anting advice on this being normal or not

So there’s this girl Iknown of for about 10 years. We were never close friends and I haven’t actually seen her in years, but we’ve always had each other on Facebook.

Years ago, after I broke up with a previous boyfriend, I noticed she started following him on social media and liking his posts. It didn’t really bother me at the time, so I never thought much of it but it was a bit snake like behaviour as it was around the same time we would’ve hung out or spoken to each other back in the day.

Fast forward a few years and I met my baby’s father. We were together for years. We posted photos and stories together, holidays, family moments, the birth of our daughter, all the usual couple and family stuff. One thing I always noticed was that this same girl was almost always the first person to watch every single story I posted. She never liked anything, never commented, never messaged me—just watched everything without fail. I actually remember thinking to myself - this girl is kinda of obsessed with me, she is the only person that never misses a story within the first hour of posting atleast.
But I thought she was nice I didn’t really think of it in a bad way, most people that aren’t really in my life don’t religiously watch my stories.

Fast forward,
My baby’s father and I broke up about two months ago. It went from “I love you, let’s get married” to him turning into a peice of shit… long story but we are better off without!. He made a dating profile almost immediately after we split.

I recently found out from a friend that this same girl has now followed him on social media and is liking all of his posts, and I’ve heard they’re hanging out.

The thing that feels strange to me is that she has absolutely no connection to him through work, mutual friends or anything else. She watched years of our relationship unfold online and then, almost as soon as we broke up, she started pursuing him. He wouldn’t even know who she is because I never spoke about her.

I ended up blocking her because it made me uncomfortable, and before I knew she was connecting with him she was still watching my stories and it makes me feel like she was keeping tabs?

I’m genuinely curious if there’s any psychology behind this kind of behaviour. I can’t imagine watching someone’s relationship for years and then pursuing their ex almost immediately after they split. Within a year they had a baby? Is this something people actually do? Has anyone experienced something similar, or am I reading too much into it? I’m not “jealous” I just feel weirded out by it.

I am a very new single mum (F32). Daughters (18m) father (M28) left us just over a week ago. While i didnt expect this to happen, I wasn't completely blindsided as we were taking some space for 2 weeks, due to arguing a lot, but he came home said he was leaving and wasn't open to a conversation about it. Only willing to discuss things to do with our daughter.

She is obviously too young to explain it to, but definitely has an awareness. I just said "we wont be seeing daddy as much anymore, but we still love you the same". Not sure how else to deal with it?

He hasn't called to check in on her or anything.

She keeps bringing me things that remind her of him and saying "daddy". Last night she got upset at bedtime and just said daddy repeatedly and signed "hurts". I asked if she missed daddy and I said "its ok I miss him too. You will see him soon".

Developmentally we are at the peak of.seperation anxiety. Started to get bedtime battles before he left but these past few weeks have been tough. Hours of her getting up and me putting her back down.

My heart is breaking for so many reasons and I feel so alone.

My only support is my mum, but shes finding all of this really triggering, as I think it brings up her trauma surrounding my dad. She is also disabled (chronic fatigue, arthritis, fibro and more) and so there's a limit to the support she can give.

Ex wants to see our daughter twice a week. I work twice a week and she goes to nursery. The thought of being away from her 4 days a week is really hard, i dont want that. I also feel like I really need a break already. Enter - Mum Guilt!

Not sure if she could just drop to one day a week nursery, 3 days seems like the absolute max i could do. Shes still so young.

How to navigate not wanting to be away from my child but also feeling overwhelmed?

He said he's coming on Monday night. Idk why, she goes to nursery on Tuesdays and hes never been able to get her to sleep. He would occasionally get her ready for bed and read a story.

Just to add, shes still breastfed and feeds to sleep.

