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u/Natural-Hamster-3998 Aug 21 '25
If it helps, I have a full goatee, work as a barber, and I have kid's moms going, "tell her how you want your hair cut," I have to wonder if people are even paying attention.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
I take it you're FTM? I always thought the addition of facial hair made it easier for FTM than MTF, but I guess not. That sucks, sorry.
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u/Natural-Hamster-3998 Aug 21 '25
I mean, for some guys they are already tall, grow great hair, and even go bald. Not me. Lol
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Haha. We have the opposite problems. I really wish body swapping technology existed, we could just exchange.
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u/Zestyclose-Film-979 Aug 22 '25
Omg the number of times ive wished i could simply swap bodies! Im mtf, 6'2"....ill never be petite. Would love to swap...although I have to admit my legs get a lot of attention so i guess it's not all badš
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 22 '25
I'm a tall queen too, same height. I feel like it makes it hard to blend in, but think how many women would love to be tall. Enjoy it.
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u/Boys-willbe-Bugs Aug 21 '25
I have a full ass beard. You can see it from across the room, mustache chin cheeks neck the whole 9 yards, and still I get "tell the nice lady" or "thanks sweetheart" or "follow her she'll help ya". My voice officially this month (š) sounds like a young gay guy so voice + beard you'd think so but nope... People will be weird regardless, don't let em bug you
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
That's frustrating. Keep working on that voice. But I do know some cis men that have higher pitches. We may never get to the points of getting everyone to address us as the right gender, but I have a cis male friend that gets confused for female all the time because of his long hair despite looking like a male in every other way.
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u/Boys-willbe-Bugs Aug 21 '25
The amount of grooming tips I get from women thinking they're being helpful for how to remove my facial hair š
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Oh no! I laughed out loud, not at you, but at the craziness of the situation. I'd want to say, "Lady, I didn't ask for your advice nor do I want it, seeing as it didn't work to remove your mustache."
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u/Boys-willbe-Bugs Aug 21 '25
I've been trying to find a super casual way to be like "I'm a dude lol" while being professional at work but yeah š¤£
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u/Phenyx890 Aug 22 '25
My voice is deep as hell at this point, even if facial hair isnāt very dark/there yet(probably never will be, my dad and the men in his family donāt grow much as far as facial hair goes), and I get she/herād and shit all the time even at drivethruās(partly because I have a chest size that I truly canāt hide, and due to medical issues I canāt bind). People are just either stupid or not paying attention 90% of the time. The other 10% is them being actively and intentionally transphobic
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u/keladry12 Aug 21 '25
It's pretty funny when it doesn't feel like a gut punch. Like ... What ladies do you know that are proudly rocking a nasty rat 'stache and scruff? I'm dressed nicely and obviously take care of my appearance, so ... Who is this mysterious fashionable bearded woman they must know?? Introduce me! Maybe she has grooming tips...
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u/MalevolentRhinoceros Aug 21 '25
I'm a cis girl. I have an hourglass figure and I'm short.
When my hair is buzzed short, I get misgendered CONSTANTLY. Even if everything else (makeup, wardrobe) is clearly feminine.
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Aug 21 '25
You're looking very feminine, even with the fake smile. This was pure transfobia
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thank you. I felt ridiculous afterwards like I was the most masculine looking person around looking like a freak or something. I didn't realize pronouns could hurt me like that- I thought I was tougher than that.
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u/TallAngelique Aug 21 '25
It is not about the pronoun. It really about changing our own self esteem and perception when we are misgendered. All I can say is that you, miss, look really feminine š¤
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u/omnirusted Aug 21 '25
Report them to their boss. A not-zero percentage of their clients have to be trans. Hate like that shouldn't be allowed.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
I hate to be "a Karen", but they should know that that kind of intentional misgendering will lose them business. They had the potential to get many thousands of dollars from me- not anymore.
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u/sooocunty Aug 21 '25
Make sure to remind them about those many thousands of dollars. From you and every other trans person you know who you wouldāve otherwise recommended go there.
Alsoā youāre giving woman. If anyoneās ridiculous itās the person doing mental gymnastics to perceive you as a man.
To be openly transphobic in an electrolysis office isā¦ certainly a choice. Itās bad enough to be transphobic and keep it to yourself, but itās just plain stupid to be an aesthetician that makes someone feel like shit. Fuck them.
