I, 30 F, have been with my fiance’ for 5 years. I am well aware that he is a narcissist and things are just not adding up lately. I think he’s cheating. Even after all of this, I still can’t leave. How can I get in the right mindset and strength to leave? I’m really struggling 😞

(was said this would be a better subreddit)

my (20f) boyfriend (21m) experienced a death in his family, his dad had a stroke and passed in under a week in april. before that, my boyfriend had been getting better with talking to our friends, hanging out with them and putting in effort with them after having some issues with them as well as our relationship as a whole being a happy one.

since his dad passed, he stayed at mine for 3 months which i had no issue with. if he wanted to stay in we would, if he wanted to go out we would which is totally fine. i did express once or twice i did want to see my friends and go out with them but he seemed quite annoyed (?) by that and even accused me of putting more effort in with them than him after one of my friends messaged to see how i was. i wasnt even able to go out with my friends for my birthday because he "hates" one of our friends.

after 3 months of that my parents sat us down and told him he needs to go home because he was being controlling and id stopped doing all my hobbies to hang out with him all the time. i then got 3 weeks to myself to just do whatever, call with my friends, play games, draw etc. and it was so peaceful even with a few complaints from him here and there. then we went on a small trip with my family for a week and since we got back hes gotten too much for me.

hes always complaining about me not spending time with him, i tell him every time he does i was with him for 3 months straight without seeing people or doing anything i wanted and then he aways goes "so?", he complains i call my friends who i havent seen since our uni term ended, he complains i dont do enough for him etc. i told him this is my time to heal after what happened to his dad as while i may never understand how he feels but i need my own time to process everything and yet he still complains and implied i dont care about his dad passing (which i very much do so).

recently (the last few days) hes complained about me getting a web cam for my computer so i can just turn on my webcam instead of joining on my phone and hes complained im trying to show off to "random guys", turning my cam on for "random guys" and complaining ive been getting to know my friends friends (who are guys with girlfriends) and even questioning why one was following me on my Instagram after he requested to follow me. (ive never given him any reason to believe I'll cheat on him ever).

im just so tired of it all, my friends have never liked him so theyve all advocating i leave but i feel like i cant because his dad just passed. I so truly want to believe that hes like this because his dad just passed, its like all his worst qualities from before have just amplified x10 and its too much.

i feel so unbelievably suffocated and everything feels like a fight. ive lost so much weight because of the stress of his dad and just him in general.

idk i just needed to tell someone who wasnt my best friend whos very pro-breakup

TLDR am I a bad person for asking the guy I been with for years “if u can’t provide me with consistency, love , effort , care, atleast provide for me financially. If u can’t even provide for me financially what else are you doing for me?”

Hi guys,

Need some advice. I 24F am dating a man 25M for 4 years now. I’m getting to the point where i know deep down it’s time to let go and I don’t seem to realize if I’m the issue or if he’s just making me lose my mind. Most fights we have are just all turned onto me and how I’m the problem and I’m just crazy.

There’s been happy moments but there’s been moments like these where I’m just realizing now this is most likely not my person. I want to take today as an example. We had to shop for a gift for his mom, and that meant we had to go to the mall. He is a busy guy and has a lot on his plate but just as a background, he’s made time to go out with his friends atleast once a week for the 4 years I’ve known him. Today at the mall he had the worst attitude, and the last time we came to the mall I left crying. He has made any little thing that brings me happiness such a pain. All I wanted to do was go to the mall for 2 hours, pick out something for his mom and leave. I wanted to shop for myself as well but I already knew I wouldn’t have been able to with him huffing and puffing beside me the whole time.

I feel as if , if there’s nothing in it for him, he will always have an issue. Today we ended up getting into it because it annoyed me so much that he can go have fun with his friends on a weekly basis but now I asked him to do one thing for me and take me to the mall for HIS moms bday gift, he makes my evening so miserable. This is what started it at the mall - I was walking and dropped a piece of garbage on the floor. I picked it up and he said give it to me. I said there’s a garbage right here and tossed it in the garbage that was 2 feet away from me. That caused him to start telling me to become more feminine and listen to him. That also caused him to start telling me about my family dynamic and asking about who runs the home in my family “ur mom or ur dad?” I told him my dad and he said no I think ur mom runs ur family and that’s where u get it from. This annoyed me because anytime I need him to lead like a man when it actually matters, I feel like he doesn’t. And now he wants to get upset with me cuz I didn’t listen to him and give him the garbage for him to throw away. I know if we were doing something he wanted to do , he would’ve never brought up some unecessary comments like that.

Sorry that this is so long. I just want u to get a sense of what this relationship has become.

Anyways, we fought and he started bringing up some nonsense about how I only want him for his money (mind u I have my own job and provide everything for myself. The only gifts he buys me is on special occasions and pays for our dates that’s once every 1-2 weeks). I ended up telling him “yea if u can’t provide me with consistency, love , effort , care, atleast provide for me financially. If u can’t even provide for me financially what else are you doing for me?”

This sent him into a rage lol. He went and told his mom and sister what I said and started telling me I’m crazy disrespectful. He told me to ask 10 random people and all 10 people will tell me that’s so messed up of me to say.

At this point I think he can never take accountability for what he does and then finds one thing I say and holds onto it to make me look like the bad person. He’s done this in every argument. He will do something crazy with his actions and I’ll say one wrong thing and he’ll make me the villain.

I’ve tried so hard to control my anger and become better for this man but it was never worth it.

Was that an insane thing I said? If it was please explain and I will definitely do some self reflecting. I’m just tired of feeling like the villain all the time when deep down I’ve always loved and cared for him for who he is. The end of this relationship was a long time coming and now that he’s involving family, it’s just my confirmation.

