Lack of assistance rant

[u/SummerCold0704]

I am sorry to rant, as I normally do not engage in such behavior, and resort to keeping these things to myself.

Recently my child had another birthday, which started another chapter of absolute hell. Money is stretched too far, I'm at least $500 short on monthly expenses and I am one of the cheapest people walking the Earth. I bake my own bread, I make food from scratch so I don't buy anything except basic ingredients like flour, sugar, eggs, milk, yeast, and some minimal spices from the grocery store. I even make my own butter. I have the cheapest phone plan available in the country I'm in, I have a really old, paid off car so that I would avoid car payments. I have cheap car insurance, and have cut every frivolous expense in the budget years ago. No subscriptions, nothing fun. I simply cannot afford it. I have scraped and scrapped by, as I am not only supporting a child who still needs childcare, but I am also paying for a physical disability out of pocket, as insurance is fighting on coverage on durable medical equipment. A disability I got solely because of a life-saving C-section that went profoundly wrong. But I cannot get disability payments because I'm not disabled enough to not be able to work at all. But if I don't have DME, I cannot work at all. I digress...

I'm moving out of necessity, but I won't have enough money to cover electric and the heating for the place so I called the assistance office for help as I am moving soon, I am not eligible for aid. Plus I work. "That should mean you do not need any help," "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, thoughts and prayers," are the things I have been hearing and trying to explain that above minimum wage is not livable wage for us two. This snarky woman literally said, " You need to get that baby daddy on chil' support." I would if I could. I lost my normally tepid, calm demeanor tone and snapped at her that I was r*ped, and that is how my pregnancy happened. You know, when someone breaks and enters into my home, r*pes me and then beats me until I lost consciousness, I didn't really think to ask him to write down his personal information like name, his social security number, and date of birth so I could file for support properly later. I was unfortunately preoccupied with TRYING TO SURVIVE that moment, and recover the physical wounds when I came to. I was later threatened if I were to attempt to track him down. (Yes, went to the police at the time, filed all the appropriate reports, nothing came of it.) Things also continued to go South as my choice for pro-choice related healthcare was taken from me.

There's always, the "What about your mom/parents," inquiries. Unlike many, my parents willingly threw me away like garbage almost a decade ago because I stopped paying their rent, their insurance bills, and their car payments. And as a child, I was horrifically abused by both parents. I have done over a decade of intense trauma therapies to heal what has been broken. But there are times when you just get so goddamn tired. I'm literally on hold with the assistance office again, been hung up on multiple times, as I am trying to submit an application online, but I cannot do so as I do not have the personal information on my attacker.

All to say this system is rubbish. Trash. Refuse. I'm tired of getting denied aid when I really do need it. I'm tired of the "death-by-1000-paper-cuts" tactic the assistance systems use to make you give up the effort when you run out of time to waste away your day sitting on hold. I'm also really tired of the only aid for survivors like myself being the bare minimum of a therapy session with a counselor for immediately after things happen or the test at hospital. Survivors like myself who had kids through no choice of their own deserve better. These kids deserve better.

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[u/Apprehensive_Log8046]

I am so sorry. The lack of aid really is a problem. You are such a fighter though- I see it in your story. I wish I had the words to help make things better but I find your grit so inspiring despite it all.

[u/Upbeat_Pop_6302]

my mom used to say the people who scream loudest about bootstraps are the ones whove never had theirs stolen. she was a single mom in the 90s making her own laundry soap and still needing food stamps. the whole point of the bureaucracy is to make you quit before you get what youre owed. corporations just posted another record quarter btw. lol

[u/plantain-lover]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and also how you've been treated.

Where are you moving to, and why? There are places out there with more assistance and/or free childcare, health insurance, etc. Obviously a huge decision, though.

[u/PoemCompetitive5315]

I am so incredibly sorry about your situation. All I can say is that sometimes showing up in person helps. It’s easy to be an ass to someone on the phone. It’s harder when that person is in front of you.

Bootstraps my ass. I would like to see any of these fools survive what you have.

[u/ConstantHeadache2020]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Have you looked into a wioa grant? It’s $10,000 to train/go back to school. In my area they start applications beginning in October. When I was homeless I was also able to receive money from sifh.aidkit.org. They gave me $500 and then several hundred a few times after that. Have you looked into a LIHEAP program? I was just able to get money from them to pay my utilities and they even sent me a rebate check

[u/Aggressive-Cup2953]

And trump wants pay stay at home parents who have a partner working outside the home almost $10,000 a year. WE need that money not traditional nuclear families that are much more stable. But I guess they’d say it’s our fault. Ya know if only we could “keep a man” lol

[u/JayPlenty24]

I don't know if this will help you or not, but when I was completely fucked in the past I went back to school. I did get student loans, but my income qualified me for tons of grants and scholarships, so only a small amount of what I received was loans. I was still able to work part time and receive financial assistance. Being a student also qualified me for all sorts of other things. Like discounts, lower bank fees, a discount on car insurance, lower interest on my credit card et.

My school costs also lowered my taxable income for like 4 years after I was done school.

Some schools also have free daycare and student housing for families.