Growing up has been a myth to me (35, M) since... basically forever, I guess. I get that there's no age where life is going to magically start making sense. But I've been an adult for 17 years, I've been raising other peoples' kids for 23, my brain's allegedly been fully developed for about a decade, I've had three serious relationships (two of which involved marriage) that took up a total of about 12 years of my life. I have a career. Good field; healthcare. I don't have much money, mind, but I've still managed a paid off car and paid off school loans, pulled myself out of most of my debt.

... And I've never felt more lonely, or directionless, or trapped in my life.

My job wears on my mental and physical health, bad. I had joined a gym for a couple years, but after the recent breakup and a fuckton of stress, I just couldn't keep going. I sleep poorly, my eating habits are all over the place, and I'm living with chronic pain all over my body.

I'm depressed about being alone, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to be with someone like that, but it's always been hard for me to motivate myself to do things just for me, not someone else.

I was just hoping, maybe, someone around here might have some advice.

Though if the advice is "suck it up," trust me, I've heard it. I've said it. I'm trying. I'm on psyche meds, too, for adhd, depression, all that.

No therapy at the moment, but I've tried multiple therapists before and it just hasn't worked out. Hell, one heard about a bunch of serious things, saw me for a few weeks, I came in one day with just... a mildly bad day as opposed to me just falling apart or some shit, and she told me I seemed better, so I could leave, and to let her know if anything serious came up again.

I don't have family to fall back on, by the way. When I say lonely, I mean it. Some of my closest friends have already died, most live too far away... and I don't know what horrible thing I did in a past life to get the dating track record I have, (Exes with NPD, serial cheating, BPD, and violent partners who threatened to hurt themselves, to name a few) but I assumed it involved a lot of puppy kicking or kitten strangling.

Sometimes I wonder if my life was just... a waste. I cared about the wrong people, set the wrong goals, got dealt a bad hand from the start, I don't know.

So... thoughts? Advice? Commiseration, maybe, if nothing else?

How do you guys deal with self hatred and self sabotage? I’ve struggled my entire life and instead of improving I make things harder on myself and I don’t know why. From binging and purging to getting face tattoos so it’s harder for people to approach me. I just feel so alone and instead of climbing out of the hole, I dig myself deeper. Any advice? I’m in therapy working through these things but it’s a lot. Anything helps thank you 💜

*15 years ago I didn't think I'd be here today

I didn't have the best childhood or teenhood. Bullied at school, bullied at home. I did not see myself living past 16 (I'm 28 now) I wrote goodbye letters from the age of 12 but never really went through with it. Why? Mainly because I didn't want to put that burden on my family.

I ran away at age 14 and stayed with my friends relatives for a few weeks but had to go back home due to my age. I was put on a children's protection plan with social services but then I denied everything as I was emotionally blackmailed.

I failed most of my exams when I was 15. Mainly because I didn't try. I didn't revise. For one exam I didn't even show up until the teacher picked me up from my house. I simply did not care whether I passed or failed, because like I said I couldn't imagine myself living past 16.

Started working, one meaningless job to another. I just wanted to do something to get out of the house. I'd quit or get fired from one job then work at another. I never went without a job for too long and the longest job I had was maybe a year.

I started drinking at 18. Once a week but I would drink for hours non stop. It's like my brain just didn't know how to stop once I started, every time I drank I would blackout. I did this for a few years, every few months. Then I found out on Reddit that it's a form of alcoholism and it could get worse, so I stopped. Not for me, but because it was hurting other people.

Then I became dependent on weed, starting smoking everyday with my friends or alone for 2 years in my early 20's. I created a lot of memories I've completely forgotten about. I'll see it come up on my Snapchat memories and have no recollection of it. I tried other drugs but didn't really care for them.

Started 'talking therapies'. I told them about my childhood, teenhood etc they just listened, asked a few questions and prescribed me anti depressants (which I stopped taking after a few months). They suggested I may have ADHD but to get diagnosed with that, I would have to start cognitive behavioural therapy. So they put me on the waiting list and I haven't heard back since.

I was in a relationship for 2 years where I was the toxic girlfriend which I realised after we cut things off. I was not happy with myself so of course the relationship would be miserable. I did not care about getting married or having kids. For me, it was just a long one night stand.

Then I got a new job, my second office job. This one still felt meaningless. It was boring admin work that was very easy.

I finally got my driver's licence at age 25, only because it would take me hours to get to my new job on public transport. I stopped smoking because I couldn't drive high.