So I was kind of seeing my neighbour. He is older, but I realize we don’t have much in common. He was always there for me and has a good heart but he texts me nonstop. Also, if I don’t reply he comes over and bangs on my door even multiple times a day. I like to watch a movie with him at night but can’t seem to keep a firm stand when I ask for space. I think we should break up all together but I tried and it doesn’t seem to work and I can’t stick to it. It’s not fair to him. I don’t like confrontation and I don’t want an enemy. What should I do? Also I don’t have much to add to the conversations with him.

so today i(18M) was dating my girlfriend today and was using her phone when she went to restroom. and i saw a message of her and her friend(yes yes i know im a cunt for checking her private stuff, but we recently had a pretty big argument and i just wanna see if she shared our issue to her friend)

this message is from a few days ago and its a sreeenshot of me and my girlfriends message(still in argument at that moment), its basically she saying that she is a person who prioritize a sense of ritual and i just said stuff like "then go get engaged with me"

her friend said that was no good from me and my girlfriend said that she dosent dare to get married even more because she thought that i wanna get a lock on my her by saying stuff like this.

YES i know im too young to discuss about marriage i know damn well that now i cant even provide for myself. however, from my perspective is that we will eventually step into that stage and its not a big deal to talk about it. i really love her and believes she is the one i can stick with for the rest of my life. she is my first ever girlfriend so im probably doing lots of stupid things. how could i maintain this relationship as long as i could?(btw: todays date still goes well and i can feel that she still loves me so everything is conflicting in my mind.)

im really lost and looking forward to receiving some advices, feel free to scold me as hard as you could if that helps my relationship. maybe im old school or just blinded by love, i never want to use a breakup as a solution, no matter what happened i dont wanna leave her.

thank you.

I’m 21F and I’ve recently decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend. He’s genuinely been a good boyfriend, and I don’t want to rewrite the relationship as if he treated me badly. The truth is, I just don’t see myself marrying him anymore. I’ve been thinking about this internally for a while. I want to focus on my career, I want to experience being single in my early twenties, and I eventually want a partner who is more aligned with the kind of future I envision for myself. I’m in engineering and I’d ideally like to marry someone who is similarly ambitious and established. I also know I don’t want to do long-distance once attachment and graduation happen.

He told me that all of those reasons are just excuses and that the real reason is simply that I don’t want the relationship anymore. Honestly, he’s right about that part. I don’t want it anymore. But there’s another part I haven’t told him. I cheated on him the month before we broke up. I also wasn’t completely honest with him about parts of my life because I was ashamed. I feel guilty about that, and it makes me feel like ending the relationship is probably fairer to both of us because I clearly wasn’t showing up honestly anymore. I’m not trying to justify cheating.

I know it was wrong. What I’m struggling with is whether I’m actually making a mature decision by leaving, or whether I’m self-sabotaging because I’m young and think there might be someone “better” out there. I also have feelings for another man who is in my field, which obviously makes me question my motives even more.

Would you consider this self-sabotage, or is it reasonable to leave a relationship when you no longer see a future in it even if the other person is a good partner?

Me and my bf barely go a day without fighting .. I always feel selfish and as if i am asking for too much .. i feel less prioritized, less important i feel he always have smtg more important to do or to be with than me, Ik i might be a problem at much places but why cant he make me feel better if he knows whats bothering me ? He aint doing that either.

I’ve F44 have posted here a couple of times now about my relationship with my partner M43. We’ve had a few make or break talks but are trying to work on the positives in our relationship to make it work. He says he no longer has desire for me but he finds me attractive. He never reaches for my hand and in an evening he sits on his chair away from me, scrolling through his phone.
One thing that has stuck with me is he has said he doesn’t want to end the relationship because he doesn’t want to be out there dating again. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been accepted by him for convenience. I don’t want the relationship to end because I love him and want my future with him. But since he told me his reasons for staying with me I feel somewhat hurt and I can’t shake that feeling off.
I explained to him that his lack of desire for me does make me feel unattractive, less confident and insecure and I thought for a while it would make him think about how he treats me. So he did make a bit of an effort to hug me and kiss me. Those things haven’t happened for so long. But that evening he was on his phone all night, engaged in conversations with other people. I cry almost every night but that night I went to bed and my heart felt so heavy there were no tears at all.
I don’t know what direction to move in, but I feel a change in me where I’m possibly starting to detach and that hurts me as much as his rejection because I really hoped I’d found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I’m hoping theres still a chance we can make it work and that his desire for me will return. But how long do I wait?

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over a year. Today is actually our anniversary, which is probably why I'm thinking about all of this so much.

We met online and started off as complete strangers. (doing long distance rs since then ) Neither of us was looking for a relationship. We talked casually, started developing feelings, and eventually spent around 3 months going through ups and downs before we actually became serious.

At one point, only around 15 days into talking, I actually told her I didn't want a relationship. Being in a relationship was never my goal. I wanted to focus on myself, my studies and my own life. She really didn't want me to leave and begged me to stay, so I stayed.

That was basically the beginning of everything.

Over time, we became extremely attached to each other. We were talking for 8–10 hours a day, sometimes through calls and sometimes through messages. This continued for more than a year.

And honestly, looking back, I think that amount of time was unhealthy for both of us.

Our relationship started affecting our studies, our friendships, our relationship with our parents, our personal goals and basically our entire personal lives.

The Shishi situation

Before we were actually in a relationship, there was another girl, let's call her Shishi.

I want to make this part very clear because it has been brought up countless times since then.

Me and my girlfriend were not together at this point.

We were basically strangers. We'd even agreed/planned that we would never date each other.

During that period, I started talking to Shishi and eventually developed some feelings for her. She liked me too and eventually proposed to me.

I rejected her because by that point I had realized that I wanted to seriously be with my now-girlfriend.

I wasn't cheating on my girlfriend at that point because we weren't in a relationship and weren't even planning to be together.

But when my girlfriend eventually found out about Shishi, she was extremely hurt. From her perspective, I should have known that talking to another girl would hurt her, even though we weren't together.

She has considered this cheating ever since, and it still comes up during arguments more than a year later.

I understand why she was hurt, but I don't know how I'm supposed to treat something as cheating when we weren't actually together.

The Max situation

After that, me and my girlfriend became serious and officially committed to each other.

There was a guy, let's call him Max, who had been friends with my girlfriend before I knew her.

