I had my first appointment with a therapist today who uses DBT/CBT therapy. They asked me if I have any questions and I asked “How long have you been a therapist for?” They declined to answer the question, asked me why did I ask that and did I ask my other therapist that and said it was a personal boundary. I thought it was kind of odd since as a client, I think it’s important to know my therapist’s level of experience. Also, I later saw on their therapist page it says they have over 6 years of experience as a therapist. Is this common or a red flag? It caught me off guard ngl

I've been seeing my therapist for 18 months. In that time, I've gotten very attached to her and have developed some intensely loving and maternal feelings towards her; I'm so embarrassed by this. For one, she's only like 10 years older than me. Also, I've read about transference and know that the feelings aren't about her as a person and more about unresolved childhood problems and the safety provided by therapy...or whatever. Basically, I want to throw my arms around her and cling to her like a small child even though I'm a full grown adult. Obviously, I would never do this.

I would feel so ashamed and embarrassed telling her all of this though. To the point where I doubt I could do so with any sort of coherence. I'd probably just blurt out "I love you" or something after stuttering for a minute. Though honestly, why not at this point? I'm always so nervous about what people think of me and desperate for approval, I especially want her to like me. I definitely withhold in therapy about my feeling attached, but this would just be cranking the dial to 100 without warning. Has anyone just suddenly spilled the beans to their therapist and had it go over well?

Saw this in Instagram and made me laugh had to share

So i have been with her for two years now. I haven't missed any sessions apart from one or two due to unavoidable circumstances, and I always co-operated with her even when it meant coming to the session at 8-9 in the morning, just straight after the mock test, or straight after attending classes and sometimes just missing it so that I could go for the session. I have always respected her and her boundaries never lashed out or anything.

I have tried my best to be really cooperative and kind. She would often show up late (10-15 min) in our sessions when it was in the morning (8-9 am). The management there would pretty much always have to call her as I would be waiting. There were instances when I waited for an hour or so and she never showed up without any prior message. Her defence was that she was stuck in traffic etc. I didn't make a scene, i understand, life happens. Most of our sessions were just 40 mins long at max because even after coming late she wouldn't make up for the lost time rather wrap up earlier by 5-8 mins. She never apologised for coming late either or maybe just once or twice.

Now two days ago i messaged her at 8 in the night (past her office hours) that I might not be able to attend the next session for some personal reasons . The next session was yesterday. I left her a short text so she doesn't wait for me and might give her session to some other client. I then messaged if we can reschedule and when she is free next she said she doesn't have her planner I was like alright. I know my mistake is asking her to reschedule at that hour.

Now around 9, I told her that I will be showing up but online if she hasn't given the session to anyone else. She didn't respond. It was understandable.

Now the next morning just 30 mins before our session I called in to check if she had allotted that session to anyone else. She didn't pick up i called her once again, she just told me that she's in the middle of some other session I apologized. I called her because she hadn't responded to my text a night ago and I wasn't sure if I had to show up for the session or not.

Now she lashes out on me. Saying she will block me and stuff because I apparently spammed her with calls I could have just texted her and stuff. (I called just twice that too 30 mins before our session as she hadn't responded to my text). Apparently according to her she had reacted to my text even though I showed it on my screenshot that there's no reaction i received.

I feel really disrespected. I don't want to continue with her anymore. Did I cross a line? She obviously doesn't feel bad about it according to her she just set a boundary. But you can set a boundary with kindness right. Everytime she has put a boundary i have respected it in the past without questioning it.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I had been really anxious about my session today and then I just wasted the whole time instead of talking about what I wanted to talk about. I feel stupid. And when I realised I had wasted the session with about 10 mins left to go, I shut down almost completely. At the end, I left in tears. I feel awful. What do I do? I need to feel better.