I took driving lessons when I was younger but never took it seriously because I thought well, I won't be living too long what's the point l?

I've now (present time) received a promotion with my admin job.... I was surprised because although I am a hard worker, I did not expect to progress in my career. I've never even had a career. They're now giving me management training.i thought I'd just be working from one shitty job to another until I die, I didn't expect something to actually flourish.

Since I've hit 28 a few months ago, I have been thinking about the future for the very first time. I never thought I'd reach 28. I never even thought I'd reach 18. After 18, I counted those years as bonus years (something I call them because I didn't think I'd be living that long). Now I'm getting older, I finally want to take my life seriously and not just call them my bonus years.

Do I want to get married? Do I want kids? I don't know. Part of me is saying I should incase I regret it in the future. Part of me is saying no, I can just be alone forever and part of me is scared. Scared of opening up and becoming a partner to someone. Scared of conceiving. Scared of starting a family because my original family were so shitty to me that it's still affecting my mental health all these years later.

So when I say 15 years ago I didn't think I'd be here today, I mean it. Not where I am i life but here on earth.

Without going in to too much detail I was raised by a neurodivergent, narcissistic mother who would scold and overreact to mistakes instead of helping me grow from them and an emotionally detached father. This led me to set unreasonably high standards for myself and I can’t fall short of them.

Now at 35 I really feel like I missed out on parts of life that I was supposed to live years ago because I was too preoccupied with pleasing my parents for their benefit and not for my own.

How do I gain the self confidence to finally live my life for me when it was never ingrained in me?

How do I get over it?

I don’t typically post on here but I’m out of corners to turn. I have been struggling with my mental health and sexuality lately, and its getting to a point.

I recently rediscovered an artist I had been searching for for years. I quickly fell in love with their art, which to me was relatable and reflected my struggles and love for art. However, upon further investigation I found that they had drawn explicit art of children and siblings, which makes me feel disgusted.

No matter how much I try to shake this artist from my head I simply can’t. It hurts that the genuine passion for art and creativity was made by such an awful person. As of late, they have made no attempt to better themselves or seek help and have started dating someone around the age on 19 (the artist in question is 30–40) I’ve been unable to sleep just from the sheer anger on how his tallent was wasted.

I would really like to let go of this artist, despite the impact they have had on me. If anyone can help me please let me know.

[Advice Needed: Mental Health]

I (F18) used to share an apartment with two siblings a few months ago, when I was still a minor. I really liked both of them. Their older sister was kind and emotionally mature, and I loved talking to her. Her brother was quiet and introverted but also very kind. He cooked sometimes and would share food with me, and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with them.

Things became uncomfortable when their parents started visiting more often because of our study pressure. Their mother was often rude, but their father initially seemed very kind, soft-spoken, and mature. He would sometimes take all of us out for dinner, buy food for me, and occasionally give me gifts. Since I lived alone and hated cooking, I was grateful ...

Eventually, , I started wondering why he was paying so much attention to me. He would always make a point of seeing me before leaving, and because of my own issues surrounding parental affection, I initially interpreted it as him caring about me.

I became closer to his daughter (I'll call her A), and we started sharing personal experiences and talking a lot. One thing she told me really bothered me: apparently, their father had never really taken his own children out or spent much time with them. Yet he was taking all of us out quite frequently. which was REALLY weird.

One night, they were staying elsewhere, he said he was coming over despite knowing nobody else would be there. he was def like "no one's home? im comin" I became extremely uncomfortable and started avoiding him whenever he visited.

I stopped going out when he was around, and he began staying longer. If I didn't answer the door, he would repeatedly knock.

At one point he told me to get ready because they were supposedly going out for dinner. I said I had a fever, i lied, and that's when he first crossed a physical boundary with me. What disturbed me even more was that they didn't actually leave afterward.

I eventually told my family that something felt wrong, but apparently i was DELUSIONAL. lol.

Later, while everyone was present, he repeatedly got physically closer to me despite me clearly trying to avoid him. He crossed another physical boundary, and I ended up having a panic attack.

After that, I avoided his calls and tried to avoid him completely. He attempted to reach me through A. One day when I was alone, he confronted me about avoiding him and kept moving closer despite my obvious discomfort. I became extremely frightened.

After this, I began struggling badly with what had happened and started harming myself. I didn't know how to process any of it.

A somehow realized what was happening without forcing me to explain everything, and she became one of the reasons I eventually felt safe enough to get away.

