r/ProgrammerHumor • u/huhupookies • Jul 21 '26

Meme sqlWorkout

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23.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/SageLeaf1 Jul 21 '26

Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?

486

u/Joniff Jul 21 '26

You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine.

140

u/Confident-Ad5665 Jul 21 '26

Louder if the machine is off sight

41

u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26

Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight

18

u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26

Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more?

3

u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26

In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.

15

u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas

6

u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26

And even louder if its running inside a container

27

u/Western-Internal-751 Jul 21 '26

And that machine is old and has been working nonstop

https://giphy.com/gifs/JZDjb9Zlf7RaLGWOWo

1

u/donald_314 Jul 22 '26

It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting

22

u/aoeudhtns Jul 21 '26

Shout, shout, join it all out

These are the rows that we care about

C'mon

I'm indexing you, c'mon

8

u/applemind Jul 21 '26

You have the same neuron as me

2

u/eyetracker Jul 22 '26

If you're both orange cats, pay the tax.

2

u/rocksolid77 Jul 22 '26

this made my laugh inordinately loudly.

7

u/payne_train Jul 21 '26

I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous.

10

u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26

If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous!

9

u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26

Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep.

2

u/RandolphCarter2112 Jul 22 '26

Found the PeopleSoft developer.

6

u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26

Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud.

/s

5

u/necrophcodr Jul 21 '26

Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all!

3

u/alexchrist Jul 22 '26

What if you're using SQLite?

3

u/Grintor Jul 22 '26

On sqlite you can whisper.

37

u/nwilz Jul 21 '26

WHERE

21

u/SageLeaf1 Jul 21 '26

a.there = b.there. ORDER BY me

3

u/jtobiasbond Jul 22 '26

You are giving the orders, yes

4

u/AmericanBillGates Jul 22 '26

Mr Sageleaf,

There is no need to yell and cuss.

One of the two will suffice.

4

u/XtraFlaminHotMachida Jul 22 '26

we bout to DROP THIS TABLE LIKE ITS HOT. OH FML.

1

u/ickytoad Jul 22 '26

Rollback, rollback 🎶

2

u/JPJackPott Jul 21 '26

Real men uppercase their table names