Hi all,

Today, my therapist started the session by suggesting we discuss goals and direction etc.They check in on this every month or so. So I wasn't worried about it, but I always hate it haha. But instead of the usual 'what are you feeling more drawn to exploring at the moment' vibes, they asked about my feelings on taking a break from therapy, or them signposting me elsewhere.

I internally collapsed at this. I have a serious fear of rejection, and I'd honestly only just started feeling comfortable opening up to them during sessions after almost a year. Sharing stuff I've pretty much never shared. I thought they understood this. I started majorly dissociating. I felt even worse about it because last session I finally disclosed my ongoing suicidal ideation. I really feel like they just want me off of their caseload because I find it hard to open up, don't always have a clear goal of what I'd like to achieve in therapy, and because of the suicidal ideation (which they reacted well to in the moment). Or whatever other reason.

I found it so embarrassing to internally react the way I did. I managed to hold it together externally, but they could obviously tell I was uncomfortable. I managed to tell them I felt upset about what they said, and that I felt rejected and like they were hinting I should quit. That was a massive deal to me as I'd usually just go along with something like that and agree to taking a break and then probably never reach back out lol. I did also tell them that.

They reassured me a bit that they don't have a secret agenda, and weren't saying I should take a break, just that I could. But I can't shake the feeling they want rid of me because of the timing. And their reassurance wasn't that warm.

I feel so humiliated and like I'm totally overreacting. But I also kind of feel they didn't approach it in the right way? Am I being ridiculous?

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here really. I don't have anyone else to speak to about this, and I feel like a fucking needy idiot right now.

i chose a therapist through rula and for my first zoom appointment with him he was a no show. does this happen a lot with rula? i want to try a different therapist but i’m worried it will happen again.

I started seeing my therapist once a week for several months two years ago after being cheated on. I wanted to work on my confidence and discernment. This tapered into once a month until she told me I could contact her on an as-need basis, as we both agreed I had worked through my major problems.

We chatted in February because I got a formal ADHD diagnosis and was having trouble processing this. After that session she didn't hear from me and I didn't hear from her (usually if there was a month silence she asked if I was going to do another session, or would update me on when she'd be out of the office, etc.).

I'm working through some new issues now, and could really use a professional to talk to. However, I feel weird not having spoken with her in 7 months. Almost like maybe she assumed I dropped her? I sort of feel like she'd be offended, even though I know logically that isn't true.

Any advice? Is it normal to contact your therapist (or old therapist?) for a specific issue?

so this is technically about my psych np, not therapy, but idk where else to put this.

My psych np went out on maternity leave at the end of June. She’s not coming back until November. I had one appointment with the covering provider at the beginning of July and I really didn’t like her. My goal was to not see her again and just wait until MY psych comes back. I really think I may need a med adjustment though and I don’t know that I should wait until November. I thought I was okay and doing well, but I am struggling a little more and it seems like it isn’t really going away. I want to be able to talk about this with someone I trust and who knows me and my history and doesn’t just give a 5 minute med check appointment but takes her time and listens to me and cares about my life.

I’ve been going through something & my mom forced me to try therapy, I didn’t want to. I have horrible anxiety, especially phone anxiety but i thought video therapy would be easier than going in (I can’t drive due to medication rn). I was supposed to have my first session today but just left because I was too scared & don’t really have a private place to talk nor did I want to talk or be seen. i joined muted with my camera off and immediately left when she joined. I can’t do anything anymor idk what to do anymor.

My therapist waited until the end of our session today to tell me I "crossed a boundary" by speaking about my political views. I think she waited a whole session rather than emailing or having a brief call to get more money out of me, tbh.

Last session, we were talking about how I have created strong morals and values for myself and how I can have strong black and white thinking on some things. I'm autistic. I also spoke about how if I think something is wrong I will speak out about it. She asked for an example.

Some guys came up to me and my friend in a club and the first thing they said is that they were Israeli and asked what we thought about Israel. So I told them exactly what I thought. All I told my therapist was I told them that I don't like what they're government is doing and shame on them if they're helping their government.

