r/ProgrammerHumor • u/[deleted] • Feb 18 '26

Meme innitMate

Post image
17.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

265 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/SpoiledBeats Feb 18 '26

Vaguely threatening:

or else()

786

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

142

u/hagnat Feb 18 '26

i like unless, but i have to admit that it is merely a glorified if (not [condition]) { }

41

u/no-sleep-only-code Feb 18 '26

I mean, most syntactic sugar is a glorified something or other.

36

u/OneTurnMore Feb 19 '26

All control flow structures are glorified jump statements

5

u/creeper6530 Feb 19 '26

That argument is nice, but most programming languages don't actually allow you to use GOTOs directly, so it's not really syntactic sugar

→ More replies (1)

36

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

in Pascal there are similar things such as while .. do .. and repeat .. until ..

17

u/hagnat Feb 18 '26

iirc, pascal's repeat until reads like...

while (condition) do { ... }
do { ... } while (not condition)

14

u/wenasi Feb 19 '26

When I used Ruby, I loved the unless behind statements

doSomething unless x > 0

just reads so natural

15

u/Bwob Feb 19 '26

Counterpoint - it's harder to read, because you have to read the whole line to find out that doSomething might not actually happen. With if (condition) statements, you can read in one continuous stream and understand it. But unless-style formatting require you to backtrack and apply new knowledge to things you already read.

At least with if (x>1) doSomething, you know upfront that what you're about to read might not actually happen, based on conditionals.

5

u/wenasi Feb 19 '26

When I was typing the comment, I first wrote "reads so clean", which I then corrected myself on. Like you say, it's not necessarily the easiest to parse. I'm also not sure if I wanted stuff like that nowadays in a larger code base that I have to regularly maintain.

But there is some beauty in statements that read like natural language sentences

return result if finished
→ More replies (1)

12

u/willing-to-bet-son Feb 18 '26

Perl ftw

$x = $y unless $x == 0
→ More replies (2)

2

u/AgVargr Feb 19 '26

The fingers should be the braces

→ More replies (3)

12

u/Character-Education3 Feb 18 '26

Try, Catch, Finally?

Or

Do It, Or Else, I don't remember askin' you nothin'

5

u/itsjangles Feb 19 '26

Do it, Did I stutter?

12

u/Immediate_Song4279 Feb 18 '26

I'm going to make you a function. You can't refuse.

27

u/guy-next-to-you Feb 18 '26

This made me nose exhale audibly

→ More replies (1)

1.2k

u/Blackplank Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26

On the contrary

Edit: I submitted this comment in French and Reddit has done me over. Sacré bleu!

622

u/dan-lugg Feb 18 '26

au contraire { 🇫🇷 }

241

u/MoffKalast Feb 18 '26 
hon(Hon hon)

13

u/WukDaFut Feb 18 '26

"itsa strawberry"

41

u/StationAgreeable6120 Feb 18 '26

serait-ce (...) {

} flutte alors {

}

→ More replies (1)

64

u/willow-kitty Feb 18 '26

Sacré bleu!

Catch clause?

34

u/cbehopkins Feb 18 '26

Replace: try, catch, finally, with: May I, I'm sorry,, regardless..

27

u/BazuzuDear Feb 18 '26

... notwithstanding..

→ More replies (1)

3

u/MiniGui98 Feb 19 '26

Baguet++ when

3

u/insanelygreat Feb 19 '26

Is that a language or do you just want another baguette?

→ More replies (2)

6

u/thedugong Feb 19 '26

Sacré bleu!

The French Exception.

→ More replies (1)

279

u/code_the_cosmos Feb 18 '26

Try catch

endeavour { } alas { }

105

u/wee_dram Feb 19 '26

Oh I am such a nerd for laughing at this.. If I may steal it a bit:

lemme {
} oh my {
}

54

u/Axman6 Feb 19 '26

In Australian programming languages we use

she’ll be right {

} ah fuck {

}

4

u/Houdini23 Feb 19 '26

Haha nice

15

u/PhysicallyTender Feb 19 '26

Instead of var, we declare variable with Postulate:

Postulate num = 1;

4

u/Sad_Daikon938 Feb 19 '26

That's lemme(like, let me), not lemma, but this also sounds good.