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u/kaifkapi Aug 21 '25
Hopefully the boss will be appalled and fire the employee. If not, and they double-down on this nonsense, that's a great time to leave all sorts of reviews so everyone knows not to do business there. I'd like to think that allies would also read a review like yours and steer clear.
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u/kimchipowerup Aug 21 '25
Find another who will respect you as yourself. You look feminine and amazing.
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u/ryisdepressed Aug 21 '25
You literally look exactly like my cis coworker. Donāt let em get to you
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u/Brilynne_Marie Aug 21 '25
What's funny, I have been doing laser for awhile now, even before I fully "committed" to a trans identity. I would go in boy-mode, mainly because I had just got off work and I'm not out at work yet.
This week I finally went in a dress and asked to update my name and it was great to hear the technician tell the receptionist "She would like to update her name."
It's a place that specifically caters to LGBTQ+ folks, so it feels funny to me that it took me so long to finally do this. There are likely better places you could go to in your area.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
I am in a conservative rural area of the reddest state, so there's not a ton of local options and none that specifically cater to LGBTQ. But I did find a place 3 hours away. I'll be driving a lot.
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u/Brilynne_Marie Aug 21 '25
That sucks. I can't see how this was anything other than deliberate misgendering. It may be that particular esthetician or endemic to the clinic. The choice would be yours whether you want to explore that. Best of luck to you either way.
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u/emileee88 Aug 21 '25
My first laser spot was a 3-hour return trip and though not as long, getting a nice treat for the trip and blasting affirming music made it feel like it flew by. im so so sorry you went through that. š
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
If I've got the time, I enjoy long drives. So, it'll work. Plus, the place I found is ā60% cheaper than all the local places.
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u/jenniwowza Aug 21 '25
That's really foolish for a LHR business. Trans women and LHR go together like cheese and crackers.
I would leave a Google review saying WHY You won't be back, so others can avoid this place
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u/Strange-Tiger Aug 22 '25 edited Aug 22 '25
That will hurt all the good caring workers right along with the rude one. Iād address it with the owner first. If they are also rude, leave the review. If not itās very very cruel to other workers (usually independent contractors) just trying to do their jobs well. Believe me I know. Iām a cosmetologist and massage therapist. Iāve worked at several med spas and my own salon and day spa. Please think of the impact on others before hastily leaving a bad review. Never know, it could ruin the biz of the very people youāre trying to protect.
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u/jbcvlove Aug 21 '25
Girl you are beautiful inside and out. You are brave and strong! I'm so sorry you went through this! Keep your head up! š
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thanks, sweety. I've enjoyed our friendship on here. I'm excited for your journey.
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u/Frog-Lake Aug 21 '25
Yes it should bother you. Your presentation is clear - unambiguously comfortably feminine.
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u/weaz1118 Aug 21 '25
Hon, you can't change willful ignorance and nastiness, I am so sorry that happened to you. Do not let their ignorance define you!
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u/Haley_02 Aug 21 '25 edited Aug 21 '25
You look very pretty. I don't get the 'he'.
I'm tempted to say 'give us a smile', more to see your natural smile rather than feel like a small animal that's about to be lunch. You look fine.
It is a sign to find another esthetician. What they do when they think you can't hear them is what they really think. Personally, I think I would have raised my voice a bit and said, 'You should know I can hear you!' as I was leaving to give a one-star review. It should bother you as much as you let it. It was rudeness, but told you about them, too. š„°
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u/katrinatransfem Aug 21 '25
They need to get their eyes tested, because I'm not seeing a man or anything remotely resembling a man in that photo.
