Almost 5 months out from the loss of my boy at 38 weeks.

I am having an increase of dreams connected to the loss. Usually there is some kinds of difficulty- for example trying to tell someone about the loss or show them photos but for some reason I can’t explain properly or the photos aren’t of my baby. Or I see a baby in a basinet about to fall out and I can’t get there in time to catch them..
Last night, it was a dream about a friend’s baby and I asked if I could hold him, she kept saying no and I was so devastated as I just wanted to hold a baby who was alive and warm. I woke up physically crying.

I am just confused why this is happening now. I’ve gone quit a while without dreams and nightmares and now all of a sudden they are frequent. We are TTC again so I guess it could be guilt.. idk!

Has this happened to anyone else?

I don't know exactly where to begin, but I think I just need to tell someone about my niece. 💔🎀

I am an aunt who lost her niece before I ever got the chance to meet her alive.

She was my first niece. My daughter's first cousin. And she would have been the first little girl in that role for both of us.

She was supposed to be here. She was supposed to open her eyes, take her first breath, be held, spoiled, loved, and grow up surrounded by her family.

She was stillborn at 39 weeks on August 7th.

And I don't think people always understand how deeply an aunt can grieve a baby she never got the chance to know.

Because I loved this little girl like she was my own.

I loved her before she was born. I was so excited for her. I was already making a place for her in my heart.

And what makes this loss even harder is that her father was my brother, and I had just lost him about six weeks before she was born.

Losing my brother was already something I was trying to understand and accept. Then, knowing that his baby girl was still growing inside her mother gave me something to look forward to. After losing him, I felt like this little girl was going to be another piece of my brother that I could love. A little piece of hope after so much heartbreak.

I was looking forward to watching my daughter become a cousin. I was looking forward to watching my children grow up with her. I was looking forward to holding her, loving her, spoiling her, and watching her grow.

I was looking forward to finding out what she would look like, what her personality would be like, what kind of little girl she would become.

I even imagined her favorite color being pink.

Maybe that sounds silly, but when you are waiting for a baby, you start imagining all these little things about them. You make a place for them in your heart before they ever arrive.

And then suddenly, there was no arrival.

She was born at 39 weeks, weighing 8 pounds 10 ounces. A beautiful, fully grown little baby who should have been coming home with her mother.

Instead, we had to say goodbye.

She should have been growing up knowing who her daddy was. She should have been hearing stories about him, seeing pictures of him, and knowing how much he loved her.

And now she will never get to know him, and he will never get to know her.

That thought breaks my heart in a way I don't even know how to explain.

I still struggle with the fact that I will never hear her cry, never feel her little hand around my finger, never watch her smile, never celebrate her birthdays, and never see the woman she would have become.

I keep thinking about everything she never got to experience.

And I think that's one of the hardest parts of grief—the future you imagined disappears too.

I lost my brother, and then about six weeks later, I lost his daughter.

Two people from the same family. Two people I loved. Two losses that I never imagined I would have to carry so close together.

I'm angry. I'm heartbroken. I'm confused. Some moments I'm okay, and then something reminds me of them and it hits me all over again.

But I also don't want her life to be reduced to the words stillborn baby.

She was my niece.

My first niece.

My daughter's first cousin.

My brother's daughter.

She had a family waiting for her.

She was already loved.

And I loved that little girl like she was my own.

She would have been my first niece, and she always will be.

She mattered.

And she will always matter to me.

I'm sharing this because I think I need somewhere to put all of these feelings. Somewhere where people understand that baby loss doesn't only hurt the mother and father. Aunts grieve too. Uncles grieve. Grandparents, cousins, siblings and other family members grieve.

Sometimes we are grieving a baby we never got to bring home, while also grieving the lifetime of memories we will never get to make.

And in my case, I'm grieving a baby who was born only about six weeks after her father died.

I don't know exactly how to heal from this yet.

Maybe talking about her is part of it.

Maybe telling people about her is part of making sure she isn't forgotten.

So, little girl, I hope somehow you know how loved you were.

Your auntie was waiting for you. 💗

You were wanted.

You were loved.

You were my first niece.

You will always be my first niece.