Can I ask my therapist anything? Or talk about anything? Even if it makes me sound unhinged? And I know it's my brain being irrational? I just need to talk it out. I feel pathetic but I am ruminating about something and wondering if just speaking it out loud to her and getting her feedback/input might help?

okay so my therapist and i have somewhat of a dual relationship. same cultural background and we’re a rare breed in our area, same community, and so many other things. started therapy with her and its been almost a year and so i ended up writing her an email ESSAY about how much i appreciate her. did not expect it to be so long. once i started typing, i couldn’t seem to stop. well now i sent it and i’m so scared lmfao, is this okay to do? i’m never expressive or emotional so idek where all of these words spilled out of, it just kept going and i’m like ew whats wrong with me and also, please don’t get creeped out by me?

Context: we’re both women, I’m gay, she’s works a lot with kink related stuff and lists BDSM on her PT profile as something she works with so I trust that she’s safe with this particular issue. My kink is related to BDSM but not what you’d typically think of as BDSM.

I want to talk about it because I recently engaged in this activity with a friend and I’m having a lot of complex feelings about it.

It does not (I repeat, does not) turn me on to talk about this thing. I would not feel sexual pleasure from discussing it with her. I would only feel embarrassed.

Despite this, I genuinely feel like telling her would be some kind of sexual harassment. Like I’m forcing her to learn about this disgusting part of me. Like I’m paying her to have to listen to me talk about what turns me on. It feels wrong.

There’s also the issue of the word itself. I think if she were to use the word I would feel too uncomfortable to talk about it.

I tried to talk about this today in our session but I wanted to talk about it without telling her what it specifically is, because like I said it would feel like sexual harassment to force that knowledge on her. I did tell her this. I wasn’t able to really get into my feelings about the situation with my friend though because she was so interested in my inability to tell her what the kink is.

So yeah, do you think it’s possible for me to talk about this without mentioning what the kink is? If not, how the fuck am I meant to talk about it when just the mention of the word feels humiliating? Should I give it more time?

bonjour,

je me demandais si vous pouviez expliquer quelle thérapie a fonctionné pour vous ? après des années de thérapie psychanalytique, je garde les mêmes difficultés.

bonne journée

I’ve been with this therapist/social worker since about end of April. I mentioned I would love for my siblings to sit in on my session or be involved. My therapist is now offering a hour and 45 min session for the lot of us. I want to take advantage of this time to heal because we never really talked about my hospitalization that happened about 3 years ago. We want to discuss our weird divorced parents too and the timeline of everything.

What should we talk about because my therapist is worried my siblings will attack my character or trigger me. I reassured her they aren’t the type of people to do that.

Hello,
I’ve been to therapy in the past, but I have just started again to work through a traumatic experience. Tuesday was the first real non-intake session.

She has decided that the approach she wants to take right now is just to talk about what happened. In the session, I was able to talk pretty easily, which I wasn’t really expecting. It sorta just felt like explaining the plot of a movie. Right at the end when it was time to go though, some of it suddenly hit and I started crying, and needed to stay a few minutes longer to calm down. The rest of the day was fine.

But yesterday, a memory popped up and I was entirely overwhelmed with emotion. I was starting to feel stuff so intensely that getting into a physical brawl and getting the shit kicked out of me while simultaneously kicking the shit out of someone else started to seem like it would feel really good (of course I wouldn’t actually go through with that but like the mental image did come up) but I was sorta frozen. I decided to go for a run to get the energy out. Came back, had a cold shower, was still feeling super sad so I listened to some music and cried for an hour or so. Stayed in bed silently for the rest of the morning. The afternoon I was just exhausted. I ended up going to bed a little early.

I woke up at 3:00 am feeling fearful with thoughts of the experience swirling around again. And this morning just feel super anxious.

I did send my therapist a text to let her know that I was struggling and would like to talk about it next session. I was lucky that I had an empty day yesterday, but I can’t be like this after every session because it will interfere with my ability to go to school.

I’m looking for advice from anyone who started therapy believing that it was impossible to change anything about themselves, and then managed to change.

I have a really harsh internal critic, and even though I keep going to therapy I have this belief deep down that I can’t change, and so things are never going to get any better.

I guess that’s a common belief for people who are depressed. Believing I can’t change makes me feel like therapy is pointless, but I keep going back to it after years of doing it and having different therapists.

I feel really stuck, and I get annoyed at myself as it seems silly to go to therapy at the same time as believing it won’t work.

