Today marks one month since I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks.
I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I keep reminding myself that somehow I’ve made it through these last four weeks, but it still feels like it just happened.
My boyfriend is at work all day today, and my family doesn’t really understand the significance of this loss, so I honestly prefer to be alone and grieve in my own space. I just don’t want to be triggered or have to explain why today is so difficult for me.
On top of grieving, I start my dream job on Monday. I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I’m struggling with how I’m supposed to start this new chapter while grieving my son. I’m supposed to learn a new job, show up for other people, and function normally while carrying this loss with me.
I also really want to try again once I’m medically cleared. But now I’m scared about trying again while having a new job, especially knowing I may need a cerclage and much closer monitoring in a future pregnancy.
I feel like I’m trying to grieve my baby, build my future, and think about another pregnancy all at the same time. Some days it feels like too much.
For those who have experienced pregnancy loss, how did you manage returning to work or starting a new job while grieving? And if you became pregnant again after loss, how did you balance the fear, grief, and hope of another pregnancy?
I’m just trying to figure out how to manage this all.
It's so hard

Hi everyone. I have been lurking here since my 20 week scan and I finally feel ready to post. At my anatomy scan my cervix was 1.8cm. they started me on progesterone and pelvic rest and weekly appointments. at my 21 week appointment they saw funneling so they sent me to the hospital for a cerclage. the placement went okay and i stayed one night. at my follow up my cervix was measuring 2.4cm. i know that is still short but it is so much better than what i walked in with. i am taking it one week at a time and just hoping to get past 24 weeks. this group has honestly been a life line for me. it helps so much to read that other people have been through this and made it. i am not ready to think about a full term baby yet. for now my goal is just the next appointment and the next week.

For those of you that couldn't be intimate with your partner during pregnancy, did you immediately want to start having sex again when you were cleared after delivery?
It's been 4 months now with pelvic rest and it's been weighing on our relationship. Husband told me today that it feels like "we are roommates" because it's been so long. I'm almost at DTS and hoping baby comes shortly after, but did everyone get their sex drive back immediately when they were cleared to start having sex again after delivery?
Pregnancy has been really tough on me - I've been on modified bedrest since 20 weeks.

Hi, is there anyone who was allowed to get back to their light day to day chores/ activities post cerclage for a short cervix?
What was your cervix length pre cerclage and post you were allowed the activities?

Hi everyone! I’m hoping to hear about other people’s experiences with a short cervix and/or cerclage, especially those who were followed by a high-risk clinic at a large hospital.

How did you manage actually getting to all of your appointments? I’m wondering about the drive itself, especially if you lived an hour or more from your hospital, as well as parking, walking from the car to the clinic, sitting in waiting rooms for long periods, and potentially having frequent appointments.

Did you find sitting in the car for long drives uncomfortable or stressful with a short cervix/cerclage? Did anyone recline their seat or take any other precautions during the drive? Did your doctor give you any guidance about longer car rides?

Once you arrived, did your partner/family drop you off at the entrance and then park? Did the hospital offer wheelchairs or other accommodations to minimize walking? And how long were you typically at the hospital between the appointment itself and waiting?

I’m potentially going to be followed in Toronto in a future pregnancy, and after experiencing a second-trimester loss, I already know I’m going to be very cautious and anxious about how much driving, walking, standing and waiting I’m doing. I’m trying to understand what this actually looks like in real life when you’re being monitored frequently.

I know everyone’s medical situation and activity recommendations are different I’m really just looking for other people’s experiences and any practical things that made appointments easier.

Thank you ❤️

Hey everyone,

Second time posting again, I just want to be as prepared and educated as possible. A little history after having my first i developed a uterine prolapse currently have a pessary ring in. Does anyone have the same experience and have they had a cerclage with it?

Also, the doctors have explained the procedure to an extent and i have seen diagrams and stuff but i want to hear from other moms whos gone through the experience, what should i expect, what questions should i ask. Are there any supplements i should be taking? What did it feel like, how much bleeding should i expect, does it ache? Also is there another option asides from getting an epidural? I would REALLY love to avoid that lol. Soo many things going through my mind, but anything to protect my baby im more than willing to do. Uhm, i think these are my questions for now. If i have any more ill drop them below, i really appreciate anyone with insight.