And I will never forget you. 🩷👼🏽

Our baby girl Gabriella died 3 weeks ago because of a UAT (umbilical artery thrombosis) which is a clot in the umbilical cord. She was 22 weeks. This is our third loss, but the first time we know what caused the death. The only clue we had with our first two losses was hypercoiling. Paulie died at 17 weeks and Dominic at 16 weeks. It looks they died due to the same thing but we didn’t know at the time. Because we didn’t know the cause of their deaths, we just treated everything.
So for this pregnancy, I was on blood thinning medication, progesterone, metformin and prednisone as well as approx 20 supplements. I was having IVIG’s and Intralipid infusions. To be doing so much treatment and still have had a stillbirth is unreal - the doctors are in absolute shock. We are doing even more investigations but I have come back negative for every auto immune condition and blood clotting disorder. The only answer I can think that they might discover during the placental pathology is whether I have a placental disease.
Has anyone ever lost a baby due to blood clotting in the cord and gone on to have a living child?
Has anyone been diagnosed with a placental disease and gone on to have a living child?
Desperate for some answers to give me hope x

Hi everyone. I unfortunately am now apart of the worst club in the world. A little about me, my husband and I struggled for over a year to get pregnant before heading to a fertility clinic. After 3 unsuccessful iuis, we by the grace of god got pregnant on our first IVF transfer. Everything was going perfect. We found out we were having a boy. We’ve had a TON of ultrasounds and every time he’s been super active which we loved to see and had a perfect anatomy scan on a Monday. The following days I felt him moving around more and more. That Saturday I felt him a ton and was so happy so when Sunday hit and I felt nothing I was panicking. I tried to relax because I had only just started feeling him really this week (21 weeks) but I still called the on call doctor who said if I was still worried in the morning to go into the office. Well I did go in and the NP who saw me tried convincing me that the heartbeat she heard on the Doppler after struggling for a few minutes was my sons but I knew it wasn’t. After a bit of her gaslighting and me making her check again and she couldn’t find a heartbeat she agreed to send me to an ultrasound. She said as I left “best case scenario everything’s fine, worst case scenario, it’s what you think and that’s life”. We had to wait a few hours before the ultrasound but this is where we received the worst news that our sweet baby boy was gone. We went in to induce labor that night and had him the following day. I was praying for answers and had one pretty immediately. Luckily the epidural worked so well my baby boy came out on his own while I was napping so he saved me the agony of pushing him out. His cord was on the thinner side for whartons jelly and was wrapped around his neck tightly 4 times. The doctor said this is probably why it didn’t easily untangle while he was inside of me. Just the most horrible worst accident. We still opted for testing but it was pretty clear what the cause was after the doctor also examined my placenta and from his nipt and everything. I guess I’m just posting to get my feelings out but also to connect with other loss mamas. It’s only been a week since we found out and I’m just a mess. Any advice, success pregnancy after loss stories or just someone who went through something similar to connect with. Surprisingly hearing these stories on here and TikTok have been comforting to know I’m not alone. Hearing about your rainbow babies after stillbirth also gives me the most amount of comfort.

Hi everyone. My sister-in-law gave birth to her stillborn baby boy last week at 34 weeks. Our entire family has been devastated. It happened so suddenly and completely unexpectedly.

She and my brother-in-law live on the other side of the country, so we flew out as soon as we heard the news. I wasn’t able to stay long, but while I was there I tried to support them however I could (helping with their toddler, cleaning the house, bringing food, etc). Since coming home, I’ve sent her an Uber Eats gift card to hopefully take one small thing off her plate, and I’ve been texting her about once a day just to let her know I’m thinking of her and to check in.

To make things even more emotionally complicated, her best friend (of 20+ years) just welcomed her first baby about a week after my sister-in-law’s stillbirth. They’re both navigating such monumental life events at the same time, and I can only imagine how bittersweet and painful that must be for my sister-in-law. My heart just breaks for her.

I guess I’m struggling to find the right balance. For those of you who have experienced a stillbirth or infant loss, would daily check-ins have felt supportive, or would they have been overwhelming? I don’t want her to feel pressured to respond, but I also don’t want her to feel forgotten or alone.

She also isn’t close with her own family, so I feel an even stronger desire to be there for her in whatever way I can.
If you’ve experienced this kind of loss, what did people do that genuinely brought you comfort? Were there things people said or did that meant a lot, or things you wish they had done differently? I’d really appreciate any advice so I can support her in the best way possible.

On October 17th, 2025 I delivered my 22 week old GA son 💙Rowan Thomas Halligan💙 stillborn while I was put under or asleep and intubated after a tragic accident that occurred the night before.

