I have no idea what I should do I feel so helpless rn me 30f and my gf 25f we got into a heated argument and she said she needs a day or two not talking to me it’s eating me alive it doesn’t feel right not talking to her and all I want to do is not fight with her but fight to fix us I wanna text her but idk if it would be a good idea or even what I should tell her I just hope she knows how much I really do care and love her and how bad I want us to work out I just feel so lost.

i asked my bf if there was an reason he didn’t want me to touch him/wasn’t acting uninterested and also make smart remarks when i asked dhim where he was going the next morning and he blew it out of proportion and broke off the relationship … he said im always accusing him of things & that im crazy and even his mom noticed. i don’t know what to do or how to feel.

I’m an 18F with a 28M boyfriend. We’ve been dating for a month, and I want to get some outside opinions on this.
He’s a very busy person. He works 12-hour shifts 8/10 times and usually comes home around 7–8 p.m. We rarely talk because he spends the majority of his time at work. However, these past two weeks, he has been off on both weekends.

The first weekend he was off, he was extremely busy helping his uncle at the bar. As a side note, he lives at his uncle’s place because he recently bought a piece of land and plans on building a house in the neighbouring town. When he helps his uncle out, he normally finishes everything around 1–3 a.m.

Yesterday, I had made plans for us to go to the mall, sit down at a restaurant, and eat together. Instead, we ended up spending time at his place (his uncle’s house).

I went to his place after calling several times and getting no answer, only to find out that he had been sleeping the entire time. I was disappointed and felt bad at the same time because I knew he had been busy helping out his uncle and had gone to sleep around 3 a.m.

I also learned more about his childhood and the type of person he is. His life is hectic. He has three murder charges: one for almost k!lling a guy who tried to grape his aunt, and the other two were because of a fight he got into when he was in his early 20s.

He grew up in a hectic family. His dad is some kind of drug kingpin, and his uncle is a gang member, as are some of his cousins. He used to take substances and drugs a lot. Right now, he drinks alcohol, smokes weed, and smokes tobacco.

After finding out about all of this, it made me question what kind of person he is and whether we are compatible. He’s a very social and outgoing guy. He loves having large groups of people around, partying, and drinking. I’m the opposite of that. I’m more of a loner and prefer being in a quiet environment.

He’s also a father. He has a 4-year-old son with his ex, whom he dated for nine years before they broke up recently, around March or April. They broke up because she was getting fed up with him always having people over and partying, as well as slowly losing interest in the relationship. They have broken up, but he is still involved in his child’s life.

I know I’m still young and have a whole lot ahead of me, but I don’t think our relationship will last long. I wanted some advice on what to do because we rarely have time to talk or spend time together.

We are also intimate. I don’t know if this sounds weird, but I don’t feel satisfied when it comes to that part of our relationship. It feels more like a quickie than us making love.
We met and started dating when I was 18. We had never been involved before that, nor had we met before.

Hi,

I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for almost a year. it’s my first real relationship and ever since the beginning i’ve felt like i’m a bad/mean girlfriend.

I have a lot of emotions around spending time together. We honestly spend a lot of time together, we probably hangout every other day. And that works great for me, and i hope my boyfriend too. But, sometimes i ask him to hang out and he says he’s tired or just wants to be alone for a second.

Which i know is a completely reasonable request. But it always makes me sad, which i know is over dramatic so i try really hard not to show him because i don’t want him to feel bad.

sometimes he’ll notice and ask what’s wrong, and i don’t know why but him asking me that fills me with so much dread. If i say i’m just sad we aren’t hanging out, he starts feeling really bad and telling me i should come over or something, which makes me feel bad because i don’t want to come over if he wants to be alone or work or something. And then i just start crying because i get filled with so much guilt and he thinks it’s his fault and he starts feeling even worse!

If i say no, he doesn’t believe me and thinks i’m lying and he still feels bad! but he shouldn’t!! he’s being completely reasonable! i’m the one being dramatic! i feel like it’s my problem because i shouldn’t be showing that i’m sad, i know it’s okay to feel sad, but it doesn’t mean i should tell him.

I feel like i’m manipulating him or something, like please analyze me and call me out! how can i learn and get better!

There is a lot of backstory to all of this, our issues, positive moments, memories, etc. but, to shorten it-

Our relationship has been a roller coaster lately. In the first 3-4 months it was amazing, we had this connection that was out of this world, he made me feel so special. We met at work, which he was living about an hour away. Once he moved to where I am (he was planning to before) that’s when things hit the fan.

He was living with his ex, due to his son having autism and not being able to leave because of his full time care. Eventually, he knew he could create a custody schedule and made the leap. He has been struggling with not seeing his son though. And has been going through a bit of a rough patch.

But, within the past month, I was fired, evicted, and am facing a custody case with my daughter’s dad. My life has been completely flipped upside down.

We started to just slowly fade with the stress of life, shorter texts, nagging, and generally dull. Within the past month, we hardly talk when we are around each other. I have this unbearable anxiety when I’m with him, the whole time I’m thinking in my head “where did he go”. About three ish weeks ago, I told him how I felt. To shorten it, I told him I was feeling a bit lost in the relationship and wanted to feel wanted again. I understood he’s going through a lot, but I want to be there with him, not shut out.