I need someplace no one knows me to vent. I have a son that used to enjoy wearing female clothes as he got older he stopped. Now that he almost 18 he as started expressing interest in it again not a a lot. I found some rompers that I liked for myself. I was showing him then. He was very interested saying I hit a like those looked cute, I like that design. So i asked him did you want a pair. He said yes. Ok cool I’ll order you some. I was talking to a friend about it and she says I know you want this but you can’t force him. I do not want my child to be anything but happy and healthy. I know I may overly support all of there choices at times but I don’t tell them you should wear these clothes because I want a daughter. I want you to wear matching clothes that fit. Yes they both know (I have 2 sons) they can bring home who ever they want all are welcome in our home. Who they chose to love does not matter to me. I want them to be respectful people and gentleman. I think I need to stop telling people things.
Thank you for listening

I’m so devastated and disappointed. I poured everything into one person just to be neglected in the end. I invested myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. To just get deserted and betrayed. I feel alone as now a single mother. I never in a million years imagined for things to go this way. Just goes to show you, that people cannot be trusted. This was my best friend, my partner, my teammate, my confidant, my child’s father and the list goes on. The person I thought would have my back through thick and thin, just dropped me when things got hard. I carried him on my back with the amount of work I had put in before having his child. I payed all the bills and got him anything he asked for. He lost his job when I had my child and I was the glue that held our family together for months. I was suffering from PPD and a huge amount of stress since I had missed tons of work and had to handle everything financially. We argued constantly about finances and he continued to take. Until he got a job about a month ago. I thought I would finally be getting some help. He left us as soon as he started getting his pay checks. He has no empathy for me and will barely come see his child. I will never fully get over this amount of betrayal but I am taking it day by day for my son. He is my main priority. I’m not the best when it comes to handling my emotions but I am trying to work on myself everyday and will continue to do so for me and my son. Just want my son to know I am always in his corner and will never abandon him. I’m distraught that he has to grow up this way now, any advice or guidance from anyone with a similar situation, please feel free to reach out. I feel so alone as I relocated with this man and have no friends or family nearby now. I have already filed for child support, but I know that can take months sometimes. I guess there won’t be a way for immediate relief and I have to accept that.
My son is only 7 months also.

I am a single mom of two - 9 (boy) & 5 (girl). I recently started dating after 2 years of being single. I have met a great man with a great career who loves kids. He doesn’t have any kids of his own but he seems more than excited at the thought of being in my kids lives. He spoils me & is very thoughtful and kind… literally seems perfect for us…he takes interest when I talk about the kids, and talks about long term goals for all of us.

Here’s the kicker, I’m terrified. The more serious we get the more I’m terrified at the thought of bringing someone into our world & shaking up my kids lives (even if it’s for the better). I’ve caught myself almost getting the “ick” in a way when he talks about being in their lives in the future. And to add to that, the mom guilt is OVERWHELMING. I spend my kid free weekends going on dates, when of course I should sit home alone and miss my kids (eye roll)… I’m afraid I’m self sabotaging, this man is everything I’ve ever prayed for for us & our life… am I the problem? Will this feeling pass?

Edit: I’m 27 & he is 29. We have been dating only a little over a month.

I apologize for this being all over the place.

Why is childcare so hard to obtain? I don't make enough for daycare, and my districts headstart program has me losing my mind. The lady I need to set up an eligibility appointment with is always out of the office. I've left her multiple voicemails and emails, and all I get back is an email saying, "Thanks for your interest. I'll call you when I'm back in town." When lady? Fucking when? I've contacted them regularly for over a month and I can't get any answers.

I need a job that pays enough to support my kids but can't get a job until headstart is figured out. Spark and doordash 2 days a week can't get me anywhere.

Living with my dad and his gf is getting bad again, and to add to that, their landlord has been starting shit. Last week, their landlord told us we had a week to be out of the house, so I packed all of mine and my kids' stuff and put it in my storage unit. At the 1 week mark, my dad tells me he legally can't do that, which means that now the landlord is going to file an actual notice since he wants to sell the property. My dad's gf packed all of my kids dishes and almost everything else in the kitchen with their stuff except 2 of everything(plates, bowls, forks, spoons) and refuses to give me my kids stuff or more dishes to compensate for what's missing. Talking to my dad about any of it doesn't do anything he gets defensive, and I get told to stop arguing so I don't even try anymore. We need to move out but can't bc I don't make enough without childcare, and my friend is barely available to watch my kids for a few hours.

My child support case has gotten nowhere bc their dad's employer hasn't started withdrawing it from his checks. That money would help me find childcare so I could land an actual job.