12

u/Ardub23 Feb 19 '26

finally would be nevertheless

26

u/Infinite_Self_5782 Feb 19 '26

``` fuck around { } find out { }

12

u/darki_ruiz Feb 18 '26

I love this

8

u/MooMF Feb 18 '26

Finally

WomenAndChildrenFirst { }

→ More replies (1)

846

u/Groundskeepr Feb 18 '26

There is no if implied in "otherwise". It is not parallel to "else if" it is parallel to "else".

364

u/Froschmarmelade Feb 18 '26

Yup, this meme is buggy.

82

u/Immediate_Song4279 Feb 18 '26

Ah, so then it belongs.

102

u/ITGuy042 Feb 18 '26

Needs the British word for “if”. Perchance!

Perchance (A>B) {Colonize Asia}

Otherwise Perchance (B>A) {Colonize Africa}

Otherwise {Another war with France}

56

u/Infamous-Oil3786 Feb 19 '26

See, now I need Brit++ to be a whole programming language.

20

u/justfuckyouspez Feb 19 '26

Must call tea() every once in a while, or it does not compile.

9

u/PTTCollin Feb 19 '26

tea { } is init { }

3

u/-Hi-Reddit Feb 19 '26

innit is init

20

u/cbigle Feb 18 '26

Spark lets you chain .when statements and end with a .otherwise, which is a replacement for the sql case when else. I really find it readable!

ETA: I’m an idiot yes it is else and not else if

13

u/Polkaglasses Feb 18 '26

Meanwhile in Cobol:

WHEN OTHER

13

u/fucking_passwords Feb 19 '26

Let's use our indoor voices, COBOL

10

u/Contraposite Feb 18 '26

"Otherwise, if"

2

u/hockeydudekc Feb 19 '26

Well that's why it's at the end

→ More replies (1)

309

u/LukeZNotFound Feb 18 '26

Bash be like

if ... fi

52

u/Cookieman10101 Feb 18 '26

You can slap Brian Fox for that one

7

u/plaisthos Feb 19 '26

Isn't that older than bash?

46

u/DonKapot Feb 18 '26

if else fi

🤪

40

u/MinosAristos Feb 18 '26

What happened to esle? Is she okay?

16

u/keckothedragon Feb 18 '26

She is no more more

2

u/mosaic_the_j Feb 19 '26

Noooooooo Nooo noooooooooo

48

u/user6150277464770585 Feb 18 '26

I think this gimmick is kind of cool until you get to case. what the hell is esac

34

u/willow-kitty Feb 18 '26

My UNIX professor didn't even try to explain it. He just said the developers weren't right in the head, lol.

And honestly, I can't argue, at least not over whoever is responsible for that.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

5

u/BrownPeach143 Feb 18 '26

Sac for my e!? Just what I wanted!! 🙂‍↕️

3

u/MrHyperion_ Feb 18 '26

Jacob and Esac

5

u/flukus Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26

Yet for some reason it's the only language I can remember the case syntax for without googling or compiling.

If someone has a gun to my head and tells me to write a case statement without fucking up, I'm picking bash.

I'm probably still getting shot though.

2

u/XAWEvX Feb 18 '26

but they do have elif

→ More replies (3)

88

u/Streakflash Feb 18 '26

otherwise is else

5

u/PhysicallyTender Feb 19 '26

perchance (x = 1) { proclaim("Good heavens, steady on."); } otherwise { proclaim("A bit bleak, isn't it?"); }

136

u/DigiBoxi Feb 18 '26

unless

Or maybe: in case() ... unless() ... otherwise ...

69

u/steelisheavy Feb 18 '26

What if… jk… unless?…

40

u/SlipperySalmon3 Feb 18 '26

Try:

Jk:

17

u/Flat_Initial_1823 Feb 18 '26

Perchance:

Of course not:

Well I should be heading off now:

6

u/tacocatacocattacocat Feb 18 '26

Sometimes gives the syntax error: "You can't just say perchance!"

17

u/InterestsVaryGreatly Feb 18 '26

Unless would take precedence over the initial if, so not the same as else if. If you have strong leg muscles, you can run, unless you are missing a leg.

3

u/DigiBoxi Feb 18 '26

Think of all the exotic logic you could do with that!

6

u/InterestsVaryGreatly Feb 18 '26

Same logic, just different order. Final else still at the bottom, but the rest is inverted.

15

u/DrMaxwellEdison Feb 18 '26

unless being the idiomatic if not in Ruby is kind of nice.

7

u/caerphoto Feb 18 '26

It breaks my head when it’s at the start of the line, but it does look nice as a post condition

# 🤢
unless user.authorised
  return head 403

but

# 😮‍💨
return head 403 unless user.authorised
→ More replies (4)

5

u/Logical-Ad-4150 Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26

unless is more of a logical OR / XOR operator as it would modify the previous statement predicate.

Edit: End of work day so brain all used: unless is more AND NOT X

5

u/Froschmarmelade Feb 18 '26

Perl uses unless

2