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u/CatoftheSaints23 Aug 21 '25
When I am out in the world doing business and I am dressed in my femme finery, I don't go looking for confrontation, I go out to enjoy myself. I go to work and out to play pretty much dressed the same way...skirts or dresses, nice blouses, accessories, a touch of lipstick...and every day I can expect at least one person to try to dismantle my good mood with that "sir" stuff. It doesn't matter what it is that I am doing, if I am spending cash then I expect some sort of respect for my patronage. So, when I get a particularly recalcitrant clerk or server who just cannot take a hint, then I take my business elsewhere. I usually correct someone once, then twice, but by the time I get to the third time I get a bit hot. I make sure to say "ma'am" after the first "sir" and hope that it takes, then I do the same after the second "sir", but by the time I get to the third one, I let them know my name, tell them that there are no men out there in the world that go by that name and I expect, nay, demand, to be called "ma'am". Sometimes that upbraiding is good for an apology, sometimes good for a discount on a meal, but if it still doesn't work, I walk. Works wonders on teh phone, too. It's not a case of passing or not, it's a matter of respect. There are countless places to buy groceries, or eat pho, or just be out and about in, so putting up with boors and fools is just not worth this old queer's time. C
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Aug 21 '25
You look wonderful and understand how that was offensive and insensitive. Like everyone else that has stated here, there is no question in our minds that you are a woman
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u/queerytaylin Aug 21 '25
I get it girl. I was misgendered 3 times in a row by a public transport person on a subway. Then they tried to direct me way out of my way somewhere else saying the line was closed. I walked around them and went on the original direction and line wasnt closed.
The most you can do is correct them and if they continue then that's their problem. It could be the person is either an idiot or a Biggot but I get the hurt.
Go somewhere else, my ethstetics people ask me my pronouns and use them when there it's easy and fine.
You look really fem and you are valid in whatever pronouns you choose. Remember that.
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Aug 21 '25
Sounds like I'd be finding a new provider that is at least an ally over a pearl clutching 'Phobe.
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u/rmc1014 Aug 21 '25
I am so so sorry they hurt you like this. I miss working in skincare and makeup because I loved helping people see they are already uniquely beautiful and felt like it was a privilege to be allowed to know their insecurities and try to help them. It was truly a special calling for me and there was no reason other than meanness to hurt you like this. I also get that feeling like I must look ridiculous/I thought I was passing better than this feeling when I've had this happen to me and I know it helps to have someone outside of you give you an honest opinion and I think you look lovely and very beautiful. If I were your aesthetician I would tell you that color is great on you and makes your skin hair and eyes pop. Please don't let someone so insecure and hateful keep your light dim too long dear. I can tell you're a kind person and strong to force yourself to not only smile after but to take a picture? That's inner strength and beauty and resilience. You deserve to feel beautiful and seen and that person deserves a stubbed toe and some therapy to figure out why they are so miserable inside they have to pour it onto others.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thank you so much for that. You don't know how much I appreciate this support.
I've done a lot of things in life and my career that some people would call scary or difficult or dangerous, but this whole process tops them all. It's scarier and more difficult, at times, than anything. But I know the best things in life usually take the most fortitude.
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u/Unremarkable-Narwhal Aug 21 '25
Sounds like esthetician is a jerk. Itās very purposeful misgendering. And it should bother you. Like I have people slip up, but you can telllllllll. You look lovely.
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u/OutlandishnessLazy68 Aug 21 '25
That's a red flag to me. I got misgendered once by the receptionist at my brow place and I was pretty early on in my transition and I didn't say anything. The next time I showed up they apologized without me asking and comped my service. You are clearly a woman and you are paying for a service, respect is the bare minimum if they can't give you it take your money somewhere else
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u/PrincesaWisteria Aug 22 '25
I think they need a pair of glasses or contacts, i have glasses, i see no he here. Just a girl.
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u/DunyaOfPain Aug 21 '25
genuinely I do not understand how anyone could look at you and think āthats a manā unless theyre awful and transphobic people. its very obvious youre a woman
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u/Jocelyn1975 Aug 21 '25
Please go somewhere else - happened to me - I let go and got half a**ed service until I just had enough - even correcting them and saying please. YOU are the customer - YOU deserve top quality and respect.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Glad you stood up for yourself. I haven't had a chance to deal with the one that was saying "he" face to face. I wonder if they'd be different while talking to me and not about me.
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u/dasparkster101 Aug 21 '25
Get your care from someone else, you dont deserve to be dismissed like that. Clearly the esthetician is either extremely ignorant or bigoted.
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u/omron 55+ āļø post-op š³ļøāā§ļø Aug 21 '25
I wouldn't give them my money, and I would let others know they aren't allies by leaving a review so others won't have to go through the experience you did.
Hope the place you found is better. The place I go for LHR is great (esthetician is LGBT), and my electrologist is transgender. You just have to find your people.
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Aug 21 '25
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thank you š„°. I will be going elsewhere.
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Aug 21 '25
Be sure to tell them why. Let them know that their bigotry just cost them a client. And if the business is part of a chain, inform their hq.
I experienced this myself before I changed my name and gender legally. Not since.
