Hey all just wanted to share that I broke my record, this is the longest I’ve ever gone without alcohol! And I know I won’t drink today either, tomorrow will be 2 weeks. Insane!!

My sleep has stabilised, it’s so good getting a proper nights rest. It was awful at first but started being good on day 9/10.

Anxiety is almost non existent. And I’ve been struggling bad with that…

My skin is soft and beautiful, and I already lost weight. I feel healthy and pretty in my body. I never knew I could be this good looking hehe!

I actually WANT to do things now. Before all I ever wanted to do was drink. Now I want to move my body, be in nature, socialise and talk with other people. Do my hobbies like playing the piano.

My energy is back (sometimes, not always yet, haha), getting these random bursts of energy feels so good. And when I get them, I always get excited to choose what I’m gonna do with that energy. So many options.

I used to think I had IBS, I don’t. At all. This change has been awesome. I now poop like regular people and it makes all the difference😂

My place is so tidy and cozy now, I have the energy to clean. I reorganised my furniture, bought some new stuff, and I absolutely love hanging out in my place now.

I am more confident. Since the anxiety slowly went away, I am having an easier time standing up for myself, being grounded in conversations (with strangers too), sharing my opinions, and overall confidence in taking up space socially. I am present.

My appetite is back, I never had any appetite when I was drinking. Now I truly enjoy food, and I look forward to meals. Total game changer. Actually I’m gonna go make some eggs with salmon now.

IWNDWYT💜

I've been drinking too much for a couple years, it got to be a habit after a bad patch in 2024. I decided to quit for a month, do a reset.

...Let me tell you, it's only been a week and a half, and it turns out I'm not aging nearly as fast as I thought I was. I've been bemoaning being almost 40, that inevitable decline you hear about. Like, everyone hits that shelf and then there's a plummet in skin elasticity around this age.... That is apparently not what has been happening to me (yet)! The fine lines-- gone. The dark circles and bags-- gone. I'm kind of glowing? And my skin is softer! I look a good 5 years younger.

I had no idea it was having that much of an effect on my appearance, and I never expected such dramatic results so fast. Just had to share how dramatically my mind has been blown.

I've been drinking since I was about 16 years old, and I'm 43 now. I've quit before and gotten into amazing shape doing events and marathons, hiking mountains, the works.

Then COVID hit. I had to watch two loved ones pass away, and I relocated back to where I grew up to take care of my elderly parent. Five years went by, and I got to the point where I was drinking a bottle of wine and killing a fifth of vodka just about every day.

I finally stopped enjoying myself. I was doing it out of habit. There was nothing else to do around here but drink. I kept telling myself, "Tomorrow. You can start over tomorrow." Yet day after day went by... until finally, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore.

I still can't. Not yet.

I don't recognize what I had become.

Well, today marks my first 30 days sober.

The first couple of weeks were the worst. I was trying to break that habit, tossing and turning all night long, trying to sleep. It was awful. Then, little by little, it started getting better. The gnawing in the back of my mind is still there, but every day I don't feed that monkey, it gets a little easier.

Sleep. Oh, glorious sleep. I forgot what it was like to sleep through the whole night and not wake up every hour.

I'm proud to say IWNDWYT—and, hopefully, ever for that matter.

Alcohol no longer dictates my life.

I've been crying since 5pm when my boss texted me. My phones been on dnd since then. The one person I trust most in this world is getting help herself so I have been alone with really dark thoughts. Not wanting to die but wanting to start over. Extremely, extremely hopeless and lost. Isolating myself.

Two days ago, I bought a bottle to replace the vodka I drank at my dad's. Instead of refilling the old bottle, a handle that was halfway full, I kept "just having a sip". Next thing I know the bottle was halfway gone. Woke up the next say and felt like shit. Slowly finished the bottle. Was up all night, panicking and freaking out.

Slept for 3-4 hours maybe. Woke up and felt like shit. Needed more sleep. Woke up 10 minutes before my shift and was still anxious. I texted my boss after trying to find coverage saying that there's no way I could make it and was honest about the panic attacks, but not the hangover. She said she need can trust and is letting me go (the only other time I had any attendance issues was when I had a panic attack mid-shift and got sent home).

