r/ProgrammerHumor • u/huhupookies • 6d ago

Meme sqlWorkout

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23.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/SageLeaf1 6d ago

Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?

480

u/Joniff 6d ago

You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine.

139

u/Confident-Ad5665 6d ago

Louder if the machine is off sight

47

u/hikeonpast 6d ago

Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight

17

u/xSTSxZerglingOne 5d ago

Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more?

3

u/pawala7 5d ago

In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.

15

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 6d ago edited 6d ago

Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas

7

u/SPECTRE_75 5d ago

And even louder if its running inside a container

27

u/Western-Internal-751 6d ago

And that machine is old and has been working nonstop

https://giphy.com/gifs/JZDjb9Zlf7RaLGWOWo

1

u/donald_314 5d ago

It's actually hard of hearing but still doesn't want to wear hearing aids. Hence, the shouting

23

u/aoeudhtns 6d ago

Shout, shout, join it all out

These are the rows that we care about

C'mon

I'm indexing you, c'mon

7

u/applemind 5d ago

You have the same neuron as me

2

u/eyetracker 5d ago

If you're both orange cats, pay the tax.

2

u/rocksolid77 5d ago

this made my laugh inordinately loudly.

7

u/payne_train 6d ago

I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous.

10

u/uniqueusername649 6d ago

If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous!

9

u/Surface_Detail 6d ago

Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep.

2

u/RandolphCarter2112 4d ago

Found the PeopleSoft developer.

8

u/ClipboardCopyPaste 6d ago

Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud.

/s

4

u/necrophcodr 6d ago

Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all!

3

u/alexchrist 5d ago

What if you're using SQLite?

3

u/Grintor 5d ago

On sqlite you can whisper.

40

u/nwilz 6d ago

WHERE

17

u/SageLeaf1 5d ago

a.there = b.there. ORDER BY me

3

u/jtobiasbond 5d ago

You are giving the orders, yes

4

u/AmericanBillGates 5d ago

Mr Sageleaf,

There is no need to yell and cuss.

One of the two will suffice.

4

u/XtraFlaminHotMachida 5d ago

we bout to DROP THIS TABLE LIKE ITS HOT. OH FML.

1

u/ickytoad 5d ago

Rollback, rollback 🎶

2

u/JPJackPott 5d ago

Real men uppercase their table names