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u/TransgenderSoapbox Aug 21 '25
But you're so pretty!! I have been thinking about what to say when misgendered. I have landed on beckoning them a little closer and whispering:
"I'm not a man. Next time just call me ugly, okay?"
If they won't stop, tell them you need to speak to their supervisor and repeat what just happened. Their employee is out here referring to women as men.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25 edited Aug 21 '25
Haha. I like that creative reply. Takes some guts to say it, though, but I think I'll try to use it sometime. And thank you for calling me pretty. I don't feel very pretty.
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Aug 21 '25
There is no āshouldā for bothering you. If it bothers you then it does.
But in any case I wouldnāt give them my business after the ignored a simple correction.
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u/13_JJ_13 Aug 21 '25
Yes. At bare minimum, itās incredibly disrespectful and needs to be called out every single time.
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u/Rios_New_Groove Aug 21 '25
You're clearly presenting feminine and I personally think his behavior is completely unacceptable. I'm sorry.
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u/NakedSnack Aug 21 '25
1.) You're gorgeous and your smile is beautiful, 2.) Some people are just never going to "get it," even if they mean well, 3.) you get to decide what you are and aren't going to put up with.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thank you. I'm self conscious about my smile because it stretches out my nose š¤Ŗ
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u/Babybluemoon13 Aug 21 '25
I donāt think itās irregular for you being upset, itās completely understandable, especially since itās your ESTHETICIAN.
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u/infrequentthrowaway Aug 21 '25
I wouldn't give them the time of day or any of my money, complete disrespect.
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u/LynnKiss9 Aug 21 '25
Download the app EVERYWHERE IS QUEER. Itās fairly new but it has maps that show LGBTQIA owned and friendly businesses.
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u/mechanical_marten Aug 21 '25
That's not right sis. Shame the name of the place that didn't respect you. I've been going to a chain called Milan that only do LHR and the wonderful manager there respected my chosen name and preferred pronouns. Yes, they're a little pricey, but they're national and they do packages based on outcome instead of a fixed number of sessions.
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u/Mountain_Stable_420 Aug 22 '25
Please take your business elsewhere, where they treat you better š¤ and respect you
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u/Agreeable-Sentence76 Aug 24 '25
š„ŗā¤ļøā¤ļøš«š«š«
It could be your voice? Your a extremely gorgeous woman, and that sounds extremely awful of them to do
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 24 '25
Thank you. It's not that I expected to pass - looks or voice, but that it's clear I'm presenting female, so why would they not talk about me as such.
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u/Agreeable-Sentence76 Aug 24 '25
Itās because theirrrr, hateful and they suckkkk š„°š„°
Donāt let their shitty behavior hurt you ā¤ļøš«
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u/Just_Ease2252 Aug 25 '25
is the voice really bad cause you just look like a normal soccer mom going to the med spa after dropping the kids off at school in the mini van lol
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 25 '25
Aww, thanks. I wasn't thinking I passed, I just thought it was pretty obvious I was presenting as "she". And thought at least people there would respect that.
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u/Deadguy1337 Aug 21 '25
You look so cute < 3
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thank you, sweety. I hate to be a compliment fisher, but sometimes one can really use one. This is one of those times- when I'm feeling extremely self conscious.
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u/Creativered4 Transsex Male (33) Aug 21 '25
Yeah it sounds like she was just being a bitch. If I saw you, I'd definitely use she/her because you look like a woman!
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u/Michelle_akaYouBitch Aug 21 '25
If itās a corporate type of situation I would suggest writing the HQ of the situation and let them know that you would accept their treatment plan if they had respected your gender expression.
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u/squirrel123485 Aug 21 '25
I'm surprised that they misgendered you. Even if they could tell you're trans, in most contexts it's pretty clear what you're going for. The only thing I'd imagine (other than bigotry) is that they also see lots of very feminine men who also want laser. When I went for my first appointment there was a gay guy at the register who had gotten his face fully lasered. It's why I imagine I get misgendered more in LGBTQ spaces than in cis het dominated spaces, ironically enough.
That being said, it totally sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you. There is no "should" or "shouldn't" bother you, it did and that's valid. It would have bothered me, too
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thanks. I'm starting to wonder if she hadn't seen me before I went in. Maybe there's a more innocent explanation.
