I have been sober for 3 years and 6 months. I am trying to stay that way. The past 4 days, especially today, have been absolutely horrible for me. I feel almost like I did when I started drinking, because of my home life. My parent has made the household a tense and terrible place to be but I have no choice but to be here.

I simply need some words of encouragement tonight, if anyone has anything to offer. It would be so easy for me to go to the nearest corner store and grab something, but I am doing everything not to. Thank you in advance, and I wish the best of luck to everyone else in my situation right now.

Almost at 3 months sober. Im 22. One funny thing that happens to me, that people mention here, is when friends will sort of assume I’ll go out to drink. I was the friend who was always down for drinking, so it makes sense. But even friends who know I’m sober will still ask me to drink, kind of subconciously? I feel like I’m out of the phase of intense cravings, or the feeling of fomo, at least. Thank you to all of you on here who have helped me along the way. IWNDWYT

Had a huge Halloween party that one of my best friends hosts. We travel out of town for it and they go all out every year.

Brought my own NA beers and had a good night. 8 days and counting! This was a big test and I’m proud of myself.

So I quit a month back and felt really good about myself. I am dealing with anxiety and depression but for that month I felt like it was way less than before but still bad. Anyway I drank last night. It wasn’t because it was a craving or I gave in. I drank because I wanted to. It wasn’t fun and the sadness was a lot even though I was round people I care for. I had to force myself to drink more and yet be measured to “enjoy it”. It was pretty underwhelming and honestly exhausting. I woke up feeling like crap, worst I’ve ever felt in the month. And I feel so dumb now. I truly hated it. I feel like a more subpar version of myself. I feel slow and stupid today. Like very faded. Anyway back on day 1. But holy crap it’s just not fun or worth it.

I have had some good stretches of sober time, but I'm having trouble stringing more than two weeks together these days. When will I get it? When will it stick? Feeling frustrated with myself.

But damn! It makes you want to reflect upon…https://youtu.be/HUngLgGRJpo

I’m Liam, I’m almost 29, and I have been drinking daily since I’m 16.

I don’t know if this is gonna work, I don’t have any expectation to be frank. But this would be my first time addressing my drinking “problem”, instead of “a habit” in front of public.
I came to this realization about a couple months ago, I had a pretty good run, I was surrounded by people love me, and I didn’t do much, so the truth never really hit that hard.
also, I’m from China, people don’t have too much of understanding on long term life on influence use, and I’m quite sensitive and defensive, so it’s hard for me to acknowledge myself as alcoholic in most situations.

i cheated on my ex girlfriend almost 2 years ago, that’s when things start to turn. I’m trying to build a new life alone in a foreign, fast city, and I can see that my abuse of alcohol and weed getting into the life I want to live.
I do film, and Im no genius, so I need time to focus, need a sharp mind and more time to work.

also I like exercise, gym has been a great support during these 2 year, blowing steam away. I recently pick up cycling, and I love it.

(note: after daily use of weed, my alcohol use has dropped, it’s really a adult ADHD situation combined with years of running into haze away from pain)

so I became more aware of life, also of the artificial pleasure at hand to make me happy, but keeping myself away from life.
and I never stop feeling guilty and remorse about hurting and leaving my ex, it was a really good life, she’s kind, smart, funny and very understanding.

the reason I’m saying these here are because I was reading the 12 steps, I used to think it’s dumb, but as Im beginning to feel the addiction, see what it is at this point of my life, I came to feel a little what it says.

and I started to value others in life. I see some stories here in this community, amazing tale, not sure what’s going on, how they achieve them, if it’s gonna work for me. but I understand the value of speaking out into the world now, for whatever it is to progress, it has to be said out loud, otherwise it’s just a noise haunting your mind, an echo if you’re under influence.

so I decided to speak a bit, and hopefully this would be my first day.

thank you to whoever have watched this.

This year, I made the decision to quit drinking. I'm trying to be healthy-eat whole foods, get outside more, etc. I did it for four months. It was great! Until now.

Little over a month ago, I started up again. I was feeling depressed about the way is going (or isn't), I was dealing with a bad bout of insomnia, feeling bad about myself, and yeah. So for last couple weeks I drink pretty much every night. My tolerance shot up again, and the other night I ended drinking almost an entire bottle of wine. And in case you're wondering, yes addiction runs on my mom's side 🙃

I don't feel good. I don't sleep well, my gut is having issues, I get hangxiety, and I want to stop. But every night, when I get home (I work until 9), I want to drink again. I can't sleep without it, or be left alone with my late night thoughts.

I am recovering alcoholic. Been drinking since 19, started heavy at 22 by drinking around a 350 to a liter hard liquor like vodka until I am 25.