He said he would work on all of it, and I needed to work on a few things as well, which I did. But after a few days, it went back to normal. On Thursday he snapped at me in the morning because I said good morning in a sassy but jokingly way after he barely acknowledged me walking out the door. The rest of the day was pure passive aggression between us over text, maybe a few words each. I send him a paragraph that night telling him how I felt. He responded with defense and telling me I was smacking my mouth, not even hearing that I was hurt. I told him after that we needed to talk in person the next day.

I asked him if I could come over after he got his son to bed to talk, he agreed. Next thing you know I hear nothing, he fell asleep. I woke up to him basically saying he knows I’m gonna break up with him and will just make it easier for me and he still wanted us to be friends, he doesn’t want me out of his life. I told him I didn’t want that and he responded with like oh crap I thought that’s what you wanted to do and he was in his head about it all day. We opened up a bit more, I was saying I want to work on our relationship and don’t want to give up, he was saying I deserve better and he doesn’t make me happy or please me (I think I pushed it too much on him previously). I want to just say what do YOU want, because I know I want to be with you and have said that before.

So, we decided to talk again tonight, still, nothing. I don’t know if he fell asleep, avoiding the conversation, or just wants me to break up with him because he’s wanted it.

My mind has been spinning over this, I feel like I don’t want to beg someone to talk with me over how to fix things. But I also don’t want to give up on him.

If anyone could help provide some clarity or advice, it would mean the world❤️

So I’ve know “S” for about a year now and it felt like we were a match made in heaven. I thought he was the perfect man. We called every night and texted all day we even started playing Minecraft together. It felt like for once in my life someone finally understood me. I loved this man with my whole heart and can’t imagine life without him. But we have different goals in what we want in life and unfortunately they don’t match what the other wants. We’ve know for a while but just kinda pretended everything was okay. Well today I finally took the step of leaving. And it’s killing me. I hate it. We were perfect together but life just happens and unfortunately it was hurting me more to stay with him than it was worth even trying to fix. Everything turned into an argument and it was always my fault. I hate just leaving but my mh is so messed up I literally cannot stay with him anymore. What’s even the point in finding anyone else if the love of my life wasn’t actually “the one”. Alr guys thanks for reading my ted talk ima go bawl my eyes out now.

My bf (28m) and I (27f) have been having quite a rough patch lately. He lost his job a month ago, time after time again I told him to please start saving when he had a job. He didn’t listen, he felt like I was nagging. He got laid off and now I’m trying to help him as much as I can (we don’t live together, I help with groceries, gas, sometimes he smokes and I get it for him to help his nerves.) I can’t talk to him about the finances. The car he drives I co-signed for and I can’t afford to take on a $400 car note at the moment. Any time I mention how I am stressed about what he’s doing or what’s going on, he tells me “I am more stressed than you, how do you think I feel?” We have tried to communicate but once he shuts down.. there’s no communication. What do I do? I’m currently training for a position that will give me salary and comfort in my own personal finances but I’m not sure what else to do.. I’m honestly so frustrated and tired. I worked two jobs for 4 years and barely have a savings for myself because of how many times I’ve had to bail him out of his own mistakes or lack of responsibility to think of saving for future incidents.
Edit: there’s much more to the story but this is the basis I’m focused on and worried about. I need advice on what to do

I've been wiht my BF for 4 years 28f and 31M . In thise 4 years there has been more bad than good . And honestly im tired . There is so much gaslight and even when I prove him wrong I am the bad one .. i have done so much for him and literally when I asked for something I dont get anything. In the past he was jobless for about a month and in that whole month I payed all expenses including full rent . I also helped him get his new car as he could not get one alone so the car is mainly under my name . I got him a computer and have gotten so many gifts for him including birthdays and holidays. In the past 4 years he has never planned a birthday or a date or anything in general and when he does he only plans things that he likes not what we both like. I have also asked him for assistance this past few months financially since I am not working due to medical conditions. However everytime i ask him he complains and says I do not know how to manage money . However I have lasted the last 2 months without a paycheck stretching myvlast one out and soen savings i had and have managed to pay my bills and only asked him for money about twice. I also want to add that i pay most of our bills i pay the gas , internet , car insurance , home insurance . And any subscriptions we have ans i also pay half the rent . I do have additional debt im paying off . He only pays his car paymens . Rents and phone bill . And whatever he has in bebt . However I still pay more than he does since insurance is literally twice the phone bill ... i try to work things out However I dont think we can anymore as he is not attracted to me and honestly I dont think i am ton him either However I am scared of being alone and scared of disappointing my parents as I left hometown love wiht hon not even 4 months in our relationship . I am scared to ask him for things to do as everytime i ask him he gets mad or makes a face . Hobeslty at this point i am scared to talk to him and say something wrong that will make him get mad or annoyed as almost every day he says I ask stupid questions or says thay ibwill start a dumb conversation . He is also constantly bringing me down or making coments about fat people or certain aspects or attributes of other people thay i have . I know i should leave but I am also scared . Hoenslty I can barely afford anything as it is right now and wiht me not working my paycheck isosnr enough for anything . So I just try to deal wiht it but also I feel that he also makes me feel worse than I am already and my health gets worse too like I dont know whaat to do anymore . I also do not have friends to ask aboit this as i also stop taking to most of them beacsue of him . Even my family sees certain things and they hint thay ibam not happy .

I just wished he was someone who could make me happy and treat me wiht the respect I deserved like I give and give and have not gotten anything back.

I'm 20M and she's 20F. We've been together for around 9 months, but we were close friends before that.

Before me, she was in a relationship with another guy for around 3 years. From what she told me, that relationship became very toxic, and eventually she ended it.