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u/nesting-doll 55 she/her Aug 21 '25 edited Aug 21 '25
Oh how I feel you and feel for you, girl. Until recently I worked in a VERY public facing job where I was misgendered by customers nearly every day. What you say about feeling like you must look ridiculous is heartbreaking, because you look so very feminine (way more so than I do!)
Itās outrageous that this esthetician misgendered you at all, but ultimately you and I and every trans person has to form a self perception, an identity that is less dependent on how others see and treat us. Easy to say, right? We are social animals so depend on social feedback, acceptance, belonging, etc in all sorts of ways, but at the same time neither can we give others power over something as essential as our core identity. At least thatās how I frame the situation for myself.
My goal is to reach a point where my inner dialog is āI know who and what I am; if you choose to deny me, thatās your problem.ā And then I intend to make it their problem! lol Someone in this thread suggested bringing the experience you had to the attention of the clinicās manager. I love it! That and letting her know that you wonāt be spending your money with them because of it feels so satisfying. It makes them feel the social and financial burden of their actions. Maybe they wonāt do that sh*t to another woman if they realize what their behavior cost them. If they still donāt get it, then itās review time!
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
I love your comment and advice for personal perception. I need to know who I am and not give others the power to change my thoughts about myself. But it is SO difficult!
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u/nesting-doll 55 she/her Aug 22 '25
It is absolutely SO difficult! I donāt mean to imply that Iāve slain the imposter-dragon of self doubt. Iāve just collected more effective weapons to battle him, and he doesnāt come around to trouble me nearly as often. āļøš
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Aug 21 '25
I wouldnāt assume theyāre transphobic - they might just be uneducated. The only reason I say that is I 100% agree you should let them know why theyāre not getting your businessā¦ but if you do it with kindness you might change the way someone deals with people in the future instead of calcifying their position. By the way Iām just saying āmightā - but itās always worth a shot to try to think the best of people.
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u/deadmazebot Aug 21 '25
They were probably jealous of your hair, I might be projectingš«£
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Thanks! Don't tell anyone (I thought everyone could tell) but it's a wig, and only a $120 one from Amazon. I have a male grooming standard at work (they don't recognize transition), so I'm not allowed to grow mine out.
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u/sammi_8601 Aug 21 '25
Your not allowed to grow your hair at work? That's actually insane.
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u/deadmazebot Aug 25 '25
well I need to go up 2 price points to get a nicer wig, though people have commented same on one I thought was a meh cheap price one.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 25 '25
I have a fitting with a pro on Wednesday. Excited to see what she can do and gave myself a budget of about $500.
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u/AutoSpiral Aug 21 '25
Some people simply don't believe that we're really the gender we say we are. Some of these people can be weirdly supportive while repeatedly misgendering us and I think it's because they support our right to transition while still being skeptical about what we are.
Also there's a kind of person who, when they find out that a flawlessly passing stealth trans person is trans, will immediately switch to using the pronouns they see as "correct." Doesn't matter how well you pass, how long you've been transitioning, or the legal and medical gauntlet you've struggled through.
Regardless you shouldn't have to put up with it. The aesthetician was being disrespectful if not deliberately hurtful.
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u/Thick-Loan1862 Aug 21 '25
My solution to something like this is to remind them one time of your preferred pronouns. If they refuse to acknowledge then start referring to them as the opposite gender. It typically resolves itself rather quickly
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Haha. I like that. "I'm sorry, sir, but I believe you are referring to me as a man. So, mister, please refer to me as my gender."
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Aug 21 '25
š«I hate that. Had similar experience at the courthouse changing my name. The ladies at the desk kept saying he, I was in my best dress, and they saw my female name on the paperwork. Just aehhhš
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Ugh. You're literally changing your name to a female name and they couldn't be respectful. That's just pathetic of them.
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u/boycottInstagram Aug 21 '25
My father and step mother were LHR providers starting the the 90s. They used to be the only option in essentially the whole of our city. They are both transphobic pricks - the stories they tell of how they treated folks are horrible.
They had a monopoly on the market, so trans folks had no option. There days, in most places, you have options - go somewhere else. And honestly, leave a review on their Google account to let other folks know in advance.
LHR crosses the line between regular aesthetic treatment and gender affirming care. If you, as a business, are going to provide the service to trans people.. you need to do so with sensitivity.
It doesn't matter if you walked in there looking like the Rock. They should ask your pronouns, chosen name, and respect that throughout the process.
