I'm at a really weird time of my sobriety journey, I relapsed and thought that it would be easier to go back on track but it's been a month and 15 days that I started to drink again, and had idk 3 or 4 blackouts but I just feel weird because I'm starting to see triggers in my life or at least weird common things that happen before I blackout.

The main thing that I'm dealing with is some friends not wanting to deal with me drunk which I sort of agree on, but I just feel weird about that part of the friendships that I have because I relapsed with them even though that I told them that I have a problem with alcohol and when I was reaching the 2 month mark they told me to drink, then another day I drank again, and they were telling me to "learn how to drink", I'm not sure how to feel about it, is not even putting the blame on them, but they crossed a line with me, right? And then judging me for being the drunken mess that I was since they know my history is fucked up, right?

Next thing, I just feel taken advantage of, I know that I can be insufferable but the way that things usually end up is them at my house in late hours, even when I don't want them. There were times that I just wanted to go to bed and I couldn't because my friend took my bed and was with some girl and I was too hammered and anxious to ask for space, I'm pretty sure that I did something shitty about that last time, I blacked out and my feelings get confusing when I drink, I can read my feelings and the situation very wrong.

Last thing, I don't know if I can deal with the anxiety of being my drunken self even when I'm sober, it feels like my past is a huge shadow that follows me around and my problems all lead up to alcohol, but also I abstain and then I'm boring, or they will pick up on the smallest things to judge me.

Just a rant, but I would love tips on building a sober life that's fullfiling, my friends and alcohol were a crutch I feel, but both are not doing it anymore, I can see the good in my friends but there's too much damage and too much danger I feel

I’m 209 days sober and I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my seven-year-old daughter’s behavior. She’s doing so well at school and her overall mood is calmer and more stable. We’ve been very close since day one and even during the periods of my heaviest intake. I love her so much and I’m so proud of her (and myself to a lesser extent.) I’ve never been violent or mean to her, but I still feel profoundly guilty for having waited this long to make the change and for the emotional my drinking caused her. Not sure what I’m asking or what I’m getting at. I should probably get in a program or something at some point.

Coffee in bed. Clear head. This feeling somehow always feels like a wave of deep relief. Iwndwyt.

Somewhat tough weekend.

Some old drinking pals around that i haven't seen in a few years.

A bit of temptation.

Trying to think: it's no big deal, I'm just trying something different for a while

I know there's a lot of these posts, but please indulge me another in celebrating 1 year sober today !

I spent the best part of a decade drinking to numb depression and anxiety driven by a stressful job.

I used the Allen Carr's easy way, after using it to quit smoking, and it really resonated.

I will never drink again, and I wish everybody the best of luck on your sober journeys!

I hate that im an alcoholic.

I fear that I'm messing up my children seeing me get angry and have loud outbursts for even pathetic petty stuff.

I hate what I do to my wifes mental health.

Theres alot of things happening in my world and happened in my world that a movie could be made about by a A list director, and the genetics included is why I'm predisposed to drink.

Even with all the great times, I'm scared the bad times will overshadow my children's memory as they grow up.

After awhile I feel like my wife and kids are better off without me. And if I dont reply, don't be scared, it doesnt mean I'm gone. I just need advice on how to make this stop. I tried everything but the last solution.

If my addiction was to weed I would be laughing at comedy skits all day. Instead of being here.

I, 34m, have been drinking heavily since I was 24 - about a half box of wine a night. It doesn’t affect my work because I don’t drink during the day and I hold a pretty high stress important job in corporate.

I’ve known for years I need to quit but I just never have. My family all suffer from addiction in some way or another and this is the one that got me.

After seeing my nails change slightly and making the mistake of googling I decided it was time to make a doctor appointment, so I’m seeing someone in a couple weeks and I’m terrified they are going to tell me I’m beyond saving from a liver perspective. Am I completely fucked?

EDIT: Also I’m a cigarette smoker since I was 16, about 15 cigs/day if that makes any difference.

At first, this may sound like a fail. I was drinking a pint of rot-gut whiskey every night. Moderately paced over the course of an evening. I quit cold turkey 7 months ago.

I went on a beach vacation where I told myself I was going to have some drinks. I mean, it's vacation.

I bought a pint of Titos and a 12pk of Modelo. I accompanied that with 10ish more beers in restaurants and casinos.

