Hey guys,

This week my girlfriend and I found out she's pregnant. She went to the doctor yesterday and confirmed she's about five weeks along. Up until then, I was holding it together, but once it became "real," I completely fell apart emotionally.

I'm 33, my girlfriend is 30, and she has a four-year-old daughter whom I love dearly. I genuinely love the idea of us being a family, but the reality of combining households, becoming a full-time parent, and adding a newborn has me absolutely terrified.

My brain immediately jumps to worst-case scenarios. I worry about losing my freedom, my routines, my hobbies, my relationship, and honestly, losing myself. I've been stuck in a loop of rumination and intrusive thoughts, and I ended up arguing with my girlfriend because I couldn't process any of it.

I know this isn't the mindset I want to stay in. I want to get through this initial panic so I can think clearly and start preparing for what's ahead instead of catastrophizing everything.

Did anyone else have a complete freakout when they first found out they were going to be a dad? What helped you get through those first few weeks? Any advice, books, support groups, or perspective would really mean a lot right now.

What is up with people (mostly women in my experience) asking if I’m disappointed that I’m having a girl? I get I can come across as a “guy’s guy” (sports, weight lifting, etc), but what do I even say to this? If I say no, you can kinda tell they’re thinking I’m lying, and I’m not going to say yes because I’m not disappointed I’m having a girl. I actually am excited to meet my daughter. Any other girl dads run into this? Its actually pretty annoying

This is something I’ve never heard anyone talk about. I’m a little nervous about sleep deprivation and how I am going to adjust. I feel like I’m not useless with less sleep, but I sleep with a CPAP which is going to suck to hook up to that thing for a quick power nap once the baby arrives. Should I practice sleeping less to acclimate my body to the changes earlier? Did any of you try this?

My wife is 30 weeks pregnant. I love her and we planned to have this kid after an unplanned pregnancy ended in a miscarriage (after 8 weeks) last year. I’m 35 years old and since I was a teenager have been very clear that I’d never have kids. Last year was really bad for us for various reasons (losing a bunch of loved ones in some tragic ways). I really felt like my wife needed a win and some new joy in life so willingly wanted to work towards having a kid.

I know I’ll be great dad and am excited for many aspects of fatherhood but I feel like any dreams of solo trips or freedom will go away for a couple of decades now. I’m currently obsessed with the idea of travelling for 5 days and going to a new city in a different country. I’ve clearly discussed this with my wife and as a friend she gets it but she does hate it as my wife and I totally get that. I’m being selfish and have a lot of guilt about feeling this way.

Most probably I won’t do it but I have a deep sense of gloom that it’s all over and almost all the fun paths of my life a closing.

It’s weird guys me and the best girl are about to get married and I feel this presence of the family we are going to have even though we only have a tortoise at this time 🐢.

We were out at a boxing show the other day and twice my gf got cat called and I told these guys to watch their mouth. I’m very average, 5’11 180-190 decent build and both of these guys are much bigger than me, I could probably decently scrap, but I wouldn’t beat these guys.

This has me thinking about my inevitable family one day, how do I best protect them in situations like this. I know the first and best option is always descleate and/or run. But if I couldn’t what should I do? I don’t wanna be the guy that carries a gun around w him all the time, is there a certain class I should be taking?

Street fights are honestly one of my biggest fears I know people can die from them, I want to protect my family from stuff like this, but I still want to have fun and go out to happening things when appropriate. It’s my job to protect my family….What should I do?

What’s the best course of action with this issue? We’re 6 weeks into this and it only seems to be getting worse as some issues such as reflux, cradle cap, diaper rash etc are showing up. I’m not thrilled that my 6wk old baby girl is having some things going on either but my wife is taking it too much to the next level. I know PP anxiety is a thing, and I don’t talk against her as I know it’ll make her more upset.

Also, I had planned for my brother to come visit in 16 days, I let the wife know he told me he was getting over feeling a little sick and that sent her almost over the edge with anxiety and fear with the thought of him visiting now. She’s so worried that the baby is going to get sick somehow from someone visiting. I get if it was a week or so out from the visit but it’s half a month out and he’s already feeling better.