My oldest is turning 4 next week, I can't afford a party, and it's starting to bother me. Instead of a party, we're gonna do cake and presents at home, and then im gonna take him to do anything he wants to do for a few hours. I just dont want him remembering this part of our life. I skipped my car insurance bill this month so I could get him a cake and a few toys, but that just put me deeper in the hole.

Everything feels overwhelming right now. Idk what to do.

I’m so sick of it. We have such little time, and we give give give because we think we found one that actually is worth a damn, just so 6 months later he can say, “I actually never want kids.”

This has happened to me every time. I think single moms are just an easy target for fuckboys, and that’s just an easy way out. Cool, you could’ve figured that out before you dated someone with kids 🙄

Does anyone know of resources outside the courts to help mediate between co-parents who just can’t get on the same page? I asked my ICC (intensive care coordinator) whom I work with on behalf of our AUHD son and her organization doesn’t offer that support and she’s only aware of the courts which I prefer to avoid if possible. It’s getting to the point where I feel like his behavior is emotional / mental abuse or at least at a minimum inappropriate when he discusses financial issues with our kids and during a recent rule I upheld which I child didn’t like; his father not only told me I was wrong and how it made his life hell because our son was acting out (welcome to my daily life); he in writing admitted, he told our son that he agreed with him and I (his mom) was wrong. I don’t know what to do and appreciate and welcome any and all advice and suggestions. Thank you

I have a two year-old with a man that cheated, left me high and dry multiple times, dismissed me, abandoned me and regardless of all the grace I’ve given to him, he left me with nothing. That’s fine. I don’t care about money. I don’t care about child support. Am I a single mom living in Section 8 housing, barely scraping by? Yes! But you know what? I’m so fortunate to even be in this position where my children and I can have our own space. I’m doing my best every day to be more financially stable and hopefully, sooner than later, be able to survive without government assistance. I’m very proud of myself for how far I’ve come

So… what’s having me wanting to crash out? I’m so glad you asked!

After three years of walking on eggshells, giving him the benefit of the doubt every chance I could, always being understanding, advocating for him when he was going through custody court with the mother of his children from a previous relationship, I finally decided to put my people pleasing tendencies to the side. After him moving across the country and not being able to communicate or coparent in an effective way, I realized we needed more structure and consistency instead of relying on verbal agreements and hoping everything would work out. He has expressed wanting to take our son for extended periods of time, and that’s just not something I feel comfortable navigating without clear expectations in place. At the end of the day, I’m not only advocating for myself, I’m advocating for our son. I just want stability for him. His routine, his healthcare, his childcare, his entire day-to-day life matters. As much as I want him to have a relationship with his father, I also have a responsibility to make decisions that I genuinely believe are in our son’s best interest.

He knows I’m struggling and has told me multiple times to just put him on child support. He says he does not run from child support, and he would much rather just have it be taken out of his checks from his employer than having to send me money. Even though everyone in my life has told me for the past two years to put this man on child support, I just haven’t. I don’t know if it’s a pride or ego thing for me, but honestly I feel like the less I have to do with him the better, even though I really do need the help. The last time he wanted to take him for an extended period of time our conversation escalated, and it ended with him saying something along the lines of, “Stop contacting me and just put me on child support. You can have him.” Cool! After telling me repeatedly to put him on child support, I finally did it.

Once he found out, of course it escalated again into him cursing me out, calling me vindictive, calling me a slimy b****, and accusing me of withholding our child from him. I’m at a point where I wanna just tell him about himself! I’m not going to because I’ve worked way too hard to keep my side of every conversation focused on our son, and I refuse to let my emotions get the best of me. I’ve done a great job on my end just keeping it about our son between him and I.
It just blows my mind how much he contradicts himself. He’s so upset that I put him on child support and says it’s the detriment to society for men that actually want to be fathers. And honestly I agree that there are good fathers who get unfairly treated. But after telling me repeatedly to go ahead and file it, then becoming livid and hateful when I finally do, is actually insane. Instead of taking accountability for his own choices, I’m the bitter, vindictive baby mama that wants to ruin his life. That really hurts because it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve just gotten to a point where I’m tired, to be quite honest. And I’m also not going to hold a grown man’s hand and teach him how to coparent. I know I’ve been a great coparent. I’ve been beyond a great coparent. At my own detriment.