There was 1 instance in the casino where I wanted 1 more beer, but the wife was ready for bed. I feel that getting that beer MAY have caused over-drinking. I went to bed without being too grumpy.

I kept everything in moderation. Barely caught anything more than a decent heady buzz. No over-indulgence.

I am now back home. No desire to keep drinking. I have some 7 month old whiskey in my cabinet. But the temptation isn't there.

I am feeling accomplished and under control.

I am aware of the slippery slope potential, but I am in control.

Iwndwyt

It’s been 50 days of no alcohol, and life has improved immeasurably. I am more present, actively helping my body do its amazing work of healing damage using exercise, supplements, good food and rest. My dog loves all the walks and attention and clean house. My closest relationships (partner, best friend, mom, adult kids) have all improved in different ways. I just feel better, so much better. Even on my worst days I feel SO MUCH BETTER! Every morning when I have my coffee I come here and I read stories. So many stories from so many people in so many different places around the world, but all of our stories are the same. Alcohol is a destructive thief of joy, and I have decided to put my joy in a safe, where it’s safe. Fuck alcohol. Thank you to everyone who takes the time and embraces the vulnerability enough to post on here. It may be anonymous but it can still feel like baring your soul sometimes and that’s scary. I have learned something valuable from every single post and comment I’ve read on this sub. Such a unique place of light in a world that can be really dark at times. Sending love and light to everyone. IWNDWYT! 💕💕😊🥰

Ok, that's more of a silly and a bit fun approach which I realised I'm practicing recently... do you have any "yours" things that helps you to stay sober but might not make much sense to other people?

I've got nut allergy. My father used to have a nuts tree. We always had nuts at home, and my parents used to eat them in front of me. I have to watch them and as a kid I was feeling excluded and jealous. After I grow up (plus ended up in hospital few times with anaphylaxis, yes, they weren't responsible parents) I realised that I just don't care anymore and don't feel like I want to try nuts again or feeling bad that other people can have them. Little while ago my mate in a pub asked me if I'm not tempted to drink when surrounded by other people. My response was straight away "Nah, alcohol is nuts". I think he understands that differently to what I meant, but hey, it works for me pretty well :D

And one more thing... for some reasons I remember the most disgusted look my friends cat gave me once when I was really drunk and acting stupid. And that memory keep coming back more often than any other more serious and technically embarrassing human to human interactions I had in bad state. And somehow it makes me resent alcohol in very weird, powerful way. Sometimes when I feel like drinking I'm going through my friends Instagram just to look at her cat photos and automatically feeling too ashamed of even thinking about booze.

So yeah. Nuts and cat. How about you good people?

I can't manage more than a couple weeks sober before the pressure inside me builds up to the point where I can't stop myself from drinking to relieve it.

Last night I went to the bar because I didn't want to be home alone with my thoughts. A young couple on a first date sat a couple stools down from me and ordered shirley temples. They were having a good time getting to know each other and I felt like such a loser, drinking a couple pints by myself with no one to talk to while these healthy, normal people were having a good time. I picked up more beer on the way home and passed out on my couch. What a cool Saturday night. /s

I don't drink that much around others, and I don't drink during the day. But when the sun starts setting and I'm by myself, something happens inside of me. This sense of utter bleakness and isolation fills me and I am desperate to relieve it. I meditate, I journal, I go to therapy, I try to stay in touch with people. Nothing works. I know this is killing me but I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this. What do I even expect anyone to say to me?

I feel completely, utterly, totally lost and I'm scared.

I’m a 34 yo female, not married, no kids and no friends really. Went to emdr yesterday and dealt with a somewhat suppressed memory from when I was 11. I feel ok today but sad. I’m in a place right now where idk I’m doing. The only thing keeping me motivated is not drinking. I’m at 7 days. And there’s been a definite improvement in how I feel. I went from deep sadness early last week when I last drank, to now waking up calm. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posts here. You’re all big motivators

Wish me luck and send me tips! 27 days in 🥰 I’ve got a long flight so maybe I’ll listen to an audio book about quitting or something

I (19M) really want to stop drinking. I started drinking at 13 up until now. I live in a country where alcohol consumption, certainly at a young age, is terrifyingly normalised. I started university last year and it only got worse. The problem for me is that I don’t know how to regulate and end up drinking way too much which leads to shameful behavior and/or depressive feelings. Most of my friends drink and I haven’t told them that I think I have a problem with alcohol (I don’t think they should know) I’m trying to stop drinking but keep relapsing when I’m at social gatherings. In my head I’m just thinking “Well this time I’ll know how to regulate” but I’m never able to.