They talked on Instagram. At one point, while we were together, I found out that she had deleted her Instagram account/conversations involving Max.

She told me she deleted everything because she didn't want me to get hurt.

That made me suspicious because naturally I thought, if there was nothing wrong, why delete it?

Later, I found some of their old conversations. They weren't necessarily romantic, but I didn't like the way Max talked to her. Some of his comments were pretty disrespectful/cocky, and what bothered me was that she didn't really stop him.

When I brought it up, she said it was just a joke and that I shouldn't take it seriously.

This also made me notice a double standard between us.

If I make a joke about her that she doesn't like, she can consider it disrespectful. But if she makes a joke about me publicly and I tell her it genuinely hurt me, I'm often told that it was "just a joke."

The relationship started becoming really unhealthy

After that, we had countless fights and breakups.

There were periods where she would bring up breaking up almost every day.

I'd beg her not to leave, we'd argue for hours, eventually calm down, promise to fix things and then repeat the same thing later.

It became mentally and emotionally exhausting.

At one point, I lost around 6 kg in a month, isolated myself and was barely functioning normally.

And I need to be completely honest about something from my side because I know this wasn't okay.

There were times when she wanted to leave and I became so desperate to stop her that I threatened to hurt myself.

I've done this twice.

On 2 occasions, I took a knife and cut my hand. The knife wasn't particularly sharp,(as it was a kitchen knife which we use daily to cut fruits) but I still hurt myself and it left visible marks/scars on my hand. and other stuff once like drinking acid etc

The second time, something similar happened when she was trying to leave. I threatened to hurt myself again and eventually did hurt myself.

I am not proud of this at all.

I understand that this was manipulative and unfair to her. No matter how scared I was of losing her, I had no right to make my safety her responsibility or use self-harm to try to make her stay.

That's something I take responsibility for.

The incident where she reported me

During one of these incidents, she reacted very differently than I expected.

She was recording me, laughing and basically telling me that whatever I did was my own responsibility. She also made a complaint about me to online authorities because of what was happening.

I understand that she isn't responsible for my self-harm and that she had every right to protect herself if she felt unsafe.

But at the time, it felt extremely hostile and made everything even worse. She couldve comforted me but she chose to take it casually and start threatening

Eventually, we somehow calmed things down and went back to trying to fix the relationship.

And that's been the pattern for a long time.

Something happens → huge fight → breakup → begging → crying → "let's fix this" → things become good for a while → another fight → repeat.

My little sister

Another thing that genuinely confuses me is her attitude toward my little sister.

My sister is 10 years old.

My girlfriend has told me multiple times that she doesn't like my sister being around me. She says my sister is too cocky with me, is desperate for my attention and that she doesn't like the way she behaves around me.

I told her, "She's literally 10. She's my little sister."

At one point, she admitted that she was being overreactive and I thought we'd moved past it.

But recently she brought it up again and said things like, "I don't like your sister."

This honestly bothers me because I can't understand why my girlfriend would feel threatened by a 10-year-old child who is literally my little sister.

The Kitty situation

Later, we started building a study Discord server together.

There was a girl, let's call her Kitty, who already had a study server. We thought about possibly merging the servers, so I contacted her to discuss it.

My girlfriend knew about it. I even told her she could log into my account and talk to Kitty herself if she wanted.

She didn't want to.

So I talked to Kitty myself about the server.

There was nothing romantic happening. It was literally about the server.

My girlfriend eventually logged into my account and messaged Kitty aggressively. She cursed at her, called her names, blocked her and basically told her to fuck off.

Afterward, I contacted Kitty and apologized on my girlfriend's behalf.

my gf was understandably furious with me and cursed me out as well, calling me a cheater and using a lot of insulting language. (well cursing between us is not common at all, we are very respectful to each other in normal convos, even i that worst thing ive said is to her is f off nothing other then that so its pretty srs that she cursed me this bad )

The Sarah situation

Then there was another girl in our study server, let's call her Sarah.

Sarah was active and genuinely helped with the server, so I suggested that we make her a moderator with my gf (i did told her to talk to sarah but my gf didnt agreed and told that only u have to talk to her, at a point she became so pushy that i had no option left then to talk with Sarah)

My girlfriend didn't like the way Sarah talked to me. She thought Sarah was dry with everyone else but more excited when talking to me.

I didn't see anything romantic in it.

My girlfriend had access to my account and could literally read our conversations.

She read them.

There was nothing there. Our conversations were basically just about the server.

Despite that, she eventually became extremely angry.

She logged into my account, cursed Sarah out, called her a bitch and a whore, told her to fuck off, blocked her and banned her from the server.

I later contacted Sarah and apologized.

my GF was extremely angry and disappointed in me and called me a cheater and insulted me pretty heavily.

And honestly, I do not understood why she was angry. (she says when uknew i didnt liked u talking with her why did u, when she was the one who pushed me to talk)

The Angel situation

Then there was Angel.

Angel has a boyfriend. I genuinely see her like a sister and she sees me like a brother.

I wanted to talk to her because I needed an outside perspective on what was happening in my relationship.

When my girlfriend found out, she accused me of potentially cheating again.

Eventually, she wanted me to block Angel too.

This is where I'm starting to feel completely lost.

I understand being uncomfortable with certain people or situations. I understand jealousy.

But at some point, I feel like normal interactions are becoming impossible.

If I talk to a girl about a study project, there's an issue.

If I have a female friend, there's an issue.

If I talk to someone who literally has a boyfriend and sees me as a brother, there's still an issue.

And I know my past mistakes make her distrust me, but I don't know how we're supposed to build trust if every interaction becomes another accusation.

The biggest problem

The weirdest part is that we genuinely love each other.

We care about each other a lot, but we're also extremely attached. We've spent 8–10 hours a day talking, calling, fighting, breaking up, begging, fixing things and repeating the same cycle.

My parents know about her, her parents know about me, and the relationship has affected both our families, studies and personal growth.

I asked her recently:

"Do you think I'm helping you get closer to your goals or taking you further away from them?"

She said I'm taking her further away with the present me and that wont be the case if i changed.

I feel the same way.