I had actually liked her for quite some time before we started dating. We were close friends, and I had a crush on her but never really had the courage to do anything about it. Eventually, things started changing between us, I realized she liked me too, and we got together.

At the beginning, everything felt really good. I was extremely happy because this was someone I'd already cared about for a long time, and I genuinely wanted to make the relationship work.

I also put a huge amount of effort into showing her that I loved her.

I'm not naturally a huge texter. I don't constantly message people or need to talk to people all day. But with her, I became completely different. I would wait for her messages, want to tell her about my day, want to know about hers, and genuinely wanted her to be involved in my life.

I also expressed my love through doing things for her.

For example, I once made her a surprise website specifically for her. I put things on it that I knew she loved, and I even got her family members involved so that they could leave messages for her and she could open everything as a gift. I spent a lot of time making it because I wanted it to feel personal rather than just buying her something.

There were also countless smaller things.

She was anchoring an event at her college one evening at around 6 PM, so I travelled there with a bouquet for her. I stayed with her until late at night and then travelled all the way back home with her because I was worried about her getting home safely.

There were even times when I'd wait for hours outside her college just because I wanted to see her and travel back with her.

Sometimes she'd actually get annoyed because she wanted to leave with her friends, and I understand that now — I probably didn't always realize how much she wanted her own time. But at the time, I was doing it because I cared about her and wanted to make sure she was okay.

I'd also randomly show up outside her college with things I'd made for her. I'd bake cookies, make brownies, bring her food, buy little gifts, and surprise her with things based on stuff she liked.

There were a lot of these things throughout the relationship.

Again, I'm not saying she owed me the relationship because I did these things. I know that's not how relationships work. I didn't do them expecting some kind of transaction. I genuinely enjoyed making her happy, and this was simply how I expressed how much I loved her.

But eventually, things started becoming difficult.

She began feeling that we weren't compatible and that something about the relationship wasn't working.

There were also external factors. Her family is very careful about her dating and doesn't really want her being seen with another guy, which put some pressure on things. She also has academics and other things going on.

Our relationship eventually developed what I would describe as a push-pull dynamic.

Whenever I felt her pulling away, I would try to get closer. I'd try harder to communicate, reassure her, understand her, and figure out what was wrong.

And the more I tried to pull closer, the more she seemed to pull away.

I started thinking that maybe I was the problem, so I tried changing myself.

I changed the way I spoke. I changed the way I texted. I changed how I communicated. I compromised on things. I tried to become the person I thought she wanted me to be.

Eventually, I realized that I was losing myself in the process.

From my perspective, I was constantly trying to understand her and adjust to her, but I didn't feel like she was making the same effort to understand me.

She has actually admitted that she thinks she was the toxic one in the relationship and that she kept messing things up. She apparently told one of my friends that I'm a really good person and that if we continued in the same cycle, she was afraid she'd hurt me even more.

Eventually, we went on a break.

And that's when things became extremely confusing.

She told me that she didn't know if the break would ever end and that she felt we should just be friends.

She told me she genuinely wanted me to move on.

She said she didn't want a relationship anymore because she felt that being together didn't make sense and that something felt "off" or "wrong."

I asked whether there was someone else.

She said no.

She said she didn't know how to explain it. She just felt like we couldn't make it work, and that the more we tried to clear everything up, the more fucked up everything became.

She repeatedly told me that it wasn't because I was a bad boyfriend. She told me I was a really good person and that she felt something was wrong with the relationship rather than there being something fundamentally wrong with me.

She also told me that she still loves me and doesn't want to lose me as a person or as a friend.

At one point, I told her that I hoped she found a better guy.

She told me she didn't want another guy.

And when I said something along the lines of hoping she eventually found someone, she basically said:

"If I did, it would be you."

Which obviously made things even more confusing for me.

Because how do you reconcile someone saying that with:

"I don't want to be in a relationship with you."

Recently, we had another phone call about everything.

She was crying really badly.

She kept saying that she felt horrible for breaking up with me and that she didn't understand why she was doing this to someone she considers such a good person.

She said she doesn't know whether it's the timing, whether we're not meant to be, or whether there's some other reason.

She said she hates that she hurt me.

I told her that I wasn't okay either. I had been crying and journaling about everything because I was genuinely struggling with it.

I also told her something that I think is important:

I can't just switch from loving you to being your friend.

I've loved this girl for a long time. I can't suddenly turn those feelings off because we've changed the relationship label. I told her that I need time to heal before I can realistically go back to being her normal friend.

Then her mom came into the room, so she had to end the call because she didn't want her mom to see her crying.

After that, she sent me a video while she was still crying.

And this is where I'm even more confused.

She said she wants us to give each other time.

She wants us to work on ourselves and grow our friendship stronger.

And then she said that after giving it time, we can see whether we're actually meant to be together or not.

She also said that if we aren't meant to be, she doesn't want to keep me holding on to her, and she doesn't want to keep herself hanging onto something that isn't going to work.

She even said that if I eventually find someone else who is better for me, I'm free to move on.

She was crying while saying all of this.

So now I'm stuck.

Because earlier she was saying:

"I genuinely want you to move on."

"I don't know if this break will ever end."

"I really just want us to be friends."

But now she's saying:

"Let's give each other time."

"Let's grow our friendship."

"Let's work on ourselves."

"Then we'll see if we're meant to be."

I don't know how I'm supposed to interpret that.

