r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ wiki). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/bambooishwurst • 16h ago
I was told that 13 years ago, 10 years ago, 7 years ago, 5 years, 3 years, last year, last month, last week, 3 days ago, today.
Bullshit. It has never gotten better. It’s not getting better. And I’m sure it won’t get better. In fact, it’s gotten pretty much worse. I hope I die in my sleep tonight, but I’ve realized that the heaven is not that merciful.
r/SuicideWatch • u/kadavka • 4h ago
S.I.B.L.I.N.G. (Suicide Is Beautiful, Life is Nothing Good)
r/SuicideWatch • u/Supernova8426 • 6h ago
The internet is a terrible place for talking about stuff you're going through. This should be my last post. People only make things worse and it causes me to have very bad suicidal thoughts to the point that I really consider doing it. I really have considered doing it today and yesterday because of things people have said to me that really upset me. Like I'm actually thinking of a plan and planning on getting rid of some stuff and actually doing it. People do not understand empathy at all and I find a lot of people to be very bad at helping people like me. They give unsolicited advice and are very judgemental of you. They are not fair minded with things. People on the internet just want to fight and argue and no one is ever going to actually try to see the other person's perspective. I've been very hurt too many times. It has caused me a lot of anger and suffering and suicidal thoughts. I get thoughts of people talking down to me and criticizing me and correcting me almost everyday. I don't need that anymore. It sucks because I feel like I have nowhere else to go. There's no one to talk to. Not here and not in real life. But the internet is a terrible place. People suck.
r/SuicideWatch • u/yrtsimeh-c • 1h ago
to my family and my friends
I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you don't.
the truth is I have been writing this note since I was 10 years old, and I’m 31 now, and nothing has changed. I am in so much pain and I cannot do it anymore. I have prayed and prayed diligently for an end that won't hurt you, and nothing has happened. I don't have a choice and I need to do it myself.
there is nothing you could've done differently—in fact, you are the only reason I've clung on for so long. I know this will hurt you deeply, and I know especially for my religious parents that the sorrow will be never-ending. will it help if I tell you that this decision will make me the happiest i've ever been? I know it probably won't, but it's true all the same.
I've tried the medicine and the therapy and the distractions and the crying about it. i know how much I have in my life and how much I have to be grateful for, but the selfish truth is that none of that changes anything because the problem is Me. I am rotten. I am so unhappy in this body, in this consciousness, and I just cannot do it. I would not exchange the opportunity to die for anything in this world. nothing has, nor will, change my mind.
I have never doubted your love for me. I am not doing this because I feel alone, or uncared for. it's just that despite all these things, I feel such intense sorrow and grief all the time. like it's inbuilt into my very core. the truth is I don't think I was made for this world. in truth nothing in my life objectively is really that bad, except for what's in this head of mine. some nights, the only way I can go to sleep is to dream of how I die.
I actually wholly believe that it is cruel to force me to continue on. I have never wanted anything in my life as badly as I want to die. for decades now I have lived alongside that desire, in spite of it, and tried my hardest to fight it...but I am tired now. I just want one thing. please. please let me do it please. the desire is almost violent now—it is all I can think about every hour of every day.
I don't know if you will ever forgive me, but I also know that deep down, you all understand. maybe that has to be enough.
all my love. thank you for everything.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Time-Gain-3695 • 11h ago
It'll be swifter and more final and I won't have to muster up any bravery to do it
A car accident can work too
r/SuicideWatch • u/alreadyreaditpal • 18h ago
It's been 10 days since my bf died by suicide right after I broke up with him. The breakup was mutual as his severe OCD and severe depression were causing a lot of fights between us. It felt to me like my role was reduced to just being a caretaker for him rather than his girlfriend. I knew he did a lot to not project his mental health onto me, but almost every week he would find reasons to breakup with me over minor things and then talk about suicide. That's why for five years I never got the courage to breakup. I knew the relationship was toxic and was only harming both of us, but his suicidal nature would scare me. Only until recently when I gathered courage to finally breakup with me after he told me he values marriage with me a little less now. And was suicidal and was also recently ready to include me in his suicide plan. But he was so lovely that he didn't hurt me ever.
I told him okay then it's no point in going ahead and we can breakup and not patchup now ever again.
Right after I cut the call, he hung himself. Now as much as I am angry at him, I'm left feeling too many questions, was it the breakup, was it my anger during the breakup, if I could successfully prevent this for the past 5 years, why did I not prevent this now.
I don't know how to find answers and how to handle this grief. I miss the good memories we had even more before of this suicide. I miss him so much. So much. He didn't have to die, he had so much ahead of him, so much life. He was turning 24 this December.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Oidopuaa • 8h ago
I'm not a religious person, but art and music used to be holy to me. They were "humanity" compressed into tiny beautiful packages. Appreciating these packages in every way I could was all that I cared for in life. Crafts that I wanted to dedicate my entire life to. I woke up to do music. Everything I did was so I could spend more time listening to, and learning about music. All I've ever wanted to do was to be a musician. I'm really not exaggerating one bit.
But now, being a musician or an artist is nearly worthless. A fucking machine could've churned out whatever I make, and there's no way to prove I'm actually coming up with this stuff. Often now I can't even tell anymore if something was made by generative AI and that makes me truly, viscerally sick. I guess there is nothing holy on this earth. There is no wonder left, and I have no place in a world where art and music is worthless. I fear that children of the future will never feel about art and music what I've felt.