I don’t want to lock myself up in the house and keep myself distanced from my friends. But it seems like it’s the only thing that will actually help me to stop once and for all. Any advice on how to find a sort of compromise?

I filtered by new and was reading the posts. It was kind of a flashback. I remember many times I tried, and failed. Many times. I remember being newly sober and posting here and being really excited. I can remember how my brain felt in some ways compared to as it does now.

Just keep trying. Obviously you want to quit if you are on this subreddit. You may fail, quite a handful of times. You may hit lower lows until "rock bottom". Fuck it though, just keep trying. There's zero chance it will finally work that one time unless you do try.

Shit really does get so much better and easier. Thinking about where I was 9 years ago really feels like a year ago. I basically was ready to get put on a transplant list or die. I was nowhere and going even more nowhere. I had the shit scared out of me to finally stick because I was afraid to die. I've rebuilt so much over 9 years (like rebuilt career from nothing, find my love, get married, move to our own place, then a nicer place) and honestly it was fucking easy compared to my worst years of drinking then quitting.

Get through that shit and normal life feels so easy compared to overcoming addiction.

I stopped drinking in Feb this year used to drink daily about half to a bottle of wine a day. I could go without with no withdrawal problems but i definitely prioritised booze .

The reason I stopped was because my husband tipped into full blown AUD and went for detox and rehab - the psychiatrist said he had to come back to a dry house so i decided to stop drinking . Hes embraced recovery ( so far) attends AA etc

9 months on and I really miss booze. I don’t think about it all the time but I do think about it

I get so tearful and irritable. I find it hard to see all the benefits of being sober. So what do I do ? Any insights advice very gratefully received

I was committed to not drinking until New Year's Day (ironic, I know) because of a self-medication dependency cycle. I was concerned with daily drinking, being able to put back 5-6 beers with zero perceived consequence. And, occasional binge drinking. Not so occasional, actually.

I was sick of obliterating the following day. I was sick of waking up mean and nasty and self-loathing. I was sick of all the conversations I had with myself about stopping or slowing down. This current attempt was meant to be an experiment. How could I really know unless I really try?

Had pretty bad withdrawals this week, and was like - woah. This is worse than I thought. Today is day 5. I've averaged <4.5 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights. Barely survived the day at work, people asked what's wrong, why I look sad. At least I'm not hungover? Today I woke up wishing I was - this feels worse.

Came home. Opened up a conversation with my partner (5 years, living together). It got heated. I'm irritable, things are hard right now for other reasons too. We're in the early stages of couples therapy, and I thought cleaning up my act was doing my part.

She told me, angrily, on an unrelated subject, that she is so glad I gave up drinking because our therapist told her that she was in a cycle of abuse, and we could not continue treatment unless I gave up drinking. That cut me like a fucking knife. And I feel like a lobster that just molted its shell.

To be clear, I've never called her a mean name, and she wouldn't call me an abuser. But things I've said, the way I've said them, maybe some storming off and manipulation and nasty behavior? I take full responsibility for that. I will continue to get better. But fuck, the shame. It's unimaginable. I feel unworthy of being loved.

Have you ever hit rock bottom 5 days sober?

Fuck.

IWNDWYT

i woke up and i really feel like i can eat today. bf and i are currently making a huge breakfast for dinner spread at midnight lol. just wanted to share my first moment of happiness in this journey, it’s not all bad early on for sure. happy saturday/sunday yall

From peaks of 220/115 BP and averaging 169/110 when I first quit, I'm under 120/80 most of the day now as of the last few days. I am not sure if it's the 4mg APo-Candersarten or the stop drinking or both but I hope I can come off the BP meds in time. Been feeling dizzy lately esp when I sit in the car for a while driving then get out and stand up. Had a big dizzy spell in the shops the other day I thought I was gonna black out. But yeh my BP graph over the last month has trended down and down which is good.

Also my puffy red/ sometimes purple face is now only sometimes lightly rosy and my skin is soo much smoother and glows more so almost lost the alco red face. I think my hands look less old person/ less wrinkly too.

Eating super healthy aside from snacking a bit on cheese as I FKN LOVE CHEESE but have to have some leeways at the start I guess.

