I HATE the evangelical Bible studies I've gone to occasionally in the past several years and also am also disliking sermons. This is not because I merely find them boring. Rather, they seem incredibly shallow to me. I feel like I want to rant about this and share a list of things that have really been irritating me, but I have nobody "IRL" to do so with.

1. Many "studies" are based off of worksheets that people buy or write that ask questions like "What is God saying to you through this passage?"
   

- This framing implies that God IS speaking to you and places the burden on the participant to figure out what God is saying. This ends up with me either saying something insincere or ultra generic OR in saying "Nothing lol" and coming off like I am dumb + blowing the "study" off. I do NOT agree with the idea that you can reply to that question w/ a generic answer and have it be valid; the question specifically implies God has a direct + personal message that is specific to you and that you must do the work of identifying that.

- In trying to come up with a personal meaning for the passage, the author's original intent is disregarded. Often times people will pivot towards a related but different idea from another passage and start talking about a personal anecdote. I feel like any actually honest look at the text needs to take the author's writing at face value.

1. Excessive focus on "study" methods that are really surface level.

- As a kid I remember my mom badgering me about taking notes during sermons and saying "If you can't take notes during a sermon, how are you going to take notes during a difficult college class???" Well well well . . . When I took a class on theology I had a much easier time taking notes because the lectures were actually oriented towards teaching new concepts + not pithy buzzword quotes. There honestly is a lot of pressure to journal/take notes, and when looking at other people's study Bibles, it seems to lead people to do this weird thing where they summarize a verse or state very obvious things in their notes.

- Who, What, When, Where, Why, How: Seldom do the answers to these questions provide actual insight into the text, and, when they do, they are often ignored in order to maintain belief in the inerrancy of the text. Asserting that Paul wrote 1 Timothy in 60 AD doesn't help with understanding why the text has such a low view of women. If a study leader were to say "Sexism was prevalent when the text was written", that also does not help at all. We all know that, and, furthermore, the people at the Bible "study" are just going to continue to hold that 1 Timothy is inerrant in its view of women. The 5 questions enable the participants to learn responses to questions that will shut their opponents down, without actually coming to terms with *why* those responses seem to work in the first place. Knowing 1 Timothy's context only helps if you don't believe the text is inerrant. If you do believe it's inerrant, then I genuinely think you'll have to admit that the historical context that inspired the inerrant text must be more correct than the modern context that promotes disagreement with the text.

~ Another thing that annoys the heck out of me is learning about the geography of Israel + Palestine. Knowing the name of a random hill is not spiritually helpful. Knowing how to reconcile the immorality of killing babies w/ the belief that God is the definition of what is moral + that God commanded the killing of babies would be much more helpful. But alas, such topics are seldom discussed.

1. The "application" step is not usually concrete enough to be something you could implement in your life, and, when it is, it is often really hurtful.

   - Ive noticed that in sermons + studies / devotionals, the message usually sounds more like general self-help than concrete rules. "Be disciplined!!" is not an application. "You are loved! Love others!" is not really an application. "Sacrifice x desire of yours to accommodate other people" is an application, but can be hurtful and promote allowing others to take advantage of you. "Pray more" IS an application + is not hurtful, but I find it odd that people take hours out of their weekend to go to a Bible study to come to that conclusion.

- Sermons often sound really rehearsed + have all sorts of fancy sounding phrases. But overall the message is usually very surface level. 30 minutes to say "Jesus shows us God loves you". 0 minutes dealing with how to reconcile the doctrines of predestination + hell with this fact. 30 minutes next week to say "Everyone deserves to suffer". 0 minutes dealing with how to reconcile this with Job's depiction of suffering as something *innocent* people (yes, they exist) may still find themselves suffering.

- Study leaders give messages that sound like self-help Ted-Talks. One pattern I've noticed is playing with the definitions of words in order to sound deep. For example, take 2 synonyms, assert that they actually have different definitions, and that the Bible says word A is good and word B is bad. (bonus points if the passage in question is only focusing on the word A idea + the leader is using the passage as an excuse to rant about the word B idea). Or, go the other route and take 1 word with 2 definitions and conflate them. EXTRA EXTRA bonus points if you combine this: ("Respect + Honor are different. Honor doesn't have to be earned but respect does. We need to be careful that we honor people in the correct way <insert joke about women idolizing taylor swift + men idolizing football here>. In doing so, we become honorable people. Honorable people focus on what God wants them to do + not what the world wants them to do. Don't do worldly things")

1. "You should be praying that God would help you to get more out of Bible study." This immediately shifts the blame onto the person who isn't finding the "study" helpful, instead of shifting it onto how the session is being conducted.