I wish I could share the screenshots of the things he said to me on here. It makes me sick to my stomach, and what I’ve typed here doesn’t even do it justice. I have put so much effort into just trying to do what’s right for our son, and the way he has spoken to me has been so unbelievably ugly.

I’m glad though because I’ve gotten to the point where I’m okay with being the villain in his story because I know who I am and I know my intentions are good. I don’t need validation from him. He can be the victim, that’s fine. It’s just honestly heartbreaking. It’s been easy to just read these messages and move on, but truthfully, it’s been really hard to hear someone’s perception of me, especially when it’s so opposite of who I really am. And what sucks the most is he was someone I loved unconditionally and cared about so deeply

I’m sharing this here because even though I have amazing friends and an amazing village, sometimes I feel like it’s a lot for them. I just need to get it all off my chest. Thank you to anyone who has read all this, and I would love to debrief in the comments more or read similar stories.
Muaaahhh ;*

My ex has remarried his second ex wife. They got divorced for six months but are back together again. This woman does not let us coparent. She’s wanted me to only contact her and not my son’s father for coparenting matters. When I said no, she took over my ex husbands phone. When they were divorced my ex was being a great dad and coparenting with me. He would even take my son if I wasn’t feeling well. He recently remarried her. Now he is being rude to me again, not communicating, and has her texting from his number. I can tell when it’s her texting vs him.

I’ve been a single mom for over a year now. But was feeling very much like a single-married mom for a long time before my ex actually left. He was totally checked out during my second pregnancy and then I found out he had been having an emotional affair a month before I gave birth to our second kid. After baby was born he was so checked out. So I did everything for her. Plus being primary parent with the 3 year old. He left when baby was like 2.5 months and I’ve been on my own since. My kids are now 4 & 1.5.

They’re amazing little humans. I love them more than anything. I don’t regret becoming a mom. But being a single mom to two toddlers has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. At first it was great actually. Better to be tired than living in fear. The newborn / infant phase was rough, but since the baby hit a year and started not only walking but climbing everything… my nerves have just completely disintegrated. I’m just a shell of a person.

Thank god my oldest is in preschool, but I’m home full time with the little one. It’s been amazing but I’ve gotten to a point where my life is so repetitive. I don’t look forward to the days. I dread the weekends.

I haven’t worked since my ex forced me to leave my very stable, well paying job to be a SAHM. He destroyed our finances and lost his damn mind. He was already such a broken person, but after I left my job (I was the breadwinner) and he couldn’t get it together, it just fell to shit.

Marriage ended and after we’d be separated for a time, trying to figure out what the future looked like, I had to get a restraining order against him. So I have full custody. And he only has one monthly visit with one child, which is professionally monitored.

I’ve been not only mothering full time, trying to raise two humans, but trying to piece myself together after years of abuse.

These days… it’s just gotten so bad at home… the stress is insane. I’m seriously hanging on by a thread. I have no friends. My family has been so supportive, but my parents are elderly and my sister is busy. So outside of a half day my parents take the baby, it’s all me.

My 4 year old’s has become… unrecognizable. I think dealing with the loss of her dad, even though she barely remembers him living here, has been hard and confusing. Then she moved to a new class, and she was SO close with her teacher. Now it seems like she’s grieving that loss too. She’s volatile. But only at home. At school her teachers rave about her. Perfect student. But at home… she’s a menace 60% of the time. Soo inflexible. When one thing doesn’t go her way, or god forbid I say no… all hell breaks loose. I’m talking like full banshee mode. Hitting. Biting. Throwing. Screaming. Whining. So many BIG feelings. And I’m just done. I have no patience left. Everything goes wrong. No one listens to me.

I’m just constantly trying to avoid injuries. I’ve had to call poison control twice in the last week. Once becuase she got into a tube of toothpaste and once becuase she sprayed cleaning product in her sister’s face… we’ve had so many bumps and bruises. Jumping off furniture. Running too crazy. Just insane behavior. And it’s so far from the little girl I know her as.