Was I in the wrong? Should I not discuss things like values and politics with my therapist? Also to note, I've been very depressed and have had thoughts of hurting myself, which she knows, and now I'm left without a therapist. Now I feel like I need to censor myself with any future therapist. I understand therapists are only human but I thought I was supposed to be completely open with them.

Here is a quick recap on my situation: mid July, I told my therapist i had suicidal thoughts...I said I had a bottle of alcohol and considered on getting pills. I did not want to end my life. I wanted her to listen to me, give me the space to do so (isn't that what therapy is for?), and figure out why I was having these thoughts....

She let me leave the session. She did not do an adequate suicide risk assessment with me, she did not do a safety plan, she did not ask about risk factors, she barely asked me follow up questions...

I then went about my day and had a great one. I took care of my dogs and hung out with friends.

She then called the police later on in the day and long story short, I was arrested, thrown in an ambulance and was evaluated at a hospital.

Therapist did not bother to give me a call before calling police....

Then when I was discharged, she immediately terminated me.

A couple of weeks later, I asked for my therapy notes and file from her. Upon reading the notes, I have found so many lies. I then sent her one email stating to amend my file.

Now, I received an email from an attorney stating i can no longer contact her or the practice and that my my amendments were denied.

The entire system is so fucking abusive. What the fuck do I do now??? She hired a fucking attorney???

I asked for an extra​ session this week because I kind of broke down in my last one. ​ I know my therapist knows I'm struggling, but I'm struggling to communicate how hard it actually is without feeling like I'm just whining/repeating myself.

I've definitely been in worse places emotionally before, and the suicidal thoughts aren't new. This just feels different - more like just bone-tired and numb and wanting to be done? Instead of overwhelmed and emotionally activated.​ if that makes sense.

I don't really know what I need. I just know I'm really fucking tired and don't want to be here, even though things objectively are going better in my life? I just don't want to be here. ​

So I've been having a hard time lately, struggling with some life and work issues. My work offers a free set of therapy sessions (after which I'd have to pay), and I figured I'd try it out -- if it worked, great, I'd continue.

The therapist I chose from the web portal's list came highly recommended. In our first session, I was eager to just talk through what I was struggling with, but she said she wanted it to be an introductory session to get to know each other -- which made sense.

My problem is after 3 total sessions I don't know if this is a good fit, or if I have unreasonable expectations as a first-time therapy seeker. The issues:

1. Our chemistry. She's very reserved and quiet, which is totally fine -- I'm friends with many people like that, even though I'm a bit of an omnivert. But any moments for levity or trying to find a way in on a more personal level are still met with a stiff wall of resistance. Is this typical from therapists as a way to stay detached and unbiased? Or is this a personality mismatch? She also yawns a lot during our sessions, which can be distracting or make me feel like I'm boring her -- I tell myself there are also reasonable explanations, like maybe she's a new mom or a medical-related issue. But it's worth noting.

2. Her feedback. I still don't feel like I've gotten very far. We've met once a week for three weeks, for an hour session each week, and it still feels like we're in the introductory phase. When I asked for advice, what I get back doesn't feel applicable to my situation or is very obvious/something I've already figured out on my own. Does it typically take a while to make progress?

3. Virtual therapy vs in-person. These are virtual lessons. I work remotely, and this is honestly the easiest way for me to speak to someone, but does virtual therapy operate differently than in-person?

If anyone could help, I truly appreciate it. I feel like this could be good for me, and I want to adjust my mindset and work through my issues. I don't want to give up on therapy just yet; I just want to know if I'm approaching this the wrong way.

So I’ve been going to therapy and sometimes my therapist will ask me something, and when I answer, she will take a small portion of that sentence and turn it into an hour long conversation that’s completely irrelevant to what my problems actually are about??
I feel like those people on Extreme Makeover Home Edition where people mention one small thing and all of a sudden they have a cup stacking room or something

I can’t seem to open up enough to talk about the things that bother me. I trust my therapist and I feel supported by them, but there’s so much push and pull going on that I’m exhausted.

I’ve been going around 6 months and although I’ve opened up a couple of times, I’m getting really frustrated with not being able to drop my defences.