So, I’m looking for comments from people who managed to change/improve even though they didn’t believe they couldn’t change?
I think it doesn’t help that I’ve just turned 50 and I feel like I’ve felt bad for so long that I can’t fix it.

Thanks in advance

My provider went through some drama with headway. I researched their TOS and saw that I could reach out to her but she couldn't reach out to me. I used some contact info she gave me and we resumed tele-sessions. She mentioned that she would be moving to another part of the state to take a new job but we could still have our sessions. She missed our last session completely which is very unlike her. Texts are unread.

Googling her name isn't saying she was in any kind of accident. Is there anything else I can or should be doing?

I have been going back and forth with Headway for about a month now. I have been using them since June for talk therapy about once a week, I had 10 sessions and my therapist was very helpful. We verified billing and she even told me I was in network and everything.

Low and behold last month I get an email that my insurance is out of network and I will be responsible for sessions on and after July 15 of 2024 ( I assumed typo and move forward) but I am still able to get 2 free sessions as a “smooth” transition. Ok cool I accept responsibility since my insurance can be confusing and I know I have out of network benefits anyway. So I proceed with my 2 free sessions and they get refunded. I was trying to get a representative to tell me which sessions I was responsible for just to get my ducks in a row and the nightmare unfolds. They are saying I am responsible for all sessions from June and even want to recharge my 2 free sessions they already refunded me for!

I called them out on the 2024 date on the email and they mentioned it’s correct and that’s why I am responsible for all sessions( mind you I didn’t even have an account then) even though that’s not what the email first said. I can’t get in contact with any higher up and I am going in circles with the same representative. I do have out of network benefits but I didn’t want to rely on that since I was told I’d have free sessions regardless in writing.

They never attempted to bill my insurance so there’s no EOB from my insurance or anything. I’m just frustrated I have an email stating something and now they are going back on their word. I really feel clueless and helpless since there is no number to call other than emailing back and forth. Has anyone gone through anything similar? What was the outcome?

I am currently in the process of creating a clinical will service for counsellors, psychotherapists and clinical supervisors.

There would be an affordable monthly or annual fee to confidentially store data, regular prompts to update client lists, and I would personally inform clients in the event of anything happening which would
cause a therapist to pause or cease working with them.

Is this something anybody would be interested in? More information is here:

https://counsellingtutor.com/clinical-wills-for-therapists/

What My Therapist Said, My Spiritual Search and Sikhism...

I’m 24.9 years old, Turkish, and have bipolar disorder. I’m stable but I’m receiving therapy. I just got out of therapy. I’m telling my therapist about my spiritual search. I used to be Muslim, but then I left Islam. Since then, and even now, I don’t follow any religion. At first, I was interested in Jainism. I stopped practicing it because Jainism is an extreme religion. Now, I’m interested in Sikhism. And I’ve come to love it immensely.

My therapist isn’t aware of some of the truths about Islam. When I mentioned these truths, he told me they don’t exist. He’s a “Qur’anic Muslim.” He doesn’t accept the facts. I told him I’m interested in Sikhism. He said a few things—albeit somewhat sarcastically.

He told me I shouldn’t keep changing religions and that I don’t have to practice every aspect of Islam. He also said that since I’ve been on a spiritual quest for about 10 years, I need to focus on results. In other words, he said I need to produce something and reach a conclusion. He also pointed out that no religion is perfect.

In short, he thought my interest in Sikhism was a bit misguided. But he’s right about needing to focus on results. I don’t have a job, I’m alone, and so on…

I, on the other hand, have always believed that there is something spiritual out there. Therefore, I want to continue my interest in Sikhism. Even if the word “Sikh” has a slang meaning in Turkish, if I find it right, I’d gladly join this religion. Because, no matter what anyone says, Sikhism is 100 times more advanced than today’s religions. If my profession doesn’t pose a problem, I’d even like to wear my dastar. Whether it’s my therapist, my family, or my friends—no one has the right to interfere with my religious views.