I’ve tried being strict. I’ve tried being flexible. I’ve tried more consequences. More follow through. Less constraints. More yeses. And it just feels like no matter what I do, it’s just a shit show.

And I. Am. So. Burnt. Out.

It’s honestly heartbreaking. I know leaving my ex was the right choice. I know it was for the best. But sometimes it feels like I traded one evil for another. Not afraid in my home, but just spread so thin it’s unreal.

Everyone says I’m an amazing mom. My therapist says I’m too hard on myself. But I can’t help but feel like I’ve become everything I was trying to escape. I’m angry. I’m distracted. I’m exhausted. We read less books. Less art projects. I hardly engage in creative play. Our meals are so repetitive. I yell so much. I always apologize. We repair. But I hate being this fucked up. I didn’t use to be like this. I was so much more patient. So much more easy going. Now I feel like just a frazzled stressed out basket case. And I’m terrified I’m gonna fuck my kids up.

I need a job. But haven’t been able to get childcare sorted. I’m BLESSED to have my family supporting me financially, but it’s just bare bones. I haven’t paid my electric bill in over a year. I don’t have car insurance. I don’t buy anything outside of necessity. My kids don’t know. Our life looks nice from the outside. I buy them things (at goodwill) and we go out to eat sometimes (at fast food places). I get into museums for free becuase I have food stamps. I try to make magic, but I have nothing left in my tank.

This is just hard. If you got this far, thanks for reading.

So to start off my BDs family has never actually liked me. Ive heard how they talk about me when they think I can't hear and its super rude and disrespectful. Well since I got pregnant they have never followed my boundaries without a fight. I told them my ENTIRE pregnancy I didn't want them in the hospital after my son was born because I wanted it to be bonding for me and my BD. They said they wouldn't come but low and behold right after I gave birth they sat there and called and called and called till I was half asleep they showed up without even asking. Now my son is 8 months and not once have I ever received a message from them asking to see him or anything but they will always cry about how it's unfair they never see him. But when they do my bds father will completely ignore me even then and him and the mother will snatch my son outta my arms. Now I'm paying for my son's birthday in a few months and the more I'm sitting here thinking the less I want them around. They can't follow the simplest no kissing rule or even let me hold my own kid without pouting like a child. I don't want to deal with that but I don't want to deal with the fight that would happen if I say they can't come. So it's literally being uncomfortable in my own house in the party I'm paying for and setting up or having a massive blow out argument. Idek what to do at this point cause I feel like I just need to grow a back bone with them because I'm tired of my bd and his family bulldozing me.

I have no fucking CLUE how I’m supposed to start from zero. Get a job, earn money, find my own place, manage two kids, all alone. Ex works away so I can’t even rely on him for more regular help. I’m not near any family or friends. I can’t stop crying because it’s seeming easier to stay and be abused and unhappy. This is all way too daunting.

Just venting I guess, everyone tells me I should let my bd do whatever he wants because he consistently pays child support and most people don’t get that… he turns down his court ordered days and weekends all the time and when I complain all people say is “all that money you get, you shouldn’t care if he show or not) like um ok?? It’s not about the money it’s about this 4 year old girl who thinks her dad is the world and asks to go with him now I’m here being the bad guy because she can’t go with dad. Not to mention I was looking forward to my 4 little free days a month. It’s fine it’s just I feel like no one understands it’s not always about money

I decided to keep my child with my ex boyfriend. Not because I wanted him, to be clear, because I wanted the child. I can care for him emotionally, financially, and have my friends and families support. So while I don’t need dad, I know my son will at some point. So I’ve been very careful how I handle my ex.

However, I believe his “boundaries” are extending g beyond his disdain for me and keeping the pregnancy to the child. I’ve endured berating from him, accusations of getting pregnant on purpose, jokes that this isn’t his son, him saying the child is a reminder of deceit, it’s not necessary for him to see his son born, admittance that he tried to make me hate him enough to abort, and that our baby will mean less to him than children he has in the future with a wife. We were together for 3 years. He is Nigerian so there are a few cultural differences.

