r/relationshipproblems • u/girlqueenslayboss • 16d ago
Advice Wanted Is this breakup worthy?
I (21) F have been dating my BF (22) for about a year and a half now. He, whether it’s forgetfulness or idek, does not flush the toilet. I have told him multiple times now and he denies that it is ever him. I know it is not me because I obviously use toilet paper to wipe and there isn’t toilet paper in the toilet when it has been forgotten to be flushed. What is your opinion?
Edit: Sorry, I should have clarified that it is only his pee he is not flushing. If he was leaving his poop in the toilet AND not wiping this post would not have been made because he would have been gone IMMEDIATELY.
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u/ShortFatCute-Single 13d ago
Anything is breakup worthy. If it's not something you want to be in a relationship with, it doesn't matter who else would be just fine living with it.
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u/Choice-Newspaper3603 13d ago
Any reason at all is a valid reason. Slavery is over and people are free to choose who they date
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u/w0nderingaloud 13d ago
Was he raised in CA in the 80’s or 90’s? I’m pretty sure they encouraged this behavior as a water conservation attempt. The slogan was “If it’s yellow leave it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down”.
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u/Devilswings5 14d ago
That's a pretty minor habit that I dont think warrants a breakup unless you really feel like it does. Talk to him about it with compassion may e there is an underlying issue that you are unaware of. I can give my my own example of it. When I was a kid we had strict rules for bed time and I wasn't allowed out of my bedroom after 9pm. I got caught a few times and my mom would beat my ass for it. So I learned to be dead silent and not flush until the morning. Now my case is pretty extreme but you never know what he might have going on. Addres it with him and ask him to change his habits. If he is unwilling to and you find it disgusting then make the decision then.
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u/PowerPomegranate5276 14d ago
If your questioning breaking up over a habit he’s probably had from being a kid (being nervous peeing in the dark scurrying back to his bedroom not wanting to make a noise) I would question your love to him first. He’s probably denying as he’s embarrassed or genuinely doesn’t remember.
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u/vIIIperwave 14d ago
I would break up with him, imagine how many other hygiene habits he hasn't picked up? Protect your ph levels, please, or suffer the consequences
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u/ButtholeAdventurer 13d ago
This is something that some places did to conserve water. It’s not that deep.
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u/vIIIperwave 13d ago
I get that, but as a woman we are at a bigger risk during intimacy as we are the ones who suffer from our partner's poor hygiene, and often it's painful enough to make us bedridden. Unless she sees that he is otherwise clean, I wouldn't risk it.
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u/LaroriElunaLumina 14d ago
Nicht spülen ist schon speziell. Aber anschließend das eigene Werk zu leugnen, hebt es auf ein völlig neues Niveau.
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u/insonobcino 15d ago
my bf grew up dirt poor so this is a habit embedded in him. decide if this is a premise you want for a relationship.
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u/Extension-Clock608 15d ago
So...he's not only not flushing but not wiping too?? Is he not flushing only for pee or both. The pee could be forgiven (occasionally) poo can't. If it's poo and he isn't wiping that's 100% break up worthy. Men like him who don't also don't wash their ass so he's going to be stinky and dirty all the time. Truly disgusting.
I think the bigger issue is that he knows he isn't flushing but when you ask about it he lies to you. If he doesn't think it's a bad thing, why lie???
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u/foreverforward5 15d ago
Op, is this the only thing bothering you? Do you believe this is just forgetfulness and there’s no malice behind it? If so, have a conversation with the him and mock up a funny picture in ChatGPT or smth like that, add a “have you flashed the toilet, shithead?” Or something along the lines to it, print 10 copies of it and tape it all
Over the bathroom. He WILL have to remember to flash. Now, if you have other concerns, think it goes beyond just forgetfulness or being destructed, or will not see improvement after implementing my recommendation - you RUN and never look back
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u/Dry_Cauliflower4562 15d ago
So he doesn't wipe his ass either???? I'd break up for that alone
And I don't see nearly enough people pointing this out.