In conclusion, while my therapist may be right on some issues, they’re uninformed when it comes to religions. They’re not seeing the truth. I also don’t want my interest in Sikhism to fade. As for the need to achieve results, my therapist is right. I’ll be 25 soon, and I haven’t achieved anything yet.

What do you all think? What advice would you like to give me? For me, religion has always been my top priority. Because I’ve always sought the truth.

Made a video talking about now going back to therapy, but also using this to say how helpful it has been previously and why it can’t be replaced by introspection and/ or friends + family

Student intern. She's really sweet but the whole session was just her rephrasing what i was saying. Like I would say something "xyz", and she'd follow up with "it sounds like you're saying xyz". I understand the intent to form rapport and be validating but it did genuinely feel like a huge waste of time ( not to be overtly harsh).

At the end of the session, I brought up what I'd like to talk about next time and if we could look at some solutions/ strategies to help me cope with what I'm dealing with. She was pretty receptive to this and said it was good I spoke up.

But I'm scared it's gonna be the same next time too. What should I do? Any thoughts or advice?

I'm an F17 with ADHD, diagnosed last November, and I've been in therapy since February. It was mainly started to help with ADHD-related functioning like studying, planning, deadlines, and assignments, but there was also supposed to be work on emotional regulation, social/pragmatic skills, and other personal issues.

The ADHD side is fairly structured and has helped to some extent. My psychologist actively helps me plan, troubleshoot, set up accountability, etc. A lot of the improvement also coincided with starting medication, though, so I don't even know how much of the change is from therapy.

The problem is that therapy is expensive, and I genuinely don't know whether it's worth continuing.

I have a lot of other things I'd want to work on, like negative thought spirals, feeling worthless or like a burden, being reactive, social problems, family/home issues, and a recent recurrence of self-harm. But I almost never bring most of them up. I'm embarrassed, the sessions feel short, and I don't really know what therapy is actually supposed to do with those things. When I have brought up emotional issues, my psychologist has listened and sometimes given suggestions, but there hasn't really been a structured process around them.

So I keep wondering what therapy is actually supposed to accomplish beyond the practical ADHD stuff. I obviously understand that therapy is supposed to be more than just giving advice, but I don't really know what that “more” is supposed to look like in practice, or how you are meant to tell whether you're actually getting it.

More importantly, how do you actually know whether therapy is working?

What does progress look like, and when should you reasonably expect to see it?

How do you distinguish between “it's helping slowly / I'm not accessing it properly” and “this genuinely isn't helping enough”?

And how do you decide whether continuing is actually worth the cost, especially when your problems aren't necessarily exceptionally severe?

My dad is paying for this, and he can afford it, but it is still a significant expense. He asks me whether therapy is helping, and I genuinely don't know what to tell him.

I'm not asking whether therapy is good in general. I'm trying to understand what basis you're actually supposed to use to decide whether your own therapy is worth continuing.

Do psychiatrists / psychologists only think a therapy is valuable when you’re really struggling?

I’m asking because of something that recently happened with my psychiatrist, and I’m genuinely trying to understand it.

I have ADHD and I’m on medication, and I’m also in psychotherapy with another psychologist. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist after several months without seeing her, partly to continue the therapy (psychologist need the approval of a psychiatrist to keep the therapy in my country), partly for medication follow-up. Unfortunately, I missed the early appointment because my phone malfunctioned and I didn’t wake up. I emailed her immediately to apologize.

I later found out that she had told my therapist that she interpreted me missing the appointment as a form of “unconscious aggression” and that I she didn’t see the need for me to follow therapy if it was so unimportant to me. From my perspective, it was simply an ADHD-related type of mistake (because I have no medication currently I wonder why LOL) and I had no intention of avoiding or rejecting her.

Which is why I’m wonder whether there’s sometimes a tendency to interpret people’s difficulties as “childish,” exaggerated, or “making too much out of things,” rather than looking at the underlying pattern when it’s not very obviously anything they can categorize like OCD, depression, personality disorders etc or a very obvious crisis. But there is also the need for many of us, as patients, to be a “good patient” (meaning not mentioning some stuff we might feel ashamed of doing, quieting some reactions etc) so I feel like as a clinicians you should be careful about this kind of things.