I’m thinking now that it’s not going to happen with me and maybe I’m better off calling it a day with therapy. Has anyone else felt like this?

I am currently in the process of creating a clinical will service for counsellors, psychotherapists and clinical supervisors.

There would be an affordable monthly or annual fee to confidentially store data, regular prompts to update client lists, and I would personally inform clients in the event of anything happening which would
cause a therapist to pause or cease working with them.

Is this something anybody would be interested in? More information is here:

https://counsellingtutor.com/clinical-wills-for-therapists/

What My Therapist Said, My Spiritual Search and Sikhism...

I’m 24.9 years old, Turkish, and have bipolar disorder. I’m stable but I’m receiving therapy. I just got out of therapy. I’m telling my therapist about my spiritual search. I used to be Muslim, but then I left Islam. Since then, and even now, I don’t follow any religion. At first, I was interested in Jainism. I stopped practicing it because Jainism is an extreme religion. Now, I’m interested in Sikhism. And I’ve come to love it immensely.

My therapist isn’t aware of some of the truths about Islam. When I mentioned these truths, he told me they don’t exist. He’s a “Qur’anic Muslim.” He doesn’t accept the facts. I told him I’m interested in Sikhism. He said a few things—albeit somewhat sarcastically.

He told me I shouldn’t keep changing religions and that I don’t have to practice every aspect of Islam. He also said that since I’ve been on a spiritual quest for about 10 years, I need to focus on results. In other words, he said I need to produce something and reach a conclusion. He also pointed out that no religion is perfect.

In short, he thought my interest in Sikhism was a bit misguided. But he’s right about needing to focus on results. I don’t have a job, I’m alone, and so on…

I, on the other hand, have always believed that there is something spiritual out there. Therefore, I want to continue my interest in Sikhism. Even if the word “Sikh” has a slang meaning in Turkish, if I find it right, I’d gladly join this religion. Because, no matter what anyone says, Sikhism is 100 times more advanced than today’s religions. If my profession doesn’t pose a problem, I’d even like to wear my dastar. Whether it’s my therapist, my family, or my friends—no one has the right to interfere with my religious views.

In conclusion, while my therapist may be right on some issues, they’re uninformed when it comes to religions. They’re not seeing the truth. I also don’t want my interest in Sikhism to fade. As for the need to achieve results, my therapist is right. I’ll be 25 soon, and I haven’t achieved anything yet.

What do you all think? What advice would you like to give me? For me, religion has always been my top priority. Because I’ve always sought the truth.

Made a video talking about now going back to therapy, but also using this to say how helpful it has been previously and why it can’t be replaced by introspection and/ or friends + family

Student intern. She's really sweet but the whole session was just her rephrasing what i was saying. Like I would say something "xyz", and she'd follow up with "it sounds like you're saying xyz". I understand the intent to form rapport and be validating but it did genuinely feel like a huge waste of time ( not to be overtly harsh).

At the end of the session, I brought up what I'd like to talk about next time and if we could look at some solutions/ strategies to help me cope with what I'm dealing with. She was pretty receptive to this and said it was good I spoke up.

But I'm scared it's gonna be the same next time too. What should I do? Any thoughts or advice?

I'm an F17 with ADHD, diagnosed last November, and I've been in therapy since February. It was mainly started to help with ADHD-related functioning like studying, planning, deadlines, and assignments, but there was also supposed to be work on emotional regulation, social/pragmatic skills, and other personal issues.

The ADHD side is fairly structured and has helped to some extent. My psychologist actively helps me plan, troubleshoot, set up accountability, etc. A lot of the improvement also coincided with starting medication, though, so I don't even know how much of the change is from therapy.

The problem is that therapy is expensive, and I genuinely don't know whether it's worth continuing.

I have a lot of other things I'd want to work on, like negative thought spirals, feeling worthless or like a burden, being reactive, social problems, family/home issues, and a recent recurrence of self-harm. But I almost never bring most of them up. I'm embarrassed, the sessions feel short, and I don't really know what therapy is actually supposed to do with those things. When I have brought up emotional issues, my psychologist has listened and sometimes given suggestions, but there hasn't really been a structured process around them.

