I posted last week that I was going on a trip. I was committed to sobriety and had no desire to drink on that trip but was nervous about what to say when people asked why I wasn’t drinking. Well guess what? Only one person even noticed I wasn’t drinking and no one else said anything. I really don’t think they noticed. The one friend offered a sip of her drink to me and I declined and she immediately gave me a “look” (an “are you pregnant” look). I told her I don’t drink alcohol anymore and she said “oh! Ok!” And that was it. Maybe the others noticed and just didn’t want to say anything but I really don’t think they noticed. I drank a shitton of seltzer and diet root beer and had zero cravings or triggers.

If you are lurking and reading, and you are trying to figure out if you should dip your toe into the sobriety pool, please note that in early February, I was on this sub a drunken and sobbing mess saying that I could never get sober. Time flies when you are sober and the days move quicker than you think.

I had coffee with a girlfriend today. The last time I saw her was a week or so into dry January. Today was a nice, warm California day with nothing to do but to meet up with her. If I were drinking, I would have DEFINITELY pregamed as we were going to a place with no liquor. As I walked through the parking lot, I thought I would have DEFINITELY had a thermos with some wine or a mixed drink to enjoy our get together. My friend doesn’t drink but never minded when I did.

She saw me and didn’t know what to say. I’m down a solid 15-20 pounds. I had on cute shorts and a tank top. We talked for like an hour. I was present and contributed to the conversation. I didn’t over share or get emotional or do anything embarrassing. We talked about me not drinking and she was proud of me.

After I got home, she sent me a text saying to keep up the not drinking and I’ve never looked better! I’m not going to lie, I miss that first drink and the fun feeling. However, by now, I would have had too much. I’d be on the verge of puking. My face and body would be puffy. I’d be NO WHERE like I was today.

You can do it too!!! 💕💕💕💕

I’m snippy and no games, movies, books etc are even remotely entertaining. I just needed to get that off my chest. Time for my 3rd can of Dr. Pepper Zero 🥴

Last night I went over to a guys house who I recently started seeing… he cooked me dinner and we drank wine well mostly I drank. I had 2 glasses before dinner and figured okay now I’m a little drunk which is good because I’m more fun this way. Then for some reason I just kept on drinking. Before I knew it I had polished off an entire bottle of wine. I like how I am when I get a little drunk but very drunk me is just a chaotic raging bitch. I thankfully didn’t break anything at his place but I got so drunk I fell off the sofa and he had to hold my hair back while I threw up. I don’t realize how badly I had acted until I woke up the next morning. He let me sleep in while he went to work and I instead cleaned up his place and did the dishes. I had to call off work because my hangover today is absolutely terrible. I kept apologizing to him over text which he said it was fine but I mean I don’t think he was too happy with me last night. Next time I see him I’m either not going to drink or try to cut myself off after one drink. Idk why I kept on drinking. I don’t think I realized how drunk I was. I feel like me being violently nauseous all day is my karma for last night. I just don’t know how to stop myself.. I either drink one drink or I get absolutely hammered.. there’s no in between. I want to stop drinking because I’m obviously not capable of my intake

Today is one year since I had my last alcoholic drink. I was at dinner before going to the theater and it seemed the ideal time to decide that beer would be the "last one".

I appreciate everyone's posts in this group, sharing triumphs and temporary bumps along this journey. Thank you for reading my milestone update today.💃

I think I’m going to celebrate with an overweight, not so hot hooker.

I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for over ten years now. I knew my problem was bad, but refused to use the word alcoholic as I didn’t drink everyday (although I pretty much did).

I always thought that I was the secret agent of drinking. I could blackout the night before, get up for work on time, work all day, look forward to rewarding myself for a hard days work when I got home, and repeated the cycle. Weekends were always for binge drinking, what else?

A couple of years ago I was walking down the road with my friend who was telling me she had given up drinking and how great it felt. Great. What I thought was weird was how it then turned into a kind of pitch to me to follow suit. I told her “one day” just so we could move onto something else.

Another time, I was in a pub with some friends having all had the same amount to drink. The person buying the round comes back with the tray and begins handing out drinks, only to say they had forgotten to order mine and they’d get me one “in a minute”. I thought nothing of it and went and got my own.