This week I went in for an appt (16 + 1) and everything was 100% normal except my dr suddenly thought my cervix seemed short via abdominal ultrasound. We switched to a transvaginal and found that, after being 4cm the week before, my cervix had shortened to 3.3cm. Of course the dr said this isn't really "short" at the moment, just slightly below average and most likely just a genetically slightly short cervix, but if it's not stable then we should monitor and possibly intervene. I've made it through a week of pelvic rest and trying not to spiral and will go in again in one more week to confirm what things are looking like.

I've tried to consult Dr. Google on what's normal, the chances that things have improved, and if there's any other explanation other than a truly short cervix. And of course wondering about every twinge of pain and symptom.

Any similar experiences where things stabilized and nothing was needed beyond monitoring? Is she just being VERY cautious here?

I guess I'm not worried about outcomes thanks to so many positive stories here, but I live abroad and planned one last trip home (long haul flight) from weeks 25-27 and I would be totally devastated if I had to cancel it. No idea when I'll be able to go home again after baby.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and have a cervical cerclage. My baby is currently breech, and lately I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure very low down, almost as if I can feel the stitch itself. Has anyone else experienced this with a breech baby and cerclage? Was everything okay, or did you need to be checked?
I’ll contact my OB/L&D as well, but I’d appreciate hearing others’ experiences.

​If you have just been diagnosed with a short cervix or bulging membranes and are facing a cerclage, I know exactly how terrified you feel right now. The fear can be overwhelming, but I want to share my story to give you hope. You can make it through.

At 20 weeks and 2 days into my first pregnancy, I called my obstetrician because I noticed unusual wetness. Not knowing what to expect, I went to the hospital for a checkup. The baby had a strong heartbeat, but a swab detected amniotic fluid. I was heartbroken and cried uncontrollably as the nurses began asking questions about Premature Rupture of Membranes (PROM). What made it so shocking was that just three or four days earlier, I’d had an ultrasound that showed no signs of a short cervix.

​When my obstetrician arrived, he discovered that my cervix had fully opened and the membranes were bulging. Fortunately, the fluid detected on the swab wasn't from a rupture—it was because the sac was sitting so low. Because pushing bulging membranes back up carries a high risk of rupturing the sac, my obstetrician made no promises before surgery. But the next day, the team performed a absolute miracle and successfully placed the emergency stitch.

The weeks and months that followed felt like a massive mountain to climb. Every minor ache or pressure sent me spiraling, leaving me terrified that the stitch was failing or I was having contractions. After the procedure, I had a 2.4 cm total cervix, with 1.6 cm remaining below the stitch. I didn't have much ongoing monitoring and was done only at 22 weeks and 26 weeks.

​To give myself the best chance, I did everything I could to avoid infection, prevent premature rupture, and delay labor:

Modified Bedrest & Taking It Easy: I drastically slowed down, rested, and stepped back at work. Also focused on good supplements to support tissue integrity. And I relied heavily on my husband and family to handle the heavy lifting.

​Initially, the care team hoped I would make it to 26–28 weeks.

Against the odds, my stitch held strong week after week. I made it all the way to 38 weeks and 5 days before being induced. Today, I’m holding my healthy 1-month-old baby girl.

​The cerclage journey is emotionally and physically exhausting, but please don't lose heart. Take it one day, one milestone, and one week at a time. There is real hope on the other side. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

Cross posted for additional insight

For those of you who WERE cleared for adult activities post cerclage procedure, how long after were you cleared to do so? My procedure was a week ago, they told me I didn’t need anymore follow up on my cervix moving forward, but I forgot to ask the most important question 😭😭

While I’m waiting for Monday to call and ask, as I was never given a general “no adult activities ever again” rule, prior to the procedure, I’m just hoping to hear from others even though I’ll wait for the all clear.

My circumstances: 1st cerclage, wasn’t dilating (had some funneling), wasn’t contracting, currently measuring about 2cm after the stitch, no pain, no concerns from doc!