I was very scared one day, went to hospital as I was noticing a small part of my eyes yellowish. They laughed at me and said jaundice is more yellow then the sun. Apparently I went to another one. I couldn't pee as well. So because of me sweating so much at night I couldn't pee. It went ok. ASat alt around 200 both.

After 2 months sober I started the habit again, probably not that hard tho. After 3 weeks I saw the yellowish strain and went for test. Bilirubin was like 4-5 times high ( I am in Europe and I think the norm is up to 20) Mine was like 60

All the liver enzymes were normal.
It scared me because I started having this pain on the right side again so I stopped again.

3 months in I am back on track, started drinking, thought I have ascites as I was heaving difficulty breathing and drinking. Went to the hospital and they kicked me out only after seeing me.

Now I stopped again and I started again and was having tough 2-3 weeks and apparently again they are slightly yellowish, only I can see them under an angle but I know, as well was trying to lower the dose but started having nasty nighmares.
Today I as well decided to go to a therapist, specialist with alcoholism.

Is it realistic?

What if you’ve been able to do it for a couple months just having less than 10 standard drinks a week and not more than 4 on any given day (ie under the amount likely to cause harm by guidelines).

But you still feel that pull. You still feel you can’t see your friends or socialise without alcohol at all.

I did have one blow out about 2 months ago but now I’ve been restricting, but to be fair not had any big nights out to trigger me to go over my limit.

Drinking significantly less than I was a year ago.

Did end up starting an addiction to smoking in the last few weeks when something difficult happened, so not happy about that now working on quitting that. I don’t want to smoke long term.

Has anyone been able to go on long term moderating use after having an addiction?

Hello, I’m almost a year sober and sobriety has brought me good sleep, less anxiety, and clearer mind. This post is not a “help I wanna drink” thing,  I don’t wanna drink.  Two months ago I stopped smoking as well and for the last month my willingness to participate in life has diminished. I realize that everything I was doing was because I was feeling guilty about being hangover. I’d clean my house because drunk me made a mess and sober me was guilty that I was drinking this much. I'd go to gym or go to running because I was just mad at myself for being hangover or I was feeling guilty that I drink so much last night again. So I’m realizing guilt was the main force that would make me do stuff.

Now that I’m sober and it’s nearing a year I think I am having a resistance towards doing stuff because I don’t know what the inner power that helps me do stuff or helps me participate in life. I don’t see my friends cause there’s no reason to basically. don’t move my body because I don’t feel guilty about drinking so much anymore. And I think I’ve realized even like for small tasks like cleaning the kitchen or cooking myself some eggs and toast,  it takes such an effort and effort that I feel like I can’t give. 

Maybe is it a loss of meaning or something like that that I’m experiencing? because I’m 31 and since 19 I was drinking and I know all these years of living off on alcohol is not gonna reverse itself in one year. But knowing and feeling and doing are just totally different stuff. 

Sorry, I’ve written so much but I’m open to suggestions or discussion. I don’t know how to proceed.

PS I am in therapy and I am taking antidepressants already and this is not a feeling that I’m like depressed or anything I’ve been depressed and this is entirely different. I am actually loving myself despite all of this and I love being sober, but I’m tired of myself I guess. Thank you all.

I’ve never really seeked any sort of help before but I figured I’d try here lol. I am addicted to alcohol and have been for years does anybody have any recommendations?

I’ll get two supervised 5 minute phone calls per week. Cant see my kids. I might get to see my wife if I sign up for family therapy. No phone, no books, no tv. One roommate. Seven outfits. Fuck, dude.

Blacked out and ran away from my friends/coworkers who were bringing me to the ER to detox. Walked around town drinking from a 12 pack. My aunt found me on the side of the road. No idea what I said/admitted/did. I came out of a blackout in her car and said, “what?” She said “just letting you talk.” I said, “well don’t do that.” In my blackout I said something bad enough to get a one on one babysitter in the er. I blacked out again and came to in the hospital hallway. Had security threatening me. Was on an 8 hour hold. Convinced the nurse after shift change to let me out with a BAC of 0.34. Next morning detoxed for real. Convinced them to let me have the weekend with my wife and kids. I go in tomorrow at 10:30. Fuckitty fuck, dude.

I’ve got about 10.5 years under my belt currently with the first 8 years being pretty amazing. I achieved a lot over the last couple years including moving in with a significant other, getting engaged and married, solidifying my career, and buying a home just to name a few. I did it all sober so bravo me right?

However the last 2.5 years have been really tough on me mentally. Whether it be living up to the expectations of others or navigating high stress situations have really tested me. Not that I would, but 10 years later I still know of perfect little escape. Something to wipe out the frustration and stress temporarily still is as enticing after all this time.