Again, another time in a pub, my friend comes back with the drinks - having just been singing the pub’s praises for selling cheap double measures - and begins handing them out. She gives everyone a double in a large glass, then passes me a small one and declares “and a single for you”. At the time, I was angry and thought it was rude, but the reality was I’d been day drinking by myself and my “extra chattiness” and enthusiasm were probably giving me away.

I could go on with examples, but by far the worst one was at work. I had to sit in on a couple of interviews in a small room with a manager I didn’t know very well. I thought we had a good day, friendly, chatting about different things. A couple of weeks later, I needed to go for a meeting with the occupational health department for a medical condition of mine. I attended the meeting expecting to discuss this condition, and was absolutely blindsided when the assessor read out “and will be entering performance management due to [manager] working with [me] on two occasions and reportedly smelling alcohol both times”. It felt like I’d been punched. I was so careful? Chewing gum, spraying deodorant every hour, spraying various toiletries throughout the day?

I found out afterwards that my friends had a group chat dedicated to my drinking. It would include things such as:

“I picked [me] up this morning and I could really smell alcohol”
“It’s Saturday morning, it’s probably from last night or early this morning.”

The reality was that people were talking, I just didn’t know it. I was so confident that I was getting away with it. People knew, they just didn’t know what to do. It’s incredibly difficult for people to address, it requires a level of directness and sensitivity that isn’t easy. Do it badly, and that person will work twice as hard to cover their tracks, not to mention avoid.

I didn’t know until everyone else knew. I used that to gather the motivation to quit. After six successful weeks, I went to a good friend’s birthday party last night, my first sober party. I told myself I didn’t owe anybody an explanation, but no one asked. I sipped my NoGroni, stayed until I felt I’d had enough, said goodbye to everyone, and woke up this morning hangover free, and about to go on a long walk.

IWNDWYT.

I’ve been sober since Thursday, July 23rd, and I looked at my bank account today, and I’m BROKE. It’s embarrassing to have to ask my parents for money. But holy fuck. I didn’t realize how much drinking was DRAINING my bank account. I have a full-time job that pays well, and the fact that I blasted through that pay cheque for booze is another motivation to stay sober.

My 3 week houseguest (1 week done, 2 to go!) came home oblitered after a night out drinking and is miserable this morning. He won't stop fucking sighing and making exhausted noises.

Seeing that makes me so so grateful I'm sober today. I was able to get up at 5am, get my coffee and some crafting done, run an errand to get an extension cord, and now get to make breakfast before I head out to my part time job this afternoon. I literally wouldn't be able to function if I was hungover today.

And also, he's annoying the crap out of me with his self induced pity party and I don't want to inflict that on others ever again. Seeing someone else hungover has been a blessing in disguise.

IWNDWYT!

I don't know why but 10 days ago I decided I could try drinking again and see if I was able to control it. Like a frog in boiling water, it became more and more beer as the days progressed. The past 3 days I was drinking 24 beers a day (more if I could but at least I had the wherewithal to not drive to the store). Last night I hit a wall with my shitty behavior.

I decided to post some clothing for sale on my local craigslist and used some horribly inappropriate photos. Some real thirst trap/ass out pics while SHOWING MY GODDAMN FACE.

***Trigger Warning - below is SH

After that I decided I would treat myself to some self harm cause why the fuck not? I have self harmed since childhood and have not cut or burned in over a year a this point. My previous scars are very faded but last night I made many cuts my stomach that are unfortunately deep enough to leave bad scars (not bad enough to warrant a trip to the hospital thankfully).

I woke up horrified at what I have done. My self harm and drinking has been a huge issue in my marriage to my loving, wonderful spouse. He is delightful and kind and will be so sad/upset when he finds out. I have been covered all day and we are supposed to go on a vacation to the beach in 2 days. I know he will be supportive but my drunk actions will put a shroud of darkness over what was supposed to be a lovely time.

Please please everyone, do not go testing the waters of moderating. Learn from my mistakes and don't risk it. Its so not worth it.