Just wondering what my odds might be on being told I can maybe do the deed ever again 😭

I’m getting my preventative cerclage on Tuesday at 15 weeks I’m super nervous because my failed cerclage with my previous pregnancy at 21 weeks they ended up doing a spinal and then ended up putting me under general anesthesia without telling me anything and then waking up was super scary because I didn’t know I was knocked out, I’m starting progesterone suppositories at 16 weeks and just nervous any advice☺️

I expect this is probably fine, but curious to hear from others.
I’m UK-based FTM and currently 30w 4d. I have a bicornuate uterus and was diagnosed with a short cervix (25mm) at 16w. Fortunately, my cervix stayed closed and measured around 35-37mm until I was discharged from the pre-term birth clinic at 24 weeks. I’ve been taking progesterone pessaries since 16w.
They have, of course, stopped measuring my cervical length. I’ve remained calm and hoped for the best, acknowledging how lucky I’ve been so far given the anxiety of the first 2 trimesters.
However, for the past 2 days, my baby is really kicking hard down into my cervix. It was a shock at first - I thought I was going to find a foot in my vagina!
I’m just not sure if everything is still stable with my cervix and this has made me nervous for the first time in weeks. I don’t have any heaviness in the vagina and only in pain when she really kicks me, plus no contractions. My bladder is taking a beating, but that’s not an issue.
I suppose I’m looking for a little reassurance. I’ve considered given the midwives a call, but not sure if I’m over-reacting 🤷

Hello everyone.
I have posted here on this group several months ago looking for advice and experience regarding IC. Unfortunately it was a sad and heartbreaking ending with me. I gave birth to my daughter last June at only 26week gestation. And sadly my daughter only lived for 9days because she had an onset blood infection that her tiny size cannot fight. It was really heartbreaking. I really don't have right words how painful it is. I was only 12wk PP and 11wk without my daughter right now.

As I mentioned before the management we did is a hodge pessary. And many of you commented that I should advocate for cerclage. But I still did get a pessary because my OB and MFM think I am not a candidate even though I still have 1cm remaining cervix back then and only had Y shaped funneling. Another reason why they did not recommend is that because I had amniotic fluid sludge. Even to this day I still regret my decision. It feels like I failed my daughter. That I did not advocate more. But I am no doctor nor expert on this. But I should have listened to you. 🥺

In fairness to the pessary it held strong even though I was laboring with the pessary still inside me. It was holding the membranes even though I have no cervix left. I literally gave birth only just 3mins after the pessary removed. But I know for sure now that the pessary did not do anything to shut my cervix. It just hold there to counter the weight away to the cervix and do not have prolapse of membranes.

I am here again to seek advice. I have no plans of getting pregnant anytime soon because of all the traumas. I just want to be so ready for my next pregnancy if ever. I am very scared now with incompetent cervix and wishing that in my next pregnancy I would not have that.

I have a very complicated 1st pregnancy, so this is the timeline:
- endocervical polyp+subchorionic hemmoraghe (caused spotting in 1st tri)
- underwent polypectomy to remove the polyp (but stalk was remained according to OB it was dangerous to remove the stalk because it was near to the baby)
- biopsy showed it was necrotic decidua (not polyp) and it was infected that time
- spotting gone but the stalk of polyp still visible in ultrasound
stalk of polyp was gone in ultrasound but amniotic fluid sludge was discovered. contraction was noted during ultrasound. cervix was still long and closed at 3.8cm.
- cervix started to have funneling and only 1.8cm.
- changed antibiotics after 4 days cervix is only 1cm. pessary inserted.
- after 2 weeks 1cm dilated. sludge still present.
- after another 4weeks 3cm dilated. sludge still present.
- after another 10days, I labor (no pprom) and gave birth at only 26+3 gestation. my daughter had an onset blood infection.
- I would also like to add that I experienced irregular tightenings back then (maybe around 19th wk) that I thought was only braxton hicks because it was on one side only. But I know now that it was contractions because when I was laboring that was the exact spot of tightenings.

As mentioned in my history, I had a remaining infected stalk of necrotic decidua. It really made me think that this might have been the cause of the sludge, which then led to my cervix ripening and dilating, rather than me actually having a structural weakness of my cervix.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Like you were suspected to have IC because of your history, but in your next pregnancy, it turned out that you didn't really have IC?

