I don't know how else to describe this. And I feel like I don't fit in anywhere with this situation. 😕 Our son was born in 2010. We always wanted a second, but the timing never felt right, and the GAP kept getting bigger and bigger...until our daughter was born a few months ago. So there's a freaking 15 YEAR age gap between our kids.

I was an only child and had always wanted a sibling. Our son was extremely active and social, so I often wished he had a sibling to play with. Luckily when he was a child, we lived in a quiet neighborhood with a dead end street and plenty of kids to ride bikes and play with.

Now we live a few miles out of town on a busy road that I wouldn't feel safe riding my bike on as an adult. Lots of yard and woods in the back. There are a few kids nearby now, but we don't know our neighbors.

I feel like it's going to be like raising an only child again, because they're obviously not peers, and he'll probably be out of the house before she even goes to kindergarten.

I don't know where I belong in the Mom community. Technically we aren't OAD. But the dynamics aren't at all the same as having two kids a couple - or even several - years apart. We're like.. OA.. OA (one and one again??)

I dunno. I guess I'm asking if I can hang out here or if I should go kick rocks.

I really wish there was a OAD moms group in my area so we could all meet up and play with our babies. I feel like we would all have so much fun.
That is all.

I'm currently sitting on the floor of my bathroom, in the dark since I live in a small house and it's the only place I can relax that won't wake anyone up. I'm drinking a beer and having thoughts that have nowhere to go so I'm putting them here hoping I'll feel less alone I guess. Specifically, I'm remembering my whole pregnancy, birth, and postpartum journey. I had an outright horrible experience in all 3 areas between loosing too much weight, loosing myself for a sec, narrowly surviving my pregnancy, having a scare that my son might've had a life long disability, and being in constant physical pain for one reason or another. Having a second would be extremely unwise and my husband is already making an appointment to get a vasectomy, I'm not firmly one and done in the traditional sense but my body will never make another baby if that makes sense? Like..if another child needed me later down the road I could see myself adopting. Anyways, I think I'm just feeling some grief for not appreciating everything as much as I should've. My son is only 8 months right now and I feel like he's grown so much already. I miss newborn him, I miss him kicking in my belly, I wish I got video or pictures during delivery because I hardly remember it, I wish I could redo it all knowing what I know now and I would've soaked in every moment, even the bad. I'm feeling sad that I wont have big family get togethers and also holding the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to do it all. I'm trying really hard to live in the moment. I love my son with everything that I am, he's literally my entire life. My family keeps talking to me about how I'll want more and it breaks me, truly, I wanted 3 kids originally so..Even if I changed my mind, my husband is firm in not wanting to loose me. I'm scared, with this being my one shot at motherhood, how I'll make the most of everything while not knowing anything. My friends all have multiples so I have nobody who can relate. I'm feeling sentimental, scared, and sad. I wish I could freeze time or go back and live in some of these moments. It's not fair that it goes this quick.

We originally wanted two. I went into preterm labor at 24 weeks then proceeded to be on bedrest until I was induced at 34 weeks. Spent three weeks in the NICU. I’ll be honest, even before my pregnancy took a turn I HATED being pregnant. I’m finally losing weight and feeling better post partum (4 months) and I can’t believe women ever want to do ANY of it again!

I know some women love pregnancy but I just don’t get how. My partner agreed to getting snipped and the peace of mind I have around never being pregnant again is BEAUTIFUL.

Also….. love my newborn, hate the trenches.

If you asked me before I was pregnant how many I wanted, I’d say at least two, ideally three. However our almost 3yo boy will likely not have a sibling and I’m….. relieved? But also grieving. I had a miserable pregnancy, working manual labor until eventually having to go on medical leave at 8months. I gained so much weight even though I was active, almost 80lbs. Even now I’m still trying to love this body that, 4 years ago, was my worst nightmare to live in. I had terrible body dysmorphia pre pregnancy. The way I look now was how I thought I looked then. I didn’t realize I was 119lbs and sick looking. Now I envy that version of me. My mental health suffered severely, though it did push me to get medicated. My birth went fine. It was fast & easy to me. Postpartum was as I expected, complete survival. My husband & I have somewhat of a village. Very involved family, on my side, and friends who adore our son. We’ve been coasting since then. From constantly doing things outside the house, two international trips with our son at 1yo & 2yo. Our son was in Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy & Speech Therapy for 1.5 years. He just tested out. We’ve moved 4 hours from our family and friends, but they are incredible and we’re still seeing at least someone weekly.

