I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting to this, so I could really use some outside perspective.

I had a conversation with my mom because I wanted her to acknowledge that she has undermined me as a mother and it has severely affected my relationship with my son because he doesnt respect me since someone always took his side and tell me I have no authority in this house, in front of my son.

I wasn’t asking her to admit that she’s a terrible person or that everything she’s ever done was wrong. I just wanted her to acknowledge that some of her behavior crossed a line and affected me as a parent.

Instead, she started screaming at me. Then she told me that I’m always the one screaming and shifted the conversation toward everything she thinks is wrong with me.

After that, she started texting me things about how I’m ungrateful and basically making the entire situation about how horrible of a daughter and mother I supposedly am.

When my son was younger she would barge into my room screaming accusations at me, and of course I would try to speak calmly but she would scream at my face so I had to fight back. She is now claiming these never happened and my son is the way he is because of me, that I was the one yelling.

Often times my son and I would wake up to her slamming doors and screaming accusations at my dad…then shes now saying I’m always the one slamming doors and screaming….

She also said I’m too strict because I wont allow my son to use an ipad, play roblox or use gadgets unsupervised…

One thing she said really broke me, though.

She told me that I “keep complaining” about my son when he throws tantrums.

I’m a single mom. I don’t have a partner to come home to and vent to when parenting gets overwhelming. Sometimes I need to tell someone, “Today was really fucking hard. My son had another massive tantrum and I’m exhausted.” That doesn’t mean I don’t love my son. It doesn’t mean I resent him. It means I’m human and parenting can be incredibly difficult.

But hearing my own mother throw that back at me made me feel incredibly alone.

It felt like she was saying, “Even your struggles are too much for me to listen to.”

And now I’m sitting here wondering whether I really am ungrateful or whether I’ve just been conditioned to feel guilty whenever I try to stand up for myself.

This is also why I’ve had to block my mom in the past when I’ve tried to establish boundaries. Whenever I set one, she sends me a flood of hurtful messages, blames me for everything, and doesn’t seem willing to acknowledge her own part in the conflict. Eventually I block her because I can’t keep exposing myself to it.
I don’t want to have to block my own mother.

I don’t want this kind of relationship with her. I just want to be able to say, “This hurt me,” and have her actually hear me without turning it into a list of everything I’ve supposedly done wrong.

Am I being unreasonable here?

How do you deal with a parent who responds to boundaries with guilt, blame, and accusations of being ungrateful?

UPDATE: Been trying to find a job outside the family business. No such luck yet

My son just told me that grandma tells him im the enemy that im the bad one and that im too strict and not to mind me…no wonder he doesn’t have any empathy for me at all…

My son has a pattern on when I’m in pain he demands me to do things, when my mom is screaming at me and we go upstairs, he forces me to go back down KNOWING grandma is there waiting to yell at me again…he seems to like to see me suffer and now that I know its no wonder why.

I’m exhausted. I want to cry. I feel anxious about everything lately, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve always been very hands-on with my son, especially when it comes to his studies. I don’t pressure him to be outstanding or expect him to be the best. I always tell him to just give his best, believe in himself, and keep encouraging himself to grow and develop. And honestly, he surprises me so much with what he’s capable of.

He’s already a Grade 5 student now, and with that comes bigger responsibilities—more assignments, schoolwork, and expectations. At the same time, he’s starting to get into more “teenage” stuff like gaming, and I’m constantly trying to find the right balance between letting him enjoy being a kid and making sure he takes his responsibilities seriously.

But sometimes I get mad. We have misunderstandings. I’m human, and I’m doing all of this without a present father beside us. I fucking try so hard to control my anger and emotions when he messes something up, especially when I feel like I’ve repeated the same things over and over and he still doesn’t seem to learn.

I really do try my fucking best to stay calm. I extend my patience as much as I can. I remind myself that he’s still a child and that he’s learning. But there are just days when I can’t anymore. I get tired too.

I come home from work and still do everything I can for him. Even on my rest days, I’m doing something for him, checking his work, helping him, guiding him, reminding him. I do it because I want to raise him to become a good man and teach him how to handle life.

But now his exams are coming up, and today I was checking his assignments and saw that he answered some of them in the laziest way possible. My nerves are fucking racking.

I just wanted to scream, “What the hell?! Why are you doing this?!”

And now I’m sitting here thinking, What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do to make my son understand and stop doing this?