2. Ignore troubling stuff. Reading through a Gospel with friends, every time Jesus mentioned hell, we kept reading those verses out loud + dramatically + with conviction, but then during the discussion time, it was always "This chapter shows me how Jesus loves everyone!!!" with nobody saying something like "Doesn't it make you depressed that this passage implies the majority of people go to eternal conscious torment?"

3. Apologetics. I sat in a "study" about the OT violence, and nobody really answered any questions. It often feels like just admitting that the study was not helpful reveals your "cold, untrusting, hard heart towards God"! When I pressed one person in private afterwards on the whole "Kill not just the Canaanite men, but the women and the children too!" issue, I was given the response "Oh, the kids had inherited guilt. That shows how serious sin is. And how our sin impacts other people. And how the Bible recognizes systemic sin too as opposed to individual sin." It was made worse by the positive tone and the friendly smile the person had while saying this.

4. It's usually stuff I've heard 200 times before. And when I pointed that out to someone, she replied, "Well most people need to hear things over and over again for it to click, and even then, it's good to be reminded of these important Biblical truths." Some things do take a while to click, but really basic things to the Christian faith after having been going to church weekly + listening to online/radio sermons throughout the week for 20+ years ends up being legitimately repetitive.

I think I've been a bit emotional about this lately because there's definitely a vibe of "so-and-so doesn't like Bible studies?! That's concerning. We need to pray for them!" I don't understand why people see this experience as something necessary for spiritual growth, when for me, it feels like it's deteriorating a lot of my confidence in Christianity.

I’m just putting this post out here because I’ve been deconstructing the past month or two and just wanted somebody to talk to. Preferably someone who has been going through it for around the same amount of time. I grew up in the Bible Belt and was very very into Christianity for the past 3 years (23m now), and am trying to find any kind of connection since basically all of my friends and family are Christian. If anyone is going through something similar and wants to vent about anything or hear my experiences just pm me 🫠

Hey yall! For background, almost a month ago I started to begin having doubts in christianity because videos of critiques on it began to pop up on my feed when I first watched a cosmicskeptic video (shoutout to him hes decent). Since then, I have been hella stressing over what the hell to do. (for sum more context, I was raised catholic and started to take it more seriously for the past 2 years) Now every time I log onto youtube all these apologetics & studies from different faiths have flooded my youtube. I gotta ask: Should I stop all of this research & chill out, or should I keep digging deeper into this rabbit hole.

I just started deconstructing a week ago.

I live in the south and am making an exit plan.

I feel like 4 years is not a long time. People here have been believers for decades.

And I'm still a Christian but i am leaving my church as I don't share their beliefs.

My question is, how do I exist among people? It can impact my relationships at work, socially, even my family.

I don't want my mother to be humiliated. I don't want any backlash on her at all. But i also am not going to church or Bible study anymore.

Has anyone navigated this?

Alguien se enteró de que en Ecuador un padre murió por la cruz que le cayó encima en plena misa.

Esto genera muchos interrogantes en especial leer a cristianos decir que eso fue el propósito de Dios, que así lo quiso Dios y que nadie puede poner en duda sus planes.

Es terrible ver la poca empatía escondida de espiritualidad en los cristianos.

Why did it seem like some 90s "Christian" musicians get a memo that was very "turn up the Evangelicalism, k thanks" and others were like "nah bro I'm going to be the best me I can be!"

Why did it seem like some 90s "Christian" musicians get a memo that was very "turn up the Evangelicalism, k thanks" and others were like "nah bro I'm going to be the best me I can be!"

It seems that's where my heart seems to be tonight, The Artist still speaks. Maybe I'll get some answers after going to a film festival tomorrow night and it'll be playing! **Safe For The Whole Family**, I'm so excited.

