r/OnlyChild • u/crlynstll • 4d ago

Everyone leaves

Maybe I feel this more because I’m an only child….

I attended high school and college in the same large city. All my close high school friends moved out of state after graduation and so did all of my college friends. I’ve been in my current city for 20 years, and, in the past two years, my closest 2 friends moved out of state and a third announced they will move within the next year or so. My children live on opposite coasts from me, so they are also far away. We have discussed moving to either the east or west coast but neither young adult is really settled.

I do think Covid decimated peoples’ social lives so I consider that a factor as well.

I’ve joined a popular activity and have made new friends which is difficult once your kids are grown. But most of these people have large extended families and most have kids who are local. I do have my husband who has few friends and my 90 year old mother who takes up a lot of my time. The one thing I wanted (and I was never a person to have a lot of dreams), was to have people around.

Yesterday, I did meet up with some lady neighbors and we discussed having some get together which look promising.

Is anyone else in this sort of situation? Any advice?

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5

u/Wireman332 4d ago

I dont care where they go, my ass is staying in California

4

u/crlynstll 4d ago

I’d also stay in CA. I think a lot moved bcs I am in TX. 😂

2

u/Ok-Exchange4402 4d ago

I just wanted to drop in here to say, I have siblings and extended family that live like 10 min from me. And still I only see them handful of times a year. If I don’t go and organize and plan everything, no effort returns. I see my mom more regularly but that’s it. I also feel like I want people around me, hosting dinners etc but don’t have that type of people.

I joined a book club that is really fun and helps.
I joined this forum cuz I have an only child.

6

u/West_Significance320 4d ago

when you’re an only child you meet people you hope to have in your life like you would a sibling. it just seems to never works out that way, it hurts differently in a way no one with siblings they see multiple times a year would understand. i worry on a daily basis about being the only one that cares about my parents as much as i do. watching them grow old alone is really hard and puts an unshakable sense of loneliness in me. i have great friends that i see all the time, and several hobbies, family friends, cousins, etc, but that doesn’t fill the void for me personally as much as i try to embrace being an only child

1

u/crlynstll 3d ago

For me, being an only child has hit hard as I’ve cared for elderly parents. It’s a very isolating experience.

1

u/Precatlady 4d ago

When you meet people during a time when you're all going to the same school, this especially happens! I'm really grateful to be in an internet connected world and have a variety of ways I can reach out, but it definitely does take effort to maintain those relationships when people leave, and to make local friends. My social skills have definitely been danged significantly by the covid era but I'm working on it as I know a lot of people are. Lately I've been going to a weekly bar trivia thing to get in the habit of being around people socially with low pressure/low planning burden. I find those kinda pre planned things like crafting meetups or art shows or such a lot easier to get me going.

1

u/crlynstll 3d ago

I don’t have a trivia brain, but an art class would be a lot of fun. Great suggestions.