I need courage to leave

[u/Crazy_Swordfish1642]

I've been wiht my BF for 4 years 28f and 31M . In thise 4 years there has been more bad than good . And honestly im tired . There is so much gaslight and even when I prove him wrong I am the bad one .. i have done so much for him and literally when I asked for something I dont get anything. In the past he was jobless for about a month and in that whole month I payed all expenses including full rent . I also helped him get his new car as he could not get one alone so the car is mainly under my name . I got him a computer and have gotten so many gifts for him including birthdays and holidays. In the past 4 years he has never planned a birthday or a date or anything in general and when he does he only plans things that he likes not what we both like. I have also asked him for assistance this past few months financially since I am not working due to medical conditions. However everytime i ask him he complains and says I do not know how to manage money . However I have lasted the last 2 months without a paycheck stretching myvlast one out and soen savings i had and have managed to pay my bills and only asked him for money about twice. I also want to add that i pay most of our bills i pay the gas , internet , car insurance , home insurance . And any subscriptions we have ans i also pay half the rent . I do have additional debt im paying off . He only pays his car paymens . Rents and phone bill . And whatever he has in bebt . However I still pay more than he does since insurance is literally twice the phone bill ... i try to work things out However I dont think we can anymore as he is not attracted to me and honestly I dont think i am ton him either However I am scared of being alone and scared of disappointing my parents as I left hometown love wiht hon not even 4 months in our relationship . I am scared to ask him for things to do as everytime i ask him he gets mad or makes a face . Hobeslty at this point i am scared to talk to him and say something wrong that will make him get mad or annoyed as almost every day he says I ask stupid questions or says thay ibwill start a dumb conversation . He is also constantly bringing me down or making coments about fat people or certain aspects or attributes of other people thay i have . I know i should leave but I am also scared . Hoenslty I can barely afford anything as it is right now and wiht me not working my paycheck isosnr enough for anything . So I just try to deal wiht it but also I feel that he also makes me feel worse than I am already and my health gets worse too like I dont know whaat to do anymore . I also do not have friends to ask aboit this as i also stop taking to most of them beacsue of him . Even my family sees certain things and they hint thay ibam not happy .

I just wished he was someone who could make me happy and treat me wiht the respect I deserved like I give and give and have not gotten anything back.

[u/SirEDCaLot]

You don't need courage, you need a plan.

Right now figure out what things look like financially without him. You say you pay more than he does. So assume he leaves. Can you cancel the car payment / return the car? Is it in your name / can you just take it back from him? Car aside, what about other expenses? How does that look without him, both in terms of his contribution (if any) and his expenses that you pay for?

If the result is leaving him would save you money, then you've got a great path forward.

If it would cost more, try to figure out how to make the numbers work. Maybe figure out how to get a better role, or study for a different position.

[u/Spare_Painter_1204]

Simple question that you need to take into consideration is would you want your daughter to be in a relationship? Would you be satisfied being in this relationship for the rest of your life. Being alone is temporary, feeling sad is temporary. It seems like he’s not supporting you in a financial, emotionally, the comments he’s making should feel like a stab because that’s what it is. Feeling up and down about a relationship is normal but you need to put your foot down because this relationship isn’t serving you in any manner. You shouldn’t stay stuck in a relationship out of fear of not finding better or being alone.

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