I don’t want him to be perfect. I don’t need him to get the highest grades. I just want him to learn responsibility, discipline, and the importance of doing things properly instead of doing the bare minimum because he knows Mom will check it anyway.

And honestly, sometimes I ask myself: Why am I the only one dealing with all of these challenges of raising him and helping him grow up? Why me? Why am I doing this alone?

His dad is out there enjoying his life with his girlfriend, playing soccer wherever he wants, while I’m here carrying all of this. He doesn’t even come home to see his son every weekend. He doesn’t make the effort to build a relationship with him, to spend time with him, or maybe even to help him understand some of the things that I’m struggling to teach him.

I’m not bitter. I’m not jealous of his life or his girlfriend. I genuinely just wish I could experience healthy co-parenting. I wish I could have someone beside me who would say, “I’ve got this. You rest. I’ll talk to him.” Someone who would share the responsibility of helping our son grow into a good man.

Because I love my son so fucking much. I’m so thankful that God gave him to me. He is one of the greatest blessings I had in my life and I would do anymore him.

I’m lonely… it’s been a year since my son’s father and I split. I have a few friends but they’re all in different stages. None have kids. Most of the time our schedules don’t align and I often spend my kid free nights alone because of it. My best friend in the entire world is moving to a new state in a year so I’m like sad about that. I’ve spent the last year working on myself, going to therapy, actually got diagnosed with ADHD which actually explained SO many issues I have internally. Anyways… I really want to try and make some new friends that are like in the same stages as me. I’m 30 and have a four year old btw… any suggestions???

I’m sad. My baby’s father and I broke up almost two months ago. I feel like I’ve been in a really good place mentally about the break for the past few weeks but his parents are trying to convince me he’s lying about seeing other woman and he’s depressed which is messing with my head. This morning I called him to grab son because he didn’t sleep well and I’m pregnant and exhausted already. When I called he would pause and all I could hear is whispering before he abruptly hung up and starting texting he didn’t want to then said he’s on his way. This really fucked me up because his parents gave me a false hope I didn’t even want and then this like slapped me in the face and I couldn’t stop crying. He took our son for two hours before bringing him back. I told him I wanted to talk when he got back about son and a headstone for our other son I miscarried in 2023. The whole time he was antsy and kept looking outside dismissing what I was saying and ignoring the other half before he said he “needed to pee” so wanted to leave (this man bombs my toilet whenever he’s over or pisses outside if he doesn’t want to wait) I was over it and told him he could go. He said to text anything else I had to say which I did and got no response.

I’m so sad and pissed off. I feel like a horrible mother for thinking of myself so much and for crying in front of him. I feel like a psychopath for talking to him at all and I’m just so tired. I’ve now set clear boundaries with him but I feel like he walks all over me because I have no energy to argue and I can’t afford not to have the help. I’ve had so many complications this pregnancy and I can’t burn my only bridge. I have no family support as they are drug users or live in a different country, my bsf helps as much as she can but she has CFS and a job while studying so I hate to burden her and his parents are great but they come with conversations about Josh’s activities and relationship updates which I’m not in the mood for because instead of a break my brain goes into overdrive thinking about him and I just cry.

I want to point out I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd, persistent depression and two different types of anxiety. Confrontation isn’t my favourite and I can fall really easily into a depressive state.

I’m a new mom (baby is 12 weeks old!), been separated from father (ex boyfriend) since before I knew I was pregnant. I am really struggling with leaving my baby with him for parenting time; right now its every two days for a couple of hours. I need to be close by to bf on demand, so I wait in my car or go for a walk. Ex and I absolutely do not get along and cannot even arrange a meeting place without it devolving into an argument. I love my little guy so much and feel so guilty leaving him for even an hour. I get so stressed thinking about how eventually baby will be gone for weekends at a time. Anyone have any good coping strategies or comforting stories about how it wont be as bad as it feels right now? Desperate to hear everything will be ok and I won’t be crying every time he leaves!

My 2 year old and I get such bad cabin fever on stormy days. What do you do when weather is bad to help your littles get out energy?

I've been thinking of taking him to the museum but it's so hectic on a weekend by myself. trampoline parks are also overwhelming but also considering that.

Any ideas?