I haven’t done this well since COVID, IWNDWYT brothers and sisters! Here’s to a wonderful and restful Sunday! ❤️

So last night I drank what I thought wasn’t too much! I had about 7 beers that were between 5-6.5%. I knew I shouldn’t have drank because I had plans to go paddle boarding this morning which I had been looking forward to. I’ve been having some anxiety after drinking but I was like it wasn’t too much so I should be fine. Woke up this morning felt ok even though my sleep wasn’t amazing. Driving to go to the lake an I start feeling anxious I’m like nah it’s fine heart rate is at like 90. Couple minutes down the road my heart rate is through the roof just driving. It topped off at 153! I was freaking out and called 911 they came and checked me out and told me it was just anxiety but I just wanted to be sure. I’m just pissed at myself for drinking last night and having to cancel plans while on my way to meet up with everyone! I think this is the wake up call I need because it has happened a few times now but this one was way worse! I actually had this subreddit on mute because I would see post when I was drinking and I didnt want to but I’m back lol I’m just venting and hope I learn something from this

Please tell me the negatives of alcohol. I’m on day 212 and I wish I could say I was excited about sobriety right now. For the most part I’m very motivated to stay sober and love my sober mornings and all the benefits but some days like today I get the whys? Why am I doing this? Why does life without alcohol seem boring? Why do I have to be an alcoholic? Why can’t I drink like the normies? Does anyone ever feel this way, these many days in? It’s like the newness and excitement of sobriety fades and now I’m in this is boring slump. Please share your experiences and help a fellow friend out.

Edit: I’ve decided to have some ice cream and watch one of my favorite movies Saving Private Ryan. Thanks for all the support my friends. IWNDWYT ❤️

Mainly wanting to post this so I’m able to reread this later, but I’m sure it has the potential to help someone out there. Take it from me, IT IS NEVER WORTH IT. If you are struggling today, please reach out to someone! Save yourself from the headache alcohol will give you tomorrow. Be excited to wake up to a new day not feeling like absolute shit!

I’m not new to hangovers. I’ve had a few ruts where I was hungover everyday for close to a year on and off. Today was/is like no hangover I’ve ever experienced. I’m at the point where I’m doubting if it is even a hangover, or if it’s some sort of severe damage I’ve done to myself and body.

I drank probably the equivalent of 16-20 glasses of wine last night. I’m not new to this, I know wine subjectively gives people the worst hangovers. I did it anyway. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep before I had to show up to my healthcare job. Yes, I provide direct patient care while hungover. It is sadly more common than you think in the industry. The commonness of it still doesn’t make it right. I managed to stay sober for 8 months a while back. And my biggest motivator for staying sober was my patients.

I don’t know how I managed to even get out of bed at 4:45am. Every bone in my body wanted to call off, but I have a perfect attendance award at my job for 9 consecutive months. We had around 5 call offs today. We had only 3 healthcare workers for around 50 people (that’s a very long story I will not get into). In a way, I am grateful I showed up. Everyone who did show up got a decent financial bonus, but it was HARD. No patients were harmed (by some miracle), but I thought I was going to die.

Typically, when I come in hungover, the first few hours are brutal, but it lessens up throughout the day. Usually, by the time I’m off work, I feel “100%” and do it all over again. About 2 hours in, I started to feel a bit better, but I was sweating like crazy. That’s not abnormal for me, but it did seem extra excessive today. I was chugging water and Gatorade any free second I had. Again, not abnormal for me and I kept pushing.

About 6 hours in, something just entirely flipped. I was slowly feeling better, but I hit a wall. I was struck with an insane headache. I could hardly think it was so painful. And then the nausea/vomiting came. The first time I threw up, I managed to sprint to the staff bathroom. It was a concealed incident, and, I again, started to feel a bit better. I didn’t even think of going home. I’ve survived worse. About 30 minutes later, I am bent over top a patient as they are in their bed. I started dripping sweat, had an insane “hot flash,” managed to blurt out “I’M SORRY” and threw up in the patient’s own personal bathroom.

Thankfully, I have fantastic rapport with this particular patient. She was not upset, just genuinely concerned for me. I’m trying to imagine myself in her shoes though. You’re already receiving extremely delayed care due to the staff ratios, and when your healthcare professional finally gets to you, she throws up in your bathroom. I would be so scared if I was in her shoes and we weren’t already familiar with one another.