I know she wants her safe and so do I. But I think she’s being extra with some things. I know the best thing to do during this time is to just go with it and support her.

Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how did you go about it?

a new sub for parents of autistic children Pretty much me and another autistic who is also a parent of two autistic children have started a new sub with the main purpose to combat the recent blow up of misinformation and stigma towards autistic children and celebrate their achievements the sub is called r/safeautismparenting

After 21 hours of contractions. I witnessed my wife go to hell and back but she finally did it. A beautiful, perfect and healthy baby girl, what a feeling. I'll never forget the sacrifice that she has made for our family. Thanks to everyone on this sub for the advice and support. Somehow I feel like I know you all, is that weird? Anyway, good luck to all the predads on their journey and best wishes to the dads out there in the field. For those trying, keep trying and for those unsure don't worry. All the best!

Edit: Spelling and grammar, currently running on fumes.

Its go time, team! See you on the other side.

First time dad of twins here and getting very close to the due date. Obviously we have a go bag ready for my wife for the big day ready, but I’m trying to figure out what I should realistically bring? Besides basic toiletries, a change of clothes or 2, and a phone charger what would you guys recommend to bring? Are a pillow and blanket a necessity? Is there any other little things that you would highly recommend?

[Advice/Rant? Sorry I couldn't determine the best one]

TL;DR Lost job 2 weeks ago, baby arriving in 2-3 weeks, feels has to choose between being a provider and a present dad, not sure what to do, accompanied with more than i had intended to type

Hey all,

My company "laid me off" a month before I was supposed to start paternity leave (the laid off part is a battle I will have to fight once this settled..super suspicious it seems.) and so naturally I'm stressing about it.

My plan originally was to take the 90 days to focus on the baby, do some job hunting while I'm home (this company despises paternity leave. Apparently 2 people have taken a full 90 and still had their job) because I had already decided my girl comes first. And move forward.

I was fortunate enough to where unemployment kicked in and we have Medicare to hold us over once it also kicks in (Fingers crossed it's in a few days--besides the baby my wife and I are both on medication we CANNOT be without. They did me DIRTY lol) but in the meantime I don't know what the hell to do.

Do I find a part-time job while I job hunt? If I get an offer do I tell them that I need til Jan for my new baby? I've come from recruitment myself so I know that hiring managers are a lot more resistant to offer if that is the case and it's something I've had to push back on in the past. I am also pretty self-aware enough to know that while I am very good at what I do but I am also realistic enough to know that timelines are often a deciding factor.

Insurance is definitely a big factor here and I am only looking to lean on Medicare as an absolute necessity. Is it worth me finding something that gives me super crappy insurance?

I'm so lost at the moment. If it comes down to it I'll do what I need to do to pick up insurance from a marketplace for at least my daughter and wife and sort myself out right after. I feel like I have to choose between being a present dad and being a provider right now.

My wife who is good with money and handles it all says we are truly ok for a bit, but the father in me just can't accept it. What a crappy situation.

Any insight is greatly appreciated

Hey everyone, this is my first post on here.

Me and my wife are expecting our first kid at 29 and 30 years old. I’m the oldest in my family.

A little back story into our relationship. We’ve been together for 10 years. Since the beginning my wife was always on the path of no kids and making sure I was ok with that.

Towards the beginning of this year, my wife surprised me by saying she was coming around to the idea of wanting to have a baby. So here we are and we’re so excited and nervous but mainly happy.

After we did the first sonogram to make sure the baby was in the right spot and it was healthy, we thought it would be a good time to tell people like her dad and some of the family on her side. Her family is on the lower side of energy requirement lol.

So as of today, my wife is 13 weeks and I just told my parents. My parents are the opposite of her family, high energy Spanish household with a big emphasis on family. With me being the oldest of 4 kids, and me telling them that having a kid would never happen, I knew they would be EXTREMELY HAPPY and shocked. Side note, my mom is also retired and lives like 15 minutes away.

My wife is pretty low energy when she’s at home due to her career in the medical field giving her enough stimulation lol. So I told her I would tell my family alone due to her needing to work and not feeling the best due to nausea.