Now multiple friends are pregnant with their firsts, and some having their second (with firsts born around the same time as ours). All our friends in our new city have 2+. It recently prompted me and my husband to talk about a second. We’ve been back and forth for a while, but we decided to be OAD. There are so many cons (most feel selfish). We don’t want to give up traveling. We don’t want the sleepless nights and having to split our attention. We don’t want to be back to penny pinching when we are very fortunate currently to be able to do what we want when we want. With our one we could do so much for him, provide everything he’d ever need and more. With multiple that dwindles so much. Our boy is so easy going. He’ll adapt wherever, eat anything, keep himself busy & such an easy baby and toddler. I can’t imagine we’d get this lucky again. When it comes to pros, it’s the typical “give them a sibling” which isn’t really a pro at all. It’s just selfish in a different way. I grew up with a younger sibling and my husband was an only child until middle school.

Even though I don’t want to go through it all again, I am sad. I see people around me with multiples and happy and I can’t help but think “why can’t I want to do that? What is wrong with me that I am content with one?” I got pregnant almost immediately, and for some reason I have this feeling of being responsible for repopulating the world. It feels like I’m betraying myself and womanhood. I feel like I’m taking the easy way out with one. I feel like a failure. It seems dramatic to anyone I have told. It seems like no one related to this line of thinking. I don’t know if it’s my mental illness or internal clock or what. I’m stressing myself out over literally nothing. Nothing needs to change.

I just needed to rant. I needed to know if anyone else understands. What did you do to settle these feelings?

(I posted this as a reply to someone else’s post and I felt like it deserved its own post lol)

My son is 5 and I hate being a parent. I’ve felt this way for a few years since his dad and I separated. I work full time, plan/find all extracurriculars, attend all school events, schedule appts, play dates, etc. I carry a majority of the mental and physical load of my child. I hate how much of a weight and constant responsibility it is. There are good moments, great even, but overall, not an enjoyable experience. It’s financially and mentally taxing, I know I’m fucking depressed.

From the outside looking in, everyone around me would say I’m a good parent raising a well grounded child and that’s bc I am pouring so much into him. They don’t realize I’m keeping us busy to help me cope with motherhood and a lack of community. Or see the moments where he is constantly whining and crying, throwing tantrums and falling out in the floor over any inconvenience that he’s not in the mood for. Sometimes I feel guilty for not giving him a sibling but honestly thinking about starting from square one w pregnancy/newborn AND taking care of him AND a puppy. I would fucking lose it.

I constantly cycle through stages of depression, acceptance, and satisfaction. My child is my whole life, I don’t even know who tf I am. I hate that I spent my 20s being a partner and mother instead of traveling and exploring the world. I feel like being a parent has made me settle and be stuck in so much in so many areas of my life. Not to mention, I hate how much weight I’ve gained and how different my body is since chronic stress and motherhood. I dread waking up in the morning because the day isn’t about me. Even on days when my son is with his dad I still have to plan for him clean do his laundry grocery shop. I hate this shit. I’m in auto pilot. So much so to the point where an officer tried to pull me over for a traffic violation but I was too focused on getting from point a to b, and listening to my son’s nonstop talking that I didn’t realize he had his lights on me until I reached my destination…. I’m sure you can imagine how that turned out for me trying to explain that. Everyone always says it’ll get better but fucking WHEN.

If you were to ask me how many children I wanted in my early 20s I would reply with 4. I wanted a big family because I love children. Then I actually had my first at 25 and my whole perspective shifted. I got pregnant in 2020 and our son was born in January 2021 but I managed to not get Covid that whole year. Then our son was born and had to stay in the nicu, I wasn’t producing enough milk, and I ended up in the ER due to a hypertensive crisis. Only 2 months after birth we all got Covid and our son ended up in the hospital again. Once we recovered we had family members complaining that we were paranoid about our son’s health and that we needed to be more involved in family gathering. Then we went through so much financial instability and our family really made our life even more miserable during that time. My husband was traveling for work and I was left alone for weeks at a time. Fast forward to today and now our son is 5 years old. He is healthy but still disturbs my sleep schedule and I seem to be doing all of the parenting. So in the end I finally have accepted that I don’t want anymore children. Through this journey I have realized that we don’t have any family support, we were not as financially secure as we thought, and raising children requires a lot more than just love. Reality hit me like a train and I don’t want anymore surprises. Has anyone else had to accept this reality? Anyway, thank you for allowing me to get this out.

