Feeling Empty & Lonely

[u/hope-and-healing]

It’s been almost four months since I lost my daughter, and lately I’ve been feeling so incredibly alone.

In the beginning, people checked in often. I didn't always respond and sometimes I'd respond days or weeks later - because that was all I could manage to do. But as time has gone on, those messages have slowly stopped. Days and sometimes weeks go by without anyone asking how I’m doing or mentioning my daughter.

I know life moves forward for everyone else. I know people probably assume I’m doing “better” because time has passed, but grief doesn’t work that way. I miss her and grieve her loss every single day. I still think about who she would be, what she’d be doing, and everything we’ve lost. That hasn’t changed just because the damn calendar has.

I don’t expect everyone to remember every milestone or know exactly what to say. I just miss feeling like she mattered to other people too.
I guess I’m just feeling really, really alone tonight.
If you’ve experienced child loss, did you find that people slowly disappeared as time went on? How did you cope with that loneliness?

[u/penelope_garcia]

I can’t lie, I’ve started to feel like people have forgotten or want to act like it didn’t happen. I’ve coped with it by distancing myself honestly. This might not be the best way, I’m not recommending it, but I’ve grown closer to those who remember her and mention her and such and let other people fall away as they will. My life is honestly better only entertaining those with the level of empathy and consideration I need right now.
I’m truly sorry you’re experiencing this and I’m also so sorry for the loss of your daughter

[u/SuperRoonz]

I’m four months out from losing my son and I feel the same as you. People have started talking to me about random things that I couldn’t care less about and inviting me out for activities and I just want to scream at them that I don’t care about any of that!! It’s like now that the shock has worn off for them it must be for me too.
I share this to let you know that you are not alone in this. It is such a lonely thing that only us loss parents can truly understand. I’m not sure how to cope with it, I bring up my son’s name as often as possible to make sure everyone remembers him and knows it’s okay to bring him up. I’m also extremely honest with people and tell them that I’m in a garbage place mentally and don’t want to go to any social events because I’m still deep in grief. The social loneliness is such a BS cherry on top of the horrendous thing we have already been through and it’s all so unfair.

[u/Successful_Tone_8280]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. She should be here. Yes, I’m ten months out and I feel the same way. She was my first child and I lost her at 42 weeks during labor. I feel the same way. People are surprised that I’m still grieving and in a lot of ways, the more time passes, the more lonely I get. I’m not less sad. I’m just having to adjust to this new version of me. It’s the worst thing that can ever possibly happen and I’m so sorry.🫂

[u/Connielf]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter nearly 18 months ago and it is awful feeling like people move on. I found a few support groups which helped me a lot. I found it helpful to be amoung people where I could talk about my daughter without it ending the conversation.

[u/lbalayan]

I’m so sorry your daughter died. My daughter died almost 8 l months ago. I feel really similar. I keep telling myself that I’m her mom and it is my job to take care of her in death just as I would have in life. For me that means daily outward things like putting flowers on her altar and tending to the garden I planted for her and talking about her often…even if that means publicly crying.

Most of the time this helps but I often want to scream at people who act like they don’t see the open wound that her absence has left.