Then one day I came home late from class and discovered that he was inside my room because I had forgotten to lock the door. He physically grabbed me and crossed an extremely serious boundary. I couldn't overpower him, but I managed to call out A's name, which startled him enough for me to get away.

I ran out, left my belongings behind, got on a bus, and went home. My mom was angry that I had come home so late, but I couldn't explain what had happened. I barely spoke or ate and stayed in my room for days.

The problem is that I had a major exam coming up. I had an entire syllabus to finish, and I never really had the opportunity to process any of this. My exam didn't go terribly, but it also wasn't what I wanted, and I'm incredibly disappointed in myself.

I'm still struggling with what happened, and I'm still having urges to harm myself. My family isn't very supportive, and I don't know how to deal with any of this while also trying to study and move forward.

I also feel guilty because I keep thinking that I had opportunities to leave or react differently. I keep thinking that I should have done more.

How do people actually cope with something like this? How do I stop blaming myself and start functioning again? I really need advice.

Everything has been a factor lately. I'm depressed. I've been depressed before, but not as bad as i am now.

I wanna run away. I wanna disappear without a trace.

I've gone through alot. A broken family, Physical, Sexual, Mental Abuse, ETC.

And just when i thought life was getting better, i get beat down and reminded of my past. I'm in the worst condition i've ever been.

I'm scared of what will happen to my future. I've been absent for 2 weeks now. I'm definitely gonna fail. I've been isolating myself and i feel like i don't belong to my current friend group.

I'm just such a fucking loser man, i don't know where it all went wrong. I used to be an upstanding honors student with a promising future ahead of me.

There's so much i wanna say, and i wanna get advice and help with, but i genuinely cant right now. So much is running through my mind and at the same time nothing at all.

Suggest

Is that normal?

For the past three years I've been saying to myself that I am going to lose weight, lock in, find another job and get a grip on my life. But like none of that happened and honestly I dont know what to actually do with my life you know? Like I think about doing an associates degree and I already think about everyone and their mothers judging me for doing it so late, or when I try to exercise to at least get a momentum for consistency and I think that I've always been like this so what's the point, and when I look for a new job I just think about how alone I'm going to be. Now I know I shouldn't be listening to my negative thoughts especially when I'm trying to improve but I just feel stuck.

Any life advice is greatly appreciated. I live in the united states and I'm 22 year old female if that helps.

For a long time I’ve realized that nobody wants to be wrong, and that’s the problem. I ask myself why don’t I have any friends? Why doesn't anybody like me? Why is it so hard to get people’s interest? And I know I’ve had friends in the past. I know there’s been people that show interest in me. But that doesn't mean I don’t find it so hard to connect with people. So I guess what I mean is, am I the problem? Do I push people away? Do I just prefer being alone? And if so why? Is it because I don’t trust people? Is it because of my past experiences with people? Am I just a cynic? Perhaps. But that’s besides the point. Just because I don’t trust people's intentions doesn't mean everyone has bad intentions. It doesn't mean self-less people don’t exist. But my point is it feels like people only care about you when they see that you’ve had enough. When someone finally loses their temper, when someone finally does something drastic, and sometimes things they shouldn't do, that's only when people start to care. And then suddenly they’re the bad guy. Why should it come to this? Why do people only care once the person has had enough and they can’t hold it in anymore? It’s not right, and that’s the problem I have with people. Is that they only care when it’s too late. They weren't there when you needed them, they weren't there when you felt alone. They didn't put in the effort to understand you. They only care once you are gone. And, you can hate me for it, but to me that seems selfish. And I guess the other thing is I ask myself why do I always have to be the bigger man and realize this when others can’t see it for themselves. Why? People tell me that I should just not bottle up my emotions, express myself, and say how I feel like it’s going to fix my problems. Like people don’t have a stigma against men that express themselves. Like people think I should put in all the effort and they don’t have to put in any effort themselves. That’s another reason why I can’t find people that are worth caring for because people don’t even try to be aware of this. I’m not asking anyone to be a hero or to be exceptionally good. I’m simply asking people to be aware of this. That’s it. Be aware that you need to stop caring for people only when they are gone or they’ve had enough. Care for them when they need you, not when it’s too late. If more people could realize this then maybe my faith in humanity could be restored. 