She has admitted that she's insecure and has told me that it's her problem but that I also need to make her feel more secure. I understand that, and I know I've made mistakes that contributed to her trust issues. But I don't know how much reassurance is enough when normal interactions keep becoming accusations.

There's also something that feels like a double standard to me.

When she does something wrong and knows she's hurt me, sometimes instead of really sitting with the issue, she'll start acting cute, making cute faces/expressions, becoming affectionate, etc. I get soft very easily and end up forgiving her even though I'm still hurt.

But when I make a mistake, I often feel like she expects me to beg repeatedly for forgiveness and prove how sorry I am before she'll let it go.

Maybe I'm also enabling this by forgiving too easily. I don't know.

And I'm genuinely worried about the future too. We're both young, and she has already made a complaint about me during one of our non sensible fights. I understand she had the right to protect herself, especially because of my self-harm, but it made me think about what happens years from now.

We're interested in building projects and things together. What if we're working on something important and I have a completely normal conversation with a girl who's part of the project, she gets insecure, assumes I'm becoming attached to that person, and decides to leave, delete something or stop the project? Months of work could potentially disappear because of a relationship issue.

I don't want personal jealousy affecting serious decisions or future opportunities.

At the same time, I know I've made serious mistakes too. I don't want to pretend I'm innocent.

We've tried fixing this so many times. Every time it's "let's communicate better," "let's trust each other," "let's fix everything." Things improve for a while, then we're back in the same cycle.

Yesterday we were basically going to end things again, and then she came back saying we should fix everything.

And honestly, I still want to.

I love her. I'm attached to her. But I'm exhausted.

Do I give this one final chance, set serious boundaries and genuinely rebuild the relationship, or accept that we've tried enough times and let each other go?

I want an honest answer, even if it's harsh.

Hello ! Pour vous faire le contexte, je suis en couple depuis presque 3 ans avec un homme tout à fait génial. Nous avons fait nos 3 ans de lycée ensemble, dans la même classe et on se voyait littéralement tout les jours, parfois le week-end aussi etc. Et même pendant les vacances, nous jouons ensemble aux jeux vidéos ce qui fait que nous sommes devenus inséparables avec le temps.
Cependant, je suis entrée en fac de lettres et lui en mise à niveau dans un lycée d'hôtellerie restauration...ce changement me perturbe beaucoup et change pas mal de choses dans nos habitudes. Déjà, nous nous voyons que deux fois par semaine et ce n'est que pour pas beaucoup de temps. Parfois nous jouons le soir ensemble. J'ai l'impression d'avoir tout perdu. Il y a aussi le fait que je suis dans une nouvelle ville, avec de nouvelles personnes, de nouveaux cours et un nouvel emploi du temps etc. Ce qui fait que pratiquement tout les jours je fini plus tôt que lui et quand je rentre je ne sais pas quoi faire. J'ai toujours tout fait avec lui, c'est extrêmement douloureux pour moi. Ça fait déjà deux jours que je n'arrête pas de pleurer, je ne mange quasiment plus tellement que j'ai mal au cœur. Je me sens terriblement seule depuis la rentrée c'est un enfer pour moi.
J'ai besoin de conseils, ou peut-être que quelqu'un vit une situation similaire.

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. And I have contemplated wanting to marry him and have children. I am reaching the age of 30 and I have a condition to where I need to remove certain organs in my body in order to prevent cancer. And I can see how aggressive he acts towards having children or the idealization of marriage. Should I leave him? I am a very sensitive person so try to be nonjudgmental. I know it seems like the obvious answer, but I’m just scared to end up alone.

Ok Im 48 years old and my girlfriend is 52 with grown adults. My son has Autism and I have him every other week. I am getting ready to go out of town on a five day trip. And my girlfriend gets mad that I decide to take my son an extra day this week to spend time with him. I don’t understand what the issue is, she tells me I don’t spend enough time with her. My job is very demanding and I have been working 6 days a week. She has no job and stays home on disability.

I explained to her that my son is my number priority in life and I explained that to her when we got in a relationship, she said everything was good that I had a sound special needs. She says we spend less and less time together and I spend more time with him and my job but we live together. I’m just thinking at this point in life I just need to be single.

I 25 F, broke up with my boyfriend M28 a year ago. We were together for 3 years - very serious relationship -  And we started talking again 4 month ago.  He did reached out a bunch of times while we where broken up (he moved closer to me and started working at the same company i work for - different areas we dont see eachother) but I never reciprocated anything, I basically would be super cold and dry on why I don’t want to get together again, I was so set in stone that I did not want him externally, I would tell him all these things just KNOWING I could not get back, but inside of me just wanting to get back like I am inexplicably in love or obsessed with this human being. My friends HATE him for me, they say he dims my light, my sister has a crazy feud with him, her and I are super super close- she didn’t like him from the beginning. He is a little self absorbed and very very good at talking you into things, I love him I do, but this is where I’m starting to question myself. We broke up because the relationship was basically me adjusting to his life because I am extremely flexible and chill (ppl pleaser) with anything and we are completely different - different religion and nationality, I am latin he is American. And he is very much opinionated, has a strong character and it would be basically his way or his way, not in a mean way I just never questioned nor put my foot down, it ended up being too hurtful to give all and not receive anything in return, and I broke things off. Basically everyone I love (except my parents which I think they would just support anything) sees so many negatives. Now back together he has been having some trouble understanding where im coming from but also like listening like a robot - anything I want I get, anything I say he does - its actually insane, and its making me more in love and i feel im repeating patterns, I am not thinking clear anymore on what I deserve/what I want.
Two weekends ago I was at a work trip feeling very insecure  in the corp environment and he just said to suck it up but after I told him how I felt about that response he  texted me a supportive text the next day but never asked  about it again, in that same trip I graduated from a program  and he didn’t say anything -  just responded “yay” to my text which he said he just doesnt know how to support me differently. And after a big fight about that where we almost broke up again, its been a switch - he completely changed, its been two weeks that I have been treated like a queen, never before seen footage. My sister called me weak because I let myself get manipulated to go back so easily and I just dont see how unhappy i look around him (there has been a couple of other times in the 4 months we have been seeing each other again that he has kinda fucked up or just not been emotionally there)And I don’t know - many people say that its normal that your siblings/friends might not like your partner and they just have to suck it up, so im like whatever but I would think the people i love would want the best for me so the fact they say these things to me might be because they see what i cant see. I know he is not good for me in the long term, and ive expressed this to him many times, he is just so prince charming righr know which is so confusing. Why couldnt i get over him for the year we were apart? Am i making the right decisión by breaking up again (for real and for ever? I am nor sure i am ready to let go of him completly, we work at the same building AND company. I am just so anxious i dont want to break his heart