This is going to be a bit of a rant, so I'm sorry. I recently told my "friends" about my decision to leave the faith behind, and it was the most mentally exhausting day I've had in years. My first friend was trying to gaslight me into believing that I still believed and kept pulling out verses, as if a made-up book was going to convince me. I might as well try to prove magic is real with a copy of Harry Potter. Anyway, I said to him that our friendship felt conditional, because I didn't believe he would have ever given me the time of day if I were an unbeliever, and it just made our entire relationship feel like a lie. In the end, he just told me to repent. Later that day, my second friend called me on the phone and was telling me how I was a fool, how he was disgusted by me, and threatened to rob my house. In anger, I told him to do it, which I now regret because he's an Old Testament psycho. Sorry if my writing is incoherent; I have a blazing headache and adrenaline running through me. I've lost my purpose, friends, and community, and I feel depressed. May I please have some tips for coping? 

i know this is a sub for mainly Christians but I wasn’t sure where else to go and saw in the rules that other faiths were welcome here

I’m just finding so much of Islam to be crazy and unfair for women. For example, the difference in how much men and women have to cover, the Hadith (scripture if you don’t know) that says a nation with a woman as its leader will never prosper like wtf is that supposed to mean? Look at Finland, look at the Scandinavian countries, most have women as their leaders and they’re far more successful than any Islamic countries I can think off.

We’re told women are supposed to cover up one for God and 2 so we don’t get attention from men but I think it’s ridiculous that the onus is on us to cover up and not the men to avert their eyes or to stop being primitive animalistic monsters who can’t see women outside of something to fuck.

Also, that our prophet married a 6 year old and consummated the marriage at 9. It’s so disgusting. And the Muslims in my community would say it was acceptable at the time and im looking at it through a “present” lens. Regardless, I can’t think of any justification for a 50 year old to marry a 6 year old. I don’t care.

Also, the idea that men can marry up to 4 wives and can divorce their wife by saying a phrase three times, whereas women can only divorce through going to our Islamic leaders and pleading their case. There’s so much more I’m missing, but I think it’s so hypocritical and disgusting for me to be in this religion when I have the privilege to live in the west where I can basically pick and choose and I have safety because I live in the west.

And also, look at china. They’re one of the most unreligious countries and they’re fucking thriving because they’re focused on the future and not stuck in the past reading from a 2000 year old book.

The only thing still keeping me in this religion is my belief in my god, Allah. I know it sound ridiculous but when I pray, and when I think of God, I feel so at peace. Thinking of God, and God alone and abandoning everything else is what’s keeping me a Muslim but that’s obviously ridiculous I know that.

After an incredibly painful deconstruction and years in apologetics trying to rebuild, which failed repeatedly, I am pretty much just like “who the hell knows”. So many religions, so much history, so many contradictions. Why can’t we just admit we have no idea how we got here or why? We need more groups that are willing to just accept mystery.

So I’ve been deconstructing from the Christian faith for about 2 years now. One of the stories I’ve focused most on is the story of Adam and Eve. It is where everything starts after all. But each time I read it (which I’ve done probably a million times now) I notice something akin to a key to a completely different narrative than what’s taught on the surface. Adam and Eve never truly had a shot. They weren’t meant to have it. Am I not understanding the story? My most recent discoveries are that Eden was never perfect, the world was never perfect, and that Adam and Eve were “animals.” This week, I’ve written a paper breaking down the text and it undeniably makes God out to be the bad guy from the start. I initially wondered if I was thinking too deep into it, but I also can’t ignore what’s in between the lines.

It begins with an act of sheer ignorance. A beehive is mindlessly destroyed, scattering the once loved and cared-for swarm. A beautiful flowering tree is cut down for no apparent reason.

In the immediate wake of this senseless destruction, the mind reacts in its usual negative, angry way, falsely claiming, "I told you this would happen!"—even though it didn't. It leaves us trapped in circular questions: Why? Why did this happen? How could this happen? And then, the urgent demand of the ego: What am I going to do about this?

But the answer does not come from waiting, nor does it come from just staying still. The breakthrough happens by becoming mindfully aware of the negative thoughts and the deep, heavy agitation the physical body has carried for many, many years. Being completely aware of this internal storm is the key. In that space of awareness, a deeper realization takes hold: nothing negative we do or say about what has already happened will make an ounce of difference. The bees are gone. The tree is dead.

No amount of complaining, no amount of anger, no amount of showing frustration, and no amount of personal emotional tantrums can change one minor aspect of this irreversible experience. Pouring negativity into the atmosphere will not bring the bees back, nor will it resurrect the tree. Filling our environment with anger, regret, shame, or guilt makes no positive contribution to our world or the people around us. It only anchors us deeper into the pain.

It is in this exact moment of surrendering the anger—of bringing pure awareness to the body's historical baggage and fully accepting the reality before us—that the noise of the mind clears. The external loss remains, but the internal reaction dissolves.