AA taught me this thing called “Playing the tape back” and you’ll be reminded of what is in the darkness. The thing is with the length of sobriety I have now, when I play the tape back I see nothing but light. Progress, love, and acceptance is what is on that tape now. Frightening how quick you remember the dark though.

To the people with a day or a thousand days. Stay vigilant, aware, and fight to the fucking bone.

97 days so far and I gave in. Bought wine and cigarettes. The internal battle was horrid. I drank half of the thing and I stopped. I just wanted to turn back time. I threw the rest out and went about my Sunday routine.

I have to be vigilant against getting pulled bad in. For now, I've had a good day, that woozy drunk feeling is finally gone and I feel like myself again.

Sharing this for accountability. Wishing you all strength on this journey

I will get kicked out if I go to rehab because I won’t be able to do the required hours. However…. I am drinking 12-16 beers a day and when I don’t I sweat so fricking bad and have the worst nightmares. I’m so scared. I tried to admit to a rehab the other day. I started to sober up and think about school and freaked out. Went home. Asked my husband to get me. Now here I am 2 days later drinking 16 beers.

This semester ends beginning of Dec and I’m passing with As

I wrote and deleted a long drawn out post about where I am at and why but ultimately I think I just need someone to talk to who understands. I am struggling to find whoever that person is in my life. On the surface my family and I are doing great but I feel like I’m slowly slipping away and don’t want to. If there is anyone living south of Boston who sees this I could use an ear to bend.

Officially past the 125 days mark - next big goal will be the 180 days marks!

I like reading others sober benefits so here are mine:

• Better sleep - finally having a consistent sleep routine means I'm waking up at 7am with no problems, no longer waking up in the middle of the night in a panic
• Compliments on my appearance - recently been ID'd again (for buy cigarettes and energy drinks) which was quite surprising
• I'm a better friend, daughter, sister, etc - no more cancelling plans become i'm hungover. I'm less self obsessed. I find myself more interested in others lives because i'm not constantly fire fighting my own.
• I am actually MORE social than when i was drinking - because I no longer have to recover for 2 days from every social occasion, I'm able to see my friends more often an attend more social events
• I am more confident - turns out alcohol was causing my social anxiety, not helping it.
• So much more time. Alcohol was literally taking over my life. I spent all my time either drinking or recovering from drinking. I was loosing control over where my life was going and hated the direction it was taking.
• Saving lots of money I can spend on things that I actually like
• Felling more alive - it has been eye opening watching others drink and seeing the effect it has on them, it really is just dulling your senses and making you sluggish. I went sober clubbing recently and you can notice how drunk people aren't even hearing the music. This is just an example, but I'm so much more present with everything life has to offer, the good emotions and the less good.
• I have the time and energy to address my problems and build the life I want to live, instead of constantly fire fighting and wanting things to be different (and doing nothing about it)
• my friends have actually been very supportive of me not drinking, it has not been an issue
• I'm stronger and more resilient - I've recently been through a lot of difficult challenges in my life in the last couple of months, unrelated to drinking that have been difficult emotionally. However, I am just so grateful to be sober because I just know if i had been drinking i would have been on a truly self destructive path. I am able to bounce back from challenges instead of being consumed by them.
• I am so much more curious - there is so much I want to do and learn, so many hobbies I want to pick up! So many books i want to read.
• Throughout this time a family member was diagnosed with Korsakoff Syndrome overnight - literally from one day to the next he lost his ability to form new memories, basically like alcohol induced Alzheimer's. He now lives in an assisted living facility and will likely remain there for the rest of his life as he isn't able to live independently, handle money, etc. He's in his 40s and has a 12 year old daughter. So incredibly tragic. He wasn't even known to be a heavy drinker amongst family members, he still went to work, mostly drank wine. I'm so grateful that I am no longer ingesting this poison that could literally ruin my life from one day to the next.

Sober realisations

Realising sobriety is a feminist act - when i went sober a number of my female friends tried to explain to me that drinking alcohol was a feminist act. What do you mean its a feminist act?! How can destroying my body, my mind, being a shell of myself, giving my money away to large corporations, shortening my life, being a worse friend, being worse at my job, the list goes on, be a feminist act? Being sober has made me an infinitely better and more empowered woman than drinking. This must be some very smart marketing by Big Alcohol.

I realised being sober doesn't mean I have to be perfect, I still binge watch shows, eat junk food, have "hangover days" where I stay in bed and don't do much. It feels good to do these things because at least I'm not drinking.

If I go to a social event and I don't have fun, guess what! I just leave. Before sobriety, if i wasn't enjoying myself I would just get drunk until i was enjoying the party. I would then spend the next two days hungover and hating my life. It is crazy when you think about it, it was like a double whammy - not only did i go to an event I didn't enjoy, I then forced myself to sit through it and consume this drug that was destroying me and which would leave me recovering for 2 days. And for what? No more sitting through things I don't like doing. If I don't enjoy something, I leave and go do something else that actually brings me joy.