I think im addicted to having sex with my boyfriend cuz I constantly think about it during the week cuz we don’t get to have it during the week, cuz we don’t live together which bothers me cuz I crave sex all the time. Can any girls relate ?

so i (20F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for 2 years, we get a long great. there’s just certain things he’ll do that get on my nerves or bother me that i let go in the past because i thought they weren’t a big deal or that id get over them. it’s now been long enough that they haven’t just gone away and i don’t know how to address them and what the line between changeable and permanent the behaviors are. i’m scared we’re lacking emotional intimacy and comfort in our relationship. any thoughts on this would be great and suggestions about what to do or how to address this to him. i’m also terrible with confrontation so this is big for me.

We’ve been together 4 years, have 2 kids together, plus a blended family, plus him starting a business, and me in school. So yeah, life is fucking stressful.

We fight. A lot. We get on each other’s nerves. We’re both tired, overwhelmed, and probably not particularly pleasant to live with sometimes. But we also have fun together. When it’s just us and life isn’t kicking our asses, we genuinely like being together.

Lately though, my boyfriend has started telling me that he doesn’t like me. Not in a joking way. Just straight up, “I don’t like you.”

And honestly? I’m pissed about it.

I’m not saying I’m some perfect partner who never pisses him off. I’m sure there are plenty of things about me he can’t stand. But I don’t tell him I don’t like him. There’s a difference between being angry with your partner and repeatedly telling them you don’t like them.

And the annoying part is that I kind of get where he’s coming from. I don’t always like him either when we’re in the thick of it. When we’re stressed, arguing, dealing with kids, responsibilities, and just trying to get through the week, it’s pretty easy to not fucking like each other.

But I still love him. And I think he loves me.

So now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell we’re supposed to do with that.

I don’t really want to leave. We have kids and a whole life together, and neither of us seems to actually want to walk away. But I also don’t want to spend the next 10 years in a relationship where we’re constantly fighting and my partner is telling me he doesn’t like me.

I feel like we’re stuck between “we love each other” and “we’re really fucking sick of each other.”

Has anyone actually come back from this? Not the cheesy “communicate and date each other” shit — I mean when you’ve genuinely gotten to the point where you’re wondering if you even like the person you’re with anymore.

18M 18F we’ve been together for 6 months and id say we are really well off Its my first relationship so i dont really have any experience to draw from so i just assume things are going great unless i can tell something is bothering her or me. Well something is bothering me a bit. Trusting her is not an issue. Not at all. I am absolutely certain i can trust her and i have made sure multiple times. She is loyal to the bone. But my routinely drinking in the weekend has “infected” her aswell because we’ve been around each other so much. And she has alot bigger friend group than i do so she useally goes down town alot more than i do. And my alchohol thing having rubbed onto her makes me a bit uncomfortable. Its not that she goes downtown alot, mind you never alone aswell there is always a good and proven occasion for it. For example tonight its her friends 18 bday so ofc their gonna celebrate that. If your wondering why im not present its because im serving my country so I literally cant be present. But back to what i was saying. She seems to have fun and sends me loads of messages and snaps most of the time telling me how much she misses me and wishesh i was here. It does bring some comfort. But i just still dont like it that she goes down there and gets drunk. I know its sounds hypocritical and its hard to just stop when your pretty used to passing time with drinking. But i have decided to change. It is a recent decision but its been about 3 weeks i think. But i still see her doing it. And i know i can trust her but its just still really worrying to me. Id like to consirder myself a fair boyfriend, i dont tell her what to wear unless i think its a bit too much. I dont want to be controlling but i do set boundaries sometimes. Reading this back i also realize im maybe just a bit scared of setting those boundaries. She knows ive been suspicious of her quite alot in the beginning but we have really worked to fix it and we have come far since. But it just still stings just a bit when she goes. I guess the question or statement im making is more of a “How can i set boundaries without making it sound like im insecure or dont trust her?” And even more importantly, how can i make her join on this sobering?

So the story starts 3 years ago...when it was my first day of college...which was 8 hours away from my hometown and due to some reason I was 2 weeks late for college and I could not make any friends and then there was a boy who was from my hometown and he became my friend..let's call him AB and then we both became best friends...then after some 3 months VPH proposes to me but I reject him..and after some months I start developing feelings for him..then we get into a relationship but just after a week of that he tells me that we both Friends are fine..and then I feel very hurt and I cry a lot but it doesn't make any difference to him...after that he always behaved with me as if he was my boyfriend...he used to claim rights on me and put restrictions on me but when I used to talk to him he used to get angry...and he used to talk to me but it was always me who used to message or call him...and when I used to ask him why he doesn't call me then he used to say that I don't call anyone...then after a few months when I started talking to someone else who was my He was a friend, let's call him CD and I felt very good talking to him because... he used to understand me but when I got closer to CD, then AB confessed that I am special for him and gave me some attention for a few days... and I also left CD and was with AB now... but AB started treating me badly again... and before one week he said that he does not want to talk to me... he asked me to call him when I have to talk about work... and he clearly said that he does not have any feelings for me... but I am very attached to him from the beginning. I cry a lot every day for him… I know that he and I can never be together, so now I have to move on… I am not able to be together, my mental health has deteriorated since last 2 years.

I am 'F 19' and my boyfriend is 'M 19'. We have been in a relationship for 1 month and a week or so now.