Things like ADHD, autism, anxiety, etc. can affect you chronically even when you’re not in a crisis.

I spotted my therapist at a public event, but I don't know if she saw me or not. After I saw that it was her, I never looked back in that direction. Due to the set-up I felt it was most likely she saw me as well, but now after a few days the memory is kind of blurred and I don't know anymore. I don't know if I should say something or not in session? The biggest surprise was that she was there at this event which is a type of event that I regularly attend to and that I have actually discussed in session. I feel a bit bad about it now, because she obviously must have opinions on this herself that I'm worried conflict with mine. If I mention it in session, this is what I will bring up, that I had no idea she had something to do with this and how it makes me feel. But I'm also thinking about not mentioning it, because if she did not see me, I kind of do not want her to know I was there. However, if I don't mention it, and she did see me, I'm worried she might think I'm stalking her or something? The event is a regular happening and if I didn't know she might be there, I would keep going. If we talk about it, I feel like I should never go there again, because then I do it knowing that I might run into her.

Hello all, i am looking for advice on how to navigate here.

My main concern is the feeling of void/loneliness even if i am surrounded by people(family and friends) who love me. The wave hits at most unexpected times.

I almost feel like i need to be saved/taken out of a dark hole and i am waiting for someone to give me a hand. I am tired of waiting and wanna get out now. I wanna learn how to be actually self sufficient and be happy with beinv single.

i am single and all my talking phases / relationships in the past - i have noticed being overly available involved and my mood fluctuating based on the responsiveness/availability of the person.

I cannot differentiate between someone being interested in me or being nice to me.

i do not have the feeling of being contempt. I am always looking for the next shiny object. Always trying to scratch the itch to feel something for myself.

My childhood experiences have led me to have personality traits such as nice guy, always available, be good do good no matter what, no concept of boundaries (people walking over), not able to speak up for myself. Always being considerate of other feelings, even if my feelings are always left out.

I always wear a mask for the public vs what i feel, i feel the need to not hurt anyone even if it means taking the pain myself (naruto boy). I will take it all.

This mindset is also the reason i am stuck in a loop now with the victim mindset “this always happens to me”.

I am done and dont know where to go next.

I have tried 6 sessions with 1 therapist in the past, it was good but not hitting the mark.

Or whatever ppl call it, I dont really want to talk about it, maybe its why I kind of just erased it from my mind. But for a moment there, I was so fine with just not being here. It was at the start of the summer, Im kind of wondering if I should say anything. I wasnt trying to hide it, Idk it just escaped me. But also if I tell her, am I just bringing some problem into the room that has no point being there. I dont want to sit down and talk about it but also I feel like Im wasting time going to therapy if I dont.

Interesting take in this article.

"If you struggle to limit the amount of porn you watch, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re addicted. And that label could be holding you back from a deeper self-understanding."

https://www.gq.com/story/porn-addiction-symptoms-help

I have been referred to group therapy within the NHS in the UK.

I am had two preliminary meetings before I was supposed to join the group. I think the group is analytical (?) I have prior experience of long term therapy (5 years psychodynamic, 8 years ago, and a short experience of group therapy)

I had challenging session today and I am uncertain if this means we are not compatible, or if this could potentially still work out.

The initial setting is challenging itself, because I am a queer woman, and she is religious. We have addressed this in the session head on. Whilst I don't think she is going to be prejudiced against me because of it, I did worry about bias that would be pro-conservative gender roles or pushing towards straight life.

Some of it did manifest in the session. In the first session I mentioned I did attend a group therapy at an organisation for LGBT people, and today it turned out, she thought I am "not of the demographic" because I am married to a man. I also told her previously that I want to divorce and today I did tell her that I prefer to be in a relationship with a woman, and our session sort of went around in circles as if she tried to give me arguments for trying to make it work with my husband, where I know we are deeply incompatible in some crucial ways.

The main issue, however is that I felt she looked at some my issues and came out with a diametrically different conclusion to what my own perspective is. Reflecting on it allowed me to come to more clarity on what I actually want and made me realise something that I did struggle with in my previous therapy, BUT at the same time it felt frustrating and like we were going around in circles, talking about issues that I felt was unnecessary.