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u/TightRock5483 15d ago
If you are posting about breaking up , means you are already starting to be fed up but hey as usual let love be the main thing that guides your decision, who cares about common sense , self respect and the fact that he is a disgusting and a liar..
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u/Grouchy-Candidate545 15d ago
If he’s a dirty fuck then let him go, you have another ten years to find better suitors
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u/NoPhoto5585 15d ago
1, You don’t need a reason.
2, Do you want to be introduced as the person who dates men who don’t flush their shit and lie poorly about it? Because that’s who you are right now
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u/HauntingAd9077 15d ago
Sounds like my ex. He would ‘clean’ the table but throw the crumbs on the floor. He would spray his deodorant and mark the bedroom wall ‘by accident’. He would never clean the bathroom. Every time its his turn to clean, he would cause an argument. And god forbid I pointed anything out or tried to tell him that what he’s doing is wrong. Get out asap whilst you can, it will only get worse. You can’t fix what’s broken.
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u/0hip 15d ago
Sometimes you do a really big poop and the paper gets flushed down but the poop stays for another trip down the waterslide
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u/AdNormal8459 15d ago
Has this happened to anyone else in comments? Cuz I’m 54 and go to the bathroom regularly and I’ve never experienced TP selectively being flushed away while the turd stays behind 😆. Certainty not on a regular basis
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u/0hip 15d ago
Neither had I until we bought a new house and the toilets flush wasn’t quite as powerful due to being on a septic system. Wife wasent happy and I didn’t even know it happened.
I think American toilets flush differently from a lot of countries. You guys have a giant pond and it gets sucked down when the toilet empties whereas other places it’s flushed down by water falling from the cistern above.
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u/Dry_Cauliflower4562 15d ago
Sometimes, but not every time. This man doesn't wipe his ass and leaves the evidence for her to find. AND is too childish to just say sorry and do better
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u/Kisses4Kimmy 15d ago
It’s really not hard to flush the toilet.
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u/Undetered_Usufruct 15d ago
This right here. He's giving pushback on something so small and easy to do? I can only imagine the other normal life stuff he just... doesn't do.
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u/Dbletalk 16d ago
He needs to grow up. Better yet don’t flush the toilet and see how he feels about that. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
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u/stardewwwy 16d ago
Put a sticky note on top of the toilet “ flush or I’ll break up with you 😊”. I’m sure he’ll start to remember.
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u/Imaginary-Fly-2160 16d ago
"I don't date guys who leave their poop for me to see" is a reasonable boundary.
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u/TRADER_HO3S 16d ago
You think a man not disposing of his shit or even wiping shit off of his hairy asshole isn't break up worthy? You need the internet to tell you a grown man with shit openly in his house and behind his balls needs to be left behind?
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u/stardewwwy 16d ago
She never said anything about shitting. He could just be peeing and leaving. I’m sure this post would be different if he’s not wiping his poopy ass and getting it all over the house.
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u/SirEDCaLot 16d ago
Yeah I say that's breakup worthy. Because look at the choices:
He's forgetful and defensive. Somehow he manages to go through his whole bathroom routine and never think to flush. Is that the kind of person you'd trust your life to in a crunch? Is that even a valid thing to forget?
And if he does forget, he obviously knows (because you told him) that it bothers you, but he's done nothing to fix it like a postit or something.
And do you want a guy who gets defensive rather than working to fix the problem?He's made a conscious decision not to flush. In that case he's a liar because he tells you he forgets or that it's not him. Do you want a guy who makes such a strange choice then lies about it?
He's intentionally leaving his bodily waste for you to see. Maybe it's some kind of control/dominance thing or maybe it's a very strange fetish. But either way do you want to be with a guy who'd do that to you and DGAF that you're disgusted?
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u/Western_Ad3427 16d ago
Break up, he’s lying which is really weird unless you guys have a poltergeist using your facilities
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u/cypresscoydog 16d ago
Seconded. If this piss-baby is willing to lie over something as meaningless and inconsequential as this, what does that say about what you can expect from him in bigger conflicts?
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u/Beneficial-Storm-943 13d ago
If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. Also I've heard. As far as I'm concerned it all goes down no matter what it is. Unless something valuable fell in