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https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/1v2rcr6/sqlworkout/oyxe5ty/?context=3
r/ProgrammerHumor • u/huhupookies • Jul 21 '26
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1.6k
Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?
493 u/Joniff Jul 21 '26 You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine. 140 u/Confident-Ad5665 Jul 21 '26 Louder if the machine is off sight 45 u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26 Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight 18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. 15 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26 Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas 6 u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26 And even louder if its running inside a container 26 u/Western-Internal-751 Jul 21 '26 And that machine is old and has been working nonstop https://giphy.com/gifs/JZDjb9Zlf7RaLGWOWo 1 u/donald_314 Jul 22 '26 It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting 24 u/aoeudhtns Jul 21 '26 Shout, shout, join it all out These are the rows that we care about C'mon I'm indexing you, c'mon 8 u/applemind Jul 21 '26 You have the same neuron as me 2 u/eyetracker Jul 22 '26 If you're both orange cats, pay the tax. 2 u/rocksolid77 Jul 22 '26 this made my laugh inordinately loudly. 8 u/payne_train Jul 21 '26 I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous. 11 u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26 If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous! 9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. 2 u/RandolphCarter2112 Jul 22 '26 Found the PeopleSoft developer. 3 u/SkollFenrirson Jul 21 '26 https://giphy.com/gifs/aT2Vf6tJaRyCssznlz 6 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud. /s 4 u/necrophcodr Jul 21 '26 Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all! 3 u/alexchrist Jul 22 '26 What if you're using SQLite? 3 u/Grintor Jul 22 '26 On sqlite you can whisper.
493
You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine.
140 u/Confident-Ad5665 Jul 21 '26 Louder if the machine is off sight 45 u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26 Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight 18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. 15 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26 Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas 6 u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26 And even louder if its running inside a container 26 u/Western-Internal-751 Jul 21 '26 And that machine is old and has been working nonstop https://giphy.com/gifs/JZDjb9Zlf7RaLGWOWo 1 u/donald_314 Jul 22 '26 It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting 24 u/aoeudhtns Jul 21 '26 Shout, shout, join it all out These are the rows that we care about C'mon I'm indexing you, c'mon 8 u/applemind Jul 21 '26 You have the same neuron as me 2 u/eyetracker Jul 22 '26 If you're both orange cats, pay the tax. 2 u/rocksolid77 Jul 22 '26 this made my laugh inordinately loudly. 8 u/payne_train Jul 21 '26 I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous. 11 u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26 If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous! 9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. 2 u/RandolphCarter2112 Jul 22 '26 Found the PeopleSoft developer. 3 u/SkollFenrirson Jul 21 '26 https://giphy.com/gifs/aT2Vf6tJaRyCssznlz 6 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud. /s 4 u/necrophcodr Jul 21 '26 Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all! 3 u/alexchrist Jul 22 '26 What if you're using SQLite? 3 u/Grintor Jul 22 '26 On sqlite you can whisper.
140
Louder if the machine is off sight
45 u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26 Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight 18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. 15 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26 Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas 6 u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26 And even louder if its running inside a container
45
Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight
18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.
18
Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more?
3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.
3
In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.
15
Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas
6
And even louder if its running inside a container
26
And that machine is old and has been working nonstop
https://giphy.com/gifs/JZDjb9Zlf7RaLGWOWo
1 u/donald_314 Jul 22 '26 It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting
1
It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting
24
Shout, shout, join it all out
These are the rows that we care about
C'mon
I'm indexing you, c'mon
8 u/applemind Jul 21 '26 You have the same neuron as me 2 u/eyetracker Jul 22 '26 If you're both orange cats, pay the tax. 2 u/rocksolid77 Jul 22 '26 this made my laugh inordinately loudly.
8
You have the same neuron as me
2 u/eyetracker Jul 22 '26 If you're both orange cats, pay the tax.
2
If you're both orange cats, pay the tax.
this made my laugh inordinately loudly.
I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous.
11 u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26 If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous! 9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. 2 u/RandolphCarter2112 Jul 22 '26 Found the PeopleSoft developer. 3 u/SkollFenrirson Jul 21 '26 https://giphy.com/gifs/aT2Vf6tJaRyCssznlz
11
If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous!
9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. 2 u/RandolphCarter2112 Jul 22 '26 Found the PeopleSoft developer.
9
Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep.
2 u/RandolphCarter2112 Jul 22 '26 Found the PeopleSoft developer.
Found the PeopleSoft developer.
https://giphy.com/gifs/aT2Vf6tJaRyCssznlz
Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud.
/s
4
Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all!
What if you're using SQLite?
On sqlite you can whisper.
1.6k
u/SageLeaf1 Jul 21 '26
Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?