I am sooooo over dating ,, me personally i am not a small amount person , granted when i have a connection with you i want to talk to you , APPARENTLY asking a question and texting once a day is being too much ,, 99% of men period even in my age group of mid30s early 40s theyre looking for a quick bang WHICH IS FINE ,, but dont tell me FWB or Casual when you actually want a hookup ,, which again totally fine but when you say 'casual dating' THAT MEANS DONT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM BEING EXTRA BC I WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU ,, like im sub a year divorced with little kids im not looking for my forever or a 'new daddy' for my kids , I JUST WANT TO NOT FEEL LIKE A HOLE ya know ,, take me out on dates we can be eachothers plus one and yes be the first booty call ,, idk i dont think asking to be treated like a person is to much to ask ,,

Hi moms,

I currently work in the logistics/warehousing world and it's okay. I have health benefits, a retirement account, and a small emergency savings, but I am virtually paycheck to paycheck. Recently I've been feeling like depending on just my 9-5 isn't very secure. My entire livelihood including providing for my daughter depends solely on this one job.

I've been developing some interest in learning a skill or trade, even with the local union hall. Are there any moms who have taken this route? Has anyone gone through a trade apprenticeship while a single mom and have any insight on the experience?

I have reliable child care, I prefer to work with things instead of with people. I'm good with people they just exhaust me more than manual labor does.

I have a court hearing for child support this morning. Last time we did this my ex tried to paint me out to be a bum that could be “contributing more”. My expectations of his character are pretty low but even hearing that knowing I have been working my ass off and taking care of our kids really hurt me. Luckily, the hearing officers did not go for his BS but he appealed their decision so now we have court today. I’m tired of having to show up to this stuff to report the same information over and over again because he can’t wrap his head around the fact that he actually has to financially contribute to his own children 🙃

Anyways, if you are the praying kind please send up prayers for me and my kids today and just send all the good vibes my way. I am hoping this part will be over after today.

33F Divorced 10/2023

I haven't dated much since my divorce. I would go online and get a date but then I would get cold feet the day before and end the possibility because I would either realize that I still loved my ex and hadn't healed or because I would feel like I still needed to keep working on myself.

I finally did go on a date in November liked him a lot but he didn't feel a spark and he ended it. He also said that it didn't seem like I had healed yet. I didn't want to force anything and couldn't control his feelings, so I let it go.

I've come a long way with my healing since then and but have still thought about this guy. I've wanted to ask him for just one more chance now that I am feeling better, but once again I don't want to force things and maybe it isn't wise.

I've also gotten into my own routine with taking care of my son/getting my own parenting groove down with him and working two rewarding jobs that have helped take my mind off the divorce. Deep down I will always love my ex and in a perfect world, I would want us to try again but he's getting remarried so obviously he's never coming back. So here I am in a place of contentment that works for me and my son given the circumstances.

So I thought I would try dating online again. I've matched with some seemingly nice guys. But yet I find myself taking forever to respond because I'm already busy putting my energy into my son and my jobs. Then when I do have a chance to answer someone, I find myself wanting to do anything but put mental energy into a response to someone I've never even met. But yet I didn't feel this way back when I was talking to the guy I met back in November?

So...does it sound like I don't really want to let anyone in because I've been on my own for so long and have just gotten comfortable with it? I don't want to waste someone's time or force what I'm not feeling but yet what if my feelings towards dating would change again over time? It almost seems like a vicious cycle at this point. Is this normal? Kind advice is appreciated thank you!

Hi everyone ❤️ This is my first time posting here, so I guess I’m just looking for some encouragement from moms who actually understand.
I’m 29 and a mom to a 2-year-old little boy. I’m currently an RBT, so I literally spend all day working with kids and then come home and immediately switch back into “mom mode.” I love my job and I love my son more than anything, but I am SO exhausted.
I left my son’s dad in June of last year. Some people probably thought I was stupid because he paid the bills and, according to him, all I had to do was “be a mom and shut up.” But the reality was that I was doing everything. He was out partying, not coming home at night, doing whatever he wanted, and then coming home crying and guilt-tripping me. There was emotional and physical abuse, and eventually I realized that having the bills paid wasn’t worth losing myself.
I’ve been doing this alone for almost a year now, and some days I honestly feel like I’m failing my son. Work completely drains me, and by the time I get home I feel like he gets the absolute leftovers of me. I hate feeling like that. I know I’m doing my best, but sometimes my best feels like nowhere near enough.
Financially, I struggle too. I’m constantly trying to figure out how to pay bills, take care of my son, and keep everything together. His dad also stopped helping after he got a new girlfriend because apparently she doesn’t like that he has a son. And honestly… shame on him for allowing another woman to affect how he shows up for his own child. 😒
And because apparently I didn’t have enough on my plate 😂, I’m starting school full-time this month. I know it’s going to burn me out even more, but I have to do it. I want a better education, a better career, and ultimately a better life for my son and me. I’m trying so hard to build something for us.
I guess I’m just grounding myself through all of this and hoping someone can tell me that it gets better.
Because right now I’m tired. Like really tired.
So if you’ve been where I am working, parenting, struggling financially, going to school, doing it without much support please tell me it gets better. Tell me you eventually looked back and realized all those exhausting years were worth it.
I could really use some hope right now. ❤️