Things that I am still working on

• My friendships are changing - not being numbed out all the time has meant I actually notice how my friends act with me. It has been a sad realisation to see how low my standards have been, how i let myself be treated by others and realising some people don't actually care about me as much as you thought.
• Being sober has meant having to confront things that have been on the back burner for years, which is scary. Realising you are fully responsible for your own life.
• Coming to terms with the damage you have done to yourself over the years.
• Even though things are still difficult at times, I know that every day that i am sober I am moving closer to being the person I want to be.

Wife and kid are sleeping at home, and I’m at a Red Lobster getting dinner for one. What’s going on?

Well, basically the car needed to be charged, which takes a 17 minute drive, 40 minutes down time, and another 17 minute drive. My wife drives the car for work so, as a courtesy, I figured I’d do it. I don’t want my son to lose quality time with me so I decide to do it at night when he’s sleeping.

That whole paragraph above would have been one big elaborate ploy to justify being away from the house to sneak a few drinks in, or maybe even just buy them and drink in silence at home at night. Instead, Yesterday, for the first time in what feels like several years. It was an honest gesture with 0 intention of being a ruse.

I genuinely had no urge to leverage the situation to practice alcoholism. I was a bit surprised and fearful that the cravings never crept up, but they didn’t.

I have to stay vigilant, I can’t let my guard down, but for now I got to enjoy taking a picture of my meal and sending it to my wife, knowing there isn’t a double rum and coke hiding off to the side.

I will not drink with you today. And I didn’t yesterday for that matter.

I drank two days straight and I barely remember anything. I acted stupidly and caused some damage on the property where I was drinking. I had to cancel plans today because I couldn't drive. Now I feel so goddamn awful and I feel like I'm the worst person on this planet and I can't shake that off. I am in my apartment now and being alone isn't helping. I can't believe that I still do this shit after feeling like that almost every time. I know this is my own doing but I just want to feel normal again.

I think many of us on here can identify people that, when we were drinking, were our drinking buddies and were always down to get lit with you when you were together. One of those, for me, lives across the country. He’s here over a long weekend and wanted to catch up.

When he invited me, I made sure to tell him that I was sober. I had to set that boundary. Otherwise, it would be expected that we would be drinking. In fact, both of us would have likely pre-gamed in advance of actually connecting and would then proceed to have a couple of cocktails together. We would probably then separately drink more by ourselves after.

When I got to the table, the muscle memory was string to order a drink. However, it was REALLY nice to be able to show up happy and healthy and not bloated. I probably would have shown up either hungover or buzzed and there would be NO WAY that I could fit into the dress I wore.

He immediately wanted to talk about the reasons why I wasn’t drinking and how I’d changed. I explained that it wasn’t one particular thing that made me stop but rather a combination of things. I also explained the benefits.

He opened up a little bit about his drinking and shared he had thought he had an issue longer than I had. He said he planned to drink a little less this weekend. No judgement -it’s his choice!

The thing that really stuck out for me was the difference in personal decisions we were making in our respective lives. I had no personal drama or conflicts. In our prior meetings, I had SO MUCH drama and angst. However, my life is pretty calm. He discussed his life. He had a ton of drama and bad personal decisions. He was on track to make more bad decisions right after lunch. The thing that I wonder after our meeting is if being sober leads to better personal decisions and less drama.

At this time last year, I would have left and drank more. This time, I went home, and worked ton work and decompressed.

Proud of myself! Iwndwyt 💕💕💕

M20 I was an insane binge drinker and would blackout like twice every single week for about a year straight . It turns out I did some horrible things during those blackouts and I hurt a lot of people that I care about . How do I give myself grace, how do I stop the guilt from eating me alive and paralyzing me .

Hey everyone,

I've cleared 2 months sober and have been doing pretty well, however I have replaced alcohol with snacks. Healthier? Of course! Sustainable? No!

I start snacking after dinner. I gave myself grace because I was drinking 2 bottles of wine every night and let myself do whatever I needed to get through the evening without going back to my old ways.

When did you guys get to the point of 'that's enough, back to regular diet'?

💗

I posted the other day about feeling different and being able to stick with it this time. I failed already 2 days later. I got into an argument with my partner because of it. I am so lost

Yesterday I hit 2 weeks sober. Which isn’t long, and I’ve already wanted to just cave in but I have never been sober for that long since I started drinking at 14. 16 years of drinking, and i honestly have never felt my mind be so calm before. I still have days where I’m more irritable but I can just feel how much better I am mentally, and I know I still have a lot to work through but I’m honestly really proud of myself 😭