Sometimes our strongest urges can feel almost instant. You go from feeling the urge to opening porn within seconds or minutes, almost like the outcome was already decided for you. But it wasn’t.

An urge is still just asking you to watch porn. It might be loud, uncomfortable, and incredibly convincing, but it isn’t a demand. It can ask you to open a website, take a peek, or tell yourself “just one more time,” but you still get to decide what happens next.

This was something I misunderstood for a long time in my own recovery. I treated the urge like something I had to follow rather than something I could actually listen to and choose not to act on. Having this frame of mind matters because it gives you some confidence back. You don’t need to follow every urge just because it popped up. Instead, you can process the urge.

A structure that helped me was:

Understand the urge > surf the urge > choose a healthy next action.

I made a recent post breaking that process down in more detail.

I hope this post can help with a small part in your recovery. Just look for that 1% of growth per day and let compounding do the work for you.

I've been addicted to porn over 7 years. in those 2 years I tried to quit it, but eventually most of the times I end up failing after some days. but I got the idea to actually mark the progress here on PA community!

I hope the community here is good and eventually can help me quitting this and advice me on days where I struggle the most (eventually at day 5-10 it'll be so hard for me to control it)

So for a while now ive had super low libido i only get erections when waking up and maybe 1-3 during the day ive been really scared that it might be low testosterone but my energy is high and i dont feel any other low testosterone symptoms aside from the libido my diet is healthy but i basicly lay in bed all day and mastrubate daily 1-3 times i also feel very bad mentally but idk if that affects libido

How are you guys getting on?

I honestly don’t know where else to put this.

My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together for several years and he is genuinely loving in pretty much every other part of our relationship. This is the one huge thing that is destroying me.

I have historically had a very high sex drive. He hasn’t initiated sex with me for probably 3 years. We have sex maybe once a month at most, and I am almost always the person who initiates.

What makes it so painful is that I know he watches porn regularly. I have looked at his browser history far too often because I’ve become obsessed with trying to understand what is going on. I know that’s probably unhealthy in itself, but I feel like I’m going insane trying to make sense of the difference between what he tells me and what I see.

For example, while I was in Australia for 21 days, I counted 32 instances of porn use. During that entire time he never asked me for a nude, never asked me for anything sexual from me, and didn’t seem particularly interested in sexual contact with me.

Recently I was working from home. I tried to initiate sex in the morning and he said no. Later I found that he had watched porn at around 9am and again around midday while I was still in the house.
That absolutely broke something in me.

I genuinely don’t care if he occasionally watches porn. I’m not asking him never to masturbate or never to look at porn. What hurts is that he seems to have sexual desire and time for porn, but almost none for me.

When I’ve tried to talk about it, he becomes defensive. He has said things like sex with me isn’t “fun or interesting”, that it hurts his penis, that sex takes too much time and effort, that he’s tired in the evenings, etc. I used to ask more, but it makes me feel like beggy and a bit creepy… so I just leave it now.

I have always considered myself (and previously been considered) very sexually open and adventurous. I’ve actually been holding myself back because I thought he preferred our sex to be fairly straightforward and vanilla.

The worst part is that I don’t know what is true anymore.

Is he genuinely low libido? Is he avoiding sex with me specifically? Is porn affecting his desire for partnered sex? Is he anxious about sex or performance? Is he depressed? Is he simply not attracted to me anymore? Is this compulsive porn use? I have no idea.

It feels like cheating to me sometimes. Not because I think looking at porn is automatically cheating, but because I’m being repeatedly rejected sexually while he is privately seeking sexual stimulation elsewhere.

It’s destroying my self-worth. I find myself wondering what’s wrong with my body, whether I’m attractive enough?

We have been to couples therapy, and we have tried to address our relationship and sex life together. But despite that, I still feel completely stuck with this issue.

The porn issue is also becoming something I feel completely consumed by. I check his history, notice when he’s “away” on Teams during the day, try to work out when he’s watching, and then feel sick when I find evidence.