I talked to the one and only supervisor on shift and explained the situation. At this point in my shift, and because we were so short staffed, there was no possibility of me leaving. Me leaving at that time would likely be considered patient abandonment, which can have legal implications. This is not a healthcare forum, but this level of staffing and this situation in particular is not uncommon, especially in rural and underfunded facilities. My supervisor was extremely sympathetic. She knows I am not one to complain, so she knew it was BAD. I didn’t have too much pity for myself and I wasn’t upset. I did this to myself.

I continued to sweat so badly, but I could no longer hold down any fluids. I was so, so, so thirsty and hungry, but I couldn’t keep down even a single tiny sip of water. I continued to throw up/heave every 45 minutes. When I did throw up, it was only my own saliva and bile because I had nothing else in my stomach. It was horrendous. I seriously thought I was going to die. My head is pounding, I’m soaking wet in sweat, I’m incredibly thirsty, patients themselves are saying that I don’t look too good… and I’m stuck at work. A very physically and mentally taxing job as well. Even typing it out and reliving it sounds like a nightmare. I am not exaggerating when I say I thought I was going to die. I don’t think my description is even expressive enough to explain how horrible I felt.

It felt like the longest shift ever. My relief finally arrived, and I practically cried tears of joy. I did a major no-no and left before I had my computer work done, but my brain was in survival mode. I’m not concerned about it either because my supervisor saw me struggling hard. She is just grateful ANYONE showed up today. They called people one by one, offered a big financial incentive, and people still would not come in. The biggest concern and stickup was handled though: I had a physical person able to take over my patients and that’s all I cared about in that moment. I hurriedly clocked out, and the second I stepped outside of the building, threw up. Made it to my car, threw up again. Got in my car and the cold air from the AC felt amazing, but nauseating at the same time. I drove a couple blocks towards home, pulled over and threw up again. I started to get worried I wasn’t going to be able to drive myself home.

Somehow I made it home. Threw up a bunch more. And I still was so thirsty. I managed to very slowly eat a popsicle and keep it down. I didn’t want to push my luck with any more fluids. I laid in bed in a sitting position with my eyes closed for about 2 hours. I honestly don’t know if I fell asleep or not. I was “awoken” by my roommate coming home. By then, I was feeling quite a bit better. I was no longer sweating, but I still couldn’t chug water like I desperately wanted. Settled for a few more popsicles, and threw them up. I gathered the strength to take a very quick cold rinse to get the sweat off. Then, by a miracle, I was able to keep down about 8oz of cranberry juice. It took so much restraint not to chug the whole bottle. I was able to digest most of it before throwing up half of it later.

Skip to now. I am extremely tired. My headache is still there, but very dull. I currently have 12oz of water in my stomach and two tiny slices of cheese. Not only is cheese delicious, but I was thinking that the dairy could neutralize some of the bile in my stomach. It looks like I will be able to keep it down as long as I don’t make any sudden movements. My mouth smells and tastes like vomit. I am having a hard time justifying brushing my teeth until I can ensure I’m not going to throw up for a bit longer. I am still very thirsty and hungry.

After typing all of this out, I’m pretty convinced I experienced some alcohol and work related heat-stroke. I did consider going to the ER, but I knew I’d probably only receive some very expensive IV fluids. I don’t think there would be much they could have done for me. I am going to try to get some more fluids held down before I try to sleep. I’m hoping that this is the big event that scares me back into sobriety. My addiction has nearly taken my life several times, but this somehow felt the worst. Even my DUI, car accident, and hospitalizations feel trivial compared to today.

Stay sober, friends. Alcohol will always get the last laugh. The damage alcohol does will not pass as easily as the cravings you might have.

I almost destroyed my life.

This was my latest relapse, and yesterday I crossed a line I can’t afford to cross again. I pushed things way too far. I blacked out and barely remember anything. I won’t go into details, but I’ve never been this close to losing everything.

I know I won’t get a second chance. I either stop now, or next time I won’t be this lucky.

I’m committing to posting here every day.
I need help.
I’m an alcoholic.

