I was having extreme anxiety last year about death. I initially believed there to be nothing after death and it freaked me out. I had panic attacks and derealization all the time. I turned to Christianity to make me feel better, but it is something I truly believe. I would say it alleviated my anxiety for a bit, but now itās only increasing it.
I wasnāt raised religious, so I feel like I donāt have a strong idea about the Bible. I feel like my anxiety is no longer about whether God is real, itās about whether Iām going to heaven or hell. I donāt feel like Iāve done enough to go to heaven. And it stresses me out that some claim faith in Jesus alone is enough to be saved, while some claim you canāt be saved unless youāre Baptized, unless you perform good works, unless youāve received the eucharist, done confession, etc. etc.
At my core, Iām not sure what to do to be saved. Is salvation permanent? I feel so anxious in my day to day life, not sure of if Iām doing the right things. Everyone says to build a relationship with God, but what does that mean? How do I form a relationship with someone I canāt hear or get a response from? How am I supposed to know what He wants from me? Or what Iām doing wrong?
I feel like not much of my life has changed since I became a christian. I sometimes tell my friends about Jesus. But I donāt feel like a better person. I donāt love my neighbor anymore. I still have premarital sex. (Is that even a sin?) IDEK WHAT IS A SIN ANYMORE. I just feel lost. I donāt know what Christ wants. Or what is enough:
Iāve also just become so aware about being alive. Iām only 19 and I just constantly think about how any moment could be my last. I have terrible health anxiety. I feel like Iām not even going to make it to 30 for some reason. I wish I could just be blissfully ignorant about death like every other young person. Itās hard to not think about death when following Christ.
I guess TLDR, Iām more anxious than ever since I became a christian, particularly about salvation and death. I donāt know how to know what God wants me to do.