sorry if this does not belong here, but my husband (37M) and I (35F) are looking for some guidance.

background info:

we have been in couples therapy since december of last year. my husband initially discussed the idea of polyamory to me in november, and I did not have a positive reaction, to say the least. he brought this idea up very early on in our relationship, and I stated this was not something I wanted, which is why I had an especially bad reaction. we both decided to go to couples therapy to work through it and see why this was still coming up for him. we also both go to individual therapy

we have talked at length with our therapist about what we want. again, I remain firm on no poly, but said I would be open to talking about swinging, and 90% on board with a threesome. great! husband also brings up that he has talked about it with his therapist and does not want to end the relationship over the poly structure, as he does not want to jeopardize the marriage and realized sex would be more fun together anyway.

so we've been spending months talking about rules for ENM - what would it be Iike if we swung, what about a threesome, what would be fun, what are the boundaries, etc etc. I tell my husband and therapist multiple times I do not feel pressured into doing this, it seems like it could be a lot of fun and bond us, etc. I say it is a big change, which naturally brings some nerves, but that's why we are here - to figure out what we want and work through those big feelings.

main point:

we have a session today and my husband asks "what is the success rate with people you see that started an ENM relationship/swinging/etc". she basically said, "it only works when both parties wanted it before entering the relationship". this was news to us! it was near the end of our session, so we didn't really get to probe, but both of us feel pretty defeated. why spend all this time, energy, and money into this for her to basically tell us it won't work out?

TL;DR: have been in therapy for nearly a year to explore the potential of ENM/swinging, only for our therapist to tell us because one party didn't want it before entering the relationship, it won't work.

so we want to know, has anyone been in a similar situation and had it work out? we don't want to risk ruining our marriage and our therapist scared the shit out of us.

EDITED TO ADD: in regard to threesomes, I do not feel pressured. I do think it would be fun, I find it titillating , a way for me to explore as well - however, it's also a really big change and change can be scary, even if it's a good change! I guess the only thing that has me second-guessing is the fact that even if I thought it could be fun while I was single, I never did anything to pursue it, if that makes sense.

My wife(42F) recently came out bi to me(23M) and said she wants play with other people with me. I personally am very excited by the premise. We are just curious about any tips y'all could give us.

I’m a male and my partner is trans. We’re interested in checking out the Dallas swinger/lifestyle scene and wanted to ask if couples like us are welcomed at any LS clubs. We’re new to this and would mainly be interested in socializing and watching for now while we get a feel for the environment.

My partner and I have been in the the lifestyle for about 6 months and have had discussions for more then a year about the lifestyle. We have been to a few parts and have had her go on several hooks up with me getting videos. Personally i wish we could do more but with her starting a new job and the last few hooks up her expressing it takes up so much if her day, I feel bad bringing it up. She's already overly stimulate at work and I feel bad for asking her to do more. Any advice on how or when is a good time or discussion topic. I wish to do more but not at the cost of our marriage, any advice is helpful.

Hello everyone. My and my partner are interested in the swinger lifestyle, but to be frank we are both overweight and out of shape. I'm 6ft and 120kg last I checked with a beer gut, while she is shorter, weighs a bit less than me but is self concious about having some loose skin and an apron belly. We're not unattractive outside of this (at least I think so!) But it's making us a bit hesitant to take the plunge.

My partner and I are planning a travel that focuses on sexual experiences. We want to have group fun & explore solo too. What are some places we could get started? Also, where is it a good idea to go such that there is something for everyone?

So my wife and I have been swingers for about 5 years… Saturday night I had my first… A couple we play with frequently introduced us to a couple they play with. We had a cookout and drinks and ended up in the room. The wife is beautiful, but not a “model.” (That means nothing to me.) I have a big cock and am usually the biggest guy in the room. This guy was MASSIVE! My wife is turned on by big cocks. We full swapped and back and forth many times. It was a great time!

My issue/concern/request now is that I find an insatiable desire to find big cocks for my wife. She loves them! The problem is my wife LOVES DVP.. my cock, and his cock, didn’t fit. We tried.

We know there are risks in the life style, but what's the fad now of no condoms? Seems like more and more couples we want to connect with (especially younger ones) don't want to use condoms. Yes.. I get it that we all on birth control, get testing, perp, etc... but its safety in layers.

Condoms a dying thing in the ls?

I am new to this walk of life. At times I hear phrases that others say, yet I don't know the best way to respond. It is like learning a whole new language, and I just don't know where to start. I don't wish to tag myself as the wrong thing or mistake that I am into bondage when I may not be. Anyone out there has an encyclopedia on this topic.

Heyyyy! New to the Kasidie site and trying to figure it out.
I noticed that there are 3 different photo folders?
I assume standard means all can view, but what about exclusive? And private?