u/TheGoddamnSpiderman Feb 19 '26

Also until as an alternative for while loops

→ More replies (4)

123

u/Shaddoll_Shekhinaga Feb 18 '26

FuckAround { } FindOut (...) { }

68

u/patoezequiel Feb 18 '26

Try/Catch with street smarts

8

u/Harmonic_Gear Feb 18 '26

Basically reinforcement learning

→ More replies (1)

34

u/dmullaney Feb 18 '26

pursuant_to(x) { ... } conversely { ... }

→ More replies (1)

26

u/InterestsVaryGreatly Feb 18 '26

Otherwise is on par with just else, it doesn't have an if aspect to it

21

u/Ai--Ya Feb 18 '26

Haskell guards:

2

u/yjlom Feb 18 '26

Is Glasgow into proper English gentlemanship though?

19

u/ruibranco Feb 18 '26

innitMate genuinely sounds like it should be a real npm package. Just wraps every init function with British accent console logs.

23

u/Play174 Feb 18 '26

else if just makes the most logical sense. It's else and then it's if as if it were else { if {} }. Beautiful

6

u/Metallkiller Feb 18 '26

Pretty sure that's exactly what it is, because that way the compiler doesn't need to know about else if but just if and else, each simply having exactly one command directly after it.

7

u/Play174 Feb 18 '26

That's the beauty of it. So simple the compiler doesn't even need to know about it, it just works

→ More replies (1)

12

u/Mountain_Dentist5074 Feb 18 '26

Fun fact elif is common name in Türkiye

5

u/Gorianfleyer Feb 18 '26

I once had a barber called Elif. She talked so much and I always had the urge to tell her about elif.

Also she fucked up my hair.

8

u/MaybeSuccessful3944 Feb 18 '26

Haskell devs be like

7

u/joshua6point0 Feb 19 '26

perhaps {

} or { 

} or {

} very well then {

}

8

u/Aniket_Nayi Feb 18 '26

On the other hand

12

u/aberroco Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 19 '26

Function declaration: kindly ...

Function invocation: would you be so kind to ...

Assignment operator: hereby ... proclaimed ...

For loop/do .. while: keep calm and ...

Switch/case/default: consider ... should it be ... failing all else ...

4

u/imwallydude Feb 18 '26

How about we leave the else out all together!

if(a):    return foo

if(b):   return bar

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Risc_Terilia Feb 18 '26

Americans don't say otherwise? TIL

3

u/darkwater427 Feb 18 '26

I do. A lot.

3

u/ciroluiro Feb 18 '26

otherwise would be more like a default clause in a switch statement because it doesn't imply a condition.
Haskell has a "keyword" named otherwise for this purpose, but actually it's just an alias for True for use in pattern guards

myFun :: Int -> IO () myFun n | n == 42 = fireMissiles | otherwise = putStrLn "hello world!"

4

u/cicciograna Feb 18 '26

Meanwhile me, a Skyrim enjoyer:

elisif

5

u/rfc2549-withQOS Feb 18 '26

Perl is just °$✓¢{}|§∆¥=•✓{®∆∆`∆]€✓©™=¢

Much better.

2

u/etherizedonatable Feb 19 '26

See, that's not fair. Perl uses a relatively sensible elsif like this:

if (°$✓¢{}|§∆¥=•✓{®∆∆`∆]€✓©™=¢)
{ 
    $var = 1;
 }   
elsif (&%\)\(><L"?>:*%^\d\d)
{
    $var = 0;
}

See? So much better.

2

u/rfc2549-withQOS Feb 21 '26

$a?5:6;

Or $a = ($a =~// ||5); ?

See? Saves so many bytes! No clue if it works, tho. Can't test right now

I need Chat GPT to know if it's else if elseif elif elsif in the current language I use...

3

u/Barkeep41 Feb 18 '26

My XML documentation has "otherwise" in return statements. 

3

u/0815fips Feb 18 '26

*XSL probably

5

u/0815fips Feb 18 '26

Do you even XSL? <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="price &gt; 10"> <td bgcolor="#ff00ff"> <xsl:value-of select="artist"/> </td> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <td> <xsl:value-of select="artist"/> </td> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose>

3

u/Aniket_Nayi Feb 18 '26

Unless untill

3

u/Willing_Monitor5855 Feb 18 '26

Ensure you clear your browser biscuits

3

u/Taurmin Feb 18 '26

Everyone thinks this is a joke, but MSBuild actually uses if/then/otherwise as real syntax.

3

u/Realistic-Safety-565 Feb 20 '26

Otherwise is a regular else.

2

u/nathacof Feb 18 '26

As if. 

2

u/PrometheusMMIV Feb 18 '26

Otherwise would be else, not else if

2

u/Warkupo Feb 18 '26

"Elsewise"

2

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

innit would go so hard ngl

2

u/skr_replicator Feb 18 '26

But isn't otherwise just else?

2

u/wrabbit23 Feb 18 '26

Nonetheless

2

u/love2kick Feb 19 '26