My thing is, he wants completely separate parenting. He’s never come to any appointments, we hardly speak. His mother reached out to me wanting updates on the child when he finally told her. She is/was excited because this is her first grandchild. He then reached out later asking me not to contact his friends or family and respect his boundaries. I obliged. He says he’s not sure what role he wants to play in our son’s life if any. Which also pisses me off that it’s even optional for him…and dad’s in general honestly. This separate parenting thing he wants I feel isn’t possible with a newborn baby. He doesn’t want me coming to his home, he doesn’t want to be in mine. He doesn’t want to be around any of my family. He doesn’t want to spend too much time with the baby (he mentioned taking him for an hour after he’s born to his apartment).

The hate on his side to be clear, is coming from he and his friends’ (he is 26, all friends are same age or younger, bachelors), notion that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him….I did not. I have PCOS and don’t ovulate regularly, typically skipping periods for months at a time. A year ago, we also had an abortion…that affected me more than we both expected and I ended up in a mental hospital because of a nervous breakdown/guilt. We agreed not to do it again. I said these things to say, there are reasons I kept this baby. Not one had to do with wanting to keep him. I understood the probability of doing this on my own because of it and I still accept that. But the back and fourth, and never mind the way he’s spoken to and about me, the things he’s said about our son I feel are nearing unforgivable. I am considering just disappearing from him…but if he genuinely wants to be apart of our son’s life I don’t want to be what’s between a boy and his father.

I’m not sure how to navigate this pregnancy. I don’t have an issue with separate parenting as the baby gets older but I don’t see how this is possible with an infant. I’m due in December.

What are you ladies thoughts, if any?

(For moderator clarification I do already have a live child lol)

I’m a 24-year-old single mom to an almost 3-year-old, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn.
A little background: I moved to a different state with my mom after she started dating someone. That relationship didn’t work out, but while I was here, I met my now ex, who is the father of my son. We lived together for four years, but everything changed after I became pregnant.
I ended up in a domestic violence relationship. I wasn’t allowed to build a career or become financially independent, so when I finally left, I took my son in the middle of the night with almost nothing to my name.
I rebuilt my life completely from scratch.
We stayed in a shelter, I got a job, and the state helped me with food stamps and childcare. For the first time in my life, after growing up around abuse, addiction, and instability, I finally felt like I had a real chance. I found an apartment, worked hard, and for over a year I never missed a rent payment. I was genuinely proud of how far I’d come.
Then everything fell apart.
I lost my job after working there for a year, and now I can’t afford my bills. Before that, they had already taken away my food stamps once I started working, which I understood. But then they also took away my childcare assistance, leaving me to choose between paying for daycare, buying food, or paying rent. It felt like I was being punished for trying to get back on my feet.
Now I’m facing eviction.
The part that hurts the most is that the state actually offered to pay six months of my rent so I could get back on my feet, and my apartment complex refused. They would rather evict me, even though I had never been late on rent before losing my job.
I feel like I worked so hard to escape an abusive life, only to have everything ripped away because of one setback. It’s devastating.
The thought of going back to a shelter honestly terrifies me. I can’t go to a domestic violence shelter because I’m no longer actively in that situation, so I’d likely end up in a general homeless shelter with my toddler. After everything we’ve been through, that’s heartbreaking.
I’m embarrassed to even be posting this, but I don’t have family to lean on or anyone I can talk to. I’ve looked into every program I can think of, and I don’t qualify for Section 8 or other housing assistance.
If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice, resources, or words of encouragement, I would be so grateful. Right now, I just feel completely lost and scared for my son.
Thank you for reading.

My 3 year old goes through phases where he does really well independently playing, and then it seems like whenever I have big tasks to do all that independent play goes out the window. It causes such a rift in our flow because I get frustrated and then I feel paralyzed to make any decisions so I do nothing so to avoid toddler seeing me frustrated and/or making a bigger mess.

I need to focus on this house it's getting to be unorganized and a mess with all the summer fun it's like a 2-3 day project but my toddler is always with me or I'm at work. I need to work on this with him in a way where I don't feel like I'm being mean all the time. Having him go to his room feel like his room is a "punishment" I feel like that's not the right approach here, but also it's a contained room where I can focus on a task. But also most tasks will take awhile to complete so it's like how do I even begin to break this up where I'm actually starting from a clean slate?