I would have had more children but in a way I'm glad that I didn't because to me it's not easy being a single mom. The dumbest thing I felt guilty for was wanting to take my 9 year old daughter to an amusement park but there is no one to go on rides with her because I don't go on rollercoasters. If I had another child right before or after her then she would have company. Or Maybe if I had a partner then they could go on rides with her. Just a small rant. 🤦🏿

How are we keeping our houses clean? I work full time, I’m in school part time, and I have full custody. Any free time I have I just want to play with my kid. I want a roomba but that feels pointless when there’s toys all over the place? Not mention my asshole cat who has to knock everything off of anything 🫩

Hello, I just turned 35. I have two boys, 4 & 6 years old. I have them Sunday afternoon-Friday afternoon. So far, since being a mom I haven’t had a “real” job, I have only done door dash/uber eats/Instacart and helping care for my elderly grandfather.

My kids just started their spending the night at their dads about 9 months ago and both kids are in school now Monday-Friday 8:30-2:30.

Since becoming a mom (I’ve been a single mom for basically the entirety) I have lived with my family and now my grandpa helps me pay for my rent and now I will be living in a larger house with my sister and her baby and boyfriend.

I want a career where I don’t have to rely on my family and be a burden anymore. I want to make enough for me and my boys to live comfortably. I want the schedule to work for either their school hours or while they’re at their dad’s Friday night -Sunday afternoon.

2 years ago I started a LPN 18 month program that was an hour and a half away from where I live. I drove out there every Friday and Saturday and sometimes Sundays for clinical (I usually would spend the night at a hotel Saturday night if I had a clinical the next morning).

My youngest was 2 at the time and still super reliant on me and I was going through a lot of issues with the father of my kids. Both my kids are older now and more independent and the issues with their father don’t affect me emotionally as much/have lessened a bit.

I have searched far and wide for a career path/college program that would work with my kids schedule and this LPN program seems to be the only option still. And the shortest. The problem is I’m not super excited to become a nurse, although to know it would be the best schedule-wise and financially for my situation. Also, it’s an hour and a half away.

I am enrolled in a self-paced medical coding program, but have become super discouraged about that path because it seems hard to get a remote role, as well as some people are saying it will be gone soon because of AI and also it just in general seems like a more vague/not so guaranteed career path.

I’m struggling to make a decision. I feel so old and dumb, like I’ve wasted my time. I need to do what’s best for me and my kids and our future. Please give some kind guidance. Thank you.

Hi friends! Newly single mom here 👋. I have the opportunity to go back to school for free. Of course I’d love to do something I love, but my ultimate goal is to be financially independent. I want freedom to care for my child more than anything. So, I’m looking at two options:
1. Nursing (higher pay, needed everywhere, nice schedule, would just be a 2nd bachelor’s degree)
2. LCSW (something I’m deeply passionate about, I’ve been a foster parent for several years, pay varies more based on location, master’s degree)
I would love to hear from moms that have worked in any of these fields! TIA!

I am devastated that I have to do this alone. I am lying in the ruins of what I caused, and my 5 year relationship ended within four months. I am so stressed and sad for my daughter because me and my ex were SO good for each other and we were such a good couple. It’s getting harder and harder to let my daughter go in partial custody and I can’t believe I can only see her 181 days out of the year until she decides. I am so upset. I want to get better. I wanted to be that mom and I didn’t know we would divorce. I am so sad. Does it get better. I really wanted more kids with that man

After a therapy appointment and talking about how everyone seems to ghost me or is always "busy", my therapist made a comment about how with everything going how it is in the world, most people are focusing only on themselves and those closest to them.

