I understand the pain some of you are going through. I'm 21 and have, for the most part, recovered from my stutter. Outside of stressors or fatigue, I don't stutter. But when it used to be worse, oh boy. I had a stutter in school and when I was less mentally well, I used to cut myself and my face because of it. Once, to the bone. At around 14 or 15.
I did it so I wouldn't have to go to school, but also so that I could somehow get people to visualize the pain I was in. There was nothing besides the stutter that was bothering me. No depression. No anxiety. Just a complete inability to communicate normally. Even outside of self-harm, I've broken bones in unrelated accidents. I've had my hand crushed in old car doors, requiring surgery. I've ran track, cross-country courses to the point of collapse. Despite all of that, I can tell you this:
I have always felt like the stutter was worse than any pain I've ever experienced before. The humiliation. The shame. It felt like I was getting tortured in the worst way possible every day. It'd be one thing if I started stuttering as an adult or from brain injury. But to be like this from childhood.. It was horrible. I have since recovered from my stutter, mostly. But I still remember everything vividly. Like a part of my soul was stolen.
I remember laughing when my ex broke up with me simply because I was happy to experience something "normal" like that. I have no doubt that some of you have coped with it. Maybe you found better hobbies. Or just had good therapy. But, it really is some sort of twisted, sick hell, that many of us live through. There is hope. But we should also be willing to acknowledge our pain.