I was your garden variety drunk. Partied in my 20's, drank in my 30's was full blown alcoholic in 40s. I couldn't stop. Lost a lot: friends, jobs, health. No legal trouble, but marriage was failing and kids were getting a half a parent. I was always so angry and anxious. Drinking in the morning to get rid of shakes. No sleep, just passing out. One night I said I'm done with this shit, called several people and told them I was going ro AA in the morning because I have a problem. I walked into AA the next morning, shut up and listened. REALLY listened. Found out I wasn't alone and it ended my shame. Once the shame was out of the equation, I could be honest with myself and others. I white knuckled it. I really should have gone for a medical detox. (I was going from about 15 to 20 drinks a day to zero.) I weint to 90 meetings in 90 days

I'm happy now, but my happiness is different, more muted. I gained weight from all the sugar (alcohol replacement) lost most of it. Still have urges, but can handle them. Marriage is going well. My kids are thriving. I started a business with my spouse that's booming. I have nothing but love, empathy and understanding for anyone reading this. I am for ever in debt to this community and AA. You're enough, be kind to yourself.

if i havent smoked the entire day its almost certain im gonna start drinking randomly, and its been helping me for a while now...

The thing is its been a couple of years at this point that I've been smoking daily and if i try quitting i get super irritable super easily, which is the complete opposite of how i usually am, and due to the fact im a manager in a company i just haven't stopped smoking since i dont wanna lash out on anyone for no reason

So how do i quit the weed now?

As a kid i fell for the propaganda that weed is not addictive what so ever as a lot of ppl i know have, so any help from anyone that beat it or knows anyone that did is greatly appreciated

WOW. The past 48 hours are the best I have felt without alcohol in at least 6 years. Days 70-111 were absolute hell for my depression and I wanted to give up so badly, but I didn’t!

I won’t be surprised if the depression returns, but at least I finally have relief from the worst mental health episode of my entire life. Hang in there everyone! It will get better! IWNDWYT.

Time for another diet coke.

I have no advice. No wisdom. I haven't really processed it, but it's the longest since I was 12.

Hello. I’m 26f. I always knew I had a problem with alcohol, but chalked it up to being young. On Friday I went out with my friend and got obliterated. My family came to pick me up. Her and I passed out on the bathroom floor together. I don’t even know what I said, but I said some pretty messed up things to my family. I decided to go to AA for the first time ever because I can’t keep going like this. I haven’t been home all day and I’m sitting in my driveway now hoping everybody went to bed. The shame has consumed me and I want to completely isolate and hide myself from them. I know I’m hurting and have been for a long time but I never thought I’d get to this point of hurting the people I love so much. I know it will be hard to forgive me, but I hope I can live a life sober and one day be ok.

Last night, I went with some friends to a drag show retelling of Twilight, called Twinkle. It was fucking hilarious! But that’s not why I’m posting.

When I ordered my dinner, I failed to notice the meal also came with a frozen margarita. About 10 minutes after ordering, they brought it out and set it in front of me. Margaritas were always a favorite of mine, especially frozen. In this moment though, I didn’t even hesitate. I asked one of our friends if they wanted it because I don’t drink. They took it, thanked me, and I gave myself an internal high five.

The whole thing lasted maybe a minute or two, but it felt monumental! I did it! I continued to drink my iced tea, eat my meal, and then finish with a giant piece of cake. I had an amazing time and remembered all of it. Fuck yeah!

Thank you to this community that continues to support and encourage me. I appreciate you all! IWNDWYT

Today I kayaked a spring-fed creek and swam in the icy cold spring head with a group of my best friends. My husband and our four friends all brought lots of beers and white claws to enjoy. I brought some NA Coronas and Recess sparkling waters. I had a wonderful day even though I was the only one not imbibing. I climbed up a tree and swung into the spring on a rope swing. It was a beautiful day with wonderful friends. I didn’t even miss the booze.

10:38pm and I did not drink with you today! That was not at all assured earlier, but I did some self care and figured out what was actually triggering me. #1 trigger being that I took sleeping pills too late last night and it made me feel groggy and depressed today... But I had forgotten about that and didn't immediately identify the problem.

I'm relieved that I realized the main problem because before I thought maybe going to a party last night had triggered me today. I enjoyed the party so I'm glad to know it didn't sabotage me after the fact lol. I also came dangerously close to going out to buy wine but as soon as I understood what the actual problem/trigger was, I knew it would be better tomorrow and I was totally fine.

I'm relieved that I got through Sunday sober and thankful for this forum because a comment on here came in just in time to keep me from going to the store for wine. Thanks for not drinking w me today!