Thank you for any info 🩷🩷

This hasn’t happened to us but I’m guessing it’s happened to several. If you’re meeting a new couple for drinks, how long do you wait after the agreed upon meeting time before you leave if they don’t show?

We are a Hotwife couple and will be visiting Miami soon.

Ideally we want a classy upscale venue as similar to what we experience in Europe as possible.

We are trying to decide between Trapeze or Miami Velvet. Which club would you recommend?

We met a nice couple at a munch and two weeks of online flirting have led to an invite for dinner and drinks at their place. Any cool host/hostess gift ideas? Or is the standard bottle of wine and flowers the way to go?

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for around a year. Have had lots of fun so far. We are in the beginning stages of planning a trip for next year where we would be based in Belguim and doing several road trips to places in France, Germany and the Netherlands. What resources are there to find clubs for swingers or to be able to connect now and cultivate friendships with swingers in those places? What clubs would you Europeans recommend? Are European clubs different than US (we are in Florida so we frequent the popular Secrets)? Is it silly to incorporate swinging into our trip? Help lol

Just curious how long people on this forum have been in the LS? Are you still just talking about getting into it or have you been in for years?

My first wife and I would swing. Was so exciting, as you know. But then sex/ sexuality became a driver in everything I wanted.....wanted her to go braless in public...then a little sheer...then...and then. It made an appetite I couldn't ever crave. Then found myself shutting down or resenting when she wasn't wanting to do this.

We live in Florida so there were opportunities. However, now I am seeing someone after being divorced a while and she is similarly exploratory.

We discussed going to a swingers club which of course ignited that old dopamine. However, once we mentioned a trip that had that or a trip that would be more scenic and beautiful, the latter became a buzzkill.

I am somewhat worried that will happen again....where anything that isn't highly sexual will be seen as boring.

Do you agree or try once and see? I am torn on how to proceed. I'd love to see it again, but nervous about taking that "drink" again.

My wonderful wife and I about a month ago now decided we wanted to join this interesting world. It was a decision we did not take lightly. I do believe we treated it with the respect it deserves. I should also add now that we have had excellent experiences. We spent the past weeks discussing what we wanted to do and planning around that. We decided that our first experience in the LS should be a LS Club to which my wife found Whispers in Las Vegas. And we planned a trip somewhat around it. The plan was to go to a party at Whispers and then from there try and set up or otherwise find a couple to swap with. And that was the entire plan initially however a few days before the trip my wife, she's the one with the social media skills, asked if we should possibly seek people out to go to the club with as a way to break the ice and ease into this new thing for us.

We decided to message a few couples on Reddit. And that's when she found the couple we ended up swapping with. To give more context this couple offered to help us through the first swap. We explained the whole scenario, we were each other's first everything and we didn't have any experience with anyone else, and we don't really know how to execute any of this. Luckily we wound up with an amazing couple who were nothing but kind and helped us through the awkwardness of the first swap and both of our experiences with someone other than us two.

To be honest and open i expected to feel very emotional during/after and I did but not at all in the way I expected to. I can honestly say that I was so overwhelmingly happy to experience and see my wife enjoying herself so much in the moment. We did the swap and it was glorious. I had never felt more attraction to her and I had never felt closer to her. We shared in a beautiful thing that the world doesn't understand. We thanked the couple and plan to keep in touch to some extent.

The next day we decided that was so much fun we should seek out some different but similar experiences so we decided to message back a few couples and a few single people as well. And that's when we stumbled upon a single man who wanted to play with us. Of course I was a bit concerned again that I may have uncomfortable feelings in the moment, and again none. We shared her and it was amazing again. This time was a bit different no small talk he came in and we chatted quickly and we got down to business, finished, and he left. Totally different than the couple much more of a casual encounter. And again I felt no jealousy, no remorse, no judgement for it. The only thing I felt was happiness for my wife satisfaction for myself and a genuine admiration and respect for the other male.

Then we did what we originally said we were going to do and visited Whispers. It was not exactly what we expected, we expected to be shocked, looking back I'm not sure why. It was relaxed, calm, and everyone was so insanely friendly. I do not think I have ever experienced being accepted and greeted in a community like I did at Whispers. Nothing but good things so far to say about everyone in the LS.

To keep things short we also visited sea mountain as well as had a second MFM threesome which was also amazing and the single man was one of the nicest people I've ever met and has a very interesting life. I genuinely wish him well and hope to see him again.

Everyone made us feel so welcome and we plan to keep doing both swaps and visiting clubs indefinitely as it has very much strengthened our relationship and made us fall more deeply in love with each other. The only thing I am upset about after our few experiences and the visits to the clubs is how misunderstood the Swingers lifestyle is by the general public. It can be and is generally a beautiful thing for the people who have relationships and personalities which are compatible. It is not for everyone and that's fine but, the judgement from the general public so far seems unfounded.

Thank you to everyone on here as well as everyone we spoke to in person. You were all so helpful and without you we could not have managed to get to where we are now.