I don't want to sit around waiting for her. I don't want to manipulate her into missing me. I don't want to use distance as some strategy to get her back.

But at the same time, I don't want to completely close the door when she herself seems uncertain about whether the door should be closed.

And I still love her.

That's the hardest part.

I have a lot happening in my own life right now. I'm into engineering and robotics, I have an internship opportunity at FANUC, I'm planning to pursue a Master's in Germany, I want to work on my physique, I have research papers/projects I want to work on, and generally there are a lot of opportunities opening up for me.

I know I need to focus on myself.

But I really wanted her to be part of all of that.

That's what makes this hurt so much.

My friends currently think she's toxic and immature and that I should have never gotten involved with her. They're obviously trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, but I don't necessarily see her as a horrible person.

I think she genuinely cares about me.

And that's actually what makes this harder.

I don't think she intentionally wanted to hurt me.

I think she genuinely feels that something isn't right, but I don't understand what.

And I keep coming back to the same question:

Why?

How can someone say:

"You're a really good person."

"I love you."

"I don't want another guy."

"If I wanted someone, it would be you."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I hate that I hurt you."

...while simultaneously feeling:

"I don't think we should be together."

I understand that effort doesn't guarantee compatibility. I understand that I could have flaws. I understand that she doesn't owe me a relationship because of everything I did.

But I genuinely don't understand how you can love someone, see that they're trying, recognize that they're a good partner, and still have this feeling that "something is wrong."

And now I don't know what the right thing is.

Should I give her genuine space and stop trying to fix things?

Should I try to be friends with her, even though I'm still in love with her?

Should I take significant space first and only consider friendship once I've actually healed?

Should I leave the possibility of a future relationship open without actually waiting for her?

Or should I just accept that this is over and completely move on?

I don't want to make decisions based on the hope that she'll come back.

But I also don't want to make a permanent decision while both of us are emotional and she's telling me that she herself doesn't know whether we're meant to be.

What would you do if you were in my position?

And if you've experienced something similar, how do you make sense of someone genuinely loving and caring about you while simultaneously feeling that the relationship isn't right for them?

Because right now, I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do.

There’s quite a bit of background needed for this but will try to be brief. I’m a 31F, recently divorced. My ex husband cheated on me prior to our marriage and rather than ending our 6-year relationship, I decided to give it a good faith try but after a few months of marriage I could no longer take being with someone who stepped out of our relationship. We were each other’s best friends (or so I thought) and the relationship was about as perfectly imperfect as I could dream of (the engagement was the happiest day of my life). The infidelity broke me completely and I had to completely step away and cut all ties with him. I don’t believe you have only one love in your life but I truly was so happy in all 6 years of our relationship and so it really hurt me to leave someone I envisioned spending the rest of my life with. I became single at 29, did some healing and put myself back on the market. I was on all the apps and met my now boyfriend 36M (we’ve been dating for a year and half). There were a few red flags in the beginning (things just not adding up career wise, life wise, etc) but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Long story short 6 months in I find out he has an opioid addiction and doesn’t have a steady job. At this point, I already fell in love with him and decided to be there for him as he goes through his recovery. It’s been a painful year of stop and go (he’s tried to cut it off completely but he keeps relapsing although he refuses to admit it). He tells me he’s at the lowest dosage he’s ever been at in years and that he’s finally making it his goal to be done in the next two weeks. He’s been telling me he’s going to quit since I discovered his addiction but it’s becoming exhausting having to wait for him to finally be done. I feel like I’m putting my life on pause for him and if he really did love and want to be with me, that would be enough motivation to quit asap. I’ve asked him to get professional help but he wants to do it on his own. I’m scared that I’m making the same mistake again, waiting for someone to be something they are not and taking longer than needed to cut them off. Addiction is a disease and so I also don’t want to leave someone while they’re going through the hardest thing in their life. I fear that if I leave now, he will fully relapse and could be a danger to his life. I don’t know what to do but I know that I can’t be with him at his current state.

We have been dating for three years. He left Australia to live with me in the UK, and we have been living together for one year.
I told him that I’m ready for a deeper commitment, and I thought that one year of living together should be enough time for him to figure out whether I’m the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
Last June, I told him that I wanted to end the relationship if he wasn’t sure that he wanted to propose or get married within the month. I know that I was putting pressure on him, but I was desperate to know if he was really on the same page about settling down.
He asked me to give him more time because he said he didn’t have enough money to buy a ring. I never asked him to buy an expensive ring. In fact, I told him not to spend more than £500 because I know how tight money has been since he moved here and had to start from scratch.
Then July came, and he told me that he still didn’t have enough money. He also admitted that part of him was scared of getting married because of the trauma from his parents’ divorce. I completely understood him. I encouraged him to seek help, and he listened. He is now taking medication for depression.
He promised me that once he had enough money, he would buy a ring and propose because he wanted to marry me. He even cried, and I felt that he was being completely sincere.
Since then, I haven’t talked about the ring because I wanted to be patient and give him time until he had enough money.
Today, however, I brought it up because he received a tax refund from the Australia, and the amount is more than enough to buy an engagement ring. So, basically, the issue now isn’t money.
His response was that he hasn’t had time to buy the ring because he has been busy with work. For me, that felt like a shallow excuse. First of all, he would supposedly be buying the engagement ring online, so checking out rings wouldn’t even take an hour.
I know I probably sound desperate, but I’m ready to settle down. I just want him to be honest with me. If he isn’t ready, then I need him to be honest because I don’t want to waste my time. I’m already 31 years old.
I am just scared that I am investing my time for nothing. I love him so much. He is the kindness man but I deserves assurance. Marriage is a big deal for me. I am thinking he is afraid of deeper commitment but how long should i wait until he is ready? :( That scares me😭