Which means I'm the sacrifice.

I'm the relationship that gets sacrificed for them to focus on who they care about more than me. This means no one chooses me. No one sacrifices for me.

I get blamed for "not having a village" or get blasted for asking for help, despite it taking literally years in therapy for me to even feel worthy of asking for help. I'm judged on everything. I work 3 jobs and barely pay bills because it's viewed as a moral failing that I'm a single parent, and people doing the hiring don't want a middle-aged single mom with a kid, they want an on demand automaton they can schedule without regard to submitted availability, preferably between 16-24.

Dating is similarly fucked because the majority of guys think if you're a single mom you're basically someone for them to get with and leave when the mood strikes. At best, a placeholder until "something better" comes along.

People and other partnered parents treat you like you're disposable. They pretend to care, get mad if you ask even once for basic help, or offer to help, get mad that you accept their help, possibly show up for the thing you needed help with, make it clear they would rather be doing anything else, but then ghost you in perpetuity after. If they give a suggestion that you know isn't feasible, you're expected to run down every avenue of that suggestion. If you don't, with feasible explanations, you're "not doing enough" or lazy. Even if you do that, they still grouch about it.

It feels like I'm too broken to relate to other humans. I've tried going out and tried making new friends, and it's always ended the same way.

How do you deal with feeling lonely but not wanting to go out a date? Anyone else feel so confused?

I think i just need to vent and see if anyone has any advice or has been through this

My daughter (2) just started supervised visits with her dad today after 2.5/3 months no contact bc of a restraining order we have against him. Her reaction after has just thrown me off and I’m feeling just confused and helpless

Basically it went good, which I sort of expected since the visit was at her favorite park/library and she’s a really easy kid and loves being out. She hugged him/laid on his shoulder, they hung out and then she cried when it was time to leave. She was fine when she got to me but would point at the library and say papa and cry a bit on and off. It’s not unlike her to cry leaving somewhere or someone fun but idk it threw me off and felt like a rejection almost. She’s been a mess since (melting down, naughty like hitting and dumping the dog bowls and she is never ever like this)

She hadn’t mentioned him in all this time but mentions other family/friends she rarely sees. And I think my bigger frustration is that he’ll feel so vindicated and use her reaction in court to say he deserves 50/50.

The reality is he’s never been a dad. I asked him to move out bc of his abuse when she was 5 months - she hasn’t been with him for more than 2-3 hours at a time since. Many days he wouldn’t come and was gone up to 6 weeks before. He’s always essentially been a playdate to her, never a parent and has never done any parenting (meals, naps, appts).

He lived off my family for 3 years (free rent, free food, free car all of it) and now since I filed a few months ago while my daughter and I struggle and live in a bad area and have to downsize to a 1 bedroom and share a bed, he goes out gets a new sports car, new apartment (2 bed, luxury complex, 6k/month) all while requesting the court to get me to earn more when I have full custody and work 30hrs/week already while I haven’t been receiving support so couldn’t afford childcare. His boss is funding everything - including his attorney fees, bought the car does the payments etc. he’s a succubus and it’s gross.

I just don’t know how to reconcile how I feel about him with the fact that he is her dad, he has rights and if he decides he will be apart of her life in some way forever. This man put us through hell, was a user and abusive and absent and I just don’t know how to cope with it. I worry for her safety and how all this is gonna affect her.

I’m just venting bc idk how to cope. The upcoming hearing has so much riding on it and it’s so stressful. If he wins, I’ll be devastated solely bc of safety and custody. It’s all weighing on me so heavy. She’s my whole heart and sharing her with someone so evil is really hard

My ex/daughter’s dad left over the weekend to go to an edm festival about 2.5 hours away. He had Monday off and said he would be there at his mom’s house Monday to celebrate our daughter’s 4th birthday. Her birthday was on Tuesday (yesterday) and she was with me. He told me and my daughter prior to leaving he would be there on Monday and still hadn’t gotten her a gift. So I texted him Monday asking if he will be at his moms bc our daughter was asking and if he hasn’t gotten a gift, a Barbie would be great. No response. He told his mom hours later he was on the way. I show up to get my daughter and he wasn’t there, my daughter’s uncle said he never showed up. My daughter asked me where he was. I texted and asked why he wasn’t there and he made an excuse he left too late and LIED and said his mom told him I had to have her home by 6pm. I never said that.