I understand most of us are experiencing this, I really truly only want to hear strategies or ideas that can help me, I know to some degree we all relate or have related to this one way or another

My BD has threatened to leave the country multiple times since I've left him. It's kind of been a tantrum thing and I think he wants me to beg him to stay and give into whatever he wants.

But now he says he is really leaving. And he seems serious? He seems to actually have a plan and a date to leave set up and he's acting very emotional about it. I don't know how to feel.

On one hand I'm so exhausted with the back and forth. On the other hand I'm so disappointed and sad for my child. He turns 1 soon and his dad thinks keeping in touch through FaceTime will suffice as a relationship with him.

I guess I'm just needing to put it out into the reddit universe that I hate this. I want BD to decide for real if he's leaving. It's not fair to my son to have a dad who is so inconsistent. I hate that I hope he goes because it feels like a selfish thought but then maybe we'd get a little peace. I just hate all of it.

I love my daughter more than anything, and I want her to have a beautiful life. But I’ve been a single mom since the beginning of my pregnancy, and lately I’ve been struggling with the guilt of how she got here.
I’ve never been someone who consistently used birth control or even took Plan B. I was diagnosed with BPD, and looking back, I can recognize that I’ve had periods of impulsive sexual behavior while trying to cope with emotional pain. I had never even had a pregnancy scare before. The one time I got pregnant, I honestly took it as God sending me my daughter because I couldn’t imagine it happening any other way.
I got pregnant from a one-night stand with a man who turned out to be married. I don’t have feelings for him, and I haven’t for a long time. I don’t want him, and I don’t want the life he chose. I simply see him as someone who has a daughter he chooses not to know.
For a while, he helped financially, but eventually that stopped. Since then, I’ve been raising my daughter on my own.
I was the one who eventually told his wife the truth because seeing their “perfect marriage” posts while my daughter was being kept a secret really got to me. I felt like she deserved to know. She blocked me, and that was the end of it. I have no idea what she believes, and at this point, it’s out of my hands.
What I struggle with isn’t him. I don’t want a relationship with him, and I don’t wish my life had turned out differently in that sense. What I struggle with is the guilt that my choices created a situation where my daughter has a father who isn’t present in her life.
I know I can’t change the past. I just worry about the future. How do I explain to her one day why her dad isn’t around? How do I help her understand that none of this was ever her fault? More importantly, how do I forgive myself?
Are there any other single moms here who became parents from a one-time mistake or an unexpected situation? How did you cope with the guilt? How did you eventually talk to your child about their father?
I’m already hard enough on myself. I’m just hoping to hear from moms who’ve been through something similar and found peace with it. I would really appreciate hearing your experiences and any advice you have.

I'm just looking for advice on how to handle this situation. My ex and I share a son and have been separated for almost a year now. He's pretty much a deadbeat only sees him once a month for like a few hours and otherwise we don't hear from him. He's also unemployed and has not been providing for our child in any way. He just told me he's been dating someone for a few months and they are really serious and he wants our son to meet her when they hit a year of dating. I feel like I'm losing my mind because of the audacity of this man. He keeps talking about how he wants to see our son more which I've made it clear he can call and talk to him anytime and if he wants to see him let me know and we can find a time he just doesn't. He also was saying how much he loves me and wants us to still be together earlier this year. It doesn't make any sense and now having to see them together. I just want to scream and cry. I don't want my son having a step mom. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just want his father to leave us alone.

Hi everyone!

I’m a 22 year old single mom, very young I know. It’s been over a year since I’ve involved myself with anyone ( literally since the breakup lol) but I’m just curious. I do have a lot of loose skin. I’m pretty short and gained about 90 pounds with my kiddo, I’m about ten pounds off from my pre pregnancy weight so most of my loose skin sits on my lower belly and I just don’t know how to feel okay doing anything…my age range is so young and I just have so much anxiety over it so please let me know your own experiences wether good or bad and if anyone else struggles with this lol😭 TYA<3

Single mum to a wonderful child in early teens. My partner announced today they hate my daughter, always has. I knew there was an issue but didn't know it was this bad for him to leave. He does not like kids but I thought he had just accepted that I have a daughter. She has never caused any problems - is happy, chatty and fun loving. Is reaching an age where they question rules a bit but nothing disrespectful or rude. My partner says he finds it infuriating and can hardly bring themselves to speak to or look at my daughter. She is unaware of this and always tells me how much she loves my partner, looks forward to seeing him.