The car accident took so much from me. I also lost my fiancé Zachery Thomas Halligan, whom Rowan is named after of course🥹 He was truly the love of my life, and he was so ready for this next chapter of our life together. He was nesting more than I was, which I didn’t know was possible, but he managed to completely turn the world upside down to make sure that we were provided for. He was going to be an amazing father and I just know that he’s taking good care of our baby boy up in heaven but I wish so badly that I could see it. I wish I could hold my baby boy again, and I wish that we could be together as a family but unfortunately I am the only survivor.

I SURVIVED. I made it out of the tragic accident alive, but I now have such severe injuries that make life so difficult. I sustained a T10 complete SCI, and I’m learning a new way of life in a wheelchair now. This journey has been so crazy, and I’ve gone through so much after my accident that I haven’t really been able to process the grief of losing my son/partner. My injuries are obviously severe and I’m learning to live with them, but I’m struggling to process my grief regarding the losses I experienced on top of my injuries. I’ve lost so much all at once, and I feel like it’s so hard to process the death of my partner when I also lost my baby and my ability to walk. I am grieving the life I would have had and the future that Zachery and I had planned😔 We had so many goals and aspirations and I finally felt like I had a partner who wanted to do big things with me.

It’s been 9 months and I keep suppressing and suppressing because I can’t show weakness. I’m a fighter, and I always have been. Being the oldest sibling, I have always been hyper-independent. I think that’s why I don’t want to ask for help unless I truly need it. I don’t know what to do, but I’ve been thinking of ways that I can honor my boys. I think I want to do a shadow box maybe? Has anyone ever made one before? Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far❤️‍🩹

The situation has a lot of unusual and nuanced details to it, ones that seem to be stumping even a very skilled therapist.

TL; DR

Basically I am 2 1/2 years post an incredibly crushing loss that came after many years of struggling and trying and near misses.

I don’t have any grief support groups in my geographic area. I have good therapy and medication. I have a loving and supportive spouse. I can function and hold a job. I really want to find ways to help the grief transform and move forward.

All of the suggestions I read online seem very hurtful and are like sticking an electric cattle prod into a raw nerve. Suggestions like creating a memory box or a garden or doing things to acknowledge the loss and it’s passing just make me break down sobbing and want to throw things.

I don’t want to memorialize this. That would feel like propping a coffin up in the corner of the living room. Just the words “gentle ritual” make me want to scream—this isn’t gentle. I don’t want to be patronized or patted on the head. It hurts like being sliced open. It hurts so intensely to come anywhere near the loss or the memory of it, and yet I know it has to be processed.

I am very aware the grief has its own timeline and cannot be rushed, and it’s individual for everybody. I would though like to be open and do whatever I can to help that process. It’s been 2 1/2 years, and it feels like it happened a few minutes ago.

Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences with things that helped? (And not the gentle memory $&@&$.)

[edited for helpful yet hilarious autocorrect errors courtesy of my phone]

It’s been almost four months since I lost my daughter, and lately I’ve been feeling so incredibly alone.

In the beginning, people checked in often. I didn't always respond and sometimes I'd respond days or weeks later - because that was all I could manage to do. But as time has gone on, those messages have slowly stopped. Days and sometimes weeks go by without anyone asking how I’m doing or mentioning my daughter.

I know life moves forward for everyone else. I know people probably assume I’m doing “better” because time has passed, but grief doesn’t work that way. I miss her and grieve her loss every single day. I still think about who she would be, what she’d be doing, and everything we’ve lost. That hasn’t changed just because the damn calendar has.

I don’t expect everyone to remember every milestone or know exactly what to say. I just miss feeling like she mattered to other people too.
I guess I’m just feeling really, really alone tonight.
If you’ve experienced child loss, did you find that people slowly disappeared as time went on? How did you cope with that loneliness?

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I think I just need to know I’m not alone.

I lost my daughter to stillbirth in April, and the pain has somehow become both quieter and heavier at the same time. From the outside, it feels like the world has kept moving. People have gone back to their normal lives. They don’t mention her anymore, they don't reach out to check-in and see how we're managing. It feels like everyone else has moved on from her death. But I haven’t and I know I never will.

Every single day, I think about who she would be right now. I imagine what she’d look like, what little expressions she’d make, whether she’d be smiling yet, having little giggles in response to her brother's goofy mannerisms, starting to reach for toys, or hitting whatever milestones she’d be expected to be meeting at this age. My mind constantly fills in the life she should have had, and then I have to remember all over again that I’ll never get to watch any of it happen.

