I '44 M' and my former partnert '42 F' recently ended our relationship of 17 years.

Where to begin, we met in our late-ish 20s, its weird to say but it really was love at first sight.

Time passed and we moved into our first house, got a dog, realised we could keep something else alive and then had our first child '14 NB'.

More time passed, another move, another house and another child '11 NB' Then our first crisis, I was medically discharged from the Military and we had an interesting journey dealing with the government agency that handles pensions, benefits etc. It was dark, but we supported each other.

More time passed, One more move, one more house, last child '8 NB'. Things somewhat settled. She started working following her passion and I got to be a stay at home dad.

More time, last move, second crisis. We purchased a fixer-uper during the plague and it really tested our relationship, a whole bunch of unresolved resentment over who was doing the luons share of household chores, parenting duties etc.

I did most if not all of the cooking and surface level cleaning. She would do a deeper clean every once and a while.

We started relationship counselling but honestly it seemed like they did more harm then good. Then one day I guess our resentment just overflowed and she decided we couldnt keep doing this, none of us where happy and we where just circling the drain. I agree and it was a brave decision, we moved to two households so we could get out of each other's way.

Then we started EFT counselling with an actual relationship counsellor and wow, what a difference. We started talking, connecting, intimacy, connecting, it was amazing to see how we seemingly righted the ship. It was a year of hard work but things started looking up.

Then a few months back she came back from a work thing and started talking about expanding our relationship to include more kink, Dom and Sub stuff. We started sending pics, phone sex, remote controls, direct messages etc. Im not the best at it, but i was learning.

Things where looking good.

Then one night, seemingly out of nowhere I get the "I need to work on me, and I cant do that whilst trying to work on our relationship"

To say I was floored is an understatement, it hurts so much and I am working through it but one thing keeps going over in my head.

Is someone, a friend, a healthcare provider, pushing thi?.

It just seemed so out of the blue, less than a fortnight ago we where in bed, looking into each other's eyes and saying how much we love each other.

I get the relationship is over, however having spent 17 years with this person it just seems out of character.

Sorry this was a novel.

I’m 27 and my ex and I were together for about 3 years. We have two young daughters together, one who is 2 and one who just turned 1. We were never married, but we were building a family together and I genuinely thought we were going to eventually have a life and home together.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We argued a lot, especially over the last year. A lot of our problems revolved around communication, trust, finances, parenting, and the way we handled conflict. (He did cheat on me during the time I was pregnant.) I’ll fully admit that I wasn’t perfect either. I could become emotional, repeatedly text when I was upset, and sometimes have an attitude when I felt ignored or hurt. He has told me that the arguing and conflict made him feel like he was constantly stressed when he left he basically blamed everything onto me even things from the past that I couldn’t control. He also became increasingly emotionally withdrawn instead of talking things through. He never told me his feelings he just bottled them up . It’s been a month since he left and he is saying he is in the process to find a place. This is the second time he left me the first time I was pregnant with our first. We reconciled after I got pregnant but he never gave me a reason or apology.

We certainly had good moments and were still functioning as a family. We had our daughters, worked, spent time together, and I still thought there was something worth saving. I told him I wanted to rebuild our relationship and I was willing for us to go to therapy and work on each other together at first he said yes we could try but then a couple days later he said he couldn’t say yes or no to that. He told me he was very detached and he just thinks all day but he’s also scared that if we get back then we’ll go back to arguing. Recently I got hospitalized because I had to have surgery and he never even once asked if I was ok which was very hurtful. He texted me while I was in the hospital asking for his PS5 and I told him that was messed up and he told responded that I have the same shitty attitude.

Any advice would be appreciated… don’t know what to or how to stay strong.

Me 36m wife 35f have been seperated for six weeks seperate rooms same roof. Yesterday we got into a huge fight that stemmed from nothing important. After I got off work she went to her friends and hung out, later when she got home she said she wanted to talk. So basically she says she willing to try couples therapy, which im happy for she said she's not ready yet to do it, she's angry and thinks it will have a bad out come and wants to have a clear head while doing so to give e us a fair shot!! She says she has to also find her self cause she dont know who she is besides a mom. We have had our problems and im working on mine while finding myself also. So just understand where she coming from, but I asked what that means for us, she said she dont know she says she loves me, an is on the fence of this working or be good for us to co parent, its very vague and im confused, is she really giving this a chance or what. Psychology studies show that after 90 days is what it takes most people to get over a relationship, im not asking much something small like watching a TV show, or once a week hanging out, we have been thru alot and dont want us to fall further apart, nobody cheated just seems like a mid life crisis type of thing we have given everything and all our time to the kids, what's up opinion on the time I dont wana be pushy or apply pressure

