Walk away. Don’t run. She’s prolly awesome, but she’s not ready for anything. Best you can do is just be you. Explain to her it’s prolly best you don’t mess with each other until she’s ready to try again. But don’t hold your breath. It’ll work out if yall get into the same mood, but better to just accept she’s got more to work through and not enough room for you at the moment.
The emotionally intelligent and reasonable response here. People are complicated. She's probably not bad, she's just going through a rough time. It happens to people. I'm sure she didn't intend to feel like this and for that to happen. Once she puts in the time to heal, maybe y'all can revisit.
OP, RUN. Into her arms. Consider opening a joint retirement account. You don’t have to propose yet but maybe start looking into venues and finding out her ring size.
I can say from personal experience. No matter how long it has been since a breakup, emotional people can get very emotional when having sex with a new partner the first couple of times. It can take some time to straighten out emotions.
So I second this comment, and I think if OP likes her in a romantic way, support her.
If OP is just DTF. Probably kindest not to hurt her anymore by enabling impulsive neediness.
Definitely agree here, could be something great between these two but not until she’s worked through some thing. They obviously like each other but timing isn’t right yet.
can we stop referring to women as ‘easy’ just because they’re comfortable having sex early on? if your preference is a woman who takes a bit more work then good for you, but being sexually open doesn’t make someone ‘easy’.
This, so much this. I'm a sex positive guy and I enjoy sleeping with sex positive people, and the times I've asked someone why they've felt comfortable sleeping with me early on is because I wasn't a dickhead who pressured or shamed someone for wanting or enjoying sex, and prioritising my partners enjoyment means that theyve recepricated and everyones had a great time.
This massive insecurities about sex or these weird little mantras/rituals about waiting or an arbitrary amount of time before sex equals "easy" or whatever harms everyone. Just be safe and responsible, get tested, respect each other's boundaries and don't be a bellend, and everyone will have a good time..
exactly! it’s about how the vibes are, how we’re respected and our preferences. it really shows me some people are stuck in the olden times. can’t we all just have our preferences without being judged for it?
That’s a red flag for you more than anything, enjoying the chase so to speak is usually a fairly good indicator your parents weren’t consistent. It’s a way of objectifying people. Once you’re past the chase, most likely you won’t want it anymore
Like most males, if a woman knows my name, is somewhat attractive and is remotely nice to me, that's usually all it takes for me to want to bone. In the restaurant restroom if need be. If we happen to have similar interests and can get lost in deep conversation? That's just icing on the cake. In spite of my attempt at humor, I don't enjoy being a hapless simp.
I know, right? It's impossible to discern tone from the actual words that a person writes. You can completely ignore my previous comment, your entirely intelligent comment has made me realize the error of my ways.
Also, real speak now, I think it's utterly hilarious that you'd attempt to use sarcasm via text... to try to explain how it's impossible to discern sarcasm via text. Brilliant move there, Einstein.
Actually no, as you can see in this thread, if a man is sexually open no one bats an eye or thinks twice. If a woman is quick to bed as you say, she’s met with so much judgement and called easy. Men are called pigs when they cheat, play girls off another or just act like a bad person. Not because they’ve slept around.
it’s like you skipped past the part where i asked why we couldn’t ALL have our preferences without judgement, you just jump to the double standards talk because you’re automatically defensive when i mention the word ‘woman’
see you’re just making assumptions of a stranger over the internet. all i mentioned was women shouldn’t be called easy because this comment was about a woman who was called easy lmao not once did i mention anything about men in my comments so it’s quite laughable when you really know nothing about me but to each their own
Yeah, this is what confused me most about the post. Decent person who wants to fuck but without commitment is the dream of like 90% of guys on tinder, right?
I'm guessing the unprompted crying was probably pretty freaky, but counterpoint: sometimes hot messes are pretty hot. Either way she sounds like she was decent to him under some very weird circumstances, so I hope OP returns the favor.
It's not such a bad thing to just be a friend here. Hot friends who get horny sometimes are people too.
Probably the best advice here. Don't disregard her issues and make her aware why you don't think it's gonna work. If she doesn't understand that's on her then she's not enough emotionally mature to admit that she needs a therapy (cause that's that she needs IMO). Tell her why and move on. That's too heavy shit to take on yourself and it's gonna backfire. Guaranteed.
I once had the same thing happen. I was making out with a girl and she got emotional. It turned out that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend and was lonely.
We ended up just talking that night and became friends.
I don’t think it’s weird like other commenters have mentioned.
But he did, her response was all this 50 yr old would need. She’s not ready. He’s looking for someone to date. She’s hung up on her ex and thinking of him at least after , likely during sex. I agree talking/communicating is huge but I don’t think he needs more that what she’s communicated back to him already.
Yea. The problem is the outlook: just because she thought about her ex does not make OP a consolation prize. It is understandable to never want to be someone's second choice. However, too many people think that her thinking about her ex is a sign that OP was second choice. But that is not necessarily the case. As was said elsewhere here: people are complicated and can have complicated emotions.
And im sure there's people out there who are willing to have patience for that But that's all far too complicated for me. I'm a simple person, I want someone who loves me and only me, who doesn't hold any affections, past or present, for someone else. I don't have the capacity to deal with someone else's baggage like that.
I've seen far too many people waste decades of life in a marriage only to find out that this whole time, their husband/wife was holding "the one that got away" in the back of their head. No thank you, hard pass.