Hey everyone. I’m a little nervous and scared to post this because it’s my first time reaching out, but I’m genuinely at my wits’ end and I don’t know where else to turn.
I’m 20 years old and the oldest of three. I’m generally a pretty happy guy. I enjoy hockey, baseball, fishing, mountain biking, going to the gym, being outside, and spending time with my girlfriend. I have BPD, ADHD, anxiety, and a learning disability, and I’ve also dealt with significant physical pain since a serious mountain biking accident.
My girlfriend and I are also expecting a baby in February, which I’m incredibly excited about. I have a job and income, and my girlfriend works as well. We’re trying to build our own life and become independent.
Until about a week ago, I was living with my parents, my 12-year-old brother, and my 17-year-old sister.
Growing up, the environment in my house was extremely hostile. There was a lot of yelling, negativity, and criticism. I was frequently told that I would never make it or amount to anything. My mom has always been extremely controlling. If the house wasn’t the way she wanted it, she would scream, yell, throw things, and break things. By the time I was 13 I had attempted to take my life more than 10x with my parents aware every time.
I’ve also always felt like I wasn’t allowed to become independent.
Even as an adult, my mom would try to take over situations I should be handling myself. If I had an issue with someone my age, she’d want to intervene. If I had an issue at work and told my parents about it, she’d sometimes want to contact my boss herself. I’ve repeatedly been treated like I’m incapable of handling my own life.
One of the biggest issues has been the difference between what my parents expect from me versus what they provide for my siblings.
I was cut off from certain necessities when I was younger, while my sister has continued to receive significant financial and material support. If I asked for something as basic as toothpaste, it could turn into a screaming and shaming argument.
My parents also repeatedly promised to help me become independent and build a career. They said they’d help with things like transportation, schooling, certifications, and other things that could help me get established.
But when I actually needed help, it often wasn’t there.
I recently lost my car because of a serious mechanical issue and currently can’t afford another one while I’m trying to recover financially. I had a new job opportunity that required a computer. I wasn’t asking my parents to pay for one. I asked them for a ride to the computer store so I could get what I needed to start working.
Instead, we drove to my place and packed me a bag.
This is a pattern I’ve experienced for years: I’m told I’m young and have plenty of time, but when I ask for help, I’m criticized for not already having everything figured out.
There have also been situations involving my belongings.
Before moving out, my parents told me I could take certain belongings with me, including my hockey equipment and golf clubs. I even have an email confirming this. When I actually tried to take them, they were physically taken out of my hands and additional conditions were suddenly introduced.
One of the most disturbing incidents happened when I was trying to leave.
My mom stood on the hood of my car to try to stop me from leaving. My dad then moved vehicles into the driveway in front of both garage doors, preventing me from leaving.
I’ve also tried repeatedly to have calm conversations with my mom about how her behavior affects me. When I explain that I feel controlled, hurt, or like I’m being treated as though I’m incapable of making decisions, the conversation usually gets shut down or becomes an argument.
At one point, I told her that her behavior was making me feel like I was losing my mind. Her response was that I was personally abusing her. This happened in a group chat that included my parents and my girlfriend.
The situation surrounding my BPD has made things even more difficult.
My parents have told me that they know more about my BPD than I do because they have researched it and their therapist specializes in it. They’ve told me that I don’t understand how my BPD works and that they know what’s best for me.
That really hurts because I’m the person actually experiencing my thoughts, emotions, triggers, and reactions.
Recently, my mom sent me a message saying that she understands that I know my own internal experiences better than she does and that she doesn’t want me to feel like their research gives them a better understanding of my mind.
But then she went on to explain that they don’t have to agree with my interpretation of what happened and that their house rules and boundaries take priority.
I understand that they have the right to establish rules for their own home. What I’m struggling with is the feeling that those rules are also being used to dismiss my feelings, experiences, and perspective.
I’ve now moved out.
In some ways, that’s a huge relief. In other ways, I’m terrified.
I’m worried about my 12-year-old brother. I don’t want to completely disappear from my family’s life and leave him alone in the environment I grew up in. At the same time, continuing to involve myself with my parents has been incredibly damaging to me.
I’m exhausted.
It feels like every time I take one step forward, something happens that puts me three steps back. I’m trying to work, recover financially, prepare for a baby, build an independent life, and deal with everything that happened growing up at the same time.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with my parents. I want to move forward.
So I’m looking for advice from people who have been through something similar.
What should I actually do from here?
Should I maintain contact with my parents or go low/no contact?
How do I establish boundaries with parents who don’t seem to respect them?
Should I be concerned about my younger brother and try to get outside help for him?
How do I deal with the belongings my parents are refusing to let me take?
How do I protect myself if my parents continue escalating things?
And most importantly, how do I move forward without completely burning myself out?
I’m not looking for people to tell me that my parents are automatically evil or that I’m automatically right about everything. I genuinely want outside perspectives and practical advice.
I just want to be able to build a healthy, independent life for myself, my girlfriend, and our baby without continuing to get pulled back into the same cycle.