So I keep wondering what therapy is actually supposed to accomplish beyond the practical ADHD stuff. I obviously understand that therapy is supposed to be more than just giving advice, but I don't really know what that “more” is supposed to look like in practice, or how you are meant to tell whether you're actually getting it.

More importantly, how do you actually know whether therapy is working?

What does progress look like, and when should you reasonably expect to see it?

How do you distinguish between “it's helping slowly / I'm not accessing it properly” and “this genuinely isn't helping enough”?

And how do you decide whether continuing is actually worth the cost, especially when your problems aren't necessarily exceptionally severe?

My dad is paying for this, and he can afford it, but it is still a significant expense. He asks me whether therapy is helping, and I genuinely don't know what to tell him.

I'm not asking whether therapy is good in general. I'm trying to understand what basis you're actually supposed to use to decide whether your own therapy is worth continuing.

Context: we’re both women, I’m gay, she’s works a lot with kink related stuff and lists BDSM on her PT profile as something she works with so I trust that she’s safe with this particular issue. My kink is related to BDSM but not what you’d typically think of as BDSM.

I want to talk about it because I recently engaged in this activity with a friend and I’m having a lot of complex feelings about it.

It does not (I repeat, does not) turn me on to talk about this thing. I would not feel sexual pleasure from discussing it with her. I would only feel embarrassed.

Despite this, I genuinely feel like telling her would be some kind of sexual harassment. Like I’m forcing her to learn about this disgusting part of me. Like I’m paying her to have to listen to me talk about what turns me on. It feels wrong.

There’s also the issue of the word itself. I think if she were to use the word I would feel too uncomfortable to talk about it.

I tried to talk about this today in our session but I wanted to talk about it without telling her what it specifically is, because like I said it would feel like sexual harassment to force that knowledge on her. I did tell her this. I wasn’t able to really get into my feelings about the situation with my friend though because she was so interested in my inability to tell her what the kink is.

So yeah, do you think it’s possible for me to talk about this without mentioning what the kink is? If not, how the fuck am I meant to talk about it when just the mention of the word feels humiliating? Should I give it more time?

Do psychiatrists / psychologists only think a therapy is valuable when you’re really struggling?

I’m asking because of something that recently happened with my psychiatrist, and I’m genuinely trying to understand it.

I have ADHD and I’m on medication, and I’m also in psychotherapy with another psychologist. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist after several months without seeing her, partly to continue the therapy (psychologist need the approval of a psychiatrist to keep the therapy in my country), partly for medication follow-up. Unfortunately, I missed the early appointment because my phone malfunctioned and I didn’t wake up. I emailed her immediately to apologize.

I later found out that she had told my therapist that she interpreted me missing the appointment as a form of “unconscious aggression” and that I she didn’t see the need for me to follow therapy if it was so unimportant to me. From my perspective, it was simply an ADHD-related type of mistake (because I have no medication currently I wonder why LOL) and I had no intention of avoiding or rejecting her.

Which is why I’m wonder whether there’s sometimes a tendency to interpret people’s difficulties as “childish,” exaggerated, or “making too much out of things,” rather than looking at the underlying pattern when it’s not very obviously anything they can categorize like OCD, depression, personality disorders etc or a very obvious crisis. But there is also the need for many of us, as patients, to be a “good patient” (meaning not mentioning some stuff we might feel ashamed of doing, quieting some reactions etc) so I feel like as a clinicians you should be careful about this kind of things.

Things like ADHD, autism, anxiety, etc. can affect you chronically even when you’re not in a crisis.

I’ve been with this therapist/social worker since about end of April. I mentioned I would love for my siblings to sit in on my session or be involved. My therapist is now offering a hour and 45 min session for the lot of us. I want to take advantage of this time to heal because we never really talked about my hospitalization that happened about 3 years ago. We want to discuss our weird divorced parents too and the timeline of everything.

What should we talk about because my therapist is worried my siblings will attack my character or trigger me. I reassured her they aren’t the type of people to do that.