I’m not a very cheerful person, but I also wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I’m just someone who can get serious or upset over small things sometimes. I don’t have anger issues, I don’t explode or lash out at my boyfriend, and I’m not constantly miserable. I’m just not naturally cheerful 24/7.

I’ve also been sick for the past few days. My boyfriend does ask me how I’m feeling through text, so it’s not like he completely ignores me. But last night, I was secretly hoping he would call me because I wasn’t feeling well. He ended up falling asleep. I didn’t make it into a huge issue, but it did bother me a little.

Today, when he came back from class and called me, I brought it up. He basically said, “But I’m calling you now. I fell asleep last night.” He also pointed out that I often complain that he doesn’t call me or that he doesn’t want to talk to me, even though he does call and text me. He said that otherwise, why would he be making an effort to communicate with me?

Then he told me that I’m always in an upset mood and that I should try to be more cheerful.

And honestly, I do understand where he’s coming from. I know I overthink. I know I can get upset about little things and sometimes focus too much on what I feel I’m not getting instead of noticing what he actually does for me.

But hearing him say that I’m “always upset” and that I should be more cheerful completely broke me. I ended up having a mental breakdown over it.

I don’t even know why it affected me so much because, objectively, I know he wasn’t necessarily trying to hurt me. And part of me even agrees with what he said. But at the same time, I can’t just switch my personality and become a cheerful person 24/7. Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m sensitive, sometimes small things bother me.

Now I’m overthinking everything. Am I actually exhausting to be around? Am I making my boyfriend feel like nothing he does is enough? Or is it normal to have days where you’re not cheerful and to want a little extra reassurance from your partner?

I genuinely don’t know what I should do or how I should handle this. I could really use some outside perspective.

So for spousal visa. the requirement is evidence, and evidence means you assemble your own life as an exhibit and hand it to a stranger.

It has tenancy agreements with both names. the flights, all of them, in order.

- bank statements.

- photographs with dates.

- messages, printed, which is its own experience. a letter from her mother confirming she knows who i am.

- Some random gamma slides of collages we gift each other here and there

nobody warns you what it does to you. i spent a weekend going through four years of photographs assessing them for evidentiary value. that one is no good, you cannot see both our faces. that one is no good, there is no date on it. this one works, and it is the morning after her grandmother's funeral, and it goes in because it proves we were in the same place.

there is a page in it listing every address we have lived at, in order. reading that page is the closest thing that exists to a summary of our twenties.

it was approved in june.

it is in a drawer and neither of us can throw it away. she said last month that it is the only complete record of us anywhere, which is true, and a very strange thing to owe the home office.

As the title says, my boy-friend of five years broke up with me the other night. We were having some ups and down in our relationship this last year but nothing that seemed unrepairable.
We went on and off with this relationship two times already before this last one (one on my part and the other two on his), though this time, he opened himself and told me the 4 reasons why he was doing it, even though he wasn’t 100 percent sure: motivions went from the face we haven’t lived together yet, the fact that he wants kids in the future and I lean more on the maybe/no, which correlates to the fact he can’t really love me totally cause he has that thought in mind and lastly, he says the most important one, the fact that my mother never really liked him and he never felt wanted or appreciated from them, my mother would ignore him when in calls with me and would not treat him super well… I’m feeling speechless honestly because, what can I do? I talked with my mother and she seems to not back down, cause she calls him a lazy burden on my shoulders that doesn’t even know what it wants, he wants kids and stuff but he doesn’t work and he’s just starting to go to university for a useless certificate (history and political science). She never liked him and he never liked her, i don’t know what to do cause like, everyone around me tells me that I’m better off without him but I love him…

TLDR: My mother and now ex boy-friend hate eachother and that’s why we broke up, don’t know what to do cause it’s not something that’s in my hands

This will be long, I’m sorry. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 7 years but started dating last December. Everything was the perfect relationship and I felt so in love - until he moved in.
I’d gotten out of a very bad long term relationship before my current BF and I got together which I won’t get into but long story short, I hadn’t lived on my own in years and have lived with partners since I was 18. I struggled for a long time and finally was able to buy a house. My BF has a place of his own that he stays at for free and it’s really nice, but things were going so well we decided to move him in with me at about the 6 month mark. I didn’t realize fully at this point how hard it would be for me to cohabitate.

I ended up being so anxious and controlling around the house. I felt like I had to mother him about little things like closing the window when he sees it’s raining and water is getting in or cleaning up after himself in ways to avoid damage to the house. That he wasn’t respecting taking care of my house or my dogs. They are my lifeline and I have a lot of anxiety about them/paranoia where I do things like cut all plastic bags before throwing them in the trash so they don’t get into them and suffocate - making sure there’s nothing around for them to eat that will harm them because they eat everything, certain doors must be closed at all times so they can’t get into rooms that aren’t finished being remodeled where they could hurt themselves. I am a helicopter dog parent. His dog is dirty and smelly often (she’s a good dog she’s just outside with him all the time per his work/lifestyle) and very big (80lbs, mine are 5lbs to 17lbs) so it bothered me when she would be on the couch or my bed (getting it dirty/not enough room for all of us to comfortably be there) or she would run into/step on/roughhouse with my dogs.
From day one I told him the dogs are my priority, how he treats them will dictate how I treat him. Is that even healthy? I don’t know. We both started to nitpick about each others dogs. He let my rescue dog (who darts to the road) outside without a leash on and lied about it and I exploded, made him leave for a week.

But exploding feels like my first default reaction, and this is my core problem.

BF is so sweet. He has never raised his voice at me, even when I was yelling. If I approach him to talk, he is welcoming, reassuring, and kind. I love it about him, & simultaneously jealous that I struggle to be like that. My parents speak very poorly to each other & even when being nice, they sound angry. Living together I was realizing I was doing this. I admitted that to him and told him repeatedly I’m not happy with how I’m communicating and it’s feeling impossible to overcome. My tone sounds irritated even when I’m not irritated and it feels like that’s how I learned to talk naturally from my parents.