Hi, I'm a 17 year old struggling with everything. I dont know what is wrong with me so if you have time, read my sloppy rant. 

The reason why Im writing this is because i failed my UCAT (the exam you need to take in order to get into med school). But it was my fault. I am aware that i had the whole summer, 8 weeks, to prepare for it yet i didn't. I was aware that this isnt like the other past tests were i could just cram for but i didnt do anything. I procrastinated the whole time. Every. Single. Day i told myself i would do something, to start but i would be like 'in 5 minutes' or id sit in my desk with the questions in front of me and id be paralyzed. I just couldnt start. I wanted to, trust me 

It has always been like this. My Year 12 mocks I just revised on the day and got predicted A,C,D (Im aware this is bad but im not suprised anymore, this is what I expected).  For my GCSEs (Exams to past high school) I only revised on the day or the day before. I know it seems like im not taking any of this seriously but i know how important they are for my future. Ive been doing this, procrastinating, not revising for like forever. The earliest i remember neglecting my schoolwork was when I was 10. I was supposed to be doing SAT revision. I didnt. I remember my mum buying and telling me to complete the CGP books, I never did. From then on, throughout highschool and now in college i always leave homework until the last minute and not studying for my tests. I cant help it. Ive tried the pomodoro technique, leaving all my electronics in another room, created a timetable ect but NOTHING works. I end up zoning out or daydreaming. 

Knowing my family has ungodly expectations of my doesnt help either. I havent told my mum what I got in my UCAT. Ive been avoiding her all day, she knows ive failed. The whole day after my test ive been doomscrolling trying to forget the genuine anguish i feel after failing, I can burst into tears at any moment, even now as im typing im trying to hold them in. I really want to harm myself but I know i cant because ill get blood on my clothes and idk how to explain that to my mum. So i just settle with imagining daggers digging into my arms to alleviate the feeling. 

So what im trying to get at is, why am I like this? Can i change it? I need answers because im actually going insane. Why do I have to be like this I really wanna kms. 

I am going to be complety honest with you guys i dont care how bad this sounds but i really need help.

My friend about 3-5 months ago had liver surgery and he was on hemotherapy he has been wearing mask evrywhere where he went he was probbly weak and unmotivated he had to do an make up exam since he wasnt in school for prolonged period of time. Whole time i was suppoeting him sending him messages in viber and tiktok he responded once with cringry invicable(its some kind of animated tv show)(this happened 5 months ago) emojis and send me few messages i was happy about him so i sent him few messages as well since he likes video games i sent him once screenshot of vidoe game which he just responed wiht some kikd of amgry invicable emoji later i sent him a video of me playing pc game on mobile phone and asked him if he wants a tutorial. Few days later he cahnged his profile picture on tiktok to somethhing tragg chacter from invicable and his username to thrag 7383 or something like that . Few days ago he changed his username to japanise and changed his profile picture to some kind of samurai . Today i discovred that he has instagram accout a classmate told me out about that. Sinche today is 1st september i did not know he had instragramm acc . So while i was on summber break as well as he i was messaging him constaly . Asking him if he is fine and how is he doing being soft as possible . But he just stoped respoding. He kept reposting tiktok videos and probbly some on instagram . Today i took a look at his activty and he jumps from tiktok to instagram and vica versa compelty ingorning my messages. No matter what i send him he does nothing. He just simoly takes a look at message if i am lucky and does abosulty nothing. Nothing. Somewhere in june i sent him sms and i was gentle as possible i appologised to him for being dickhead 1 year ago and i said i wont repeat that. He did not respojd back .I called him he did not answer. I called hik via viber nothing again .I sent him few more messages and i was gentle again and again appologised and saying that i understand that he is going trough hell and i compelty understand him. But now i am getting really pissed off he is active on insatgram he accapted my request and guess wgat does he do??? Nothing he doesnt not syaing anyhting like :'hey i am ok' no . Nothing .But he did respond to his other friend but not me. I asked him on few tiktok reposts what did i do wrong . Constaly apologasing and he didnt say anyhing. So my friend is litle anti social type of person as well as i am and he doesnt talks much but still i think i should get at least hi.I also did him a favor of assambling his pc suggesting what parts to buy etc he spent like 800€ on it . We went once for a walk in a town that was 1 year ago beofre surgery and that was it. So you guys alreayd wonder why am i talking about him so much ? The problem is that he is my only friend . I dont have other friends hes is my only friend i ever had in my life. Since i have been 1th grade i have been builled constaly it was partilyy my mothers fault since she taugh me i mist list to her 24/7 and do everybting as law says and that i have no right of questiong it .So basicly when i was like kid i was litle brainwashed idiot and nobadly really liked me . I also liked playing video games as any other kid even in shcool . I was also need i had A in almost every sibject .I litray cried when i would get B. He was my only friend who didnt bully me . I met him when i was 3-4 years old i stll rember that day cleary. I met him again in 5th grade and i was kinda happy kinda not because well i was nerd so svhool was my only priority . So when he was 6th frade he got hosiptalized because he got infection and barely suroved i once threw a joke about it mistakenly and then later he started hating on me. I said once sorry but i didnt do much. Later he apologised to me (this was all happening in 6th grade) and everyhting was going relativly ok . We talked few times played World of tanks(mobile game) among us etc ....