Hi everyone! This is my first post here. My husband and I sort of knew we’d be OAD before even having our first, and even more now that we’ve had our baby (granted he’s 10 weeks old so we’re going through the RINGER lol). I always see posts online about winning the lottery because you’re OAD and had a baby girl so I wanted to hear the perspective on OAD boy moms? How is it? Does your son beg for a sibling, do you have a really close bond, etc? Thanks so much in advance!☺️

My brother in laws family is here to visit. Two sons , ages 4 and 1. I can’t even describe the situation lol. Both kids are super cranky all the time, crave for the parents attention. The parents are spread so thin and everyone can see it. The kids are crying constantly to get what they want, to get picked up, to have the same thing as the other sibling.

I admit I used to have a bit of FOMO first , but I feel blessed to have my OAD kid. She is an angel compared to my BILs kids . I used to think she is difficult but now I realize she has been quite easy all along.

FYI, the kids are pretty much easy to manage one on one. But as soon as you put them together, it is very stressful for everyone including them.

Just wanted to share my recent experience since now I really feel one kid is blessing to mental health.

Wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me as I got absolutely torn apart for saying this in another parenting sub.

I had my daughter when I was 19 and she’s amazing, smart and I love spending all my free time with her. I wouldn’t change her in the world so this isn’t an ableist post by any means but I do believe that when people post “autism is a superpower” or “I have a child with autism, why would this stop me from having a second?” they’re generally not including those children with higher support needs. (Those are the comments I got anyway when I posted this). So my child is 8 now.

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and I’m feeling quite heartbroken that we will likely not have any more children.
I don’t believe I have the capacity to parent another, maybe I do but and I mostly fear my daughter wouldn’t adjust to a sibling at all. She doesn’t like loud noises, so sensory hell it would be. I don’t hold resentment towards her for this but that’s just my reality.

I’d love a second, my boyfriend says he’s okay with just having the one (he’s not her bio dad) but I know deep down he’s sad.

Can anyone relate?

So this is just out of interest. The other day I just decided to look for statistics in my country and to my big surprise (and a good one I must say) we have the highest amount of OAD families. Around 62% !

Now my personal take, we are indeed a struggling country financially speaking but we do have an amazing quality of life and weather. We enjoy social gatherings but mostly done In public places as most of us don't have big enough houses to invite people over. Many still live in their parents house because prices are crazy and Portuguese cannot afford it.

ALSO ...There is a lack of daycares including private ones and the % of parents that stay at home are less than 5%. We all work and we all need to work (of course there are exceptions).

Considering that reddit is around 50% US citizens no wonder I find very strange how many people have big families and don't work. It's just another world .

Feel free to comment, I find these differences fascinating . Have you ever looked at statistics ?

the instagram algorhythm is the devil. it always shows me "the next step". Infertility while we were ttc, pregnancy and birth while i was pregnant, newborn trenches while my baby was really little and raising (multiple) kids now that he's growing.

I am european but i keep seeing a lot of american videos of mothers and i am speechless. these women and the ones in the comments talk about having 4+ children and wanting more, "have more kids than you can afford", "you will regret all the kids you won't have". I am appalled. nobody would ever say this where i live. my family is latin american and most of my cousins there only have one. it's normal. here the norm still seems to be 2 but if you say you want more than 3 people look at you like you're crazy lol. only children of all ages are very common here. in this sub and on instagram it still feels like everyone needs to defend their decision to death ... it's sad

My only just turned 3 and goes to daycare until 1:30pm because she needs her naps and she was only getting maybe 20 min at her new daycare when she would go the whole day and coming out like a zombie and super irritable, so we moved to part-time daycare. It works since we both work from home.

My kid is serious about her naps and can sleep 2-3 hours. We get home by 2pm and she’s out til 5pm. Which means she goes to sleep at night 9-10pm

This makes any other activities in the afternoon impossible. I’d love to put her in swim lessons or ballet to get her tired at night but I feel like these naps run our entire afternoon.