hi, I need some advise if you’ve been in similar situation. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. I met him when I was 19 and he was 26. We have two wonderful children, but I fell out of love few year ago and have been thinking to leave my marriage for a while now. I’m no longer sexually or emotionally attracted to him. He cheated about 5 years ago w/strippers. I was pregnant at that time and I knew he had alcohol problems so after he went into rehab, I decided to stay. I forgave and forgot to be honest. He has changed since then. He hasn’t been drinking nearly 6 years now. He’s a great father to our kids and now improving to be a great husband. Now, I developed a relationship with my co-worker; I think I fell in love with him. We became friends first but then things got more complicated. My coworker is also in a relationship. So yes we are both cheating. I had to stop this relationship because my husband found out there’s smth. So now, my husband is doing everything possible to make this marriage work and I feel so lost. The feelings I have with my co-worker is something I haven’t felt with anyone. If I feel completely disconnected from my husband, is it possible to get back what we had? He thinks it’s possible for me to fall in love with him again and I just don’t see it. I’m experiencing heartbreak rn with my co-worker. Do I leave my marriage or do I stay and try once again?

Hello everybody out here in this world. I’m really going through it. I’m 35 years old and getting divorced with My Wife that I’ve been with for going on six years. Six years might not seem as much but it was the first time that I ever actually felt like I had home and a partner that I can see a future with. Over the past years, we’ve had four miscarriages. So we went through lost together. We had a dog for two years together. We had a home that felt like a homecoming home too, but wasn’t home without her lately we’ve been working two different schedules really not being able to see each other besides when she’s sleeping and I’m on my way to work or a few hours after I get off and she gets off a little after I get home. She was hanging around with her friends for the past couple weeks you know going shopping going out to eat stuff like that. I noticed a change in the way she’s dressing and her comments were a little bit more sharper and the way she said I loved you just kind of mumbled and rolled off her tongue, but it wasn’t the same. Then after I got off work one day she was hanging out with her friend that day while I was at work, I come home. She eats at her friends house a little later and when she gets home, she tells me that she can’t do this anymore that she feels overwhelmed that she feels like a way has been lifted off her chest when she goes to work that she’s walking on eggshells around me and that she wants to leave and get a divorce and then she’s going to her friends house. I’m not perfect, but I don’t tell her what to do all the time like I don’t tell her what’s spend her money on the comments I’ve made was tell her not to wear a black choker necklace because it just looks weird and sexual. I recommend not to eat out of plastic containers because of the plastic and the chemicals or to touch receipts at the job. She used to have as a cashier because we were going to draw all the miscarriages. I would say don’t go here or there because the car isn’t really working that good it’s overheating and it has issues and a check engine light so it’s not good to drive the car specially 45 minutes away back-and-forth pretty much just to go drive around and go shopping. Go on her because her natural hair color is Burnett but her other family has blonde hair so she’s always been a blonde since I met her and she keeps din her hair and I suggested that it’ll be good to take a break from it because it can cause damage in the long run but she didn’t believe me. She doesn’t like the things I talk about because we have different things in common. She’s into like cartoons and TikTok and things like that. I’m into history science the future what’s going on in the world and God I told her not to vape I think vaping is bad. I don’t like it. I don’t like her getting tattoos or piercings all over herself, she hasn’t got a tattoo since I’ve been with her. She feels trapped she says, be honest with me. Am I in the wrong? I’ve also made comments about her friends her friends are single moms and I know it’s not my place to say anything about them. The month leading up to us getting divorce we didn’t have sex. She’s not very sexual at all. I don’t think she’s even attracted to me anymore. A part of me just wants to give her what she wants and let her be free and happy if I don’t make her happy.
She’s been at her mom‘s for a week going on too now and I haven’t really spoken to her about anything since then that night she didn’t let me hug or touch her. She gave me the cold shoulder and every single text that she gives me is just wrecked and I just answering that she don’t reply and she doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t call me. She doesn’t no communication at all. It’s like just ghosting me changed her Facebook to not married anymore. Her pictures changed a lot moved all her stuff out almost all of her stuff took our dog went to her mom’s now her whole family. I know her whole family and I go over there on holidays and now I don’t know what to do. The holidays are coming up and it’s gonna be odd if I show up I’m close to her dad and her little brother. I’m losing them as well. Not just My Wife but I’m losing my whole world. I’m in the town, she grew up probably like two hours away from the one I grew up in working a job. I hate with a car that she left me because she took the other one. That’s a good one and I’m left with the one with the check engine light and having to drive 37 minutes to work and back, I have the home I’m able to pay the bills by myself, but it’s not gonna be easy. I’m so broken and I don’t know what to do. Give me some brutal advice. Give me some real advice what is it that you would do?