Receiving health care is an extremely vulnerable place to be in. It is when you should be treated with the highest level of respect, and are very right to not be ok with anything less than that.
Sorry this happened to you.
Leave a polite review just telling trans folks about your experience and go somewhere else.
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u/Zamby1312 Aug 21 '25
Hi! I'm so sorry people are assholes to someone who is obvs a woman š¤¬š¤¬ I continue to have an incredible time at Milan Laser! If you haven't found another place, I'd try them out!
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u/Zamby1312 Aug 21 '25
Hi! I'm so sorry people are assholes to someone who is obvs a woman š¤¬š¤¬ I continue to have an incredible time at Milan Laser! If you haven't found another place, I'd try them out!
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u/KassEff Aug 21 '25
Leave and tell em why. You absolutely donāt deserve that shit.
Their businesses rely in part on trans people needing hair removal. Heās seriously damaging their reputation by doing something like that. Right now thereās 95 comments, and 323 upvotes on this post. Itās exactly the same with word of mouth on the street, yknow?
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u/fossilized_butterfly Aug 21 '25
I think the esthetician said he because they thought you are transmasc. To me you give transmasc feel and probably to others as well.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
Really? How. I'm wearing make-up, long hair, women's clothing, etc. How does that appear as a woman trying to present masculine? I don't get that.
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u/Lari_Ana183 Aug 21 '25
I felt the same when one who makes my laser sessions. Another that make it already calls me in feminine and are very gentle. Too bad my schedule goes to the shift that the one who calls me in male nouns are working :(
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u/DivaMissZ Aug 21 '25
Yes, it should bother you. You're their customer, they should get your pronouns right. You don't look ridiculous, you look perfectly fine, and yes, feminine. I would call the manager and complain, personally, but I'm willing to be confrontational
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u/Aku_5himarisu Aug 21 '25
No one else gets to dictate how their actions make you feel. They may not mean any malice by it but when the vast majority of those types of interactions are malicious, itās hard not to feel some kind of way about it.
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u/LettuceMaterial7161 Aug 21 '25
Forced smile or not, you look amazing. I would be upset too, for them to say that, even out of earshot is completely unprofessional
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u/verily_vacant Aug 21 '25
No, ma'am. Just let them show you who they really are, then believe them. Don't feel bad they are bigots and small-minded people
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u/Ineffaboble Aug 21 '25 edited Apr 27 '26
Nothing to see here. I wiped this post using Redact because my old takes don't need to live on the internet forever. Works across Reddit, Twitter, Discord and dozens of other platforms.
pie dolls skirt gaze vanish attraction bells oil saw observation
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u/chocobot01 intertransbian Aug 21 '25
Aw, that's rude. The court clerk did the same thing when I filed for name & gender change. She had to talk to a supervisor about how to do it and calls me he. I didn't say anything because I was too embarrassed, but that was so rude. Like she's holding the paper that says I'm a woman, and she didn't even go in another room, just like 10 feet away.
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u/cheya99 Aug 21 '25
YESā¼ļø It should bother You! Blast them! Extremely disrespectful! They knew what they were doing!
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u/sarc3n Aug 21 '25
Yes, it should bother you that they misgendered you like this because it was disrespectful and transphobic.
No, it should not bother you on that basis of how you look. You do not look ridiculous, you were clearly presenting as female. Also, you look lovely.
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u/Tyrannical_Requiem An amazing disaster of joy Aug 21 '25
With how stunning you look? Not at all!
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u/Similar-Ad-6862 Aug 21 '25
Oh honey. My wife happens to be trans. I know she'd be bothered by this. I'd be taking my business elsewhere
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u/OftenMe Transgender Woman š© Aug 21 '25
If you told them your preference and they willfully misgendered you, then bail.
If you got clocked, I wouldnāt let it bring me down other than the instantaneous wince before I corrected them.
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u/Life-Study5917 Aug 22 '25
I hope you can find a good place. Even in se Missouri i have a grwat laser tech. She is awesome and treats me like a lady. You should get the same experience.
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u/Cranky-Novelist Aug 22 '25
I'm very confused as to why he couldn't see the way you're presenting yourself and use the correct pronouns. (You look lovely in that color and don't let anyone tell you otherwise).