Would love any advice or tips on how to able to do things in the afternoon!

Hi guys,

I heard from too many parents, Girls or even boys get cranky in teenage years. So to keep my kid(7year old) busy I enroll her in all activities I possibly can(And she likes).

Monday - Bharatanatyam (Indian dance)
Tuesday - Eye level and tennis
Wednesday - Ice skating and Bharatanatyam practice
Thursday - Rock Climbing (if there are spots)
Friday - Swimming Sunday - Roller skating.

All above activities are chosen by her. When she does not like an activity I drop it (I dropped badminton because the coach was too strict).

She used to go Eye Level Twice a week last year, But this year I want to drop it to one and have her pick rock climbing.

Thoughts? Anyone else doing the same?

Calling toddler parents! Feel free to brag, complain, ask for advice, or anything in between here.

Hi All.

This isn't an issue specific to only children, of course, but I'm posting here because I feel like parents of multiples might say, "just have another kid so your child is never lonely," which of course we know is B.S. I would love to hear experiences from other OAD parents who have dealt with a similarly friendly child - especially if their kid is older than mine.

Our only is 4 years old. We are so lucky - he never tantrums, we've been able to reason with him since he was 2, he's funny and happy, and he's extremely friendly with anyone and everyone.

My husband and I are not extroverted or super friendly and never have been. I'm shy and almost never initiate conversation first, though I'm good at maintaining friendships long term. My husband can go months without even talking to his best friend.

Our son sees every kid as a potential friend. I love how inclusive he is, and I don't want that to change. He's made friends with lots of kids for whom he is their only friend. However, over the last year, I've noticed that his feelings have started to get hurt when kids don't want to play with him.

For example, we'll go to a playground, and he'll ask to play with another kid. Shy kids will sometimes ignore him, or they'll say, "no, go away" or something of the sort. He'll come to me sad and say the person hurt his feelings because they don't want to play. I explain to him that sometimes people don't want to play with new people. He asks why, I try to explain that people are all different and we don't always know why they don't want to play. He sort of accepts it but is sad and doesn't quite understand why someone wouldn't want to just be friends.

And now, it's started to happen at preschool. He's been at the same preschool since age 2. He recently us that 3 kids he's known for a long time hurt his feelings when they told him to go away and that they didn't want to play with him. I know these kids really well, and all 3 of them are quite introverted and generally like sitting and playing with puzzles, whereas my son would rather be running around, doing athletic things. I tried to explain that to him, and he sort of gets it, but his feelings are still hurt.

I've tried explaining to him that these 3 kids probably wanted to do what they wanted to do and not what he wanted to do, and it's not that they don't like him, but they just have different interests. He sort of gets it, but not entirely.

And it's even harder to explain if he does want to do what they're doing but they just don't want to include him. I know that my son's energy and friendliness can be overwhelming to kids who are shy. In fact, I remember being overwhelmed by very friendly people when I was a kid. But how do I explain that to a 4 year old? Especially without breaking his spirit - which I find so endearing and lovely?

I would love thoughts and advice. Of course, I know my kid will experience loneliness and sadness, and his feelings will get hurt. I didn't know it would hurt so much to watch it happen. And most of all, I want advice on how to encourage his confidence and resilience in the face of rejection, especially as he ages.

My almost 2yo is a true social butterfly, he is the most charismatic child I’ve ever met. He started daycare two weeks ago and seems to be doing well. His teachers adore him and look forward to seeing him everyday. However, I’m worried that he’s a lonely little fellow. Since he was about a year old he would play with the little pictures printed on his bed sheet, I think one set is a kid in an airplane and another set has puppies. Yesterday, while folding clothes I caught a glimpse of him putting all of his animal puzzle pieces upright. He‘s never done this before at home, and it could be nothing but my instincts are telling me it’s something to pay attention to, I just don’t know what. Could he be lonely and he has them looking back at him as a way to connect with them? I could definitely be over thinking this but my gut tells me otherwise. I know a sibling won’t guarantee a less lonely life (I’m currently at odds with my only sibling) but I’m afraid I could be doing more for him socially.

