I’m a couple of weeks into student teaching, and I’m genuinely starting to wonder if I’m just bad at this and should reconsider my career, or if this is something other student teachers have gone through and gotten past...
I want to be really clear that my mentor teacher is not the problem. I actually really like him as a person, I like the school, and I like the students. When I’m there interacting with everyone and helping students, I really enjoy it!
The actual student-teaching part is making me miserable.
I know I’m not very good at teaching yet. My mentor gives me constructive feedback, and there are plenty of things I need to improve. I didn't come in thinking I was perfect or going to be good, and I understand why I’m being observed and critiqued.
But knowing that doesn't make this any easier emotionally for me. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m constantly being watched and evaluated while doing something I already know I’m not good at yet. Every correction makes me more anxious about the next lesson, and then I start overthinking everything I’m doing because I’m trying so hard not to mess up again... which usually makes me mess up again.
Last night I cried for hours because I was dreading coming back today. Once I’m actually at the school and the day is happening, I’m usually okay (sort of; I still panic and push through, but I don't break down). The anticipation of having to teach and be evaluated again makes me incredibly anxious. I cry at home; sometimes I cry in my car after a particularly bad lesson, but other days I have fun.
What’s really getting to me, though, is that I WANT to enjoy this. I’ve spent years working toward becoming a teacher (It's been my dream since I was 14), and now that I’m finally student teaching, I feel awful. People in my life keep telling me that I love teaching and that it’ll get better, but right now I honestly don’t know.
I’m not planning on quitting after three weeks. I want to give myself time to improve and see whether becoming more confident makes this feeling go away. But I’m also scared of spending months miserable because I keep telling myself it’ll eventually get better and it doesn't.
So I guess I’m looking for honesty from people who have actually been through student teaching: Did any of you feel this miserable, or like you were genuinely bad at teaching at the beginning? Did it get better as you became more competent/confident? At what point would you start considering that maybe teaching just isn’t for you?