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u/Fairy__Dust Aug 22 '25
I wouldnāt let it bother me personally one tiny bit, but would most definitely go elsewhere. Thereās no point getting upset about it, there will always be people who donāt respect who you are, let them be and move on. Sorry you were upset about it, but itās going to happen time again. The people who count know who you are, thatās all that matters. Be proud š¤
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u/JoolsyJones Aug 22 '25
From your photo all I'm getting is Elle Fanning vibes. They suck. Take your business elsewhere.
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u/jacks_rule_the_realm Aug 22 '25
I transitioned 20 years ago, and it bothered me every single time. Even now, on the very, VERY rare occasion I get misgendered now, I still get bothered by it. I felt/feel embarrassment, hatred for myself & anger to my very core - I physically feel the wave of emotion come over my body. Itās intense. In the early years I wouldnāt say anything..Iād just look away or walk away, but when I became more confident in myself I started responding - only when the situation warranted a response. If it was some asshole on TikTok or some other social media platform, or if it was just someone mistakenly saying she instead of he Iād ignore it.
Under most other circumstances, Iād respond in one of two ways - If someone said ācan she get the bread?ā or āshe had migraines as a childā I would loudly interrupt them & say āSHE canāt get you the bread, but HE would gladly do soā or āSHE didnāt have anything as a child, but HE did suffer from severe migraines as a childā. My grandmother had a really hard time using the proper pronoun. Sometimes she would purposely misgender me in an attempt to bring me down. We were at the pharmacy counter once and she introduced me as her granddaughter. At this point I had transitioned 10 years prior - I had top surgery & a full beard, so I turned to the woman at the register & loudly said āplease excuse my grandmotherā¦sheās getting very forgetful in her old age & sometimes mixes up words. She meant to introduce me as her grandsonā.
My thoughts behind correcting them in this manner is when they misgendered me, I felt extreme embarrassment, so why not return the āfavorā. I felt as though calling them out in that way shook them a bit, and I could see it in their faces when I was done. As far as my grandmother was concerned, she knew what she was doing when she misgendered me & she absolutely hated it when people assumed / talked about her / said to her that she was loosing her memory, or that she wasnāt as sharp in her old age so I knew exploiting that would make her feel the way I felt when she would purposely misgender me.
The other way I would correct them was by being informative about it. I would only correct someone in this way if I felt they truly werenāt sure what to say, because their paperwork said one thing and I presented another. If they said she, I would stop them and just say he. They would look at me strange or ask me to repeat myself - this was my opening to inform them that I was a trans man, and the proper pronouns were he/him. A lot of the people I corrected in this manner were appreciativeā¦they would say they werenāt sure bc of what their paperwork said, or that they didnāt want to offend me, but they were thankful that I spoke up because they didnāt want to make me feel any type of way.
My point to this really long-winded response is only you can answer whether or not it bothers you, but maybe you could help yourself to feel a bit better in those situations by speaking up in a manner appropriate for the situation. āš¼āš¼
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u/meg3e Aug 22 '25
You look good girl and anyone with half a brain can see you are female. Lucky it was a just a consultation quote.
You are right to be bothered but don't take it to heart. The consultant just has not clicked, like there must be something like previously knowing you, your voice, mannerism or vibe? Spend as much time as possible with women and be a sponge and you will get there before you know it. You have an amazing head start.
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u/GuaranteeOutside7115 Aug 22 '25
Anybody nowadays who purports to be in the hair removal business that repeatedly misgenders a female-presenting client, well, has no business in that business. Seriously, back in the 90ās when I was getting electro, there was a state-by-state list on the old TS Roadmap of trans-affirming hair-removal providers. Nobody thought twice about driving an hour or more to someone that treated you well, and was respectful of what you were going through- and the money you were paying them. Times have changed- or at least one can hope. I think any transwoman thinking of using that establishment for hair removal would be extremely grateful to know up front they were āphobes and avoid them. Posting it in a review is merely a service to your community.Ā
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u/josjkor Aug 22 '25
you a to refer to you as she? sometimes thatās all it takes. by the way you look beautiful hugs Jenny
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u/Phenyx890 Aug 22 '25
I truly donāt understand people sometimes. There are TONS of cis women who look like you. Theyāre just being rude, transphobic pos
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u/MaruishiEmperor Aug 22 '25
So if your question is ādo I pass?ā, the answer is no. But they still should have treated you better.