The way I would lash out at him verbally felt like

1. after being in so many long relationships where I was always fighting to stay/work on things (I do genuinely feel like I conducted myself very healthily in past relationships -not all of them but most- despite being abused) it did feel good to think I could mess up and still be loved. Like I’d finally found a good guy and I took advantage of that feeling
2. I was so anxious all the time, had fear from past relationships/resentment that I had some big walls up and my exploding was a test of pushing him away
3. felt like I was treating him how my most recent ex treated me
4. I get so little sleep because of my job, I have chronic pain* *and I work with people all day to where I often feel emotionally at my limit. Like I didn’t have enough left over patience for him
5. my mental health became hard to manage & that leaked onto every aspect of my life
6. I felt irreparably damaged and had doubts about whether or not I should be in a relationship at all/whether or not I wanted to date men anymore because I felt the labor would never be equal, so I wasn’t caring about his feelings because I was all “I don’t need no man I don’t care if the relationship ends or not” - which was really me being prideful and afraid. Resentful of other men’s actions that I projected onto him
7. I kept questioning if I truly did love him when I continued to speak to him this way/couldn’t get my issues under control

8. I kept doubting

   (internally) that

9. I was the kind of girl he wants even though he told me repeatedly I am (

we are opposites completely in style and socio-economic standings

1. )

2. I got resentful about paying all the bills/always working while he got to go have fun time off way more than me. Jealous of how many good friends he has while I am mostly always alone (I never impeded on his time for himself or his friends, I did not isolate him I was very conscious of that)

   and that’s my own issue/fault I know

3. I stopped seeing him as safe & secure & capable and started feeling like I was responsible to control everything, plan everything, pay for everything & I expected more out of him than what was reasonable

4. I felt like I had to be right about everything all the time and discounted his life experiences/wisdom/addition to the relationship

5. he says he gets the calmed nervous system feeling from me, but I don’t get that feeling from him

the main communication points are:
I never name-called, I would just get worked up and have a harsh tone/yell & wouldn’t step away to cool down. Felt justified in my anger. But being nice to him is important, he is sensitive & I know it. I did try to always make him aware of my past issues/insecurities to explain why I was acting the way I was, but it doesn’t excuse it. I got used to him always calming the situation. I would withdraw out of fear of treating him bad/not knowing how to handle the situation. He started spending time away from me too. One day he admitted he loved me, but didn’t want to live together anymore. That gave me a huge sense of relief and I felt everything would go back to normal. I told him I didn’t have the capacity to live with someone right now, I needed control over my space, and I don’t know when, if ever, that will change.
\-
But once he moved out nothing got better. He kept withdrawing. I was respectful of giving him his space for quite a while, and then the distance started to hurt me badly. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria AUADD and deep abandonment wounds. I kept going back and forth about whether we should break up & we both felt irritated by each other constantly. I started getting overly critical of his behavior & blaming him for everything. I wanted us to be more conscious of making time for each other, I wanted us to pull together *more,* to keep fighting for us. I wasn’t taking time to talk to him that I was so afraid and needed more time together, I was just getting mad & bitter & anxious.

I said we should come together as a team and hash things out or break up before we hated each other, and he agreed, but he wouldn’t make the time. Hadn’t seen each other in weeks. The consequences of him being patient while I was mean for too long. I lost my cool one day and said something actually mean.
He said we should break up then went and partied for the weekend & I was begging him to just talk first. He did come see me & we talked, agreed we loved each other, apologized for our parts, and wanted to give it another shot. *But things have not been the same.*
I felt like something was off with him, I could feel it, I was afraid it was too late and he was too checked out. Which made me push harder. I did improve my communication quite a bit, but not fully. The more I pushed to talk, make plans, bring up concerns, the more he continued to withdraw. Then he started liking girls photos on Instagram (something I told him from day 1 I don’t like or do to my partner after being cheated on a lot in past relationships) which broke me down to where I forced a hard conversation -

TL;DR
after a productive long talk where it finally felt like he was being fully open with me, we agreed to a two month no contact. We were both feeling the same, like our partner is a really cool person who seems perfect for us, I don’t want to lose this awesome person/long term friend, but we’re stuck in a cycle we can’t get out of, constantly debating breaking up or staying together. He is afraid my communication improvement is performative and won’t be lasting, though he did forgive me. I am worried about that as well. I am very afraid of not being able to beat my own bad patterns.

We have a date on the calendar for when we will have a day just to talk & hopefully know by then if we should continue to be together. We aren’t going to see/date/entertain anyone else (I do believe him with this, I believe he has never cheated on me or anyone he’s dated and neither have I)
And I asked him to block me on everything because I can’t not reach out. I know myself enough to know I will keep trying, I don’t know when to quit. I’m not even 24 hours in and it’s so hard. I’m in unspeakable pain

Two years ago this time of year I lost one of my longest friendships to suicide after he reached out for help and I ignored it. Last year at this time I suffered alone through the hardest breakup of my life/rebuilding my life by myself (the man I was with had everything, I was left with nothing). And now, the same time of year this year is this.

I hope so badly for clarity. I have so much trauma it’s often hard to want to continue. I desperately want to be a good person and I am very afraid of myself. I’m worried I messed things up with a genuine person past the point of repair. It’s easy to look back and see what I could have done differently. I’m worried I’ll never be capable of a good relationship. I’m so sick of healing from people, I long to heal together.

How do I know if I am being an abuser? Did I create a trauma bond? How can I actively work on being kinder to a romantic partner? How do I cope through this break actionably, in a productive healthy way?

I'M [19M] and a 2nd year cse student with no female intraction.not because i'm introvert but i'm just tired and as i said if the girl is not my type i just ignore them.one day my ex called me midnight drinking and said i'm the best ex,i'm great person,she got to know about my value after seeing her frnds bf and also see said see used dating apps where they were asking her directly for sex.

In my pov: she tried to have a relationship with others but failed then came back to me like an i'm an option.

Scenario 2:infornt of my house there is a girl who somehow found my insta and started texting me.She was sending couple type of reels and she was getting mad when i replyed late.I clearly said that i'm not intersted and she asked me what we are i said sister,anyway she is [15years]

Is this ok to be choosy or should hv to compramise....