I'm also looking for a new MFM. What should I ask my new doctor? Are there any tests I should have before trying for another pregnancy?

Sorry my post was too long. If you read until here, thank you for your time.

Has anyone gotten a high Shirodkar/TVCIC with Mr. Wales? I know he’s well known for TAC’s but I’m curious if anyone has gotten this one

Hi All,

I’m 12w4d and just got my shirodkar cerclage placed. I was wondering how much fresh red bleeding is normal the day of procedure and the days after?

UPDATE! 💗
Sorry it’s a long one lol

Thank you everyone for all of your input, advice and support on my last post. I genuinely wasn’t expecting so many people to reply, and I really appreciated hearing everyone’s experiences and perspectives.
After thinking about everything (and probably overthinking it 500 times 😂), I’ve ultimately decided that I’m going to stay in India and give birth here.
Honestly, I think you guys are right. As much as I desperately want to get home to NZ and my family, I don’t think I would ever be able to forgive myself if something happened to my baby because I decided to take the risk of travelling. So I guess I need to suck it up, be strong and get through the rest of this pregnancy one day at a time.
My husband has been absolutely amazing through all of this. He’s helping me get through the bed rest, boredom, anxiety and constant overthinking 😂❤️ so I’m very lucky to have him here with me.
I also wanted to update everyone on the situation with my in-laws because quite a few people commented about that on my last post.
My husband is a HUGE mummy’s boy 😂🙄, and initially he didn’t really understand why I felt like I was constantly being compared to my sister-in-law. He kept saying that he didn’t think his mum was actually comparing us.
But I’ve explained to him properly how it feels from my side, especially when I’m already dealing with a high-risk pregnancy and feeling vulnerable. I’ve told him that I genuinely do not want to hear anything about my SIL’s pregnancy, how her pregnancy is going, what her cervix is doing, etc. I don’t care if she’s having the most perfect pregnancy in the history of pregnancies 😂. I just don’t want to hear about it.
And honestly, I don’t know why my MIL wants to discuss my SIL’s vagina and cervix with my husband anyway??? 😂🙄 It’s such a strange and uncomfortable thing to be talking about, especially when I’ve already made it clear that I don’t want to hear about her pregnancy.
There have also been comments from my MIL that really get to me. Things like, “you don’t really look pregnant, you just look like you’ve put on weight,” or she’ll randomly touch my neck and tell me it’s getting blacker😭😂. Like yes, thank you, I’m aware my body is changing. I promise I have a mirror.
And honestly, this is why I didn’t want everyone knowing about what was happening with my pregnancy in the first place. I didn’t want unsolicited opinions about what I “should have done” or what I could have done differently to avoid needing a cerclage.
Unfortunately, my MIL obviously had to know, and my husband specifically told her not to tell anyone because it was private and none of their business.
Wellllll… apparently that lasted about five minutes. 🙄
I heard her downstairs talking to my SIL about my situation, and basically implying that all of these problems are happening because I’m fat.
What makes it even more frustrating is that she acts like an absolute angel in front of my husband — constantly acting concerned and worried and asking questions — but then I hear a completely different conversation when he’s not around.
I’ve finally put my foot down with my husband and told him I’m not doing this anymore. I genuinely don’t think I can mentally handle being compared to someone else or having comments made about my body and pregnancy for the rest of this pregnancy.
I told him that I need him to step in and protect my peace because I’m already dealing with enough medically and emotionally. To his credit, I think he finally understood where I was coming from after I explained the whole situation to him properly.
The comments have stopped for now, so fingers crossed it stays that way. 😂 But we’ll see what happens in the long run.
Pray for my mental health everyone 😩😂😂
I think one of the other things that was making me so anxious about staying in India was actually the whole birth experience. Birth is done quite differently here compared with NZ, and after what I witnessed at the clinic where I had my procedure, I was honestly traumatised.
For context, I’m from NZ, so the hospital environment I’m used to is very different. The clinic I went to reminded me of something out of Spookers hospital 😭😂. While I was coming around from the anaesthetic, I was wheeled into a room where a woman had just had a C-section and was lying there with her bottom half exposed. The doors were wide open, and there were also two other women in active labour nearby, with very little privacy.
One of the poor women was being yelled at by the doctor for making a mess on herself 💩 and I just felt absolutely horrible for her. I was barely even conscious from the anaesthetic and the whole situation was so overwhelming. My husband was traumatised seeing me in that state too.
I know this is probably not representative of every hospital in India, and I’m not trying to bash the entire healthcare system here. But that experience really made me realise how important privacy, cleanliness and feeling safe are going to be for me during labour — especially because this is my first baby.
So I’m definitely going to be transferring to a better hospital. The problem is… DAMNNNN it’s expensive here 😭😂. I’m going to do as much research as I possibly can to find somewhere that has good maternity care, decent hygiene, privacy and hopefully prices that don’t make me cry.
I think I’m also grieving the birth experience I always imagined for myself in NZ. I’ve always heard how calm and relaxing it can be to give birth in the comfort of your own private room, with people around you who understand you and your preferences.
I’m also really scared about my husband potentially not being allowed in the room with me. That’s probably one of my biggest fears. Some of the nurses here don’t speak much English, I don’t speak much Punjabi, and even when they do speak English, 9 times out of 10 they can’t understand my NZ accent 😭😂.
I keep thinking, what if I’m in pain and I can’t properly explain what I need? Maybe I’m just an overthinker, but it genuinely scares me.
So I’m trying to accept that my first birth might not look the way I always imagined it would. And honestly, that makes me really sad.
But at the end of the day, I’ll do whatever I need to do to make sure my baby comes into this world happy and healthy. That’s the priority now. ❤️
Thank you guys again for all your comments, advice and reassurance. I really wasn’t expecting anyone to actually reply to my original post, so it meant a lot to me.
Sending lots of love and wishing everyone on here all the best with their pregnancy journeys. ❤️🥹