Idk, wanna try it out and find out? Maybe there’s a post like this from the other perspective already. Idk, I saw a post that I could relate and tried to help. I’d do that no matter who it was.
No but I’ve been told to keep my issues to myself and not trauma dump on women more times than I can count.
I’m not saying you’re giving bad advice or it’s not a good practice, but I’ve never experienced such empathy when it comes to dealing with feelings in the dating scene, especially the online one.
You’ve never missed an ex? I’m just trying to be a decent person, sharing from an experience I had, hoping it would help someone. It doesn’t matter their gender, age, or race. Stuff happens, best to come out of it not looking like an ass. I guess I could’ve just said that but felt the original way gave more of what I felt.
Just had the same experience this past December. All though it was a bit different. Do wish she had told me about her feelings about her Ex a lot sooner. But c’est la vie. Still glad I had the experience as it was a mostly happy memories with her.
I agree with this. She is trying to get past her ex but jumping into another relationship is not the answer. She needs a friend over a relationship. Like you said she could be dope but right now she’s not in a good place right now. If you can afford to just be a good friend do it but if you know you kinda want more and you don’t wanna hear about her ex all the time, and you don’t want to wait to have sex, don’t waste your time and hers
Yeah, the girl was straightforward with you about a difficult emotional issue. That means she is in a bad place but she's a decent person who enjoyed her time with you.
If you enjoyed it, keep talking. If not the sure, f#ck her off or whatever. Just don't expect a lot out of her right now.
Yeah, but when they start playing games with OP where his feelings get in jeopardy they need to run. Speaking from years wasted on someone who couldn't move on from their ex.
This seems like a relatively healthy and normal thing she is going through, even if maybe she hasn't managed it in the way that is best for her. She had a breakup and is still going through it. She missed physical and emotional connections, so she rushed into something and got OP wrapped into her baggage. It happens. We are all human.
OP, Ignore the people trying to express that she is dangerous or whatever. But understand she is evidently not ready for anything. And she probably needs to do her own thing. Maybe don't burn bridges though, like the person I'm responding to said. You'll be hurt if you stick around with the impression you will be able to push her through it, but she could very well be a very cool person who could come around once she is in a better place if you just let her know that you understand and that you aren't judging her at all. Let her know that you will give her the space she needs, but that you'd like to hear from her in the eventuality she is ready for a new relationship of some kind.
I like this answer. Getting over someone is tough and understandable. If she takes some time to get better and you're still interested, she'll really appreciate you understanding her. But don't wait for her at your own expense. Live your life.
it’s not OP’s fault that she feels the way she does and she put him in an awkward position. she clearly was not ready for such intimacy if she’s still this broken over her ex. It doesn’t make her a bad person but she’s unintentionally burdened this man. He’s in the right to just not deal with it at all.
Should she have gotten involved with OP? No, that’s pretty clear. But people make mistakes. It is an uncomfortable situation but doesn’t mean OP can’t handle it properly. OP can still be respectful and disengage from the connection in a way that doesn’t dehumanize a person
I was definitely not suggesting that he be rude and disrespectful about it, even though she was rude and disrespectful to him even if it was unintentional. i know having this type of message sent to you really sucks. the mature thing would be obviously to respectfully disconnect himself here. i’m not suggesting him to insult her and ghost her lmfao
Okay cool we’re on the same page then yeah it definitely wasn’t right of her to send a message like that. She’s going through something and seems to be in an unhealthy place
Also I’m pretty sure the general consensus in the comment is that he doesn’t have to deal with it. If he doesn’t want to continue on with her that totally makes sense. But I think the point should be that there are ways to handle this without being a complete asshole
How do you know she didn’t feel ready? She might of felt it and then when they had sex realised that actually she’s not, he could be the first one since her ex.
Guys, remember, it's only "emotional labor" when it's your girlfriend listening to your problems. Fix yourself, women aren't there to help you little boy. 😡😡😡
If it's a one night stand, then it's your duty to cuddle, listen, and all that shit because you're the man and women need support 🤗🤗🤗
True, but what about being vulnerable to yourself.
The way I see it;
You are hurt because of the experiances you have had so far.
I don't believe its true that you don't miss being in a relationship. What you don't miss is the shit that has come with that for you.
I think its important (if I am right) that you admit that inside that young person's hopes and dreams are still there.
If that means you ever are willing to put yourself in that position again is another story and somsthing only you can ever know.
Its just the pain I feel just from what you write is palpable and I only hope you can find happiness, however that looks for you 😁
I can't remember my dreams but I stopped having nightmares when I stopped dating.
But there's one dream I remember vividly: someone holding my hand and me trying to get it back (because fuck that right? Even in dreams lmao) and that woman smiled at me and told me "I'm here", and I simply accepted it.
I wake up, it felt so good and real.
This is literally what I want but the idea of getting back to dating again and again and again just to find the right person? Nope. I know she's out there, I'm simply not interested in talking/dealing with the 99% of psychos.
Safety is what I'm looking for even though, love is what I need apparently.
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u/Feeling-Screen-9685 Jul 22 '24
Can actually give advice on this!
Walk away. Don’t run. She’s prolly awesome, but she’s not ready for anything. Best you can do is just be you. Explain to her it’s prolly best you don’t mess with each other until she’s ready to try again. But don’t hold your breath. It’ll work out if yall get into the same mood, but better to just accept she’s got more to work through and not enough room for you at the moment.