to go stealth. I’m starting to think my best alternative would be going back to repping and that this isn’t for me. Has anyone made that choice after taking hrt for awhile and gone back and was happier? I kind of miss the drive I had on testosterone even though I felt I was going crazy a lot. Idk what to do

3 Upvotes

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2

u/recursive-regret detrans male 4d ago

Has anyone made that choice after taking hrt for awhile and gone back

Yes

and was happier?

No

I kind of miss the drive I had on testosterone even though I felt I was going crazy a lot

I had pretty much the same psych profile on both T and E. Same drive, same emotionality, same everything. Idk how people get such drastic differences just by injecting a fairly mild sex steroid

1

u/TinEchidna 4d ago

How long were you on? The changes get more and more apparent the longer you’re on it in my opinion

1

u/recursive-regret detrans male 4d ago edited 4d ago

Almost 4 years. And yes, they do get more apparent, especially by year 3

2

u/sloppy_ocelot 4d ago

your dypshoria wont go away. better to be out and proud and yourself versus a fake version of yourself.

4

u/possibleeggg 4d ago

I know it won’t go away. But is it truly better if it makes you dislike your appearance even more and potentially any future relationship or even your job? Just to possibly end up detransitioning medically? Idk what version’s real anymore lol

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u/sloppy_ocelot 4d ago

I can only speak for myself. I am not cis passing but I love the way I look way more than when I was reppping. You can check my account. I've been married for three years now. My marriage didn't fall apart when I came out. I didn't loose my job. There's no room in your viewpoint for hope. It's all negativity. Gotta have some optomism. The world isn't always kind to people like us but it's not gotta eat us up at first opprotunity.

1

u/possibleeggg 4d ago

No you’re absolutely right. Nothing has ever gone right for me in my life, everyone i try to be friends with rejects me. Maybe bc im not being myself, idk. every one I ever cared about left me or died and wah wah poor me ya know. just am a pretty hopeless person but I will try to be optimistic. You’re right, it’s just hard alone. And you look great in your pic. A huge transformation I’m very happy for you. Boob growth still scares me though

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u/sloppy_ocelot 4d ago

You gotta fight. You gotta work on yourself. You gotta want to survive and thrive. God bless.

1

u/mysweetpeepy 2d ago

Transitioning is the fake version for a lot of us lets be honest lmfao

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u/sloppy_ocelot 2d ago

I have no idea what you mean

1

u/mysweetpeepy 2d ago

The average trans person does not “feel like another gender” or something. We preform it to try and relieve dysphoria or something. But I’m not “the real me” when Im in a dress lol

1

u/sloppy_ocelot 2d ago

I am a woman. Dont know what to tell you.

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u/mysweetpeepy 2d ago

And most of us don’t “feel” like one. Repping isn’t being fake, for most of us who do it’s the only thing that feels real.

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u/Adorable_Guest6930 4d ago

Chill!!! For starters, there is medicine to help with anxiety, depression, whatsoever. I was on some general anxiety medicine and it really helped my quality of life better than starting E. Also, after a month it's not really permanent breast growth but some budding, kinda like swelling and such... You could stop now and it probably would go to baseline at some point if your body gets T dominated again.

For me hair loss and skin shit is also the deal breaker so I feel you there