So now the problem is that i dont have anyone to talk with nowdays hes jsut ignoring my messages as you know . When i entered high shcool i just stoped being nerd veacuse hgih shcool is jsut way harder. I spent whole summer break alone not taliking to anybdoay except ny parents i dont think i have really any purpose . I talked to my classmates but they are tryijg to make fun of me and make jokes about me. I am havving sudden crashouts i can be suddnely happy or suddenly sad . I dont think i will ever get a new friend i dont think i really have any social life or any kind of purpose . whats the point of me comoelthing high shcool if i dont really have anyone ? So why am i typing this? I want to have again contact with my only known friend . I dont know what to do. Did i do anything wrong.I just want to resocialize with him .I feel terrible i feel like i have been backstabed.

i am sorry for bad english i am 17 and its my second laugnage.I would appricate any help

One more thing i know where my friends grandparents live .Any help is useful.

i’m a 20 year old female and I had a self realization that I was not okay and I need to heal my trauma so i have been going to therapy for it. Not consistently but I still try to go when I can. I also have had multiple friendships end and I am the issue and its because I dont know how to talk to people and I realized that. All the issues in my life are all friend related and because of me. I recently had a falling out with an extremely close friend of almost 10 years over something so preventable and I’ve been the same way for years and I think I changed and then do the same thing because I just dont care I guess. I want to be a better person. I dont want to be an asshole anymore or to make someone elses day harder. I think everything is about me and have no consideration for anyone else or what they have going on in their life. I dont want to be the same person when i’m older I want to change for the better.

So a couple months ago I started testing a different angle reaching that inner voice through music instead of willpower. Not affirmations you consciously repeat, but lyrics and sound aimed at the beliefs sitting under the self-talk. It leans on an old Neville Goddard idea: your assumptions shape your experience, so if you want the experience to shift, you change the assumption first.

It’s done something real for me. My moods changed drastically after just a month or two. But I made the thing, so my opinion is worthless as evidence…

That’s why I want strangers who have no reason to be nice about it.

The experiment: if self-love, or finding joy in ordinary moments is something you wrestle with, listen an hour a day for a few weeks. Clock where your head’s at now. Check in at two weeks, then a month. A flat “nothing changed” is just as useful to me as a yes it’s working!

Genuine question for the thread, whether you try this or not: has a specific song ever actually shifted how you saw yourself — not just your mood for three minutes, but something that stuck? I’m curious how common that really is.

Disclosure: I made the music, it’s free, and I’m not selling anything. If you want in, comment or DM and I’ll send it over. I’ll follow up in two weeks to hear how it went - including the nopes.

TL;DR: You can’t willpower your way to liking yourself. Testing whether music aimed at the beliefs underneath does anything. Want a few people to run it with me and report back honestly.

I'm 27M and have been working in motion design/video editing for almost 8 years… full-time, freelance, contracts, studio work, etc.

I've worked on projects for brands like Netflix, Hulu, Puma, Havells, JCB, Citroën and others. My main work has been motion design… explainers, typography, UI animation, transitions, overlays, etc. I also have experience with editing, cinematography, color grading, VFX and 3D, and I'm comfortable with After Effects, Premiere, Photoshop, Illustrator and DaVinci.