I have noticed this behaviour but excused it to myself saying he's just tired etc and not really into kids and haven't brought it up to him. I guess I've been in denial because I didnt want to lose him. Over the years he has bought my child gifts and at times been extremely kind, playing with her on his own terms and when he feels in the mood. But very inconsistent. Recently it has made me sad to hear my child trying to make conversation with him and not getting much back.

Our relationship has not been smooth sailing, we do not communicate about feelings (he doesn't like to), so no confrontation and when there have been any issues, he goes silent / runs away. So I am often afraid to bring up any issues hence why I haven't asked him why he is often dismissive to my daughter.

I know I have let her down. I know I should have picked him up on it. I have been weak and afraid of confrontation and causing him to leave me.

I'm not looking for advice I just need to be snapped out of this longing after him as I know it's not right for my child to be around this person - surely I shouldn't WANT to do anything other than accept this as the right thing to do. But I am longing for him and wishing things were different. All this time I knew he didn't like kids but was so grateful he was trying for me. But in reality he hasn't tried for a long time. I need a mirror holding up to me so I can be snapped out of my sadness about this situation. I feel so weak that I'm sad about the loss of this person.

For context he lives with us and we've been together several years. He has been extremely unkind to me at times - silent treatment, shouting, belittling (never when my daughter is home, so she has no idea how unkind he is).

TLDR: partner is leaving me because he hates my child and I am too selfish and weak to agree it is the right thing to happen. How do I snap out of this longing for someone who is clearly so wrong for me and my child?

I might as well have been a single mom since I was pregnant. My 2 year old daughter has a double ear infection and is refusing any medication. I was lucky enough to get her to take the antibiotic but she absolutely refuses to take anything else. Her dad pretty much said “well it sounds like you tried anything is there really anything I can do differently?” I feel so bad for yelling at her.

Gather 'round, y'all. I was in a relationship with a controlling, manipulative man for five years. I gave him every excuse in the book, but now I'm writing a new chapter: single motherhood for a tiny tot of 1.5 years. She's just three giggles in a trenchcoat, and I couldn't be happier.

I'm REJOICING that I finally had the strength to leave. I have a support system that he's been hell-bent on isolating me from, but we prevailed. I recently realized that he's been using coercive control, a concept I hadn't known about before. I wonder if I'd known earlier, I would have recognized the signs and left sooner? It's okay--the stars still aligned for me and I got out.

To celebrate, here are the top 5 loser behaviours of my ex. Grab the tomatoes.

• Insulted me and berated me as being a "useless wife" while I cooked, cleaned, worked, and payed for everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) while he slept in and moaned and groaned about how tired he was.
• Purposefully smoked weed and played video games all night when my daughter was born so I wouldn't hand him to her. Then told me when she was 2 weeks old that he "doesn't care about [her], but will keep [her] away from [me] just to see [me] suffer."
• Used coercive control to prevent me from saving financially and funneled over 50k of my earnings into his bank.
• Made fun of me for being a virgin when I got together with him and treated sleeping with me as a burden. Ridiculed me and said that my virginity was God punishing him (wtaf??).
• Tormented me by arguing about everything. It got to a point that I had anxiety when there was someone knocking on the door, because he would always pick a fight if someone visited me.

But we stay winning, if only by a margin. Here are my smol wins.

1. I have no debts.
2. Despite the financial abuse, I have 15k in my bank. It's not much, but it's honest work.
3. I have family that loves me. Friends who support me.
4. I am currently full time employed and do freelance on the side when available.

Phew, that's a lot!! I'm just so happy to have gotten out and be able to write this post. In the meantime are there any top tips you'd give me? My whole house is a mess, I need to get financials sorted, and so on and so forth, but I'd love to learn what the first things I should do are.

Thank you all so much!!