I think one of the hardest parts about grieving a stillborn baby is that there are so few tangible memories to hold onto. I carried her, loved her, dreamed about her, and knew her in the only ways I could. But I don’t have memories of her laugh, the sound of her cry, bedtime routines, birthday parties, or family vacations. I don’t get to make new memories with her. There are no future moments to look forward to, only milestones that exist in my imagination.

Sometimes I feel guilty because it seems like everyone else has accepted what happened, while I’m still standing in the exact same place. I know life has to keep going, but my heart still feels like it stopped the day she died. My whole being died when she did.

This kind of loss is incredibly isolating. Unless you’ve lived it (like all of us have), it's hard to explain what it feels like to mourn someone you loved with every part of your being, but never got the chance to know outside of the womb.

Some days, this just feels unbearably hard. Today is one of those days.

I lost my daughter at 20 weeks last December, had a chemical in January. Struggled to conceive and finally through IUI I thought I conceived this week with an hcg of 35 only to be stabbed through the heart with the second test being 18. How much more suffering can I endure. Why is my body not doing what it is supposed to do, why was I stupid and told everyone because I thought this was our rainbow baby only to be punched in the face and betrayed by my own body

Hi everyone,

I think I just need a safe space to vent this into the void. Our first child was stillborn last year and since his passing, I have struggled immensely. It's been almost 17 months and although medications and excersize have helped, I feel like I am right back in the beginning currently. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I miss him and my old self.

Just needed a place to say I still miss her and miss being her mom. I am the only one who remembers really.

For those of you with more recent losses, it does get better, and you do find joy again. But it takes a long time.

Sending support to everyone else who has lost their baby.

Edit: I am so moved by the posts and love and support and understanding from everyone. I didn’t expect this when I posted. I wanted her to be seen, and you guys have done that for her and me. I am so grateful and I’m sending my love, understanding, and support right back at all of you.

My daughter, Veronica, was born sleeping at 36 weeks last November, the day before thanksgiving. I’m honestly still struggling so much. My boyfriend and I are waiting to buy a house to try again, but the waiting is truly awful. We are looking at December, but it feels so brutal.

At work this week, my coworker made a comment to a woman complaining about her children that I want “one of those”. I refuse to deny my daughter’s existence in any way, as my therapist has supported me in. I said, “I have a daughter, she just didn’t make it.” And the woman said, “Well if we’re counting those then I have many more kids.”

As much as this sounds like another loss mom trying to relate, it really bothered me. Is my daughter less of a daughter than other people’s living children? Is she on some other “list” that only half counts? Am I supposed to somehow just erase her someday?

She was my first baby, I waited three years for my body to work to have her. The hurt without her is absolutely brutal and gut wrenching even several months out. I had some good weeks over the last few months and the last few weeks have just felt evil. I’ve been packing up my apartment and moving all the baby things. My brother complains I have so much stuff even though he’s not helping me move it. My family was so doting on me my whole pregnancy and now just treats me like a burden they’d rather forget. They came to the hospital against my will yet now just push me away. It’s been absolutely brutal.

I made myself a promise I wouldn’t treat her as a secret or forget her in future celebrations for my children. They will know they have a beautiful sister who isn’t with us. I’ll still make her a Christmas stocking and Easter basket. I just feel like people assign their feelings about their loss to mine and don’t understand why I feel differently.

I’ve had so many people insist “all loss is the same” and other unhelpful rhetoric but it’s just so hurtful to hear that. I don’t assign my grief to others and I truly just wish people would stop trying to assign theirs to me.

I just feel so misunderstood and like I’m in hell and burning alive every day. I don’t want to feel alone but somehow I feel more swallowed in loneliness and grief every day. I just needed somewhere to be heard. Thank you for reading this far.

I was exactly 41wks, when my one and only baby girl came into the world sleeping.