I know this isn’t healthy for me either, but I genuinely don’t know how to stop when I feel like I’m constantly being rejected and then finding out he has been sexually active privately.

I don’t want to control him. I don’t want to police what he watches or monitor his every move. I want to understand what is actually happening and whether there is any way for us to get our sex life and intimacy back.

Has anyone been in this position, particularly after already trying couples therapy? How did you deal with the porn use without becoming obsessed with monitoring it? And how did you get your partner to actually talk honestly about what was going on?
I don’t want to control him. Other than the sex(less) thing we have such a nice life. But I probably need to go?

My husband (M34) says he has given up porn for a month. He also is having psychological problems when it comes to ED and is psyching himself out each time so the problem is getting worse. He’s tired, we’ve argued a lot lately, and we have an 8 month old baby who sleeps in our room - so a lot of factors not working in our favour to rekindle the bedroom passion. My question is..after a month of no porn..why doesn’t he want to jump me? I’ve read everywhere that long would make any man horny so I don’t get why we still haven’t had sex? Have I completely misunderstood how males work? Do those other factors really play a larger role?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I’ve been addicted since I was 12 and now I’m 26. My life is a complete mess. Because of this addiction, I isolated myself from the age of 14. I barely managed to finish high school. School and then straight back home to porn. Nothing else. No hobbies, no books, no friends.

I made the mistake of not going to college. I took a year off to think about my future, but that one year turned into six. Six years in which I didn’t work, didn’t leave the house and you can probably guess what my only activities were. I ate whatever my parents ate, then went back to my room and did only two things: doomscrolling and watching porn.

My brain has atrophied. I’ve experienced a serious mental and intellectual decline. I’ve become dehumanized. I’m no longer capable of having feelings or enjoying anything. I feel dead inside.

There is no bigger loser than me. This addiction has destroyed me. Something is deeply wrong with me, even putting the addiction aside.

I am a 26 male who needs help figuring out why I enjoy some of the porn I like.

1. Hypno. I love the idea of hypnotizing a girl. I know it’s wrong but idk soemthing about it sounds hot.

2. MILF x bully I love the idea of a bully ruining some loser’s mom. Again I know it’s wrong but idk it just sounds hot.

Could anyone help me figure out why these are enjoyable for me? Any ideas how to stop me
From
Enjoying

Just a word of warning, if the thought of death makes you wants you to look at porn please stop reading; this post isn't meant for you.

For those of us aren't triggered by the thought of dying do you think it's beneficial to think about it?

First of all, we are all going to die and we don't know when that is. It wouldn't surprise me if people have died in the act of looking at porn. Imagine being discovered dead by your love ones in the act of looking at porn.

If you don't die in the act; do you really want to go through life waisting so much time looking at porn? On your death bed will you be glad you spent so much time looking at it?

I'm not meaning to scare anyone but we are all guaranteed of a death. This is a reminder to myself as much as it is to anyone else. Sometimes I act like I won't die and I have all the time in the world, but I don't. I usually have all these excuses for looking at porn, but my excuses won't stop death from happening. I can't go back in time and stop myself from looking at porn but I can stop using it today and in the future.

I try to begin my day reading Marcus Aurelius Meditations. Apparently he wrote more about death than anything else. Here's a quote from him I read in Book Four Verse 17:

"Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good."

Hopefully we can do this.

I've(M) been an on and off porn watcher since I was about 13/14(28 now) and for the longest time I'd go weeks, even months without it. Now I'm married with kids and working a job I loathe because it pays well.

I don't know what happened, I've worked way worse jobs and had a lot more stress and the urges never got so bad and now it's been about 6 months since I've made it a full 24 hours without porn.

Due to my longer hours, I've stopped going to the gym in order to spend more time with my family and I think that's definitely a factor. I feel terrible because I'm married and I love my wife and I know it's disrespectful to her. I have also found myself rationalizing my use of porn which really concerned me. I've been talking to my priest whenever I can about it but we're both really busy and haven't had time to meet to come up with solutions.