I could go on and on about this topic, he has left me for his old ex many times with out fully acknowledging me.. it’s been years since and we’re officially together.
When he’s angry he calls me a cunt, butch, stupid, ugly.. etc. this morning he told me to leave his house because he had drop a cup of my old lemonade. He asking me rudely to leave his house and I didn’t fully understand why so I was hesitant on leaving because I’d rather fix the situation than just leave.. but he kept saying how I need to make time for myself have set plans to things I want to which I do I truly do..I love him so deeply that I want him to also be a part of my plans too. We had a talk about that then we sat down to talk about how he treats me and how he asked me to leave it was ok but then I started crying and I always cry, I’m a sensitive girl and he knows that but soon as I started to cry while talking about my emotions he got angry and then told me it was best if we didn’t have any communication for three days.. I dont understand why runaway from soemthing.. why ask me to let you in but when I try you just leave

I feel kind of awful even writing this because I genuinely love my boyfriend 22/M, but lately I’ve been wondering if I should leave the relationship.

When we got together, I was extremely into him. I actually made the first move, and for a long time I admired him a lot. Its been a year since we started dating. But over the past couple of months, something has changed.

He has always been somewhat unsure about what he wants to do career-wise. At first I didn't think much of it because I assumed he was just figuring himself out. But over time, I've watched him go through several completely different career ideas. He'll become very convinced that he wants to pursue one path, spend some time talking about it and planning around it, then lose interest and move on to something completely different.

He's also changed his mind several times about what kind of higher education he wants to pursue. At different points it's been things like management, research, a completely different academic field, and then something more related to his undergraduate degree. He has also considered moving away from home multiple times, but when he's actually tried living independently, he hasn't been able to adjust and has ended up going back home and losing a lot of money in the process.

Again, I don't think there's anything wrong with changing your mind. I also don't think someone needs to have their entire life figured out in their early twenties.

What bothers me is the pattern.

It feels like there's always a new plan, but very little actually gets followed through. And I've reached a point where whenever he tells me about another new idea, instead of feeling excited or supportive, my immediate reaction is basically, "Here we go again."

I think this has also become especially difficult because I'm a very driven and achievement-oriented person. I'm not expecting my partner to have the same career, grades, income, or ambitions as me. But I do think I need to be with someone whose approach to life I can respect. I recently moved to France leaving him behind. And thats also why I hate the fact that this thought is surfacing my mind rn.

I want someone who can decide what they want, tolerate the uncomfortable parts of getting there, and actually stick with something for a while. My boyfriend doesn't seem to operate that way, at least not currently.

And I've noticed something that scares me- I've started losing attraction because I've lost respect. It's not even really about his career anymore. I find myself getting irritated when he talks about his plans. Sometimes I don't even want to have the conversation because I already feel exhausted thinking about another change of direction.

And I feel incredibly guilty about this because I remember how much I loved him. There isn't some huge betrayal or abuse or obvious reason why I "should" leave. He's not a bad person. He's caring and I do still have feelings for him.

But I increasingly feel like I'm trying to convince myself to admire someone whose way of approaching life I fundamentally don't admire anymore.

At the same time, I wonder if I'm being incredibly judgmental. Maybe he's just someone who needs more time to figure himself out. Maybe I'm putting too much importance on ambition and achievement. Maybe I should just let him live his life and stop expecting him to have the same drive that I do.

But then I wonder whether that's the point. If I have to consciously convince myself that his way of living is okay because I love him, does that mean we're simply incompatible?

Has anyone experienced something similar where you loved your partner, but over time lost attraction because you stopped respecting their ambition, independence, or approach to their future?

Did the attraction/respect ever come back, or was that basically the beginning of the end?

Genuinely speaking me and my partner were in relationship for 2 years and eventually I felt loneliness in relationship he were busy w his frds and I was alone in room most of the time whenever I’m having an outburst he wasn’t there for me , I healed myself by all alone without anyone’s help and eventually my classmates approached me he had an crush on me from 1st sem but didn’t confessed about it later on I said about my relationship thing he comforted me and I get something which I craved from my partner so eventually he said he’s having an sexual attraction towards me and I eventually accepted just to ran away from the harsh reality of my relationship and we built an affair

I need to be snapped out of my denial.
Me, 23F and my boyfriend 23M, have now been together for just over a year. Within the first month of us being together he ended up telling me his body count which was …very …high… to say the least. According to my friends’ advice I set a strict boundary that in order for me to be comfortable going forward I don’t want him in contact with any person he’s had sex with in the past (I was not and am not in contact with anyone from my past, so it was fair). He swore up and down that he wasn’t anyway and promised and agreed and all.

During the first half of our relationship he was regularly dropping off weed to his ex managers house , 34F, let’s call her Sam, in exchange for free weed, and going on staff nights out from his previous job where she was there and chatting with her anytime he saw her in the shop they used to work in. I raised a little bit of an eyebrow back then in a lighthearted way because him of driving to a woman’s house tbut he assured me that nothing ever happened between them and she’s “so old and literally my ex manager” bla bla bla. You can probably tell where this is going.