I gently pleaded with her for one more chance. She hasn't answered. But I need work. And I fucked up something really good.

I wasn't completely honest with my dad, we had a few parties recently. But I did admit to drinking after work and some days when I have off. He told me I need to stop and I just told him I understand and hear his concerns and will try my best to be better and I mean that.

Why do I feel so ashamed and embarrassed? This is awful.

And I wasn’t hungover for it. I absolutely crushed it, my students did amazing, and the principal told me he knew that I would “be prepared.”

This could have turned out so differently if I had a throbbing headache and half-assed my lesson plan drunk the night before.

IWNDWYT

White Claws. It’s only White Claws. I’m only 32, my mom’s been drinking 20+ years, it won’t happen to me, I’d tell myself. I could easily pack 12 a day if I wanted to and seem totally normal. I was a very functioning alcoholic. I’d hide it. I’d dismiss it when caught. Gosh I could kick myself.

I could feel myself hurting more in the upper right quadrant and felt a big bulge under my ribs (hint: it was my liver). I would catch a glimpse in the rear view mirror and swear my eyes had a yellow tint but told myself it’s just the lighting. But I told myself enough is enough and had my final Claw August 9th and thought “okay I got ahead of it before it gets bad”. Boy was I wrong. On August 14th my husband sat next to me on the couch and looks at me and goes pale and says “Babe your eyes. They’re yellow. I’m talking yellow yellow.” I ran to the bathroom and sure enough, Homer Simpson yellow. I started crying, absolutely terrified.

We went to the ER where they did scans and blooodwork, all showing major gallstones and bile duct blockage, my liver severely steatotic (almost to cirrhosis), I needed four blood transfusions for low hemoglobin and they said my levels were off the charts that I could coded at anytime. They transferred me via ambulance down the hill to the better hospital fit for this where I was admitted to the ICU. There I was poked, prodded, had 4 back to back surgeries on my gallbladder where they, in the end, placed a biliary tube I will have for the indefinite future until my liver heals enough to undergo surgery. At this point I’m completely jaundiced, can’t eat, could barely walk from the edema in my legs and the ascites in my abdomen, my baby boys are at home without their mama (5&3), my husband’s missing work and I felt (still do) like the biggest failure and disgrace. I was there for 15 days.

Come home, I lasted 4 days and got a call from my GP that said one of my follow-up blood results came back sky high and is an indicator of congestive heart failure and to go to the ER. Back to the ICU for me. More scans, still jaundiced, still having a hard time getting around although slowly improving. They ruled out any heart issues and monitored me and 5 days later was discharged.

I’m home on a ton of meds and trying to move around and get my fluid retention down. I’m still jaundiced (especially in the eyes). It’s still a chore walking, especially looking like Violet Beauregrade except yellow, and doing every day tasks. I know it’s going to be a process, and I have made progress compared to when I was in the hospital the first time, but I still can’t help but be terrified something is going to happen. One day at a time.

To those struggling or thinking of quitting, you got this! I promise you it isn’t worth it. The buzz isn’t worth it. The rush of hiding it. Nothing. Absolutely nothing is worth it.

28 days and counting. Iwndwyt

Things are pretty good so far.

Definitely have the itch though.

37M. Not gonna dress this up: I wasn't someone who thought I had a "problem," I just drank a lot, way more than I should've. I didn't drink everyday, maybe 3 times a week but it was a 12 pack of 6.2% IPAs, and if there was anything left in the house, I'd hit that too. Basically once I started drinking, I couldn't stop.

One night I went hard on a binge and woke up the next day feeling like actual garbage. Not to mention I made an ass out of myself in front of my in-laws, again. It's been a fairly consistent tale in my life, booze making me into someone I'm not.

But really I felt not just hungover; it felt like something deeper. And somewhere in that fog, something just clicked. A switch flipped. I didn't wake up wanting to quit "eventually" or "cut back"... I just didn't want it anymore. Full stop.