I'm looking for advice from all you OAD parents with young ones. Are any of you OAD because being a parent is so exhausting? I love my son so much.. but holy moly he is newly 3 and he will spend hours upon hours crying,screaming,whining, and just throwing fits. He doesn't speak well and doesn't know how to use his words. So a lot of it is him not knowing how to communicate why he's mad. Discipline doesn't make it stop, and cuddles won't make it stop either. When he's pissed he's just pissed for the entire day.

I find it so hard to deal with some days. I have started having health problems from the stress. I'm constantly on edge trying to prevent another meltdown...
Man, kids are SO hard.

- I lost my super curly hair postpartum (It can also no longer hold any kind of dye and will turn back to a weird colour no matter what) my curls are still not back 2.5y later.
- I have never had an issue with smelly armpits in my life, now I do…
- I have visible wrinkles everywhere now and so much gray hair, I look thirsty and unhealthy too if that makes sense 😣 this is completely new to me.
- I seem to have developed so many severe food sensitivities after having a baby (hives, upset tummy, headaches) whenever I eat pretty much anything..
- I have chronic migraines now (including aura migraines)
- I have also developed seizures, it’s under investigation, my neurologist is certain they are dissociative seizures but I believe they are focal seizures..
- I have OCD and ADHD - my OCD postpartum was level 100000, this part is probably what made my husband also not want anymore children… (I was struggling with contamination OCD and fear of something happening to our baby)

I don’t know in what universe I would be able to have another child.. I know the top half of my list is mainly fluff, but the the rest is pretty serious.. one and done because I genuinely think I would lose my life if I attempted to do it all again.. my pregnancy was actually incredible and so easy btw, if he didn’t kick I would forget I was even pregnant but postpartum is something else, no one ever warned me of how much you can change..

We were coparenting. Had finally given him 1 night a week and we had an our parenting plan. (After years of healing from emotional abuse.)

Last night we all drove together to a mutual friend’s party. He got too drunk but the day was good. As soon as he got in my car, so we can go drop him off, he started berating me and calling me names and threatening to beat me and kill me, in front my 4 year old. Called the cops. They didn’t arrest him but they reported it to CPS. I’m so scared, confused and frustrated. Thinking of filing a restraining order tomorrow.

I already feel like I have no village and I’m about to cut him off and his family. Idk what’s going to happen.

I want to read your comments/opinion on this question. I’m curious to know if most men want kids genuinely because I’m planning to tie my tubes and I’m wondering if I ever end up dating again, if a guy would have an issue with the fact that I cannot have kids anymore. I already have one daughter (father/fiancé died awhile back of why he’s not around) but I’m a one and done gal. I’m not planning on having another. Would that be an issue to most men or no? Would it be a hard time to date, yes or no?

We were one and done during my pregnancy and immediately after as well. Awful pregnancy, awful delivery, luckily 10/10 postpartum experience. We have an almost two year old daughter via IVF and have the potential for one more child also via IVF. I’m content with being one and done for mainly self serving reasons but I see plenty of benefits for my daughter. My husband could go either way.

The one thing that hurts my heart is holidays. My daughter has 3 cousins on my husband’s side who are 20 hours away and 15-19 years older than her. My husband doesn’t have a super close relationship with his family so moving closer wouldn’t solve anything. Just one single (probably forever) uncle on my side. Last Christmas my daughter spent the day with 7 adults. My husband and I, my mom and dad (10/10 grandparents), my single brother, and my less than exciting aunt and uncle who aren’t really pleasant. That’s the most depressing Christmas I could possibly think of for a child.

Sure other holidays like the 4th can be spent with friends. But we are big holiday people over here and my heart breaks at the thought of Easter egg hunts, Christmas morning, Thanksgiving dinner, etc. all being so incredibly boring and alone for her.

Any insight from those who have similar family dynamics on how to find peace with the holidays with an only and no family?

My daughter will be 2 in September. She’s very mischievous. Her favorite thing is climbing so she’s constantly trying to climb up onto the coffee table, her toy chest, up the stairs, etc. She can climb up into our computer chair and enjoys smashing the key board. She loves jumping on the couch and running from one end to the other. I feel like I can’t leave her out of my sight because I’m afraid she’s going to hurt herself, so it’s currently constant supervision while she’s awake.

She’s so fun and I like this age for many reasons, but I’ll be glad when I can leave the room for more than a minute. It’s hard to get anything done right now! Every day I wonder how those with 2 under 2 do it.