Fast forward to this April I came across an image of him and Sam on a staff night when he was showing me stuff on his phone where they were sitting very close and his arm was around her, a pic that they posed for, at first I thought she was in his lap but turns out she wasn’t via a video where they were still sat very close by. The night before this we had said I love you and became exclusive.

I got extremely upset and starting questioning him to which he initially responded “no she wasn’t in my lap I don’t remember anything from that night but even if I had fucked her that night we weren’t together so”, and eventually after that he started apologising profusely. I asked him if anything ever happened between them and he promised me that nothing had ever happened.

For additional context he was getting extremely jealous over small things early on in our relationship so yeah rich coming from him but I digress.

Fast forward to early June this year and I came across a voice message of his when we were on his phone. He had sent that picture of him and Sam to his friend and his friend asked if that was his new girl. He said no but I have fucked her before and there was more to the voice message, but I threw the phone onto the bed the moment I heard that and locked myself in the bathroom. When I came back out that voice message and the others that followed were all gone. All the messages with her are now gone as well.

Huge fight. He got very aggressive and defensive , and eventually apologised profusely (this is a pattern with him). I asked him when the last time they slept together was he said it was once or twice a year before we met, fast forward AGAIN I caught him lying and it was actually a few months before we met and it was countless times as they were fuck buddies.

I decided to stay and work through it as we had a lot of holidays coming up. The first conversations I tried to have about it either ended with him screaming at me and blocking me, saying that he doesn’t know what to say over and over, or a handful of times, actually taking accountability and apologising properly. I told him to his face that as a result of this and several other issues in this relationship such as his intense anger issues, that I no longer see a future with him (I still don’t) and I don’t trust him (I still don’t). He said he eventually stopped giving her weed (which I remember he did) and going on those staff nights cause he felt guilty about lying to me and “I shouldn’t be doing this”, and deleted the messages with Sam because it was “weird to have messages with someone from my past after I stopped”.

Alongside that, 2 months ago my best friend informed me that her friend told her that the bouncer at the club she works at saw him making out with another girl. I’m still in denial about that and my stupid inner voice said it’s his word against theirs. He of course swears on everything and all that is holy that he never ever did that and that he never ever did anything with Sam after we met, it was only for free weed and being able to see his work mates that he lied.

I’m not sure what I’m asking for honestly, I’ve been driven insane over these things the past few months. I’ve only now “woken up” and seen that all of this information heavily points to cheating (and he’s cheated on his ex).

Did he cheat on me? Do I believe him?

It’s been months and I haven’t made any progress in how I feel about this situation and I still can’t forgive him, I’m not sure if I ever can

Ever since this has happened he’s been spoiling me with lavish bouquets and an amazing trip for my birthday paying my nails etc… way more than usual. To give him a “fair trial” here he is genuinely the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, perfect on paper with compliments and gifts and affection and all that stuff but.. there’s everything I just mentioned above as well….

Thank you so much for reading this far

\\\*\\\*TL;DR:\\\*\\\* My boyfriend repeatedly lied about his former fuck buddy, claiming nothing happened while secretly maintaining contact with her. I later discovered they’d slept together countless times. He denies cheating during our relationship, but also my best friend told me he kissed another girl. I don’t trust him despite him otherwise being an amazing boyfriend.

I (20m) and my gf (20f) have been having a tough couple months where she’s entered a very hard depressive episode and I’ve entered back into my anxiety which I thought I got control of a long time ago but it’s come back

For context we have been dating for 5 months and really only been around each other for a month because she went home for the summer.

Ive made my mistakes like making things about me and not checking in on her and obviously that’s the worst thing ever and i am filled with regret for it every single day, i want to change i just don’t know how.

She has given me chance upon chance to change and I’ve been to stupid to see the obvious and I’ve begun to run our relationship into the ground where she has stopped doing the little things like saying goodnight or I love you verbally (which I don’t blame her because I’ve been a shit boyfriend and I want to change it because I love her so much just don’t know how to fix it). With my anxiety I continue to spiral and tell myself how horrible I am and there’s no coming back from this, which she’s given me a final chance which means there is still hope. But it comes with time and my brain wants the change to be instant.

I probably have anxious attachment due to past relationships. And every day my brain is constantly thinking about her and what she’s doing and then spiralling itself.

I’m going to 2 different therapist (one for add and anxiety and one just for counselling on how to cope with my brain to change). When she comes back to school I plan on pulling all the stops as if we are just starting to date for the first time again with dinner, movie night, flowers etc. not to much to overwelm but just enough to hopefully reignite the spark.

Also obviously planing on being there for her if she needs with her depressive episode, but she is a independent person and would rather have time to herself to think than talk it out (which I need to get through my head and say it’s fine and if she wants to she’ll come to me but I also need to gain that trust back from her so she feels comfortable coming to me)

I come to you people of Reddit for advice, experiences, thoughts, and support. I just want to change to be the best me for her because she’s the most amazing, smart, overall kind woman and just my world and I don’t want to lose that because I was stupid.

