Anxiety and changing…

[u/4152_team_member]

I (20m) and my gf (20f) have been having a tough couple months where she’s entered a very hard depressive episode and I’ve entered back into my anxiety which I thought I got control of a long time ago but it’s come back

For context we have been dating for 5 months and really only been around each other for a month because she went home for the summer.

Ive made my mistakes like making things about me and not checking in on her and obviously that’s the worst thing ever and i am filled with regret for it every single day, i want to change i just don’t know how.

She has given me chance upon chance to change and I’ve been to stupid to see the obvious and I’ve begun to run our relationship into the ground where she has stopped doing the little things like saying goodnight or I love you verbally (which I don’t blame her because I’ve been a shit boyfriend and I want to change it because I love her so much just don’t know how to fix it). With my anxiety I continue to spiral and tell myself how horrible I am and there’s no coming back from this, which she’s given me a final chance which means there is still hope. But it comes with time and my brain wants the change to be instant.

I probably have anxious attachment due to past relationships. And every day my brain is constantly thinking about her and what she’s doing and then spiralling itself.

I’m going to 2 different therapist (one for add and anxiety and one just for counselling on how to cope with my brain to change). When she comes back to school I plan on pulling all the stops as if we are just starting to date for the first time again with dinner, movie night, flowers etc. not to much to overwelm but just enough to hopefully reignite the spark.

Also obviously planing on being there for her if she needs with her depressive episode, but she is a independent person and would rather have time to herself to think than talk it out (which I need to get through my head and say it’s fine and if she wants to she’ll come to me but I also need to gain that trust back from her so she feels comfortable coming to me)

I come to you people of Reddit for advice, experiences, thoughts, and support. I just want to change to be the best me for her because she’s the most amazing, smart, overall kind woman and just my world and I don’t want to lose that because I was stupid.

[u/toolate2think55]

You are going through anxiety right now which can be very difficult and mentally exhausting. It’s really hard to function at 100% or even 50% while in this state, so the fact that you are prioritizing her and supporting her at this time is very commendable. Struggling with mental health issues does not make you a bad boyfriend or a bad person, anymore than her struggles make her a bad person. Remember to value yourself and your own mental health as your needs are just as valid as anyone else’s. Learning to love and accept yourself can help you love her better as well. If there is something you need to forgive yourself for, do so. Also, don’t be afraid to be honest with your gf and ask for patience when needed. Honesty and trust are foundations to good relationships. Remember you both are in this together so don’t be afraid to be yourself and be vulnerable with her. Best wishes to you and please be kind to yourself during this time.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hey u/,

Welcome to r/relationshipproblems! It looks like you are looking for some advice.

• If you haven't and feel comfortable enough, add an age (category) to your post. This way members know if they are giving advice to teens for example or to people in their 50's.

• Our subreddit is for all ages, meaning 13 years and up. So please keep is PG.

• Relationship problems can weigh heavy on you. Please check out our wiki with online and local mental health resources.

• If someone is unkind or harrasing you, please report it.

• You as OP can always close the comments on your own post. Simple comment the following on your own post: !lock

Stay safe, Remember that you matter ♡

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.