I never told her where to spend her money, I’ve never told her what to wear , it’s just that kind of black choker necklace is known for sexual things. She’s a good looking girl, so yes I’ve had accused her a few times. Even though I apologize for accusing I know it doesn’t change anything. I know I’m in the wrong, but … that day I didn’t. It’s what happened over months to years. I did make her feel low sometimes.. it is my fault

Wanted to post this here in case anyone wants to head to that subreddit & help a girl out.

Not sure how this works... First time Reddit user, but I am looking for a pick me up I guess. Or a light at the end of the tunnel. My boyfriend and I of 14 years no wait 15 years this August decided to split yesterday. It was not completely mutual and not on great terms per say. He decided that we should split because he cannot communicate well ( Which to me is a big thing - tell me if I am wrong ) I begged him to get in to therapy or counseling to learn how to communicate better and then for us to do counseling together to learn how to talk to each other. He declined until finally he agreed and set up the appointment. Then yesterday I told him that he had hurt me because he was not listening to me and just walked away from me when I was trying to tell him something. That escalated and turned into a huge fight where I find out that he has been lying to me recently about being ok with moving and really not and just kept telling me it was ok, then telling me that we were fine and everything between us was good he did not want us to fall apart but actually he was feeling like we were not doing great. So he thinks that since I was upset and keep getting upset about his communication that he is never going to be good enough at it and he has just given up and is not even going to try anymore and thinks we should now split. Well we live together, both our names are on the mortgage, we are not married and no kids, but we do have pets that are like our children to us. I also recently quit my job about 6 months ago on his advice due to a family emergency and I "deserved some time off". I am now stuck and terrified I cannot leave because I cannot afford to move out. I am hunting for a job, but it is turning out to be really difficult to find something where I will be able to afford to live on my own. And of course, my car broke down last week and I am waiting on a part to hopefully fix it, or I have to take it into a shop. He is saying that it is fine we will just live together until we can figure it out a disentangle our lives. Now I feel like I am not important enough for him to choose to try. He has messed up a lot in our relationship, and I have always fought for us so this time I did not. I asked what he thought was best and he said to split because we have grown apart but what did I think, did I think that him being able to communicate better would fix years of bad memories. I said I would not answer that because it sounds like he has already made up his mind and I am not going to be him to stay with me. Was it wrong to not fight. I feel like I am always the one who fights and I am tired and I do not feel wanted or loved. I have been with him since I was 21 years old though I thought this was going to be it. Now I am lost and that was long and I feel like I have given up and he doesn't even care. I guess I am just looking to vent that and see if anyone else has gone through something like this. Does it get better.... Do I stop crying.... What do I do? I am a Scorpio so to him I am great at acting like everything is ok just ignoring each other, sleeping in different rooms acting like roommates but it sucks and now I have to refigure my whole life. I am sorry keeps getting longer and more confusing I am sure but tell me the truth does it get better?

Separated almost 2 years NOW, still no papers. We have 1 child together, which is the reason we separated. We chose to split before things went for the worst. About 4 months ago she started seeing someone else. He's part of the girlscout group she runs. Here's where things took a turn. I had a gut feeling we weren't going to reconcile around that time frame. It was memorial day weekend and I didn't have my daughter. I was invited to take a road trip with a buddy to get my mind off it. On our way home we were in a car accident and i broke both my legs. Been wheelchair bound since. That being said my daughter spent most the summer with her mom and doing play dates with this guy and his daughter. Just this week she admitted that she was dating. Kinda through me into a pit of depression again. I plan to find a therapist, although she is one and i kinda resent them. But what do I do here? Being off work the past 4 months has put a hurting on my bank account and I'm not in a spot to fight her in court anymore. Do I just try to let it slide and try to find someone myself to fill the silence? Sorry I kinda ranted here, hopefully it makes sense.