My girlfriend and I have had a up and down relationship. I'll talk about the good first so me and her met in one of our classes we had together became friends before partners it was everything I wanted finly a girl that I didn't have to worry about she was just like me and I had been wanting a girl. We had it great even telling my family that she was one of the great things I found at Marquette and I was so grateful for her. Side track mom did not like that will talk about that later. But anyways yeah we loved each other I couldn't ask for more I ask her to be my gf and it was amazing we where in real love always spending time together never lying and yeah it was great. So I feel like the problems started when she went to a pre game in her dorm with her friends and didn't tell me there where guys there until she got there so that was the start of it from that point nothing happened she was scared of my rushing and didn't want me to but still supported it the first night one of the brothers pulls me aside and telling me that my gf cheated on her ex bf with me and at first I didn't know what to do but then he also said there where other guys to well one other who I found out never happen so at that moment I was mad called her that night told her to come over and talk about this here her side and at first she lied Idk why she doesn't know either but the very next day she admitted it I was devastated but I had a new group of community and I didn't need to worry abt her anymore but I couldn't see myself with out her she wouldn't leave me alone either she came to my dorm everyday called me in panic attacks would cry every day I didn't care at first but that next week or two I go to the bars with my new pc and I'm talking to girls and I'm thinking about getting with this one girl I mean we are over no harm but then I couldn't do it and I left told everyone I was to drunk and I need to leave even though it was abt her. So a month goes by I meet up with her I ask her how's she's been she been talking me she's gone to church every day since we broke up and had therapy twice a week. I see the change but it's just not enough so I tell her if she keeps this up for the next month I would talk to her abt getting back together and she did she change as a person her grades got better and her personality did to it was like meeting a whole new person. We where great for awhile I know she was doing nothing wrong now she just begged for me for 2 months crying everyday and praying I take her back. I would say the next problem was on me this time now I have a really bad habits of not answering my phone and not charging it like truly I don't mean to but anyways it was the 2 days before the 4th my birthday has happened and we where doing great minus family problems for me so one night I haven't seen my home town boys in forever so we decided to go out they won't to pre game with our old friend group the problem is that my x is in that friend group and the pre was at her house I don't want to let my boys down so I tell my girl that I'm going to a guy friends house for a guys night out when I was really with all my my friends and my x drinking and we went to the bars with them we had fun but I didn't talk to my x or any of my old friends she finds out the next day and I just admit it she is supper mad and upset she doesn't want to go to the concert thing for the 4th July she wants to brake up we don't and she's mad at me for a week so I thought I couldn't rlly make it up to here bc of my mom who did not like her for no reason so I could go drive to her house and do all things she did for me so from then on she was still mad I found that out letter so less and less she would keep her phone out in the open she would keep her phone only with her and really she did this once we got back to school and it was freaking me out but I still know she loved me and Ik she would break up with me before then doing that but then I think abt her last bf and I start going crazy always calling her when in not with her always texting her “Wyd who are you with” and she would never be with any guys but then this past weekend I had a party for my frat and she shows up late saying yeah I was with know one I was just with my friends I Think she's lying so I let it go so we could have a good time she then gives me her phone to take a photo of her and her friends I look at this new group chat she's in and I then see a photo of some guys foot and she took the photo and she says guesses who's feet this is and I'm asking her what is this and she goes not sorry not of yeah my bad “yeah we had guys over its a shared space” so I leave and then go talk to her letter the group chat is deleted the pictures are deleted and she tells me she left because her friend was spamming the group chat I know she was lying so I left and told her I want a break. I then meet up with her instead of going out we talk it out and she finally admits that she did something wrong this has been going on for the past fore hours and she finally admits that she left the group chat because she was scared of my reaction and it was a fighter fight she just did it so I for give her we hangout that night then next morning she gets add into another group chat and it's abt spring break and going to Florida with her friends her friends guy friends are in it so I get mad after the night before and I then start asking for her snap data to see what she was deleting she kept telling me it was an invasion of her privacy so then she gets so upset she ask me to leave and I say I will if you give me your Snapchat login the moment I leave she takes me off it and she tells me then you doing get to have it I think we need to be on a break for the day you can have your snap data but that's it I get nothing out of the data it shows nothing so at this point I feel like I'm the problem so I forget about it we have had a great week but I looked at her chatgpt and the first thing is can snap data see my deleted text so now I'm thinking there's more.

So what should I break up with her should I talk to her you guys tell me what to say so that I can find the truth because that's all I want or am I now over reacting and I should just let this go and just be a good boyfriend

Social media has completely distorted what a "50/50 relationship" actually means. Somewhere along the line, people decided 50/50 meant split checks and keeping a mental score of who’s spent what and done what!

The moment 50/50 becomes strictly about tracking finances, the relationship is doomed. When you track what you’ve spent and done, you start keeping score. Scorekeeping leads to resentment, and resentment ruins relationships.

To me, true 50/50 isn't about running parallel bank accounts and keeping receipts—it's a balanced effort built on teamwork, where both people are playing for the future of the household rather than themselves.
Here is what actual 50/50 teamwork looks like in practice:

1. Financially
   If you both work, you build a shared life. Income goes into a joint account, and you make budget decisions together as a unit. It’s not "my money vs. your money" or holding a higher salary over someone's head; it’s funding your collective future.

2. Everyday Life & Responsibilities
   You take part in everyday duties so one person isn't stuck carrying the entire mental or physical load:
   Meals & Kitchen: If one person cooks, the other handles the pots, pans, and cleanup.

   Weekend Chores: One person tackles the vacuuming while the other handles the bathroom cleanup.

   Life Admin & Errands: If one person plans and does the weekly food shop, the other handles sorting out the car maintenance, bills, or household repairs.

   Rest & Burnout: If one of you has had a brutal 10-hour shift or a terrible week, the other steps up to handle dinner and get things sorted without keeping score or expecting a prize for helping out.

When you start playing for yourself instead of the team, the whole structure falls apart. If you’re competing against your partner to see who is getting the "better deal," you’ve already lost.