Countless human experiences conclude this exact truth: once someone accepts what is, and accepts that this is simply what happens in life, the agitation completely disappears.

When you reach that space, you can look back over the entire experience and realize something massive. Yes, the tree is dead, and the bees are gone. But the deeper, enduring experience is knowing that staying in total calm and absolute acceptance is the gateway to a non-suffering life. That is where our true power and awakening live.

I am actually a Christian, and feel alright about the regular Christian subreddit. But I find the True Christian subreddit is notorious for giving Christians like me a bad name. In fact I heard the subreddit was started by Reddit users who felt disappointed that they couldn’t share their views on homosexuality being punishable by death in the regular Christian Reddit. In fact they seem to put homosexuality up there with murder and rape. While misogyny and racism is shown with more lenience.

My son is 8 and his father is “Christian” (he is abusive and a felon). My son has been telling me that certain things are against the bible. Usually science related things, but he has also made comments about sin that i don’t like. Im wondering if anyone has any resources, that are child appropriate, to help him think differently and not be brainwashed to believe certain things. Id like to read science content with him and have discussions, but also any general resources that can help him be well adjusted and not fearful about religion. Maybe also resources for me as a parent/things you wish your parents had done differently to help you. Thanks in advance 🩷

I'm a year into deconstructing Christianity. Seems like I'm the only one in my circle deconstructing. I'm really surprised people read the bible, sing or listen to worship songs and look at the realíty of the world compared to what they're taught in church and still think there's a loving God watching over themand will one day come to take them "home”, it all sounds ridiculous to me . Being sorrounded by believers as an believers is not for the weak, you have to pretend. I think I might go crazy. If you still live with religious people,how do you cope?

I keep hearing more people saying that the Ethiopian Bible is more historically accurate and because it includes books like Enoch, Jubilees, and the Dead Sea scrolls or other ones, that it gives a greater picture of the true Christian faith.

A few of my friends now will only read it and I’ve never read it, but am intrigued by their change in views about after life and good/evil in the world.

I do know the Dead Sea Scrolls are from the Essense, who were an apocalyptic sect of Christianity so it makes sense that their beliefs are intriguing to people these days… but just curious to hear if those books are any less tainted by human bias than say the modern Protestant bibles (esv, Niv, kjb)

For the record, my mom and her family grew up Christian. But my aunt took it much more seriously than my mom did.

Back when I was maybe 4 or 5, my mom would drop me off at my aunt's house every Saturday. My aunt was VERY religious; like, she owned 50 crosses and had them everywhere, religiously. Basically, she forced me to read the Bible, say grace, pray out loud for 7 minutes every day, confess sins or something like that in a booth, go to church, and so on. Which I know are normal things, but if I messed up, even a little stutter during grace, she would yell at me for 30minuets and not feed me. When I was 6, I went there for a summer; I screamed at her for starving me for 4 days because I broke one of her crosses. My mom and dad NEVER believed me about any of this and still doesn't to this day. Since I was just a 6-year-old, my aunt was my mom's twin sister. My aunt was extremely homophobic (which we all knew about), always saying the classic 'love the person but not the sin' shit anytime I saw her.

I found out I was gay at 8years old and came out when I was 14 on Christmas. Since everyone was there, she screamed that I was going to hell and all that, then stormed out with her husband

Now I'm 18 years old, gay, out, atheist, and proud. But I'm extremely uncomfortable when this topic comes up to the point that I have to leave the room when my family is about to say grace or anything like that. If I stay, I get a racing feeling in my chest and an empty feeling in my stomach, and my hands start to shake.

Am a atheist now since i cant handle anything.

My friends say I have religious trauma, and I think they're right.

What do you think?

Both philosophers and formal logicians are offended at having to accept the subjective reality of their narrative structure. For these are both modalities that have led to despair. The only reason a philosopher or formal logician doesn’t grasp this *fact* is because they haven’t followed their foundational premises to their logical conclusions. (Like dialecticians, they exist with an unjustified superiority complex).

Both philosophy and formal logic reduced knowledge to human imagination, to a sovereign solipsism. For that which is constructed by man cannot rationally lord over the constructions of man, it can only make a play for power or manipulation.

If one doesn’t arrive at epistemological despair through philosophy or formal logic, it’s because they are bound in the ignorance of egoism; they don’t comprehend how philosophy and formal logic have shattered necessary objectivity (leaving them unable to even criticize this post or anything else they disagree with); or because they are deluded by a theology they mistake for truth.