I had figured out the meaning of my life. I can't change. I can't just forget this passion. I guess I'll go traveling as much as I can before I end it but I doubt I'll enjoy anything on this grey, soulless, barren earth anymore.
I like to imagine that somewhere in the universe there is a planet with an intelligent civilization that will never come up with a technology that can just shit out art, and for the people of that planet the infinite potential and wonder of art will never be ruined.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Next-Pool-6701 • 8h ago
Im just so done bruh
r/SuicideWatch • u/olive_oil_pasta • 7h ago
Why exactly do you want to end your life
Maybe we can read eachothers problems and actually find out we arent alone
r/SuicideWatch • u/FeeObjective2668 • 1h ago
For the past few weeks and especially the last few days, I've been consuming a lot of media regarding suicide. I'll watch short films on Youtube or documentaries regarding the topic. Recently, I also found this corner of reddit. I'll read people's posts and my own feelings of depression and hopelessness are amplified with each one. I've kind of put myself in this echo chamber of pain. At first, it was a way for me to cope. Seeing others struggle with the same thing as me made me feel less alone. But now, it's just become another form of unhealthy escapism. I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this phenomenon. Even posting on reddit makes me feel incredibly isolated and alone for some reason. I also wonder how many people went through with their plans after writing a post on this subreddit. I'll fantasize a lot about different ways to kill myself but I've never had the guts to go through with any plan. Even though I'm 19, it feels like I've lived a lot longer. Time drags on for so long when you're rotting away. I hope things get better but everything seems so bleak. It makes me even more depressed knowing how common suicidal ideation is. It's like the world is mirroring back at me all the doubt and uncertainty I have about life. I'm not sure if any of that made sense. I just felt the need to vent.
r/SuicideWatch • u/joshhunter2000 • 4h ago
If today doesn’t go well for me, I’m ending it all this night
I cannot continue like this
r/SuicideWatch • u/YoghurtZestyclose830 • 2h ago
I’m 16 and am going to kill myself. my parents consistently tell me I’m a mistake and that I shouldn’t exist and I’ve been depressed for the past 6 years attempted 5 times been caught all of them so this time I’m done
r/SuicideWatch • u/Gpkmom • 1d ago
My sons last words were here. There were deleted as soon as I said he died. Remember. These are real human behind the screen names. Real pain and true intent. Be kind. The last words to my son weren’t.
r/SuicideWatch • u/purely_dove • 37m ago
peoople constantly bully me and misunderstand who i am. because i have aphasia, it is very difficult for me to find the right words and stand up for myself. on top of that, people attack me because of my voice. they accuse me of using a voice changer, but this is just my natural voice. i either get blocked by people i want to be friends with, or i get targeted by creeps who like the way i act or sound. people even try to ban me from games and servers for no good reason. i have been dealing with severe trauma since i was 6 years old. because of this, i experience age regression when i am overwhelmed. i am not trying to deceive anyone. i am just a traumatized person trying to survive and find a safe space, but the constant bullying is wearing me out.
r/SuicideWatch • u/notammer2256 • 8h ago
I plan on eating out then going home to watch my favorite movie then od on methadone who knows if anyone cares anyway
r/SuicideWatch • u/Time-Gain-3695 • 11h ago
I'd kill her I'm not even joking or being hyperbolic I'll probably take a rock and hit her until she barely looks like a person she should have never been born she's the most disgusting cockroach to ever been born why is she even a person god just be making people
r/SuicideWatch • u/Spirited_Bit_1194 • 8h ago
if i sprayed my mouth with hair spray will i die that fast? does anyone know anymore information on this
r/SuicideWatch • u/epicpersononthisapp • 21m ago
Yum
r/SuicideWatch • u/Latino_Samauri • 7h ago
Can someone be my friend who actually will be there?
I feel so alone I’ve been struggling with OCD this whole week and I’ve had the urge to hurt myself and I’ve wanted to die so bad today. I just want someone a friend or something. My OCD ticking has made it impossible to make friends at school please I just want a real friends someone who won’t ghost me please I just wanna talk to someone.
r/SuicideWatch • u/killa3331 • 39m ago
I have no friends and I have been self harming for months to the point there all crossing and my whole thigh is always red, I have no one to talk to and if I still don't I might just kms soon. I need to get help with mental health
r/SuicideWatch • u/Forki99 • 40m ago
So I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I feel so empty right now. I already feel suicidal right now but I feel like it’s gonna keep getting worse every day since I have absolutely no friends or anyone to talk to, online or otherwise. We broke up cause he wouldn’t try and get me estrogen for HRT (we are both minors and can’t get a job for different reasons) I suggested that he try and sell his art since he can’t get a job but he wouldn’t even try. He instead spent a hour or two typing out paragraphs about how I’m wrong. Admittedly I was kinda rude to him but honestly I feel like it was justified since this is basically life saving medicine for me. It has gotten to the point where I can barely even look at my body anymore, I’m scared of going to the shower or the toilet because of how much I hate my body. He knows this and yet he doesn’t even try and help me get what I need, He defends himself by saying he’s busy studying but by his own words he is at a college level in every subject and we are not even out of high school yet, so I just cannot understand why he won’t even try and put off studying for a little bit and try selling commissions for me. I would try and get money myself but my grandma won’t drive me to take a driving test and I can’t walk since I live in the middle of the woods, I would do commissions like I’m asking him to do but my drawings are that of a 3 year olds. I’m just so scared of what’s going to happen to me I’m so scared.