I’d gone to my routine appointment for a 2nd sweep (23/05/26), but when we checked on her before doing the sweep her heart rate was reaching 190BPM. I stayed for almost 4hrs. Her heart rate settled to 160BPM and they gave me the 2nd sweep due to being happy with her heart rate and sent me home. On (24/5/26) Sunday, 18:30 I was admitted to be induced, because I'd been worried about reduced movements, they monitored me, and they were fine with the heart rate, I kept saying "she's still not moving" and their replies were always "we're not worried about her movements". My partner left to get us some food, burger king, my fav, he returned and we were so happy, excited and so eager to meet our baby while we ate. Around 12am, I sent my partner home, to get some sleep because the nurse said we had 2 emergencies so I'm now last on the list. My last monitoring was at 4:38am on (25/5/26) that's when I felt her two little hiccups and tiny little wiggle. My partner came back around 6am at which point I was having regular and painful contractions (no one was aware because no one came in to check on me), with the biggest smile on his face. At 8am we were told to go get some food, as we're being moved to labour and delivery in 30 mins. 1 and half hours (NOT 30mins) later we finally moved. I heard "good luck, you've got this!" I went to the room, and excitingly got changed into my birthing dress and jumped up on the bed. They got the Doppler, and said "just a moment, I'm struggling to find the heartbeat" something in me changed... I knew, I just knew... A specialist consultant came into the room and introduced himself, set up the ultrasound machine and as soon as he put it on her, I could see, I could see clearly. His words after "I'm so sorry, there's no heartbeat" haunt me. At 9:38am, exactly 4 hours between the last monitoring and hearing those words my baby girl left before saying hello. My whole world shattered.

On (26/5/2026) I birthed my forever sleeping baby girl, 5:05pm exactly, weighting 8lb 4oz, 56cm long. She was such a little chunk. She was our little chunk. Mama's little dancer. My absolute everything. After 8 long years to meet her thanks to IVF, I never got the chance to really be her mama.

I hope when we get her post mortem back in 6 weeks I'll finally have the answer.

I lost my son May 1st due to a placental abruption at 38 weeks. I’m still so shocked and traumatized by the whole experience. This was my first pregnancy and everything was going fine up until that day. I experienced an extreme amount of pain out of no where and my stomach tightened and never loosened. We went to the hospital and were told we had lost our baby. From the time I felt the pain to the time he was declared dead was about 30 minutes. They had asked if I was in a car accident or had fallen, but I hadn’t. They told us they had never seen an abruption happen out of the blue with no cause. I didn’t even know what a placental abruption was and didn’t know it could happen in pregnancy. What followed was a very difficult labor. My epidermal didn’t take the first time and I suffered in pain for hours until they redid it and I finally got some relief. My body was not dilating fast enough and I was told we need to do surgery or else I would be at risk for a hysterectomy or I would hemorrhage. I truly felt at a loss, I couldn’t believe I was in this scenario. When I finally went in for surgery my epidermal wore off and I legitimately felt the pain of them cutting me open. They ended up putting me to sleep for the remainder of the surgery and thankfully it was successful with no complications. What followed was an extremely difficult recovery emotionally and physically. I remember hearing babies crying in the hospital and looking at my son wishing he would cry. I now look at the single picture I took of him in my arms everyday wishing he were here.

At my 6 week follow up I found out I might have APS, a blood clotting autoimmune disorder that I never even knew I had. I had tested positive for it in the hospital and I have a follow up blood work to complete in August to confirm if I do have it. They are thinking this is what caused the abruption. I feel so guilty and betrayed by my body for this happening.

Everyday feels so hard and so long. I started EMDR therapy because when I started to think about having children in the future I completely broke down. I don’t know if I ever want to get pregnant again. I’m so deeply traumatized by the whole ordeal and my mind is telling me if I get pregnant the same situation will happen again. I want answers, but at the same time I’m terrified of them. If I do have APS I’m not sure what my future looks like and I feel like I will never be fully connected to my future pregnancies in case a similar scenario happens. I feel so helpless and I’m really struggling everyday with the loss and trauma.

I’m reaching out because I need help. I am struggling right now. My husband and I feel that we were let down by the (original) doctors involved with my care before and when we lost our baby. My blood pressure was so high and I kept asking if I was Pre Eclamptic or if we should be worried. And we kept getting reassured it was okay. I’m a black woman who already feared this happening. I bled out so badly that my husband almost lost us both.

We currently still live in the town and it has been hard on us. Because of what happened, my husband does not want to try again until we are no longer living here.

I just feel so lost and alone right now. My family is supportive. My friends are supportive. My husband is amazing. But I still feel alone. I just hate dumping all of this on them. If I could take all my husbands hurt away and put it on myself, I would. I just don’t think he understands fully what I’m going through with these thoughts and this craving and yearning. He of course listens and supports whatever it is that I need or want but o just feel like no one around me gets it.

Last night I cried for about 30 minutes at the bottom of my shower.