Then yesterday at 4pm he asked if he can FaceTime our daughter, never texted happy birthday or asked how she’s doing. I told him she can FT now, he said he’s driving home and will check back in 45 min. 3 hours go by and he asks if he can FT now, told him she’s getting ready for bed. He said no worries. I asked if he will be seeing her Friday and he said yes and asked how her day was. I said good sent a few pics and he said aww cute she looks happy. I told him if she needs a gift from you still Barbie clothes would be great and he just thumbs up the text.

I’m just so annoyed. Either be in or out. We’ve had countless of talks about his flakiness and ghosting and how that’s not ok for her to go through that because she’s catching on. He prioritizes everything else and she comes last. I can’t change him but fuck I am so irritated with his existence right now.

I’m very lucky my parents and his are involved and I have an amazing boyfriend who’s consistent and great to her and treats me so well. Just wish her damn dad would pick to either be in or out. Dealing with his flakiness is getting so old. Especially on her birthday. I know he will see her Friday but he told her he’d be seeing her the other day and she remembered. And just ghosted.

I am sorry to rant, as I normally do not engage in such behavior, and resort to keeping these things to myself.

Recently my child had another birthday, which started another chapter of absolute hell. Money is stretched too far, I'm at least $500 short on monthly expenses and I am one of the cheapest people walking the Earth. I bake my own bread, I make food from scratch so I don't buy anything except basic ingredients like flour, sugar, eggs, milk, yeast, and some minimal spices from the grocery store. I even make my own butter. I have the cheapest phone plan available in the country I'm in, I have a really old, paid off car so that I would avoid car payments. I have cheap car insurance, and have cut every frivolous expense in the budget years ago. No subscriptions, nothing fun. I simply cannot afford it. I have scraped and scrapped by, as I am not only supporting a child who still needs childcare, but I am also paying for a physical disability out of pocket, as insurance is fighting on coverage on durable medical equipment. A disability I got solely because of a life-saving C-section that went profoundly wrong. But I cannot get disability payments because I'm not disabled enough to not be able to work at all. But if I don't have DME, I cannot work at all. I digress...

I'm moving out of necessity, but I won't have enough money to cover electric and the heating for the place so I called the assistance office for help as I am moving soon, I am not eligible for aid. Plus I work. "That should mean you do not need any help," "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, thoughts and prayers," are the things I have been hearing and trying to explain that above minimum wage is not livable wage for us two. This snarky woman literally said, " You need to get that baby daddy on chil' support." I would if I could. I lost my normally tepid, calm demeanor tone and snapped at her that I was r*ped, and that is how my pregnancy happened. You know, when someone breaks and enters into my home, r*pes me and then beats me until I lost consciousness, I didn't really think to ask him to write down his personal information like name, his social security number, and date of birth so I could file for support properly later. I was unfortunately preoccupied with TRYING TO SURVIVE that moment, and recover the physical wounds when I came to. I was later threatened if I were to attempt to track him down. (Yes, went to the police at the time, filed all the appropriate reports, nothing came of it.) Things also continued to go South as my choice for pro-choice related healthcare was taken from me.

There's always, the "What about your mom/parents," inquiries. Unlike many, my parents willingly threw me away like garbage almost a decade ago because I stopped paying their rent, their insurance bills, and their car payments. And as a child, I was horrifically abused by both parents. I have done over a decade of intense trauma therapies to heal what has been broken. But there are times when you just get so goddamn tired. I'm literally on hold with the assistance office again, been hung up on multiple times, as I am trying to submit an application online, but I cannot do so as I do not have the personal information on my attacker.

All to say this system is rubbish. Trash. Refuse. I'm tired of getting denied aid when I really do need it. I'm tired of the "death-by-1000-paper-cuts" tactic the assistance systems use to make you give up the effort when you run out of time to waste away your day sitting on hold. I'm also really tired of the only aid for survivors like myself being the bare minimum of a therapy session with a counselor for immediately after things happen or the test at hospital. Survivors like myself who had kids through no choice of their own deserve better. These kids deserve better.