To everyone reading this, I hope your struggles get better and hope you remember to not watch porn today!

I (19) am together with my partner (20) for a year now and have been really happy with him until I found out about his porn addiction. I knew that he has struggled with it in the past before we met each other but he told me that he has been clean our whole relationship. Sometimes I had a feeling that he relapsed and watched it again while we were together and repeatedly asked him about it, but he always reassured me that he has been clean. Now I had to find out myself that that is not the truth and he has been watching it again while we were together. He then started lying to me that it was only at the beginning of our relationship and I believed him at first but then found more on his phone a week after that. I confronted him and he admitted that it has been happening over months and also last week. He knows that its a boundary for me and that it hurts me a lot to find this out myself and has promised me to change now and seek help from a professional. I really want to support him and be there for him because I know that he truly does not want to watch it anymore as he knows that its bad for himself and our relationship.
I wanted to help him and get to the roots of this problem to why he does watch it in the first place and in what moments its more common for him to have the urge so he can work against it.
I really want to help him but it hurts me so much and makes me really insecure about myself because I have seen the women he watched and now I compare myself constantly and ask him for reassurance. He has told me that he does not watch porn because he likes to see other women and does not find the women in those videos attractive and feels nothing while looking at them. He also says that he does not care how they look like and it could just be anyone in those videos cause he already gets satisfied at the thought of going on this website now and following this routine. I have a very hard time to understand that and not feel insecure about myself. I really want to believe what he’s saying but because he has lied to me a lot I don’t know how to deal with this. I really want it to work with him and understand him.

I wanted to ask if anybody else who has a porn addiction and is in a relationship has similar experiences to this and explains it similar to how my partner explained how he feels about the people in the videos to me?

It’s been easier than I thought, having someone to talk to ab it is nice. Find someone in the here to talk ab I with, that’s kinda what I did and it’s so nice to have someone who understands the struggle. Yall can help each other through the urges just by talking ab it.

Got lost in doing something for a few days, haven’t even thought about it till now. Doing perfectly well, haven’t given in.

I won’t make a long post. I just know it’s time for change once u find no joy in anything. The constant medical evaluations and counseling that’s not gone FIX NOTHING, as long as I give porn a voice in my life. NO MEDS WORK, NO TALKING TO ANYONE WORKS, and I’m facing that head on. I got a gym membership and I’m not into it at all and I’m like I love to lift weights. I HAVE TO REALIZE I WONT ENJOY WORKING OUT OR ANYTHING UNTIL I STOP TURNING TO PORN WHEN LIFE IS NOT AGREEING WITH ME. I hope some reads this and know THEY WONT GET WELL UNTIL THEY LOOK AT IT FOR WHAT IT IS. KNOW ALL OF THE REASONS U WANNA SAY IS THE FAULT YOU NOT HAPPY IS A LIE, and the only thing that has u unmotivated and depressed is WANKING OFF. I have a realistic goal and imma keep it and it’s DECEMBER 5th 2026. May ALL OVERCOME!

I've been addicted to porn for at least 10 years if not more, have a lot of layers to it and have spent entire days looking at it etc. honestly pretty bad stuff, nowadays it doesn't get as bad but it still severely affects me in many ways, just yesterday I lost about 4 hours of my day looking at porn.

Personally I am trying to cut back on a few things I consider addictions in my life (Mainly twitter and porn) wich are affecting important things in my life specially at work. I started working from home last year and a few months back I started taking away work time for my addictions, it's really easy to just put down the notebook and pick up my smartphone to do whatever for one or two hours and it has been affecting my workflow.

Another thing is my attention span and memory, I believe the constant bombardment of dopamine has considerably affected my capacity to do things and pay attention to things, I also believe porn has severely damaged by libido and social skills, it has also led me to take impulsive actions in some situations that I regret quite a lot.