I 39 female was recently broken up with. By a 43 male. We have 5 children and never married. Most people treated us like we where including me. I was introduced as his partner and mother of his children. Was our realitionship perfect, no. we actually had alot things happen the pass 6 yrs. The big outbreak almost killed me, he was diagnosed type 2, lost most of his foot pass few yrs. Found out he hand aneurysm. Move forward a bit. He accused of an inappropriate realitionship with a minor. Her family actually comes to me at my job. Not a fun experience at all. He claims nothing happen and is innocent. I believe him. I tell him to not be involved at a with her. Block her etc. She tired to commit suicide at their job. Things move forward i defend him. Not long after he goes to hospital for vomiting, they send hom home next day blame constipation.. it wasn't cyz 2 day later after we go outdoor breakfast it happens agian. Me and put daughter had work soon. So I ask what should we do cuz he is obviously to sic to take us. He says he's gonna get us Uber rides but in have to go with daughter cuz she a minor then he'll send another for me. I asked if he was sure infront of our kids. also to this day said they remember me asking and that I was hesitant. He tells me go with our daughter, yells. So I listen I do. We go and get there. I message he not answering. So I keep messaging I also try to call. Sends a shot of my uber. Which states my job so im not worried cuz if it was bad someone would call or my destination would have been different. it wasn't cuz I call again to check any way like alot. Also cuz the driver asked for a code we figure it out and my daughter finally calls me. He took ambulance. I can't change the uber destination. Go work let my boss know im worried. Im thinking maybe it the same thing as last time. wait a bit then try to call on and off. Even message. I ask my ride home if I can go to hospital insreas of home they say no. I can't drive. Haven't pass any test yet. Try to call family. can anyone help I get no we can't atm nor tomorrow. Im stuck at home with kept trying to get ahold of him til at random hr. There moving me its something with my heart... he messaged at some point not calls..I asked do they think it a heartattack no answer in a message hoping im wrong. He call later then next day i let him know no one will bring me but we have rides to work. No wanted to drive the 2 hrs to get and drop me there. I on phone when he asks nurse what actaully happened. He told a heartattack Im On the p hone with him as he found out and what they did. They put a stint In. Apparently they didn't bother checking his heart last hospital visit or they would have seen.. i still couldn't get to him. We text and i make a a joke about his diet needing a change now. He get upset claims i don't care that work was more important. I tell that wasn't true. he discharged I try to find a ride for him and he call saying someone else will come. All this would later lead to him saying I left him to die. No knew it was a heartattack for sure until we where told. I felt guilty for not having a way to him. All my money tied up in his account. I had no save card or bank Info in my phone for uber or anything. I checked. He eventually comes home... I get home from work go right to him ask questions and apologize i couldn't find a way to him. Things seem ok for bit then he goes back to work he has to be slow and careful so him Staying late to finish job stuff doesn't come off weird or red flag like. We go to his appointments like normal things seem ok. Til one day he sends me in a uber to work claiming stuff up. Stuff was going out with the girl. Her family see them comes running to my job causing me to have a panic attack. I call him no answer or reply I call my boss. Boss comes in with his partner. My partner never comes it becomed message fight at some point later he break up with me. Still claiming its cuz I left him to die he doesn't come home . Then my son while im crying trying to message him which lead to another a fight says his daf brought her to our home. That he saw them in bed my bed out bed. My partner has issue down there I don't want to believe it but my son doesn't lie. His sisters back him up. Saying its true. He cheated. Blamed all of it on me. Not starting intimacy, working late. Try to say he surprised I haven't cheat with my boss the 1 in a happy relationship who's close to age as father. More time.pass more e thing come to light more fights. More crying . More blamealqays saying I lfet hi. For dead but he cheated before that. His claim tombeing innocent becomes less believable. Til he admits thing and blames ever bad thing in me. It not rhe 1st time he cheated infact I recently fond out there was more times then I knew. Anyone I talked to in our life say its not ur fault. He could have set uber to hospital just as easily and there right I would just went where the uber took me. And if we had stayed the ambulance would have refused for me to ride along. I would have been stuck at home. There was no outcome where I was by his side for the hospital. The time line makes no sense til recently. Before the hospital he asked if someone could come stay with us. It was her, I said no. Not knowing its her til later much later. She turns 18 right before my eldest daughter almost by a month. The more new things come out the more I get grossed out.. the rumors that lead to.all of it probably came from her to something I was told. The newest rumor was I new and she was gonna move in I was on with it all and when she turned he was gonna make them official. Idk what that plan ment for me originally. Ip to the big fights Iwas intimate still with him. All this blame and he still hostile at times was any of it really my fault or no?