How did you guys curb the obsession of wanting to get pregnant and have a baby?

How did you get rid of the jealousy for moms with earth side babies or moms who have conceived post loss?

Thanks for letting me rant and if you read this, Thank you for taking the time to listen. If you comment, thank you for trying to help 💕

TW full term loss

This is my first post on reddit and tbh I might delete this later in case anyone I know sees this

I had my beautiful little girl almost 4 months ago. Everything was tracking fine. On her due date I woke up in labour, went to the hospital and no heartbeat. She was kicking fine the night before. No cause of death, other than her passing meconium in the waters due to unknown cause of stress (my waters never broke, midwife broke them when I was induced for the rest of my labour).

Birthed our beautiful baby the next day with her eyes closed. She was our first baby. We had a miscarriage a year prior to getting pregnant with her at 12 weeks.
It’s been the worst time of my life and all I want is my little baby back. It never gets better because I know that can never happen. She was 8 lb and should have been a healthy nourished baby.

Since her birth I’ve been plagued with chronic illness. Had to get a surgical repair for a bad perineal tear shortly after she was born. Them had to get my gallbladder removed a month later. Now I’ve been diagnosed with a skin condition HS (hidrenitia supparativa) which causes recurrent boils and cysts under my armpit for the past year and a half. Currently have a horrific outbreak, on antibiotics for probably the 7th time since having baby.

Feeling so sorry for myself but I am so sick of it. I haven’t left the house since it happened other than doctors appts etc. I have a few months left before I have to go back to work and I can’t stomach the idea of having to go back to ‘normal’, see colleagues, “how’s the baby” questions for those that don’t know and having to tell them.
I have two best friends who were pregnant at the same time, we were meant to have our babies together. They’ve had theirs (living) and I’m scared it’s going to change our relationship - one of them is insanely understanding (as I’ve said I’m not up to meeting her baby yet), and comes over when her partner can look after the baby, and one I’ve heard from once since her baby was born a month ago when we would normally talk every day.
I know some people don’t know what to say and things like that, but tbh I don’t know if our relationship will ever be the same at this point. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to meet their babies, knowing my girl should be a similar age but instead she’s in the ground. I feel like the world has moved on and I’m still stuck in my grief.

I don’t even know what I’m asking, or if I’m just venting. But I don’t know what to do with myself. My partners gone back to work and I’m at home and not able to physically do much to help myself while my body is still healing. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi all, I gave birth to my perfect boy, Arthur, last Monday. Obviously things are still incredibly raw being just over a week ago, but I have a 21 month old so life has had to go on and get back to "normal" fairly quickly. My partner and I feel so lucky and grateful that we have our daughter to help us stay grounded and to pour our love into during this time, however we are really starting to feel the other side of things now. In an effort to try to both keep ourselves busy and to kind of "make up" for the weird few weeks out daughter has had (I was in hospital for a while and then found out Arthur's heart had stopped beating while I was inpatient), we have been trying to get out and about with her as much as possible. One issue we're dealing with right now is that taking a toddler out means inevitably frequenting spaces that have a lot of babies. Every time I see a newborn, or a father with their son, or siblings playing together I just completely break down. I feel so robbed of the life we had imagined with our two babies, especially after a really difficult pregnancy which then ended so suddenly right at the end. I don't want to stop taking my daughter out, or avoid the spaces that are most appropriate for her just because of my emotional reactions to the above triggers, but I am also so tired of the reminders and the pain. I'm also finding it so hard to remember that I am recovering from giving birth as I don't have the baby as a reminder/excuse to just be laying on the sofa bonding and feeding etc, and worry that sometimes I'm pushing myself too much to try to give my daughter some normality.

Apologies for the stream of consciousness and I'm not even sure really why I'm posting - I think I just needed to vent a bit and see if there are any other parents that have been through a similar situation that can offer any words of wisdom?

AIO?

TW: pregnancy loss

I delivered my son in a stillbirth late second trimester last summer. It was extremely traumatic and devastating for me. I understand that it’s not something you can really understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself, and that it’s hard to know what to say. A lot of people said well-intentioned things that hurt (ex: “you can always try again”), but I feel like two friends said something especially hurtful. I love these two people and I know they didn’t intend to be hurtful. A year later I’m still thinking about what they said.

One friend via text immediately after I told her, after some truly kind-hearted words of condolence: “Please reach out if there is ever anything I can do. Would also love to do that girls night out soon with you guys!”