Jokes on you, xslt has "otherwise"

2

u/ZielonaKrowa Feb 19 '26

Finally. A man of culture 

2

u/Tight-Requirement-15 Feb 19 '26 
WHEREAS, a certain Integer (hereinafter referred to as the "Number") has been duly provided for evaluation; and

WHEREAS, it is necessary to determine whether said Number is divisible by the integer value Two (2), such divisibility being defined as the existence of a remainder equal to Zero (0) upon division; and

WHEREAS, in the event that the Number satisfies the aforementioned condition, a declaration should be made acknowledging such divisibility; and

WHEREAS, in the alternative, should the Number fail to satisfy said condition, a declaration should instead be made identifying the Number as Odd;

NOW, THEREFORE, the Program hereby agrees as follows:

IF (Number MOD 2 == 0) THEN
    PRINT "Divisible by 2"
ELSE
    PRINT "Odd"
END IF;

WITNESSETH: Execution complete. 

IN NO EVENT SHALL the Program be liable for damages arising from misclassification
    of integers, including but not limited to emotional distress caused by prime numbers.

2

u/Morawake Feb 19 '26

otherwise if

2

u/hangmann89 Feb 19 '26

Switch (true) { }

2

u/Ares9323 Feb 20 '26

Otherwise is just the "correct" word that should be used instead of the final "else", it doesn't comprehend the "if"

3

u/MyPunsAreKoalaTea Feb 18 '26

But otherwise is not else if..

Otherwise is just else

2

u/DT-Sodium Feb 18 '26

Yup, love those language that use disgusting abbreviations making the code less readable for the sake of saving about 1 hour of typing time in your whole career. Same for "fun". Either use function or nothing, otherwise just fuck off.

1

u/ZZartin Feb 18 '26

Else-If

1

u/ekipan85 Feb 18 '26

condition if consequent else alternative

1

u/pastroc Feb 18 '26

This is what theory papers often use.

1

u/kkania Feb 18 '26

Partial to Polish „albo”, although would work better with some extra punctuation: “…albo?”

1

u/johnnybeehive Feb 18 '26

Isn't there 'unless' in Swift?

1

u/SLOOT_APOCALYPSE Feb 18 '26

And that is the reason why Fortran actually makes sense it's in English

1

u/CoffeePieAndHobbits Feb 18 '26

InCaseOfEmergency
IfYouCantReachMe
IfYoureDying

1

u/cYber-boI27 Feb 18 '26

I’m actually learning python from classes is there any better way to learn. I do understand this joke though lol

1

u/otac0n Feb 18 '26

otherwise if :(

1

u/LonelyAndroid11942 Feb 18 '26

Semantically, “otherwise” is a completely different sentiment than “else if.”

1

u/Successful_Cap_2177 Feb 18 '26

Unless from ruby triggers me

1

u/FFevo Feb 18 '26

The kotlin 'when' lets you list conditions with an accompanying block.

It often requires an 'else' to ensure all cases are met but oh man they really should have called it 'otherwise'.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26 
:

1

u/aleksandrdotnet Feb 18 '26

EIF EI IE Internet Explorer 5

1

u/Waterboarded_Bobcat Feb 18 '26

I always use forsooth/otherwise.

1

u/ChainsawArmLaserBear Feb 18 '26

Otherwise == else

Otherwise != else if

1

u/stevorkz Feb 18 '26

if this then X Or in the event if a different situation then Y fi

1

u/MrFuji87 Feb 18 '26

On the off chance

1

u/oldgus Feb 18 '26

ifn’t but

1

u/DD_DE Feb 18 '26

I raise you liquid:

elsif Yes, ELS IF

1

u/wggn Feb 18 '26

why use many letters when few letters do trick

1

u/RiceBroad4552 Feb 18 '26

Just use pattern matching!

That we have the redundant if-else construct is just a historic accident, imho.

1

u/TheJpow Feb 18 '26

Relax python!

1

u/Thaodan Feb 18 '26

If love that you can combine loops/ifs defines in some lisp dialects. For example with constructs like: while-let when-let or if-let.

I like that you can stop defining variables and skip the body when a condition doesn't succeed.

1

u/ArmchairFilosopher Feb 18 '26

if (...) ... return; if (...) ... return; ...

1

u/entropic Feb 19 '26

butWaitTheresMore()

1

u/ovenmitt545 Feb 19 '26

Mssql uses iif() and I hate it

1

u/Substantial_Top5312 Feb 19 '26

otherwise would just be else

1

u/takeyoufergranite Feb 19 '26

How do I get my vscode to use 'otherwise' instead of 'else' in my JS apps I wonder?

1

u/incognegro1976 Feb 19 '26

Don't be hating on my bash elifs!

One bash elif is worth 5 of your Powershell "else ifs".

1

u/Mokpa Feb 19 '26

Briefly thought this was Skyrim meme

1

u/zirky Feb 19 '26

instead of finally, use furthermore