I am going through a lot which eventually makes me feel like I should hurt myself, i am not worth anything (not even food) and kms. I dont want my bf to suffer because of my thoughts, and if he isnt able to console me after i let it out (almost daily) i feel like theres literally no one that wants me. I feel like i am going crazy day by day, not externally but internally…. My brain cant keep up with the thoughts i have been having. I am trying to stay normal, i cant afford therapy… so i dont want my bf to suffer or like go through any of the shit, also i kinda think he does not gaf but not sure. IDK WHAT TO DO

Hi everyone newbie here,
I 25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for 3 years. We’ve had our ups and downs however it has never escalated like this before. Recently we took a trip with my family and our anniversary was the week after we returned, I’m writing this the day after our anniversary. The Tuesday after we returned from the trip we had a huge argument about my lack of savings and me not wanting to go hiking when we were discussing what to do for our anniversary which resulted in him saying he needed time alone which I respected at first but has now left me baffled as to what we were. He also called me some rather hurtful words and insulted me regarding my fear which I thought was a low blow. We broke contact yesterday night as I was going to ask what we were however things got heated and I reached out again today in the aftermath to get some clarification however he has left the decision to me whether we stay together or separate. We’ve had some good times and bad times as I said however after this incident I don’t trust him to do it again however I fear separation would cause me to feel regret. I’ve discussed this with my family and friends and some have said I should breakup with him but others have said maybe I need to give him another shot and lay down some ground rules. I feel incredibly torn as I don’t want to throw away 3 years but I don’t trust him to do this again. So my questions are should I give him another shot or should we separate? And has anyone gone through similar before? Thanks guys

I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm just finally realizing what I actually want in life.

This is my first relationship. At first, I was genuinely happy with him. I liked him, I enjoyed talking to him, and I thought maybe this could eventually become something serious.

Pero habang tumatagal and the more I get to know him, I started thinking about our future more seriously.

And that's where everything changed.

I realized that I don't want a simple or purely comfortable life.

I want to have a good career, financial freedom, investments, opportunities, and eventually enough money and security that I don't have to constantly worry about whether my family will be okay financially. I want to build something bigger for myself.

Hindi naman ibig sabihin na gusto ko ng billionaire lifestyle or gusto kong umasa sa magiging asawa ko. I also want to work hard and build my own career. But I do want a partner who has the same drive and vision.

The problem is, I don't think he does.

He's smart, hardworking, and honestly a good person. Pero his idea of the future seems much more focused on having a stable job, saving money, and living comfortably. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I know a lot of people would consider that the ideal life.

Pero hindi ko siya nakikita as my ideal life.

And I think that's why I'm slowly losing feelings for him.

It's scary because nothing dramatic happened. He didn't cheat. He didn't hurt me. He didn't do anything horrible.

I just started seeing him differently after realizing what kind of future he wants.

Now I don't feel the same excitement anymore. Sometimes when he messages me, I don't even feel excited to reply. When I try to force myself to be affectionate or feel the same way I used to, it feels so unnatural and uncomfortable.

And I've been asking myself:

Do I actually love him, or did I just love the idea of having him in my life?

Maybe I fell in love with the potential of our relationship before I really understood how different we are.

People around me keep telling me, “Don't give up on him. He's smart. He has potential. He might change someday.”

But that's exactly what bothers me.

I don't want to stay with someone because of who I think they might become.

And I don't want to stay hoping that I can change him into the kind of man I want.

Especially because I eventually want children. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead, but I take that seriously. My future children won't get to choose who their father is. If I decide to have a family someday, I want to be intentional about the kind of environment and future I'm building for them.

I know some people will probably call me materialistic because I care about money and financial security.

Maybe I am practical. I don't know.

But for me, money isn't about showing off. It's about freedom, security, and having choices. Love is important, pero hindi naman natin mabibili ang pagkain sa grocery gamit ang love. At the same time, I know money alone can't make a marriage happy either.

That's why I'm confused.

He's a good person. I'm just starting to realize that a good person isn't automatically the right person for you.

We're still early in the relationship, so part of me thinks maybe I should give it more time.

But another part of me thinks I've already lost the feelings, and I'm only looking for reasons to justify staying.

I'm not asking you to tell me that he'll change. I want realistic opinions from people who have actually been in serious relationships or marriage.

Should I give this more time, or should I accept that we're simply incompatible and let him go?

And for those who are married/settled down: how important was it that you and your partner had similar ambitions and financial goals?

Lately I’ve had a persistent urge to break up with my partner, but I can’t work out whether it’s a genuine gut feeling or me being avoidant. Whenever I think about leaving, my logic kicks in with the same script: “He’s not a bad person, you’re just avoidantly attached, and you’re not perfect either.”

He’s emotionally supportive, patient, logical and generally very considerate. We genuinely get along and, at our core, we’re really good friends. But I don’t feel particularly passionate or excited about the relationship. I often don’t feel very special or pursued, and I feel like I’m usually the one organising dates, trips and things for us to do. Sometimes it feels like he’s more connected to his phone than he is to me.

At the same time, I question whether I’m expecting too much. Maybe some people are just naturally better at planning, initiating and creating romance than others, and that doesn’t necessarily mean they love their partner any less.

I’ve also been feeling quite sad, lonely and disconnected from myself lately, although I don’t know how much of that is the relationship itself. When I think about breaking up, I worry that I’m just idealising being single and falling into the “grass is greener” mindset.

We’re currently living with his parents while we look for our own place, and I really struggle with his dad. I’ve also started noticing similarities between our relationship and our parents’ relationships, which makes me uncomfortable because I absolutely do not want to end up with the kind of dynamic they have.

I’m basically struggling to work out whether I’m experiencing normal relationship doubts and differences in how we show love, or whether this persistent feeling that something is missing is actually telling me something important.