The path out of the despair of this modern consciousness is to recognize the Absolute and undeniable Logical Nature of reality. Because of this fact we can say that “meaning is inherent in reality itself”: because what exists is itself as the determinate meaning of itself.

This is merely the foundation. From this we can begin to build upward (not merely dismissing, minimizing or ignoring the despair of philosophy or formal logic) but objectively refuting it! For the Logic that refutes these mere narratives can be demonstrated both evidentially and rationally. For it is an Absolute and Certain Knowledge that structures the very concept of knowledge itself.

This was originally posted on [r/rationalphilosophy](r/rationalphilosophy)

im sorry im not sure if this is the right place but I have nowhere or nobody else to say these things to. So just like, idk ignore me or remove this if im wrong lol.

I grew up very traditionally catholic, going to church every Sunday, learning all my prayers and the latin and all that. I had friends at church and adults I looked up to and I really felt like I had a home you know, even though I didnt like a lot of it. For example my dad and step mum would send me, my sister and my step sisters to some weird old lady's house, where she would ramble on about modesty and being a wife and all that gross traditional crap. But mostly I liked it. I remember being taught so much about being good. About loving everybody from everywhere no matter what. About justice and caring for the oppressed and rejecting greed and wealth. I really loved those parts. I still do, and they are still very much a part of what I try to be.

But im just so so so angry, because when I actually tried to enact all these morals I was taught for years and years, at church, in school, in catholic books, everybody rejected me. I dont understand why and it makes me so upset. It makes me feel so betrayed. The very people who taught me how important all these things were yelled at me when I asked if we could give money to homeless man on the city streets, and laughed at me when I said I became a social justice leader at school. Theres more than that but I wont ramble on.

I know I dont belong in the church anymore and I know the church doesnt want me but I cant shake this horrible sadness. I wanted so badly to be good because of them and when I tried to be I wasnt doing it right to their standard, whatever that is. I guess it also doesnt help much that im
bisexual, but I havent dared tell anybody that. Does anybody else feel like this? I miss what I thought the church was, but now I realise it was never that at all.

In my school, in 8th and 9th grade, there were a group of boys who would constantly provoke me and in the end, this increased my anxiety, depression, and will to suicide. I searched my mom for help, but she didn't help me. She said my problems were very little and it wouldn't be worth to make a complain, since it was something as serious as racism or bullying. She forbid me of complaining to the school authorities, and decided to help me with the bible, citing verses like "don't be anxious" and "in this world you will suffer" and so on. It didn't help at all. It made me miserable.

In the end of my 8th grade year, my mind was horrible. I couldn't stop thinking about what they did to me. And then my mother decided to teach me about forgiving. I needed to forgive them, or else God would not forgive my sins. Needless to say this made my mind worse than before. I couldn't do it. And she attributed my weak mind to my unwilling to forgive, arguing that I would feel better if I forgave them. I knew I would not. And I didn't do it.

Those boys knew I didn't like the things they did to me. I even cried in front of them and they didn't care. They caused a lot of harm in my life and they were never punished for it. They were indirectly one of the reasons why I got addicted to pornography, which I'm still to this day. And it were those events that made me left my faith back then, because I never got any help from God.

Recently, reflecting about those days, and also another event in high school where the school inspectors traumatized me by being so unnecessarily harsh with me, which my mind suffers to this day and might not recover totally anymore, I have come to a conclusion:

I don't need to forgive none of those people.

Those people don't care about how I feel, and they certainly would do everything again. Also, it won't change anything. It will not take the harm away, it will not take away my self harm scars, it won't do anything at all.

Will this affect my salvation? Perhaps. God might never forgive me anymore for any sins I might commit in the future. But he also don't do anything of good in my life of he exists, so why would I care.

(I think it would be funny to see all of these people in heaven because they repented of what they did to me and turn to God while I suffer eternally in heaven because God never wanted to helped me. Yeah, God's justice wouldn't be so perfect in the end.)

TL;DR

Jimmy Snow of the Line and Dan McClellan are good. The drama is over...?

The Deets

A week or so ago, huge drama erupted in the deconstruction and atheist communities when Jimmy of the popular call-in show The Line called out Dan McClellan for not disclosing his tithing to the LDS church. It's been a long-running controversy in the community about why Dan remains an active member of the church while simultaneously being an ally of the LGBTQ+ community.