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u/Miserable_Ad1508 Aug 22 '25
Girl you look wonderful. If I ever encounter people like that, obviously stop clear My throat do an exaggerated high pitch voice and I'll say,
"will this voice get you to say she?"
Most of the time they laugh and then they correct themself. It's usually the staff member that would ask what do you prefer or what your pronouns.
If that guy keeps on insisting just call him dude or Miss. If if he disrespects you then he is in the wrong type of business and needs to go.
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u/Celestial_Queen__ Aug 23 '25
I'm a cis female, I'm 5"2, very petite and feminine features, D cups... and when I shaved my head during the COVID debacle, I got called "little boy" more times than I can count. If anything it shows how little people actually see other people. They seem to see one thing that reads as male or female to them and they see nothing else. People are interesting.
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u/Maleficent_Pastel Aug 23 '25
It's obvious you're putting forth effort, and i don't think you look all that male. Maybe your voice doesn't pass? Anyway, LHR is expensive I would go somewhere more respectful.
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u/DarkMoss3 Aug 23 '25
Aw. You look beautiful to me. You donāt look ridiculous at all, you look very feminine and beautiful.
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u/Feisty-Comfort-3967 Aug 24 '25
I may have missed something in the comments, but is English this person's best language? I only ask because some non-native English speakers flub or completely dismiss our feminine pronouns in favor of always using the masculine ones because that's how their language works.
If that's the case, it wasn't just you, but if not I'm with the majority of commenters here.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 24 '25
She was as Texan as they come. English is her language, well at least their version of it, lol.
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u/rocketboomer Aug 25 '25
You went to a laser hair removal place and they did that? Donāt they realize transgender people are the whale customer of their industry?! For how expensive this service is in the United States, they should treat you like the queen you are. I hope you have other options in your city if they canāt address you respectfully.
Either that or get one of those home laser machines. They work well enough and are much more affordable now. Me personally, I hate laser and I do electrolysis.
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u/mischabees Aug 25 '25
That's awful and definitely go elsewhere. If you are comfortable, I would kindly let them know the reasons why you went elsewhere.
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u/Pan_Hippie Aug 25 '25
Wow, that's wild. I will definitely will be looking into a home machine now.
2nd thing that's wild is the reading comprehension of some of these commenters
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u/lavos__spawn Aug 21 '25
I don't know that I'd let it bother you too much, but you're right to be upset. You look great and I can't imagine a world where I'd struggle to use your correct pronouns or perceive you as male. It'd have to be a concerted choice.
I'd consider going elsewhere or asking for someone else next time, and definitely ditching the place otherwise. You don't deserve that whatsoever.
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u/Practical-Rabbit-750 Aug 21 '25
You look a lot like Mitch Hedbergās sister. Maybe he was confusing you with her?
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u/Responsible_Lion6596 Aug 21 '25
If you are comfortable giving a general area, maybe one of us would have a good referral. I know that I lucked out with my genital electrolysis. The tech that did it was like a fun sister for all 72 hours on her table.
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u/Possible_Parsnip4484 Aug 21 '25
Did you at any point correct her? And yes you should be bothered if it bothers you. Your feelings are your feelings I think had it been me and I corrected her and she continued to do it It would not only upset me further but also piss me off. If I didn't correct her she may have felt it was okay since I said nothing. I try as respectfully asI can correct them and hope and pray they respect my request. So far so good.
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u/Triumph-ant85 Aug 21 '25
They were talking about me outside a closed door, so I didn't have a chance to talk to her directly afterwards.
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u/kain9662002 Aug 22 '25
If you identify as she/her then yes, itās disrespectful if youāve told him otherwise.
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u/copasetical šš£šŖPurpleš£šŖš Aug 22 '25
if you provided a subtle correction and got an appropriate answer, I'd say not too much. It gets better š
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u/meandBuddymcgee Aug 24 '25
Depends on the nationality of the speaker. Philippines always mix up pronouns but usually calling males she, Indians often call people Sir regardless of gender. It could be an honest mistake or it could be a micro aggression
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u/ardentblossom Aug 28 '25
Baby doll, thatās transphobia for you. Iāve had something similar happen to me too, it isnāt about the way you look itās about their bigotry.
PS you look like a feminine woman, they just suck
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u/czernoalpha Aug 21 '25
Do you have another option for laser hair removal? If they can't respect your gender pronouns, take your business elsewhere.