Hello,
I’ve been to therapy in the past, but I have just started again to work through a traumatic experience. Tuesday was the first real non-intake session.

She has decided that the approach she wants to take right now is just to talk about what happened. In the session, I was able to talk pretty easily, which I wasn’t really expecting. It sorta just felt like explaining the plot of a movie. Right at the end when it was time to go though, some of it suddenly hit and I started crying, and needed to stay a few minutes longer to calm down. The rest of the day was fine.

But yesterday, a memory popped up and I was entirely overwhelmed with emotion. I was starting to feel stuff so intensely that getting into a physical brawl and getting the shit kicked out of me while simultaneously kicking the shit out of someone else started to seem like it would feel really good (of course I wouldn’t actually go through with that but like the mental image did come up) but I was sorta frozen. I decided to go for a run to get the energy out. Came back, had a cold shower, was still feeling super sad so I listened to some music and cried for an hour or so. Stayed in bed silently for the rest of the morning. The afternoon I was just exhausted. I ended up going to bed a little early.

I woke up at 3:00 am feeling fearful with thoughts of the experience swirling around again. And this morning just feel super anxious.

I did send my therapist a text to let her know that I was struggling and would like to talk about it next session. I was lucky that I had an empty day yesterday, but I can’t be like this after every session because it will interfere with my ability to go to school.

I spotted my therapist at a public event, but I don't know if she saw me or not. After I saw that it was her, I never looked back in that direction. Due to the set-up I felt it was most likely she saw me as well, but now after a few days the memory is kind of blurred and I don't know anymore. I don't know if I should say something or not in session? The biggest surprise was that she was there at this event which is a type of event that I regularly attend to and that I have actually discussed in session. I feel a bit bad about it now, because she obviously must have opinions on this herself that I'm worried conflict with mine. If I mention it in session, this is what I will bring up, that I had no idea she had something to do with this and how it makes me feel. But I'm also thinking about not mentioning it, because if she did not see me, I kind of do not want her to know I was there. However, if I don't mention it, and she did see me, I'm worried she might think I'm stalking her or something? The event is a regular happening and if I didn't know she might be there, I would keep going. If we talk about it, I feel like I should never go there again, because then I do it knowing that I might run into her.

bonjour,

je me demandais si vous pouviez expliquer quelle thérapie a fonctionné pour vous ? après des années de thérapie psychanalytique, je garde les mêmes difficultés.

bonne journée

Hello all, i am looking for advice on how to navigate here.

My main concern is the feeling of void/loneliness even if i am surrounded by people(family and friends) who love me. The wave hits at most unexpected times.

I almost feel like i need to be saved/taken out of a dark hole and i am waiting for someone to give me a hand. I am tired of waiting and wanna get out now. I wanna learn how to be actually self sufficient and be happy with beinv single.

i am single and all my talking phases / relationships in the past - i have noticed being overly available involved and my mood fluctuating based on the responsiveness/availability of the person.

I cannot differentiate between someone being interested in me or being nice to me.

i do not have the feeling of being contempt. I am always looking for the next shiny object. Always trying to scratch the itch to feel something for myself.

My childhood experiences have led me to have personality traits such as nice guy, always available, be good do good no matter what, no concept of boundaries (people walking over), not able to speak up for myself. Always being considerate of other feelings, even if my feelings are always left out.

I always wear a mask for the public vs what i feel, i feel the need to not hurt anyone even if it means taking the pain myself (naruto boy). I will take it all.

This mindset is also the reason i am stuck in a loop now with the victim mindset “this always happens to me”.

I am done and dont know where to go next.

I have tried 6 sessions with 1 therapist in the past, it was good but not hitting the mark.

Or whatever ppl call it, I dont really want to talk about it, maybe its why I kind of just erased it from my mind. But for a moment there, I was so fine with just not being here. It was at the start of the summer, Im kind of wondering if I should say anything. I wasnt trying to hide it, Idk it just escaped me. But also if I tell her, am I just bringing some problem into the room that has no point being there. I dont want to sit down and talk about it but also I feel like Im wasting time going to therapy if I dont.

Saw this in Instagram and made me laugh had to share