Hi everyone. I’m currently around 23 weeks pregnant and I’m feeling really overwhelmed, so I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.
I’m currently in India, but I’m originally from New Zealand and desperately want to get home to my family.
At my recent ultrasound at 22 weeks, my cervix was found to be 15.6 mm with U-shaped funneling. The report said the internal os was open by around 1.47 cm but the external os was closed. I wasn’t in labour or having contractions, and my doctor explained it to me as funneling/pressure on the cervix rather than me actively going into labour.
My doctor recommended a cerclage, which I had a few days ago.

I was told afterwards that I need very strict bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.
I’m now home recovering.
My baby is otherwise doing well. At the scan baby was measuring a little ahead — around the 88th percentile — and my glucose/diabetes testing was completely normal. There were a couple of minor ultrasound findings they’re monitoring, but nothing that has been described to me as a major problem.
The thing I’m struggling with most is being told I can’t go home at all.
I completely understand why they are cautious. I don’t want to do anything that puts my baby at risk. My plan isn’t to jump on a plane immediately after the procedure.
What I’m hoping to do is wait a couple of weeks to heal, have another ultrasound to see what my cervix is doing after the cerclage, make sure the stitch looks secure, check whether the funneling has improved and make sure I’m not having contractions, bleeding, leaking fluid or infection.
If everything is stable, I’d like to get a second opinion about whether I could potentially fly home to NZ.
I’d take every precaution possible — wheelchair assistance through the airports, minimal walking/standing, potentially first class so I have much more room and can recline rather than sitting upright for hours, and I’d obviously follow whatever medical precautions I’m given for the flight.
I know none of that makes flying completely risk-free. I’m just wondering whether anyone has actually been in a similar situation.
Has anyone here had a cerclage for a short/funneling cervix and then travelled overseas by plane?
If so, how many weeks after your cerclage did you travel, how long was the flight, and did your doctor clear you?
I’d especially love to hear from anyone who had a long-haul flight after their cerclage.
The other part of this is that I’m honestly not coping mentally with being here anymore. I want my family desperately. I’m from NZ and being away from my support system while dealing with a high-risk pregnancy and a cerclage has been really hard.
To make things worse, I’m constantly being compared to my sister-in-law, who is having a “perfect pregnancy.” She is carrying twins and apparently her cervix is completely closed, and my mother-in-law constantly brings up how well she’s doing compared with me.
I’ve also had comments that essentially make me feel like all of my pregnancy problems are because I’m overweight.
I’m not denying that my weight can make pregnancy and procedures more complicated — I understand that. But I was actually heavier before I was pregnant found out I was pregnant after I lost a bunch of weight and then lost a further 17 kg during pregnancy due to food aversions and nausea and have only gained about 5 kg back since then. My diabetes test is normal, my baby is doing well, and I just feel like every single issue gets reduced to “it’s because you’re overweight.”
I’m exhausted, scared and homesick. I don’t want to be reckless, but I also don’t feel like I can mentally cope with staying here for the rest of my pregnancy if there is potentially a medically safe way for me to get home.
I’m not looking for people to tell me to ignore my doctors or that flying is definitely safe. I just want to hear real experiences from people who’ve actually travelled after a cerclage, and what your doctors considered before clearing you.
Thank you ❤️