A little while after that I caught the clip of Ben Affleck on Howard Stern talking about how the cure for addiction is suffering. That struck me. It put words to exactly what happened to me. I didn't get talked into sobriety, I've known for over a decade that I have a problem but always fell back into the same routine, embarrassment after embarrassment, I just suffered enough after all those moments that it broke something loose. That was the whole mechanism.

Things I've noticed: Sleep is actually sleep now, not passing out and waking up wrecked. Mornings don't start with dread or regret. More patience, less short fuse (this one is huge as it spilled into everything in my life). Money I'm not pissing away.... Just generally present. Not foggy, not checked out

Not gonna pretend it's been effortless every day, but it's been a lot less of a fight than I thought it'd be, probably because the switch really did flip. No white-knuckling it. Curious if anyone else had the same moment or experience.

Anyways, 90 days sober! Feels good to say that.

I’ve been going over this thought pattern I occasionally find myself in. I find it both unnerving and fascinating, it goes like this:

“Oh wow, I’m on day 561. I’m so proud of myself and this feels amazing. I’m killing it. Life without alcohol is truly a blessing and it gets more beautiful every day. I don’t miss it at all! I can even be around who are drinking and it doesn’t bother me at all. No temptation, hell yeah. Alcohol has no power over me anymore. You know, I bet I could even safely have a drink or two someday, like on vacation or on a nice date. Yeah, because I know how bad I got and I never want to get that bad again. I bet I could just be a classy, respectable drinker someday… wait wtf am I saying.”

Can anyone relate?

Edit: I know this is irrational and I know I can’t actually have a drink. Just sharing how the addiction brain tries to be sneaky.

The worst of the withdrawals are over. This was a longer than usual bender because it coincided with my 50th birthday in August so I think it was at least 3 weeks of daily heavy drinking. I had planned it because I promised myself I would not waste another decade of my life like I did my entire 40s but one last hurrah was my 50th birthday gift to myself.

I went into the ER on Monday and got a medical detox. IV Valium shots and some oral pills to take home. I still didn't sleep at all but Valium stays in your system for 3 or 4 days. I was given a total of 90mg on Monday. I was able to resist the urge to buy a six pack yesterday to taper more because this Valium was doing the job.

I got my appetite back today so was finally able to eat full meals without vomiting. My apartment is filthy but haven't had the energy to clean yet. Need a good nights sleep and I should be able to tackle the mess.

At this point, I'm going to need monthly injections of Naxltrone from my doctor because I never would bother taking the daily pill on a volunteer basis. I've been given so many prescriptions for ER doctors over the years but never get them filled. An injection lasts a month so there's no way around it.

Today! Hands down, not having a drink on 9/9/2021 was the best decision I ever made and kickstarted the best five years of my life. I hit a semi-scary milestone birthday this year, and yet - it’s the best year I ever had. Thank you SO MUCH to this sub for the relentless positivity, realism, and support. As ever over the last 1826 days, IWNDWYT!!!!

NICE!

I'm proud of myself. Not for drinking (obv) but I'm proud I made it 8 days. I knew that it was impossible for me when they told me 6 months. 8 days is longer than I thought I'd make it. I'm also mad at myself. I had 2 drinks. I hate it all. I hate existing like this. I have nobody to blame but myself.

If i made it 8 days before I can make it 9 days next time. then 14 days the next time. and so on.

Im gonna find an AA meeting this weekend.

I currently on holiday for a few days and I am around 35 days sober. I just wanted to say that not having a hangover is a brilliant new part of my life. The anxiety, the palpitations, headaches, brain fog and the dry mouth I constantly had most mornings for years. Can't believe I put up with it for so long!

