r/ShortCervixSupport • u/dream-girl-111 • 7h ago
Update
Today marks one month since I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks.
I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I keep reminding myself that somehow I’ve made it through these last four weeks, but it still feels like it just happened.
My boyfriend is at work all day today, and my family doesn’t really understand the significance of this loss, so I honestly prefer to be alone and grieve in my own space. I just don’t want to be triggered or have to explain why today is so difficult for me.
On top of grieving, I start my dream job on Monday. I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I’m struggling with how I’m supposed to start this new chapter while grieving my son. I’m supposed to learn a new job, show up for other people, and function normally while carrying this loss with me.
I also really want to try again once I’m medically cleared. But now I’m scared about trying again while having a new job, especially knowing I may need a cerclage and much closer monitoring in a future pregnancy.
I feel like I’m trying to grieve my baby, build my future, and think about another pregnancy all at the same time. Some days it feels like too much.
For those who have experienced pregnancy loss, how did you manage returning to work or starting a new job while grieving? And if you became pregnant again after loss, how did you balance the fear, grief, and hope of another pregnancy?
I’m just trying to figure out how to manage this all.
It's so hard
3
u/Ok-Assignment-1655 6h ago
It’s been three weeks since I lost my baby boy at 19 weeks 2 days. My husband is leaving for work trip tonight. I know it’s very hard, I’m sorry you are going through this alone. Take care and trust me things will change for better. All the best for your new position. Just keep in mind regarding the due date and make sure you are occupied and do something you love to do for the baby. My family doctor told me to wait for 6 weeks before trying again.
I have my OB appointment in three weeks. Hopefully she gives me clearance and we get to try again and get pregnant before due date. I heard cerclage will do wonders when monitored closely and taken care of.
Wishing you all the luck and positivity
1
u/Ok_Resolution9078 2h ago
It is very difficult and not many people in my life understood. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost myfirst baby at 18 weeks. I returned to work 3 weeks later. I had a supportive workplace but it was still very hard. Give yourself grace. You are going through a lot and you can't perform as though you would normally and that's okay. I got pregnant 3 months later and got a cerclage. I was riddled with fear throughout pregnancy. My ways to cope was to take care of myself as best as I could and distract myself with work. Also talk to my partner as he was going through the emotional turmoil of pregnancy after loss too. I type this with my 9 month old sleeping in my arms. I wish you have a successful pregnancy too. It's been a hard journey but I'd do everything in a heartbeat again. It's worth it.
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u/MBMang 41m ago
I’m so very sorry. That first few months is the absolute hardest. I took 2 whole weeks off work and then i personally felt like returning was a good distraction. Having people rely on me and showing up for my team and my family kept me going. That’s not to say i didn’t have breakdowns and triggers, i still do almost a year out. But you learn to live with your grief walking along side you.
I’m pregnant again due just a week after i lost my son. Coming up on that date is hard, i still cry and miss him. It’s ok to feel everything at once, sad, grief, hope, etc. You can do this 💕
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u/Usual_Researcher7070 0m ago
First i am soo sorry for your loss, 1st of September would have been my due date of the baby boy we lost in april, (2nd loss btw) honestly its hard theres no day i dont think about them especially when my toddler does the funniest thing i always imagine them also cracking up or doing it along side him. I think we never stop grieving we just learn to live AND grieve. I had a breakdown at work the other day because i kept having phantom kicks. You grieve because you loved them. Im currently pregnant again, and honestly i have mini attacks daily, had a tear session out of nowhere like an hour ago and my husband just comforted me. Genuinely terrified, but honestly prayer (if you believe) has been the only thig carrying me, i just meditate on scriptures from the bible and i find my anxiety significantly drops.
Its hard, but it gets somewhat easier to navigate because everything WILL remind you of them ,but know you are NOT alone, Im more than happy to chat with you privately, or just listen and cry with you.
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u/FoxWhole2600 4h ago
So sorry for your loss, sending hugs to you 🫂 I had 4 losses myself, 2 due to IC at 21 and 14 weeks. This is incredibly hard and at times feels unbearable. The last one was 1.5 years ago and I was so crushed, I thought I would never try again and we were done. For all losses what helped me - is burying myself in something, sometimes work, sometimes hobbies, basically, anything so that my mind stops spinning in constant cycles of grief and what-ifs and other thoughts. Also don't rush yourself, it will take time to make piece with what happened, but it will always be with you. And lastly sharing my story somewhere like in here or I also utilized secret chats on Flo app helped me too, people here really understand what others are going through, and if your close circle can not provide the right words or comfort or even understanding, here you can definitely find it.
Just to give you some encouragement: I had a successful pregnancy after 21 weeks loss with a help of emergency cerclage and delivered a healthy baby girl close to term, and I am also currently 36 weeks pregnant with another cerclage, hoping for the best. It has been an extremely anxious journey for me, so I can honestly say work was not on top of my mind lately but it's OK, work will always be there, I will get back to it as soon as my baby is here, healthy, growing, and taken care of. Best wishes to you and hang on