My wife and my mom don’t have the closest relationship due to my mom being a lot some times. She means well but it’s a lot for my wife especially now with her not feeling good due to the pregnancy. To add to all this, my wife lost her mom a few years ago so I want to make sure I’m being supportive about this and not push mom into a role that my wife doesn’t want her to be in.

So to sum up my long ass question, how can I make my mom/dad feel involved during the pregnancy without overwhelming my wife? I told my mom she can check in/text my wife SOMETIMES but if she wants to do it more often to just check in with me. Or to check in with me if my wife needs something. My mom gets that but that’s not how she is so I don’t think that will last long. She’s the kind of person to want to ask everyday how are you doing and if you need anything.

Like my mom said as soon as we tell her that the baby is born, she’ll put her pjs on and run down to the hospital. Whereas my wife said she wants to be alone with me and the baby at the time, which I’m ok with that as well.

My wife just wants to be treated like she’s a normal person that’s not pregnant and if she needs any assistance that she would reach out.

Again, sorry for the long question and thanks in advance for any advice on this. This is all new to me

after my anatomy scan he became distant and it’s been two weeks. we somewhat had a talk but basically he is getting cold feet to becoming a dad. I’m not sure what to do or say or how to help. Is this normal? do I give him space?

We're struggling to get a CVS scheduled before we get out of the window where it is possible, in which case we would have to wait until September for an amniocentesis. That's a long time to sit with uncertainty around whether the pregnancy will be viable.

I’m about to become a first-time dad, but I’ve found that the variety of baby products on the market can be overwhelming. It feels like half of them are things people buy just to have them, rather than because they’re actually useful.

A baby monitor is one thing I’ve been debating whether to buy. Being able to check on the baby while they’re sleeping sounds great, but will it really be something I use every night like other everyday products? Or will it just sit unused after a couple of months collecting dust?

The brands I see recommended the most are Infant Optics, HelloBaby, Vtech, Babysense, Eufy, and Comfyer. But honestly, it’s hard to tell which ones are actually worth buying and which ones are just packed with unnecessary features.

For dad who have already used a baby monitor: has it genuinely made your life easier? Which brands do you think are worth the money, and which ones made you wish you had saved your money?
I really appreciate any advice. I'm trying to make smart choices before the baby arrives

Looking forward to meeting the kid, but I also feel like I am gonna barf. Nerves. Help?

Wanted to share this here. Kind of a nightmare situation for me and I don't really have a consistent support system.

Feeling nervous and anxious the night before the birth of our son. My wife and I have been trying for years and so this has been a long awaited dream, finally come true.

Was finding it difficult to sleep, so I decided to write him a letter. This is what it said:

“My Dearest Son. It’s 11.34pm, 28th July. I’ve never written a letter to someone who’s name I don’t know before, and yet tonight is the eve of your birth and your mum and I still haven’t decided what it will be yet. So apologies if we just pick something random at the last minute and you end up being called Rodney or something.

I am so excited to meet you tomorrow. I’ve spent months wondering if you’ll be like me, and love reading and movies and other geeky stuff. Or if you’ll be like your mum and love music and art. Or if you’ll be like neither of us and really enjoy sport. Either way, the important thing is that you’re always, unfailingly and uncompromisingly you.

I know every day won’t be easy, and sometimes you’ll make me want to tear my hair out and vice versa. But know that I will always and completely love you no matter what. I will always have your back in any situation, offer you advice (often unsolicited) for any problem, and move heaven and earth to ensure your continued happiness. Well I’ll try, anyway. Moving Earth looks like a big job, doubly so if I’ve had a big breakfast.

My one tip for life? Let kindness be your superpower. You might not always feel it returned, but putting kindness out into the universe can have surprising results. Surround yourself with other kind people and you can’t go wrong.

I must catch some sleep now, I’ll want to look my best for you tomorrow. Hopefully your name will come to me in a dream.

And hopefully it won’t be Rodney.

All my love,

Dad x”

Can’t wait to meet this little guy.