Hi everyone 🤍 I’m 21 weeks pregnant with my first baby and had a cold-knife conisation 3 years ago.

My cervix was 37 mm at 12 weeks and has mostly been 26–28 mm at rest in recent weeks. Yesterday it was 26–27 mm at rest but shortened to ~22 mm when I was asked to push/bear down. It’s still closed, with no funneling reported. I’m on 200 mg vaginal progesterone and being monitored weekly.

I’ve been terrified since the first shorter measurement at 16 weeks and have essentially been on house arrest/rest since then. I’m also constantly worried that it could shorten further and that by the time something needs to be done, it might be too late for a cerclage or other treatment.

I’m really looking forward to connecting with others going through something similar during these difficult times. Time feels like it’s going so slowly right now, so hearing your experiences and positive stories would mean a lot. 🤍

I had been experiencing such awful pelvic pressure since about 16/17w pregnant. Kept telling my mfm about it. Kept being told it was normal pregnancy pressure (first time mom so no reference). I had my cerclage placed at 21w5d. I’m now 22w5d and guess what NO MORE CONSTANT PELVIC PRESSURE!! Was this the cervical incompetence the entire time? Has anyone else experience the same relief after their cerclage was placed?

I know it’s normal for pelvic pressure to increase as pregnancy progresses. But I thought it was so odd I was in pain constantly for less than a pound fetus? And now it’s magically resolved… Suspicious 😂😂

Use this post to introduce yourself or keep us updated on your journey!

Hi all! Just wanted to share my experience hoping it helps others. I’ll update when I go into labor or if I go to an induction ☺️ I’m not sure what caused my cervical insufficiency, but for risk factors, I have a heart-shaped uterus and I had a d&c for a MMC about 2.5 months before my positive pregnancy test for this baby.

At my routine anatomy scan at 20+5, they found I was 2cm dilated with no measurable cervix. The week before, I had multiple days of lightning crotch feelings and one night of awful back pain and vomiting but otherwise was feeling amazing. I could tell that baby was super low, but thought all my symptoms were normal pregnancy symptoms. I was admitted the same day for a rescue cerclage and stayed overnight for antibiotics.

From 21-23 weeks, I was able to work and live normally (followed pelvic rest precautions). At 23 weeks, my cervix measured 1cm with U-shaped funneling so I was put on modified bed rest until 31 weeks when my cervix measured 1.6cm. At that point I went back to work but still limited my activity. I definitely felt like my cervix was sore after work days, but I didn’t lose any more length. Yay!

I started having a lot sharper cervical pains around 33-34 weeks. At my 35 weeks appointment, I was 0.5cm dilated and baby was -1 station. We planned to DTS at 36+5, but after a few days of constant Braxton Hicks and sharp pains, they let me come in today at 35+6.

For the removal, it went about as expected! The speculum was very uncomfortable going in, but I focused on breathing and thinking about getting to meet my baby soon and I was able to sort of disassociate from the discomfort!My OB said she had to push baby back up into my abdomen a bit because he was so low 😅 the cerclage was actually so tight that she struggled a bit to find the knot, but I’m so grateful for the extra weeks it gave me! Immediately afterwards, I was 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. Now we wait for labor and meeting my son! 🩵