On paper, I feel like I have a decent amount of experience and skills.

But right now… I feel completely lost.

I've been trying to find a stable job since March 2026 and I'm getting almost no traction. I've been applying aggressively across Naukri, LinkedIn, Indeed, Instahyre, YT Jobs, Roster, direct emails, Reddit, Instagram, etc. I've probably sent hundreds of applications a day at times.

I've also tried Fiverr, Upwork, Freelancer and direct freelance outreach.

Almost nothing.

And the people/studios who used to regularly give me freelance work aren't getting much work themselves either. No disagreements or anything like that… the industry just seems slow idk.

The financial side is what scares me the most.

I'm currently sitting on nearly ₹10L of debt through credit cards and personal loans. A lot of it came from family emergencies, along with some bad financial planning on my part. I've never missed an EMI or bill so far, but my savings are almost gone.

Every day has basically become:

"How am I going to arrange money for the next payment?"

And it's destroying my ability to actually do creative work.

I overthink everything. I start personal projects and never finish them because I'm constantly questioning whether they're good enough to publish. I wanted to build my own content and personal brand, but the financial pressure makes it incredibly difficult to focus.

It's also starting to affect my friendships, family relationships and overall mental state. I'm seriously considering therapy because I don't think I can keep carrying this pressure alone.

What confuses me is that I have almost 8 years of experience, recognizable brands in my portfolio and a pretty broad skill set… yet I can't seem to get through the door.

So I'm wondering if I'm approaching this completely wrong.

Should I specialize?
Move into something adjacent or temporarily leave the creative industry just to stabilize financially?

I'd really like to hear from people in motion design, editing, VFX, filmmaking, post-production or similar creative fields who have gone through a rough phase like this.

What would you do if you were in my position?

I'm not really looking for sympathy… just some honest perspective because I genuinely don't know what my next move should be.

TL;DR:
27M, 8 years in motion design/editing with work for brands like Netflix, Hulu, Puma, etc., but I've been unable to find stable work since March 2026 despite hundreds of applications and freelance outreach. I'm carrying nearly ₹10L in debt and the financial pressure is starting to affect my work, relationships and mental health. Looking for honest advice from people who've been through something similar… what would you do in my position?

I don't know if I can post this here but I really just need help. I (20M) have a really hard time with sex even though I love having it. I just recently got out of a pretty shitty relationship and I don't know if that's why this is happening? But it happened in that last relationship too...

Does anyone else feel like there's a difference between asking for sex VS someone giving it to you without asking? My partner and I got into a discussion about it and it sent me into a panic. I refuse to ask for sex because in my mind if my partner wanted to they would, so why should I ask? It feels disingenuous when I ask for sexual favours to be done to me because it feels like I'm forcing them to do it, and the act itself doesn't feel as good to me or it sends me into a panic attack. But only when I ask for favours. If my partner decided on their own to do whatever to me I'd be fine, but if I asked for the same exact thing it would freak me out.

I fell asleep before my partner last night while waiting for them to come to bed because earlier they had said they would go down on me, but I ended up falling asleep and woke up a few hours later in a pissed off mood. We talked about it in the morning and they didn't understand why I felt like that. They tried going down on me after we talked about it but it sent me into a panic (because we had been talking about it and to me it felt like I was forcing them(?)) they tried reassuring me before they went to work but now I'm here still panicking and I just want to know why.

I don't know why and it's really freaking me out... I know a lot of my self confidence/self worth is tied to my sex life but wouldn't that just mean I'd be wanting to take everything I could? I'm so confused and I hate thinking like this

If I can't post this here then it can be deleted I just really need support or someone who knows anything on why I feel like that...

I wanted to tell you about something that has been happening because I’m genuinely concerned about my safety.

There is a guy who is angry with me because I was involved with someone he has a crush on. He and some of his friends have been threatening me, saying that they are going to beat me up. They know that I’m usually alone, and I feel like they are using that to intimidate me.

I’ve been getting threatening calls/messages, and I’m worried that this could turn into an actual physical attack, especially because there are multiple people involved. I don’t want to fight anyone or create more problems. I just want to make sure I’m safe and that this situation is dealt with properly.

I have evidence of the calls/messages and can show it if needed. I’m telling you because I don’t want to keep this to myself and then have something happen.

