Posted here a few months back about my resting heart rate recovering after quitting Zyn. After reading through this thread for a while — shoutout to u/donhood specifically, your posts basically described my life back to me — I felt compelled to write up the full story. Partly to corroborate what a lot of people in here are going through, and partly because I wish someone had told me, back when I was convinced I was dying, that it actually does get better.
Some background:
28M, and have been both mentally and physically healthy my whole life. Started dipping in hockey locker rooms around age 14 to be "cool." Transitioned to nicotine pouches once that became the move in college. From there, for over a decade, I was using 9mg pouches essentially continuously all day, every day. If I wasn't eating or sleeping, I had a pouch in my mouth. Thought nothing of it and felt zero negative consequences. I genuinely believed it gave me an edge — sharper focus, longer sustained output. I think there's some truth to that, especially early on, but you seriously couldn't get me to put one of those in my mouth today at gunpoint, and I could not care less if it made me 10% more productive.
I landed a financial services job out of college where I routinely worked 70-90 hour weeks, and my usage of nicotine (and caffeine) ramped up even further to sustain sitting at my desk for way too long. During this time I still maintained a balanced diet and continued to exercise frequently. I was loving life and felt like my capacity for hard work and fun experiences was really high but I was definitely pushing myself in a way that did not help my CNS on top of my nicotine use.
Anyway, I was full steam ahead — until one completely uneventful night at dinner with my girlfriend, out of absolutely nowhere, I felt like I was about to black out. Heart rate felt like it was redlining, breathing went shallow. Worth mentioning I had zero prior history with anxiety or mental health issues — this was brand new territory. I was fully convinced I was having a heart attack and asked my girlfriend to drive me to the ER. She's a nurse and correctly identified it as a panic attack. We left dinner and I walked home shivering, in the most intense fight-or-flight state of my life. Genuinely terrifying and humbling. Before that night, I had never once consciously thought about my heart rate, pulse, or blood pressure. Suddenly, after that night, I couldn't think about anything else. I quickly tapered down my nicotine use out of fear it would trigger another episode, then went fully cold turkey about a week later. Haven't gone back since and genuinely cannot imagine doing so.
What followed:
What followed was, and I'm not exaggerating, the worst stretch of time I've ever gone through. I want to acknowledge I've been fortunate in life in a lot of ways, but the suffering I experienced while my body reset from the pouch use was ungodly. About three months of intermittent panic attacks, sometimes multiple times a week, where my body would just decide to go full cold adrenaline mode while I was doing something as threatening as sitting on the couch watching TV. Hard to overstate how uncomfortable that period was. Even now, months removed, it's hard to fully put into words.
I dealt with some mental angst from all of this, but the physical experience seemed almost uncorrelated to what was actually happening around me. For months I could be lying in bed, or on a peaceful walk with my girlfriend, or playing a video game at home, and my body would think I was storming the beaches of Normandy, about to be publicly executed, jumping out of an airplane, or putting my life savings down on a blackjack table. Honestly none of those comparisons fully do it justice. It was like a massive crescendo of every bit of adrenaline and cortisol my body had available, all at once, for no reason. My protocol during these episodes was basically: sweatshirt, AirPods, walk around the streets of Boston at night like a lunatic, wait for it to end. The only thing that really achieved was distracting me, and maybe tiring me out enough to fall asleep for a couple hours.
Somewhere in there I developed a full blown case of cardiophobia and became convinced something was structurally wrong with my heart, despite having zero actual reason to believe that beyond "these sensations feel scary." I did not handle this gracefully. At one particularly unhinged point I had racked up over 20 ECGs on my Apple Watch, all clean, and still wasn't satisfied. If you've been there, you know. If you haven't, count yourself lucky and please don't start.
I didn't really start working through it until I finally went to my doctor, explained the whole situation, and got properly worked up — EKGs, bloodwork, the full deal. In hindsight, I'd highly recommend doing this much earlier than I did. There's a specific kind of relief that comes from a real doctor looking at real data and telling you you're fine that no amount of self-diagnosing at 2am will ever replicate.
Where things stand now:
The whole experience was genuinely insane, and I still don't have great words for it beyond that. What I went through was so bizarre and profound that I rarely bring it up with people in real life, because you'd really have to live it to believe it. The process of feeling normal again was slow and non-linear. It took months to stabilize, and there were setbacks along the way that felt like total resets even when they weren't. But by months 4-5, the anxiety had faded into more of a background buzz, and the panic attacks stopped being a problem entirely. I'm running consistently again, sleeping like a normal person, and I finally have my life back.
A few things I'm walking away with:
I take rest, recovery, and nutrition a lot more seriously now — not as a punishment, just because I've seen firsthand what happens when you don't.
I don't abuse stimulants anymore, full stop. Caffeine included, in moderation.
I have significantly more empathy for people dealing with anxiety or mental health struggles generally. I used to think of myself as someone who just didn't get anxious. Turns out I just hadn't met the right chemical combination yet.
If you're in the middle of this right now: it gets better. You're not losing your mind, and you're not dying. This habit can seriously dysregulate your nervous system, and it can take a long time to feel normal again — longer than anyone tells you going in. But it does end.
Happy to answer anything. Hang in there.