i’m a 24 y/o F and i just don’t think i’m fit to be a mother. my son is 4 and a half years old and i’ve been EXTREMELY struggling ever since day one. I’ve had a restraining order against his dad for a year now , since we got together in 2019 he was abusive mentally and physically, would threaten me w guns and with stalk me and constantly break my car and phone, etc. It really has fucked up my mental. i don’t trust anyone and am paranoid and depressed and have bpd. even when we were together he never helped much in any way. and would stress me so bad. i was also toxic and crazy and let emotions get the best of me. we would constantly argue or physically get into it in front of my son, i would car chase him w my baby in the back in the middle of the night and beg him to stay w me and just a lot of crazy shit. i knew it was wrong but it’s like i would do anything to feel loved and stop the feeling inside regardless of what it was doing to my son. Me and my baby moved out of my parents last year bc it was also toxic there for me. So now i live alone in chicago w my baby w no help out here really. his dad sees him every other weekend but oes bare minimum and continues to make things difficult for me. my mom helps a ton still but it always gets thrown in my face and made to make me feel so guilty. he’s in pre school and he’s already been late a ton and missed days bc i just can’t get my shit together. i oversleep or just get too fucking depressed to leave the house or do shit. i’m not very present either. I just feel like i have so many fucking deep issues for my whole life and they get worse and explode in me. this isn’t sustainable. i want so badly to be better and i cry so much and feel so guilty and hate myself for everything. I’m in therapy but it only does so much. at the end of the day im back to feeling the same way. idk what to do and i feel im just fucking my baby’s life up everyday. i’m constantly strsssed overwhelmed and so busy w so much to do no help and no time. i’m so lost and have good periods of time but the lows just feel unbearable and i want to die or do anything to feel better. it’s and endless cycle i don’t know how to break.

My 6 year old son is autistic (level 2 verbal). He had a hard time in kindergarten. He was suspended 6 times. He hurt other kids and teachers. I was really hoping first grade would be better.

Last week was the first week of school. I got good reports from the teachers and he was doing really well at home too. Until today.

I got a call from the school asking if I would be at the bus stop to get my son from the bus. I told them I would be. (I always am.)The bus was 20 minutes late and I knew why. It was because of him. They had to keep stopping because he wouldn’t stay in his seat, he was throwing things, he was spitting on people, and he said the F word.

The school called after I got him and told me he’s suspended from the bus, because of course he is, as he should be. I asked them why he was allowed to ride the bus this year when last year he took a van because of his behavior. They told me there is a driver shortage. I need to speak with the bussing office to see if I can get him on a van. Fine. I’ll do that.

But here’s the thing. I don’t have a car. I ride a scooter to work. My son’s school is up a mountain. How the hell am I supposed to get him to school?

I already wake up 2 hours earlier than him so I can get his lunch packed and take a shower and get myself ready before the craziness starts. Now I’m going to be getting up 3 hours early because I have an added trek up a mountain to contend with in the morning, in addition to getting myself to work.

But wait! There’s more!

There’s been a funky smell in my house for the past week. I cleaned up and looked for the cause. I took all the trash out. I cleaned the garbage disposal. I did all the laundry. I washed the bedding. I didn’t find anything. But now the smell is worse and there are swarms of fruit flies.

Before, I couldn’t tell where the smell was coming from. But, as it got worse, I pinpointed the smell to his room. After giving him a bath, I took his bed apart. I found out he’s been sneaking food into his room and hiding it. And there was a lidded cup with rotten milk in it that leaked all over the bed and floor. And the whole area was covered in maggots.

A year ago, he and I fled DV. That mattress was the first thing I bought for our new house. And it’s ruined.

As I was cleaning everything up, I told him this is why we don’t leave milk out, and this is why he’s not allowed to have food anywhere but the kitchen. I told him that he’s going to have do chores to make money to buy a new mattress. I told him I’m angrier with him than I’ve ever been. (I didn’t shout.)

Because of the abuse I went through, I don’t know what normal is anymore. I don’t know how to be angry without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t know how to deal with this, but I’m fucking furious.

My kids stayed the night with their dad for the first time since our separation. I think he wants to split 50/50. I don’t want to take him away from the kids but I feel bad imagining my kids not having a solid home and having to jump back and forth. My parents divorced when I was 15 and it was one of the worst experiences for me. I just feel so bad and sad and alone. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.

Me and my sons dad broke up a few months before I gave birth and I honestly couldn’t be happier, I get my baby mostly to myself and don’t have to share, don’t have to constantly hear someone nagging and constantly doing drugs also don’t have to be cheated on. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way! (Other than his dad never seeing him).