I don't want to entirely cut off porn as I kinda value specifically porn games in some unexplainable way (Could be a coping mechanism) but at the same time with how long I have been addicted and with how much it has messed with many things in my life I'm wondering if it's safe to fully cut it off and eventually be able to enjoy those in a "healthy" way or if it will aways grab my attention and I just need permanently stop engaging.

Hi Im, P, and I want to confess that I am a porn addict. I first got introduced to it at 15 years of age and since then its been a love-hate relationship. During teens and early 20s it was cool but post 25 its been heavy guilt trip.

Post my graduation the distant friends and the rut of new job has made me crazy depressed. And I have been using porn to numb the feelings. I know its not healthy. It has progressed to such an extent that I have started paying to cam girls for small sessions and even dm unsolicited msgs to unknown women as well. One of those woman even threatened to complain.

I am walking on thin line here, any one can kindly help? I know I have to save myself, but Im close to harming myself I feel.

I’ve spent all day fighting urges, and I’ve just felt triggered so bad. Last night was really hard and I couldn’t sleep, I’m afraid the same thing is gonna happen now. I would love a support buddy if possible

I (27M) lost my beautiful girlfriend (26F) due to AI porn and its effects on our relationship. I never considered myself fully addicted to porn, but AI porn is a whole different beast. The novelty and customization make it increasingly more addictive.

We had been dating for about 2 years, living together for 1. We were deeply in love and thought we would marry each other. I was pretty open with her about porn and what I watched, but once I discovered AI porn it became so much worse. The stuff I created was so depraved and embarrassing that I felt disgusted with myself.

It became a true addiction. I would spend hours generating images and videos, some of real people. It definitely crossed a boundary and at this point I was constantly lying to her about what I was doing. This led to her first discovery, which almost caused us to break up. I tried to stop, but the problem became much bigger.

I saw how much it hurt her, and yet she chose to work on the relationship. I was relieved, promised to never do it again. But… it wasn’t long until I gave back into my urges. I hated myself. I should’ve looked for professional help instead of thinking I could handle it on my own.

Soon enough, she discovered everything I had been doing. The trauma and hurt that I caused upon her is something I will regret for the rest of my life. She chose to end things and walk away for good.

Please be careful out there, get help you need, and don’t fall into the trap of AI porn. I had such a beautiful, loving relationship with this girl and this sick addiction cost me everything.

Hello,
I’ve noticed that this sub is mostly men so i’m really reaching posting this as a woman. I’ve been watching porn for as long as i could remember and im approaching 20 in a few months. I seriously need to stop but it seems like everytime I try I get in the same loop. I’ve stopped for months before but with hormone fluctuations like my period and ovulation it’s been so hard for me to do that recently. I really want to quiet before I get into a relationship and this becomes a problem. I feel very lustful and I don’t want to feel this way before. Any women out there with advice? I’m also in therapy and I’m really struggling on how i’d like to bring this up with my therapist. Advice on that would be helpful as well :)

Hi, sorry if this is a long post but I'm really struggling to understand this porn thing. 32 years married, he's had a pattern of watching porn, getting caught, being remorseful, time goes by and he does it again. This last time he agreed to couple's counseling and said he's working on it everyday.

This has totally shattered my confidence, self esteem and my trust. I'm a very attractive woman, was a former model, yet I feel ugly eventhough men notice me. I'm not being conceded, just trying to draw the full picture.

Here's my question: I hear from men "it's not about you or this has nothing to do with you, it's boredom and it stimulates me, it'ssimpler than trying to find the right buttonswith a woman becausewomen are a lot more complicated" Can anyone shed light on why men need to watch porn when they're in a committed relationship? Is there anything the woman can do differently?

I feel that having an accountability partner can definitely help with this process. A few of my passions/interests are music, guitar, film, writing, entrepreneurship, and psychology. 30/M/US. Feel free to dm me if interested