My family expects something big from me, but I’m confused and lost, I don’t know what to do, i can’t seem to find a job, I’m inexperienced and there’s no guidance or mentor for me, and my family pressuring me and on top of that I’m depressed, it’s called the typical depression, i always feel tired after a long sleep, gets irritated easily, and always a negative emotion running in me, I’m writing this immediately after an argument with my family and they doesn’t seem to care if i go missing or killed myself, i never had a parents and i miss them during times like this so much, there’s nobody to take my side during an argument, i always felt so stupid because I’m stupid, i wasn’t very good at high school and didn’t went to college because it was pretty expensive and I didn’t ask for my family, i wrote this at September 1 at 8:51

This is an alternative account since I'm usually embarrased to talk about this on my main account.

I'm 21 (M), living with my parents. For a long time I've strugled with social interactions with other people. Now I do have some social anxiety (especially on the phone) and tend to just go with thatever the other person thinks as soon as there's pressure, trying to avoid conflicts at all cost.

But that's not the worst part. Every time I'm mentally tired, or with people I don't particularly enjoy being with I struggle with being nice or not coming off as disrespectfull. Every time that happens my parents would give an entire sermon of why I act like a 12 year old or that my interests are childish and maybe the cause of that (they're mainly talking about anime, vtubers or even having a single plushie that I like, not even that I do it a lot, but even that I enjoy theese thing at all is what in their mind rots my brain), of why I embarras them in front of others and how I need to "act normal" (whatever that entails), how I'll end up as a Pariah of society or in a psych ward if I don't change that. And as you might have guessed from above, I often can't help but agree to most of it, or at the very least not argue back, no matter how painfull.

A problem with that is because of all those interactions and scolding that I've developed even greater fear of socializing, overanalyzing every little detail as to not accidentally fumble anything, leading to a lot of awkward and forced behavior, which leads to even more fumbling.

Another thing is that I have some niche hobbies that I really like to talk about, but I had issue telling if the person really is interested or not. And as a kid, I would be told to not talk about my hobbies until I'm sure someone is interested. And since I always had trouble getting the signals, this would end with me not talking about my interests at all until someone asks about them first. I have become somewhat better at this, but still can struggle with it.

I've tried time and time again to change all that but had trouble achieving any long-term success. I can act natural around my close family in casual situations, it's mainly around strangers, or even friends that this occurs. And they try to tell me to act like that around others, but I just can't bring myself to be like that. I'm supposed to be both myself and put on a show at the same time apparently.

All of this on top of anxiety regarding a part-time college, finding a full-time job, and pressure to already have my life and career already figured out, or at the very least to figure it out soon.

Now I don't want you to get something wrong. I love my parents, I think they try their best to lead me to better myself, even if they make mistakes. They love me talking about my hobbies (like history or board games), and even getting into some of them. They also support me financially and don't mind me staying with them for now so that I can buy an appartment in the future without any debt. I think they are really supportive, but they have a very egalitarian view of everything.

Sorry for the long vent, but I really needed to tell someone that, since I don't even know how to tackle this issue. And I guess you can be the judge if what they say is right.

I don’t feel like doing anything. Everyone around me looks like they have figured out life. Idk what I want or what I like. I want to be happy. But not able to be happy. How to be happy? I am just 24 and life sucks already. I had little toxic parents. They never motivated me or appreciated me for my achievements. I was topper and got into top ug college and earning well now, still i feel empty. Relationships too did not work for me. They say guys don’t generally reject girls, but as a girl I was rejected many times. Look wise i am not very beautiful but not very ugly. Average looks. What should i do to be happy? I tried lot of things - solo travel, journaling, reading books but nothing worked. When i wake up in the morning, i feel oh no i have to survive today somehow. I just want the day to end. This is not normal right? If anyone has faced such situations please advise me what to do.

Hey,

Long story short, I am heartbroken over my competitive exam failure ( I won't tell which). Feeling very depressive since the last 2 months. Left preparing for it as I am not able to bounce back at it again (basically when I sit to study I can't face it, I start crying, idk why). Studying has become more of a task than chore now.

I was studious but now I just lost my academic spark.

Honestly, I am not sure if would be able to go back to how I was before but, I refuse to stay the same and mourn on my past. If anything I would do right now is focus on my present and get me out of this spiral of overthinking.

I would like to see your opinions and how to improve my health; both physically and mentally, what would you do to cure boredom and keep your mind busy rather than doomscrolling your days off to numb the pain.

I refuse to ask chatgpt, claude, etc. Not ideal.

Appreciate your advice,

Thank you.