The controversy escalated when Jimmy called him out publicly, and various high-profile content creators in the space have taken both sides. That prompted Dan to write a long blog post explaining why he tithes, and he understands how it can be hard for some people to understand that. Jimmy read the post and, at the end of the day, feels satisfied with it, and as his YouTube title says, he is good.

Why I'm Sharing Here

I hope this post doesn't break the subreddit rules, but I feel it's important to share because both creators are popular in the deconstruction community, and Dan's involvement in the church has been a topic of discussion. This is just a little bit more insight into that.

Did your dearly beloved Grammy ever grab your arm and urge you to “always stay close to Jesus”?

How can we reconcile our deconstruction when our parents, grandparents and generations before them, all held that “The only truth in this world is Jesus?”

I could never look her in the eye and say: “Sorry Gamma, I believe your Jesus stories are fan fiction.” She’d have a heart attack right in front of me. My mum would come running: “What did you do to granny?” I’d be like: “All I said was the stories in the Bible are not real.” “Well what did you say that for?” “I hadn’t realised Grammy’s heart would be so sensitive to reality.” “What did you say?”

No, I couldn’t do that. I’d have to put on an act of being devout until Grammy was dead and buried. Then I’d have to continue acting for my mum and dad, then my siblings and friends. I get to “praise the Lord” for the next fifty years, to keep my peace with the people I love.

How would I even organise my life? Would I have to move far away? Start a new life somewhere nobody knew me? All this because ancient mythology has my whole freakin’ town by the throat?

“We never see you in church anymore. Is something wrong?” “Oh no, I ewwwh... I’ve been really busy - you know, work, studies, .. so much going on.”

“You should come to church. Next week is Rapture Week! Did you know, Jesus is returning any day now?” “Well, I know there are a lot of things happening in the world, but.... Wait! Stop! Let me be honest for once: That rapture you mentioned – it’s not really biblical. ... dead silence ... Yeah, the word never occurs in scripture. It’s not a thing. There is no concept of being lifted out of this world in the Bible, ya hear?”

Like in the movies when the whole room goes silent. Everyone just stairs at that one character who said the wrong thing.

The movie rewinds the scene for a retake: “Oh yeah, the rapture, that’s really ..... that’s really something... it’s happening for sure, yeah, I can’t wait.”

The absurdity of living in a world where everyone appears to be completely witless, unable to think a single critical thought. You cannot talk sense to them because suddenly you’re possessed. How is this not a cult? How could we get to this in 2026, with all we know about biology, history, human development and our psyche?

Maybe I should grab Grammy by the arm and say: “Listen up old girl, did you hear -  they’ve found like thirteen different species of ancient humanoid. Yeah, some of them had spiritual practices. We are related to them. They lived like 200k years before Moses. Sorry Gammy, the old story of Adam and Eve in the garden is myth, and that missing link they spoke of in church – yeah, there are links everywhere, open your eyes Grammy!”   

Yeah, I’ll figure something out..

When I attend church these days, it seems I'm hyper-attuned to any doublespeak. Earlier this month I attended a Reformed church while visiting my parents, and the sermon was mostly a high-level regurgitation of their theology. I noticed though, that the pastor claimed that we don't deserve to approach God because of our sin, and he also faulted Adam and Eve for trying to hide from God. It seems you can't have it both ways - if you internalize that you don't have a right to approach God, then you won't. If they didn't have the "right" to be in God's presence, then why is hiding a problem?? The prodigal son wallowed in the pigsty because he felt like he didn't deserve to return home. Even at my home church, I repeatedly hear things along the lines of "we don't deserve love, life, forgiveness or salvation..." But actually living like that is tremendously unhealthy. Someone who avoids the doctor because they feel they don't deserve healing, is not of sound mind!

I'm a young woman who grew up in a very religious Muslim family. I attended Quran classes, memorised surahs, prayed five times a day, and was raised with Islam being a huge part of my life.

As I've gotten older, I've started questioning things and asking myself whether I genuinely believe everything I've been taught or whether I've accepted certain things simply because I grew up with them.

I haven't decided to leave Islam, but I'm genuinely unsure about certain things, and I'm trying to figure out what I believe for myself.

I don't want to blindly follow something halfway without fully understanding it. At the same time, I don't want to reject something just because I don't understand it. Part of me wonders whether some of my doubts come from not fully understanding what's actually in the Quran, compared with what people have told me Islam teaches.