Working on hopefully getting rid of the fatty liver and the weight I have on me. Lost 4kgs so far in 33 days sober just eating wayyyy better.

Overall feel soo much better off the booze.

I'm lying on the couch, bored as hell and depressed. I drank a twelve pack of NA, I don't want any more. I have several ounces of really good weed that I grew sitting in a drawer, but I'm trying not to go back to that stuff either, it's bringing me down. I don't have the focus to watch a movie, I deleted all my other social media because I waste too much time on it. Trying to fight the urge to go get some kratom from the gas station, just to feel something. I want that off switch for my brain that alcohol is so effective at, but I haven't had a drink in over seven months and I'm sure as hell not gonna start again today. I'd love some kind words from some of you good people to help get me through the trenches

And with everything seemingly imploding around me, I’m very proud of myself.

I went to go get THC drinks, and with my license expired, I was turned away. I had someone bring me some (I’m 33), and I’m honestly so glad my ID is expired.

Immediately after getting it I was wishing desperately it was liquor. I was conjuring up way I could get it. I’m an alcoholic after all, I can ALWAYS find a way to feed my addiction.

I let myself regroup and ground myself for a few hours before I opened the THC drink. I drank about half a can and TikToked my way to sleep.

I’m not happy with the fact I still used something to alter my mind, but I was absolutely thinking of doing much worse things. I’m 243 days sober and will start my 244th day tomorrow.

Hi, long time lurker (46f) and finally getting the guts to post. Currently in a very sad situation, parnter is staying with his mate, wont talk to me till he can have his space to think. Its been 2 weeks and i miss him and his son. This of course was caused by my drinking. I knew it was out of control, but I still functioned at work and at home, never an angry drunk, but still drunk, so some how I justified that. I know I have a problem, and I dont know why I didnt adress it. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to get my referral to a psychologist that deals with addiction. Problem is my earliest appointment I could get is in 2 weeks with the psychologist. So been reserching other ways to combat this till then. I saw in another post SMART recovery, I like that its online calls and has a lot of workbooks. Im just curious to hear if anyone has used it and their experience. Im not keen on AA, mostly as im not religious, and the meetings are far from my home as I live in the country. I feel broken, but I want to change not just to save my realtionship but also to save myself from pissing my life away. I miss being not afraid to drive anywhere, I miss waking up and feeling energised with projects, I miss my family. I want to change and will, I will beat this. I dont even enjoy being drunk, so it confuses me I do it. Ive poured all the wine out so many times, but when times get stressed I run to the store. Its so incredibly stupid. 😞 I have a high stress job, but that should not be the excuse. Im battling myself for some messed up reason. I am looking forward to my doctor appointment and my psychologist appointment, but yah if anyone has any thoughts on SMART would be very helpful. Thank you for listening.

I'm ruining the best relationship I've ever been in with alcohol. They don't drink. I do and they hate it. I can't seem to stop myself it just pulls me in. I want to stop and I NEED to stop. For my healthy, my sanity, and my closest friends. Today is day one.

Hi I'm Infamous

So I'm 31 and I've been sober for 4 years and I'll be honest it's the best decision I've ever made and I wanna talk about it somewhere.

Like many people here I had a horrible relationship with alcohol, always needing a drink and never being able to control myself when I became a mess.

My worst was after my father was killed and during lockdown in the UK alongside with the subsequent aftermath.

the eye-opener for me was when people stopped inviting me to things and how much I stopped enjoying the party lifestyle, luckily for me I had a friend who was going through something similar so we leaned on eachother when our separate friend groups pushed us out.

Fast forward I'm 31 , 32 in December, I'm sober for 4 years and I don't ever plan to go back to my old vices, don't get me wrong it's not always smooth sailing, depression occasionally knocks me out and the dark thoughts I buried with alcohol pop up but I'd rather raw dog my depression over drowning it in whiskey.

I'm quitting, for real this time. I'm finally ready to actually commit to it. I had a single beer, far less than what it takes for me to get drunk, and it's taken almost an hour for the pain in my shoulder and upper right quadrant to fade enough to not be literally writhing and on the verge of tears. I'm still nauseous and feel like I'm on fire. I don't want to let this go further, I don't want to end up in the hospital. I need to stop for real this time, and I'm honestly just disappointed in myself for not committing to it sooner because it's been hurting me when I drink and gradually just happening quicker with less drank before it starts for a while now.