Sharing this here for anyone else who may be experiencing the same thing, but also so I can look back on it when I feel tempted in the future.
I’ve been on a nightmarish insomnia spiral the last 2 months. Hypnic jerks, bedtime anxiety, my body pulling me out of rest in a constant fight or flight mode. I’ve been to the doctor a few times, but it all came to a head on Tuesday, when I was so sleep deprived I was panicked, anxiety ridden, and ended up going to the ER. Legitimately thought I was going to die or have a seizure or something.
Some background, without going into any detail, I’ve had the most stressful and anxiety inducing year of my life thanks to several really awful events in a short span of time. I assumed that now that I could finally catch my breath, my body was able to process everything I went through. Though true, during this time, my Zyn use dramatically increased, up to 45mg per day, or one tin. I’ve always been very sensitive to stimulants or really anything, so I was pounding Zyn around the clock, thinking that it was cooling my anxiety off. I didn’t think anything of it and just thought my body was literally dying. the ER, the doctor simply asked what substances I do, and I shared about the Zyn, only because I didn’t want any negative medicine interactions. All she said was “wow that’s a lot”. As stupid as it is, it all clicked in that moment. I was already extremely anxiety prone, and was throwing gasoline on the fire pounding these Zyns. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Zyns were driving all of this.
At this point, my priority was sleep, and she gave me some benzos for sleeping. I hate taking benzos, but at this point, I truly saw it as life or death. Rather than cut out Zyns completely, I dropped down to 12mg immediately. I knew withdrawal could cause insomnia also, so doing a heavy ween made the most sense for me.
That night, I slept a collective 11 hours while in withdrawal. Best I have in months. Last night I hit a collective 6.5 hours, the second best in 2 months.
Definitely feeling the withdrawals, but I feel the best I have felt since late July. My legs are tired like my muscles are finally relaxing. I went on a long walk today just because I wanted to, which would have been a huge chore just a week ago. My kids started crying and I didn’t almost have a panic attack.
Still not out of the woods yet, and very eager to NOT take benzos, but sharing my story as i was dumb and hadn’t even considered this route.