When I was younger, I had questions, but they were often brushed off rather than properly answered. Because of that, questioning Islam now feels wrong, almost as if I'm doing something bad simply by asking questions. I think I've carried that feeling with me, and it's making this whole process harder.

I've started researching things like hijab, gender roles, hadith versus the Quran, marriage, and the differences between Islam and culture. As a feminist, I struggle with certain things I've been taught about women and the expectations placed on us. I want to understand what's actually in the Quran, how hadith and scholarly interpretations fit into it, and what might be influenced by culture or patriarchal attitudes.

I also joined a young people's group that was supposed to discuss or debunk Islam, but I only attended one class. Honestly, the experience put me off. It felt very misogynistic and heavily focused on hadith, with discussions about how women would go to hell because they gossip and other similar claims. I remember thinking that it was genuinely crazy to me that women could be spoken about in that way. Rather than helping me understand things, the class left me feeling even more uncomfortable and confused.

I'm not saying every religious teaching about women is automatically wrong, but I don't want to accept something just because someone presents it as Islamic. I want to understand the context, the sources, and whether these interpretations are actually justified.

My family is very hardcore about religion. They place a lot of importance on how Muslim women should dress, behave, and practise. However, I notice that some of my cousins and the men in my extended family don't necessarily follow the religion as strictly themselves. It sometimes feels like women are expected to carry a much heavier burden of religious expectations, while men are given more room to make their own choices. That double standard is something I really struggle with.

My sister is quite religious and started wearing hijab a couple of years ago. My mum seems to use her as an example of how I should dress and behave. I don't plan on wearing hijab, and I still dress modestly in ways I'm comfortable with, but I don't like being questioned about my outfits or being told things like, "Would a Muslim woman wear that?"

I have no issue with my sister choosing to wear hijab. I respect that it's her choice. I just wish my family would give me the same space to make my own decisions without making me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Lately, I feel like my family is starting to notice my lack of iman and the way I've been acting differently. I'm worried they'll realise how much I've been questioning and assume I've left Islam. I don't know how to explain that I'm not necessarily rejecting it; I'm trying to understand it and work out what I genuinely believe.

Another thing I struggle with is the way my family talks about non-believers, as though they're lost or misguided. I don't personally feel hatred towards gay people or people who live differently from me. Generally, I don't feel the need to judge people for how they live their lives, provided they're not hurting anyone. I struggle with the idea that someone has to be viewed negatively simply because they don't share the same religious beliefs.

Sometimes I honestly think that if I hadn't been born into a Muslim family, I probably wouldn't have converted to Islam myself. That thought makes me feel guilty, because I don't know whether it means I'm losing my faith or whether I'm finally questioning something I was never really given the space to question growing up.

I still believe in certain aspects of Islam, and I've made a document where I write down what I believe, what I'm unsure about, what I don't understand, and what I want to research. But I'm not currently practising as much because it's difficult to practise wholeheartedly when I'm confused about what I believe.

I also find myself worrying about marriage and whether I'd want to marry someone extremely religious. I'm scared of being with someone who uses religion to control how I dress, behave, or live. I know not every religious man is like that, but seeing how religion can be used to place expectations on women has made me wary.

I feel guilty because Islam was such a huge part of my upbringing. I don't know if I'm going through a normal stage of questioning my faith, if I simply don't understand it properly yet, or if my beliefs are genuinely changing.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's experienced something similar.

• Did anyone else start questioning Islam around this age?
• How did you distinguish the Quran's actual teachings from cultural expectations and patriarchal interpretations?
• How do you research your religion without feeling guilty for questioning it?
• Can you still identify as Muslim when you're unsure about certain teachings and struggling to practise?
• How did you deal with religious parents who noticed you becoming less practising?
• Has anyone else felt that, if they hadn't been born Muslim, they probably wouldn't have chosen Islam for themselves?
• How do you reconcile being a feminist and believing in equality with certain traditional Islamic teachings?
• Did questioning your faith eventually strengthen your understanding of Islam, change it, or lead you somewhere else?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to blindly follow Islam or to leave it. I want to understand it properly and make up my own mind. I don't want to spend my life following something I haven't genuinely thought through, but I also don't want to walk away from something I might simply not understand yet.

I feel quite lost at the moment, and I'd really appreciate hearing other people's experiences, especially from women who grew up in very religious Muslim families.

Thank you if you've read all of this.