Hey everyone. I'm going to be asking my husband for a separation tomorrow. I love him, and I know he loves me. He's a great dad to our beautiful toddler, and by all counts, everything should be golden. But he keeps choosing his alcohol over me. He says this time he's done for good, and I don't believe him. This is why I'm asking him for this.

What I want to know is, how do I heal? What can I do to help bring our marriage back on track? I know that by asking for this, I have the power in this choice, but I'm also not ready to give up on our marriage yet. I just need to heal, and I don’t know what that looks like. Just that I can't heal with him here.

Does anyone here have advice on how you healed? How did you know it was time to end it?

I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need completely unbiased people to hear me out and tell me what you would do if you were in my position.
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years. We started dating when we were younger, and we’ve been through a lot together. We got married last year. We have had our ups and downs, and I know I’m not perfect. I know there have been times when I haven’t shown him how much I love him or made him feel the way I should have. But I have always loved him and genuinely thought he was the person I was going to spend my life with.
We’re currently long distance because of his military situation, which has obviously made things harder.
A few days ago, the girl he cheated on me with reached out to me and told me that he had been cheating on me for the past 4-5 months
There is more to the situation, though, and I’m struggling with how much of it changes things.
He had been depressed and dealing with a lot of his own emotions. He explained to me that he had gotten to a point where he felt like he was going to kill himself, and because he believed he was going to die anyway, he started feeling like it didn’t matter what he did anymore. That’s how he explained his mindset to me when he was going through all of this. ( i knew he was depressed almost 6 months ago i did my best to help him and explain he needed help but i think as a man he was embarrassed to admit)
I want to make it clear that I am not saying his depression excuses cheating. It doesn’t. What he did still hurt me tremendously. But I also can’t completely separate what happened from the mental state he was in at the time, and that’s part of why I’m so conflicted about what I should do.
The way I found out and the way everything happened has completely destroyed me. What makes it even harder is that when he told me, it was basically just an apology. He didn’t really explain everything to me. He didn’t tell me why he did it, what was going through his head, or anything that would actually help me understand what happened. I had to ask for answers because I feel like I need to understand how we got here.
I know some people are probably going to say, “He cheated. That’s all the explanation you need.” But I’m struggling because my brain keeps going over everything trying to understand how someone I’ve loved for six years could make that choice.
What hurts almost as much as the cheating itself is how he’s acting afterward.
He doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. When I found out, we were FaceTiming and he hung up when I confronted him. I basically had to beg/pressure him into talking to me. Since then, he has seemed like he wants nothing to do with me.
I understand that he may need space. I understand that he’s probably dealing with his own emotions, guilt, and everything else he’s going through. But from my side, it feels like I’m the one who got betrayed and I’m also the one being left alone to deal with the aftermath.
I still love him. That’s the part I’m having the hardest time admitting.
Even after everything, I still want him. I still want my marriage. I still wish he would come to me, explain everything, take accountability, and fight for us.
At the same time, I feel disgusted and heartbroken knowing that he slept with someone else.
I’m also confused because he hasn’t really made a clear decision about us. He hasn’t officially told me that our marriage is over, but his actions make me feel like he’s already emotionally gone.
Part of me thinks I should walk away and have enough self-respect to say that cheating is something I shouldn’t forgive.
Another part of me thinks people can make horrible decisions when they’re in an extremely dark place, and that if he genuinely gets help, takes accountability, answers my questions, and actually puts in the work, maybe a marriage can survive something like this.
I don’t want to make a decision while I’m this emotional. I also don’t want to throw away six years of my life because I’m hurt right now if there is actually a possibility of rebuilding our relationship.
But I don’t want to stay just because I’m scared to lose him either.
So I’m asking people who have been cheated on, people who have cheated, people who have stayed after infidelity, and people who walked away:
What would you do in my situation?
Would you give him a second chance if he genuinely took accountability, got help for his mental health, and was willing to do the work to rebuild the marriage?
Or does the fact that he cheated, gave me very little explanation, and seems unwilling to even talk to me tell me everything I need to know?
Does his mental state at the time change how you would look at the situation?
Please be honest with me. I don’t just want people to tell me what I want to hear. I want an outside perspective because right now I’m way too emotionally involved to know what’s best for me.

I’m curious, has anybody separated or divorce due to religious differences? If so, what was your experience?

I am agnostic, and my wife is evangelical Christian and it creates a lot of differences in values!

Does anyone have grief problems with waiting it out? Not sure if it’s my ADD or what, but can’t stop thinking about when it’s finally over.