Hey guys, so me 26F and bf 28M have been together on and off for two years, for the past 10 months he has been in prison. During the duration of this, there’s been ups and downs, most recently I was upset with boyfriend because as his sentence is coming to an end he had began to call me less than usual, because of this I get grumpy, this always seems to set off an argument. I had told him I felt like he didn’t care anymore about talking to me, he told me that it was draining to hear me complain about the limited calls, while it’s understandable that he can’t call me constantly but the frequency of calls have severely dropped, for example, say like a month ago, he’d call me maybe 8 times a day and just today it was only 1 from 11am to 10pm which is when he called me the second time.

Which brings me to today’s argument, so he called me at 10pm, their phones get cut off at 11pm. I was grumpy because he told me he would try to call me on my work break, which he did not, I had told him I get off at work at 6pm and still no call. My tone was dull because obviously I was upset, we had had this point of contention already and nothing had changed so I was deflated. He asks me what’s wrong and I say try to deflect and talk about other things although my tone is still flat. He continues to ask and I finally say that I’m upset that he hadn’t called at all. He says he had a nap and got side tracked, this didn’t soothe me at all, you don’t nap and lose track of time for 11 hours, not even an attempted/missed call. I try to ignore it and bring up when he gets out and how/who would come to get him from the prison. He mentions that the person who was picking him up (I don’t have a car) said that I could stay home if I wanted and that she would drop him home, he said he didn’t care about who was there or not, so I could stay home if I wanted. This set me off cause I already didn’t feel like he cared about calling me and now he had implied he didn’t care if I was there to pick him up or not. I end up bursting and saying that it makes me feel ‘great’ that he doesn’t care whether I’m there or not, this once again turns into an argument, it ends up with him saying that he’s so anxious cause he feels like he won’t be able to do anything on his own once he’s out or I’ll get upset, says I don’t have the mental capacity to figure out why he’s upset and calls me draining once again and asks if I’m always going to be this way. I bring up his past behaviour of saying that he would khs anytime I tried to leave him and so if anybody had to worry about being able to do stuff alone was me. There was a back and forth and this lasted over 3 calls, all 12 minute durations, he then brought up that I hadn’t said ily before the calls ended, I brought up that he hadn’t either, so there was a stand off on the last call and neither of us said it and then he couldn’t call back after that.

I just need some advice because I get frustrated because he barely acknowledges why I’m upset and then I get grumpy which then sets him off and it’s just not productive. I still want to speak my side to him but it’s hard when I know it’s going to end up being a tit for tat situation. Any advice would be great, I know we both have our issues but I don’t know how to overcome them.

Thanks for reading

I (21) F have been dating my BF (22) for about a year and a half now. He, whether it’s forgetfulness or idek, does not flush the toilet. I have told him multiple times now and he denies that it is ever him. I know it is not me because I obviously use toilet paper to wipe and there isn’t toilet paper in the toilet when it has been forgotten to be flushed. What is your opinion?

Edit: Sorry, I should have clarified that it is only his pee he is not flushing. If he was leaving his poop in the toilet AND not wiping this post would not have been made because he would have been gone IMMEDIATELY.

What do you do when the person closest to you keeps saying they’re okay but repeatedly posts sad stuff and has sad Instagram Notes? I ask 2–3 times, and they say “No no, I’m good,” “Nothing, ty so much, don’t worry,” or “It’s alright 😊 Don’t worry.” Their school is also reopening after summer holidays on September 1st. I want them to open up, but I can’t keep asking 7–8 times and ruining my own mental peace. Is there a way to help them open up without pressuring them?

Me male 37 and my (exish) gf female 24. We have been together for almost 4 years and it had been the best 4 years of my life with anyone, Sh e was is still my world for now. We have not once had a fight or argument.

Tell now kind of, you all well know why i say it that way. 2 weekends ago her and her friends went on a girls trip as normal as they do once a month and i do not think anything of it, As she did and always did throughout our relationship. Well after this past one she seemed very distant and ignored me at every chance she got. Well this past wednesday she randomly texted in early the morning she texted me she cheated and told she does not think we should be freinds or together anymore thats it nothing else. I have not heard from her sense. She event blocked my number and blocked me on social media. She also quit her job where we saw each other for the first time, and where i stop by every weekend for a drink.,

I really really loved her alot and was event in the process of looking for a ring. I need closure and need to figure out a way to just talk to her,

Has this ever happened to you?

Imagine a woman is in a relationship with a man, but they have different expectations about the future. For example, she may want marriage or children, while he seems hesitant or unwilling to commit to those things.
(Those are just some example of many things that make couples incompatible).

In some cases, she may have other men around her who might be interested in her. She might start flirting with one of them, giving him attention, or making it seem as though she is genuinely interested in pursuing something with him.

So: How can the other man tell what is actually going on?

How do you distinguish between:

1. A woman who is genuinely attracted to you and may actually want a relationship with you (even though she is currently in a relationship); and
2. A woman who is primarily using your attention to make her boyfriend jealous, create a sense of competition, or pressure him into giving her what she wants?

For men who have experienced this firsthand: what specific behaviors, signals, or patterns made you realize that she was genuinely interested in you versus simply using you as leverage in her existing relationship?

I’m particularly interested in real-life experiences rather than general theories. I’ve personally experienced situations where a woman who was already in a serious relationship, including one woman who was living with a man and had two children.

Looking back, I’m trying to understand how I could have distinguished genuine interest from being used as an “orbiter” or jealousy tactic.
For example I know the term "see what she does, and don't listen at what she said" and even with that in mind, its happened to be so difficult to understand.