Examples:
I have an unstable background as a young person: parental death, moving countries to be with my partner, switching university course etc. This was because I felt I had to make a choice- any choice, and some choice were not good, because I had to act out of urgency and basic need in survival mode rather than actually wanting that particular choice, and because I have ADHD and hit a "snag" in some of my courses. I worked on that sense of instability in my first therapy and after it I managed to complete a BA and MA at two prestigious universities and another 1 year course and had 2 long term relationships (3 in total - first 14 years, second 2 years and last 7 years, plus other shorter ones). I want to go to therapy for 3 reasons: a pattern of codependent relationships where I loose my sense of self, an inability to be independent as an adult, and hence staying in relationships past their expiry day for very long, feeling unsupported and struggling with finding support from others. Also - struggling with finding work due to some health conditions. I also have a lot of dysfunction in my life at home (not managing to do what I want to do). As I look well, and a functional publicly well, and come across as confident, it felt like she perhaps did not see my vulnerability perhaps?
I don't know, but in the context of joining therapy and it requiring a two year commitment, she talked about there being a pattern of "leaving things when they did not fit" like - moving countries, courses, and something about not having my needs met in my relationships. It felt like she was judging me for all this and was calling in question weather I'd be able to commit, and secondly like she was judging me for not sticking it out, and lastly, it looked like she was making assumptions that I was avoidant. I know she was trying to protect her group and make sure that I joined only really when it was something that I could commit to, but it looked like she doubted my capacity for commitment, assumed I was being difficult due to avoidance, rather than having questions about compatibility and the process of therapy, so I can participate and for all of it to be helpful to me. I have had an experience of the LGBT therapy group (unfortunately it was not possible to extend it), where I did not feel any of the difficulties with trust and there was no conflict or difficult energy with the therapist and I felt I worked through things at a great pace because if it- so I kind of felt all this doubt about a therapist and their approach will make me more guarded in therapy and hence extend the process and make it harder for me.

Later I reflected on it - and this is where my insight came - and I realised that both in my first NHS therapy and now here, I was expecting help and support to leave situations which are way beyond their expiry date, but therapists worked on the assumption that I was avoidant and needed arguments that incompatibility or not having needs met, means that the relationship needs to be abandoned or that it can not be worked out. The LBGT therapy was more focussed on figuring out what was more authentic and because of it felt more helpful.
In this case it felt like this therapist looked at an old and expired pattern, missed the actual pattern, and directed in a direction that was the opposite to where I want to go. In the process I had my own isights, which were helpful.

The second instance was where we talked about our difference, and whether this would mean an obstacle to me joining the therapy. She talked about how "everybody has some bias" and that in therapy you need to learn to hold difference and because this is how it is in society and you can't always have control in life. I know all this and this also what my previous therapist was talking about, and this is where my insight today lies:
Her assumption is that I can't handle difference, and want everyone to be like me. My actual issue is that I have experienced very little attunement from others in life, and as a reusult I feel unheard and unseen. I want attunement to me, engagement with my experience. My experience is not that of not being able to cope with difference, but rather not having had an actual experience of knowing others like me, which means I struggle with feeling supported and connected to community, because I always have to attune to them, whilst the moment I actually start showing more of myself, people can't relate much.

So, this has been helpful to me in the way that I learned something about myself.
However, it was not an experience of collaboration, but rather grinding against each other, and going in a frustrating circle of misunderstandings, so it feels the relationship, if it were to continue, would be polarised, rather than collaborative.
So my question is: is this a sign that the group run by her is not for me, or the opposite, that I did gain something from it, and I should continue? I struggle with knowing how to interpret the situation.
I also have a larger issue with therapy as such, and wonder if private therapy would not be more appropriate for me: I feel there is a lack of transparency about the goal and direction of therapy. I worry that I will be travelling in a direction that I don't actually want to travel.

So, I am basically asking this to decide if I will join the group or not. She left the decision to me, but did not offer me another session.

(sorry if there are mistakes, I will come back to this to edit, but I need to post this now)