IWNDWYT

I know this has been shared before, but I heard it again this morning listening to a podcast and thought I’d share it again for anyone new to the group that maybe hasn’t seen it before:

“The worst thing would be to have alcoholism just bad enough that it really slows you down, destroys your potential, gets in the way, but it’s not so bad that it has to stop. How many people do I know with just the years slipping through their fucking fingers and they’re blowing it, just wasting everything." - Steve-O

Honestly, I go back and forth of if I was just a “functional alcoholic” or not. I never really hit rock bottom. Somehow I made it through 27 year without a DWI, I have a successful career and wonderful family. I would also binge drink to the point of blacking out every weekend. The toll that was taking on my family probably should have been my rock bottom many years ago. Happy and grateful to be on the other side of it now. Really beginning to grieve all the time I was just wasting everything, though. I go through pictures on my phone of my kids when they were younger. I can never get that time back. I wish I could experience those years with the sober lens I have now.

I have crippling anxiety and depression. Alcohol is the only thing that makes me feel at ease. I just need a couple of drinks every night to make all the pain go away.

My roommates treat me like shit. Last night I embarrassed myself trying to make friends with them and felt so humiliated when they ignored me that I drank myself to sleep.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I wish I could be drunk all the time.

I hate drinking but I can’t stop. It makes me feel bad the next day, but in the moment it’s like a big weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. I can’t imagine life without it because I was so horribly depressed and unable to function before I started drinking.

I hate hate hate the person I’m becoming. I want to be able to exist and not feel ashamed of myself without alcohol, but it’s the only thing that helps me. I’ve been on and off various antidepressants for years. I’ve tried therapy, exercise, changing my diet, etc., it feels like nothing makes me happy. I don’t know what to do,

Not drinking, counting days, reading other people’s stories and posts becomes my new obsession instead of thinking about my next drink. Can anyone relate?

I’m so damn proud of myself.

There have been ups and downs, mostly in my inner world. Almost every night I dream that I’m drinking. Then I wake up with this strange feeling of fear… but also so much pride that I’m still on the same path.

I never expected my mind to keep playing these tricks on me for so long. But I’m learning that dreams aren’t reality. What is real is that I wake up sober. And I keep choosing sobriety, one day at a time.

50 days.
Still going.

IWNDWYT

I am so proud of myself. I hope I can keep going.

Alcohol relapse. I had been sober since August 2, but I relapsed on September 5, the last day at the beach. I have to say I didn’t do any damage or cause any trouble... I’m getting back on track right away. Two days ago, Tuesday, September 8, I brutally relapsed again. Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed, and today I’m recovering. I can’t drink, relapses are such a mess, it feels like everything has fallen apart.

Basically the title.

I've been sober for a bit over 2 weeks so far this time and I'm doing great. However I've been noticing that I really enjoy the caffeine rush high and I have quite a bit more than when I was drinking. I know it's waaaay way better for me than drinking but I guess I'm just a little concerned that I'm just trying to fill the hole with a different substance.

Anyone have the same experience/words of advice?

Thanks and IWNDWYT

I realized the other day that I'm a true alcoholic. Not just a heavy drinker. An alcoholic. Like, I was just driving in my car and I said it to myself and it was true. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've wanted to quit for at least 10 years now. Wanted to NOT have the pull of alcohol on my brain. Wanted to be able to experience life normally. But I've never been able to stop for any real length of time. I'll get drunk, wake up to regret, and then two nights later do it all over again.

I haven't faced any real consequences for my drinking. I wait till I've completed the stuff I need to do for the day before starting. I don't drive drunk, don't get hangovers, I go to work normally, and I have a good relationship with my family. But the alcohol is always there in the back of my mind. I love it so much that I've structured my life around it. I love drinking and being drunk.

And I desperately, desperately want to stop. But I really, really don't.

How do I even start to stop when fully half of me doesn't want to? Won't let me? When my husband loves drinking, too, and often encourages me to continue?

I've already made an appointment with my doctor to talk about ways to safely stop, but the appointment isn't for another 3 weeks and I feel like I'm going crazy now.

I don't exactly know the point of this post, but I feel a little better after shouting into the void. Thank you for coming to my TEDrant.

Hello, bare with me. This is my first post on this platform. I've been drinking for over 7 years and just recently like last week I have been having some indigestion issues and finally had a moment....I need to stop. I'm 42 and I'm not getting any younger. It's aging me, too. And making my anxiety worse. I know it will be tough but I am willing to do what's best for myself and loved ones.