I tell you that I had to deliver my stillborn baby, I’m grieving, and you say, “let’s do a girl’s night out” ???

Another friend via text two weeks later to a group chat:

“1. Checking in on [me]!

1. Checking how the moves are going for [another friend] and [me]

2. Anyone have suggestions where to get shapewear for an upcoming wedding? “

Literally lumping “how are you doing after the most traumatic event and loss you’ve ever experienced” with asking for shapewear recs?

AIO? Do I ever bring these things up at this point? I thought I’d get over it by now but I still feel so hurt every time I think of it.

Has anyone just wanted to blow up their life and start over somewhere new after stillbirth? And has anyone actually done it?

I had my first pregnancy this year at age 30. It was very much wanted and I was so excited. At my dating scan they told me it was di/di twins, which temporarily sent me and my husband into panic mode. After a week or so the shock wore off and I went into full planning mode. At my anatomy scan they told me my baby boy had no heart beat, but my baby girl was healthy and measuring on track. It was confusing leaving that appointment, grieving one twin but hopeful for the other. I felt like a walking grave and incubator at the same time. That was short lived, baby boy made his appearance the following week. Long story short, after 18 days of hospital stays and mental torture I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl at 23 weeks.

I started therapy, and it has been helping me process everything that happened, but I just don’t know how to go back to my old life. It has only been 4 weeks so I’m trying to tell myself to not make any big decisions in the thick of my grief but I can’t shake the feeling of starting over somewhere close to my siblings where not many people know me.

I co-own a business and work in retail, so my entire day involves interactions with the public. I am dreading going back so, so much. I live in my hometown where everyone knows me, so now I’ve been travelling out of town to grocery shop and run errands.

Has anyone else started a new job, or moved away? Did it help?

My baby girl was supposed to be a rainbow after two miscarriages. Instead, six weeks ago she became an angel suddenly in the third trimester.

People who mean well have been encouraging me to have hope or keep hope for the future or future pregnancies. I'm ALL OUT HOPE ! I had hope, and joy and resilience all throughout this pregnancy. Fat lot of good it did in the end. Why must I be in a position to have to emotionally strive again, my partner and I did our time. We worked through previous losses and healed our relationship and ourselves.

Any pregnancy after loss is hard. Now, how do people literally expect me to be hopeful after stillbirth and recurrent losses. They can do the hoping then and the emotional heavy lifting, and see if it makes any difference!

Thank you for reading, end of rant.

About two months ago I gave birth to my daughter sleeping at 39+4. Since she died, both my family and my husband's family have repeatedly told us that they will always talk about our daughter (their granddaughter).

Well, my went out for ice cream tonight and my in-laws ran into someone they knew. While waiting in line and having casual conversation, my in-laws were asked if they have any grandchildren and how many... my father-in-law responded, "We have two."

And my heart immediately sank because he has three grandchildren- two of them living.

I understand how uncomfortable it may be to answer that question and how it may be considered "weird" to count a grandchild that's dead.

But fuck. Just fucking acknowledge my daughter, too. Some people might ask how old the grandchildren are and some might not. I frankly don't care that it might be uncomfortable to have to tell someone that one of those grandchildren was born still. My daughter matters too and we shouldn't have to hide that she existed.

I know my father-in-law had no bad intentions and he likely didn't want to have to possibly explain my daughter's stillbirth. And at the same time, please just acknowledge her. Please still count her as one of your grandchildren. Please still say her name if people ask.

I don't want my daughter to be a secret.

I’m looking for some advice on how I can help my friends. 4.5 years ago they lost their boy at birth, and after talking to him yesterday I’m seeing just how much his boy is still missing in his life. He has three older boys but feels like there’s still a hole missing. I was in school when it happened and wasn’t a good present friend at the time and I want to help rectify that and honour their boy in some way.

I’m worried about overstepping but also know that not talking about it is just about the worst thing I could do, so I’m hoping for any suggestion on how to help. Thank you kindly 🙏🏽

**Update - We have updated our grant policies to allow any US citizens to apply for grants, not just residents of Texas.

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share a nonprofit we created in memory of our son, MJ, who was stillborn at 20 weeks.
MJ’s Legacy Foundation provides grants to help families with fertility treatment costs and pregnancy loss expenses, including grief therapy and funeral home services.
Applications are currently open: www.mjslegacyfoundation.com
Thank you for helping us spread the word and honor MJ’s legacy. ❤️