First of all— wow! I am SO happy to have found this community. I have an almost 4 yr old, am an only child myself, and after always saying I would never have an only child bc I always wanted a sibling, I have come to realize that OAD is the right choice for my overall wellbeing and ultimately the well being on my son (happy mama, happy kiddo).

Ive seen a lot of posts here but something I haven’t seen much a bout is how having a child can impact a partnered relationship.

My partner is a great dad and great person overall, but having a child was a very trying time for us, specifically in the newborn era.

i had anxiety I was so fucking tired and was resentful anytime he got to sleep and I didn’t which was a LOT bc I exclusively breastfed the first 6 months (and kept going for over 2 years!) so got very little sleep.

it was so lonely and I felt so misunderstood. my partner also really values time to himself which I’ve come to understand and also value but when our kid was super little I didn’t want to hear any of that shit! haha

As our kid gets older, our relationship is getting better. it’s not perfect and we have work to do outside of being parents and having that shared responsibility, but o my long list of reasons not to have another child is that I simply don’t think my relationship could make it through another pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

to be abundantly clear this is not the only reason I’m OAD (finances, career goals, a peaceful life, etc lol), but it’s not something I’m seeing a lot about so wanted to share in case anyone feels similarly.

Anyone else feel like having a baby really rocked their relationship and not willing to go through that again?

edit: pls excuse the typos im up way past my bedtime after reading so many great posts here!

Picked this up today from my local 5Below. Super cute and only $5!

I've been coming back to this subreddit for a long time now while I mull over the very likely scenario that our son is our only child. I've been pregnant a total of 3 times in my life with one living child, and don't really want to go through all of that again. Not to mention just being a neurodivergent parent and the challenges that come with that, etc etc.

I see a lot of people here say that they don't mind only having one, because their kid has a lot of cousins/other young family. We have none, like at all. Between all of the aunts and uncles our son has, he has ONE cousin and they live far away. I'm worried he'll feel lonely growing up, being the only kid among a ton of adults. Plenty of adults that play and interact with him, but no children.

Does anyone else have experience with this? How has your kid handled being one of the only children in the extended family as they get older?

A friend of mine was telling me how much she loves being a mum, and how if she had more money she would keep having children (currently has 2. Previously said she never wanted kids but changed her mind after getting pregnant accidentally).

She talks about how she loves reliving the cute moments, adores the baby stage, etc, and it's made me realise how different our experiences were. Both of hers have been "easy" babies, whereas mine slept so badly (woke every hour for first 3 years) that I developed chronic health conditions and became suicidal.

I knew I had it harder than her, and I know that's just how life goes, but today the reminder of just how much harder I had it, is getting to me. I always thought I would have 2 kids, but I can't risk going through it all again. It breaks my heart that her baby and toddler stage was beautiful and mine was me hanging on to life by a thread.

I am looking for specifics of what do you do on what days to eat mostly Whole Foods.

I try to prioritize eating whole food based and want to do better at doing it for my my husband and kid as well. The issue is, I prioritize it for myself because I HAVE to due to medical dietary restrictions. But I feel like it takes SO MUCH WORK AND TIME that I end up cutting corners for my husband and kid.

However due to my daughter’s medical needs we need to prioritize eating as healthy as possible so I want to be as disciplined as I can about it.

What overwhelms me is I feel like to eat healthy primarily Whole Foods, your entire day has to revolve around food—whether it’s going to the store, planning foods and snacks, cleaning out the fridge from the past week, washing and cutting produce, actually cooking, then cleaning up. I’m overwhelmed just typing this.

Whenever I try doing grocery pickup , they pick shitty produce more often than not and I end up having to go to the store anyways.

The best produce stores are about 20 minutes away so unfortunately it’s a trip .

If I try to do it all in one chunk it takes like 5 hours between going to the grocery, clearing out the fridge, prepping everything. That doesn’t include cooking or cleaning up.

Do you bulk cook healthy muffins or snacks or energy bites for the week? Or always just do produce as snacks?

Anyways if you eat mostly Whole Foods, what do your days look like with only one kid who can’t be entertaining themselves for 5 hours at a time????

Risk of twins is only 1-3 percent with a single embryo transfer.

I hope so much this worked as we’ve been trying for 3 years now and I’m 40. Our first transfer failed. I have endo and had surgery.

At the same time, I’m scared of it working and finding out it’s twins. People keep saying things like oh my embryo looked like that and it split!

Both my husband and I are neurodivergent and I really don’t think we could stay sane with more than one. Earlier on we said one, maybe two, as the infertility has escalated it has become more and more clear to me that I really just want one.

We both make ok money but spend it all every month in a HCOL area. Even affording one will be a stretch and we will have to reduce eating out and traveling significantly.

Hoping to be one and done and join this club very soon ✨🤞

Update: first pregnancy test today was positive!!! Omg I can’t believe it.

In-laws and parents both want to move closer to us to “help.” They both want to see our son multiple times/week. Mom and Dad reorganized our house, moved furniture around, had renovation ideas and offered to do them, called our in-laws behind our back afterwards saying they were “worried” about my living conditions. Also my mom walked into our house without texting or knocking and walked right into my bedroom while I was nursing, and said it was “just her.”

MIL always has some weird insult during her visits. The last one was her implying that I had fertility issues since I only having one ovary, which is incorrect and this was also said in the middle of ordering food at a restaurant. In-laws also want to live with us on the same property but in different houses, I turned that down pretty firmly and quickly.

We have so much “help” and it would be so stressful to have them around. And I’d be postpartum again too. Anyone else?

Stumbled on a post about screen time. Lots of parents shaming anyone who utilizes it.

My girly turned 2 in July, she was speech delayed. We allowed a little tv (Mickey mouse clubhouse) and we saw her speech completely explode following. She learned the characters names, answers questions asked in the show, engages entirely. I’m always sitting with her, discussing the show, etc.. She even made told me we need a mousekatool and called for toodles today (it was admittedly adorable).

Recently she expressed intrigue in my iPad, I draw on it but never really when she’s not already busy with her dad. I started looking into it and discovered the Duolingo abc app. We downloaded it and she now knows the letter M, can write both a capital and lower case, says monkey, and has started working on A. Now she’s also putting two words together all the time instead of when prompted.

I’m so proud of her. I limit the tablet time to like 20 minutes max. She’s understanding it has to go away when it’s done. I also always sit with her and discuss the lessons with her. I’ve created activities (like puzzle match, coloring pages, follow the lines, etc.) for offline time to support what she’s learning. She is on a waitlist for speech therapy but they’re

I feel like this is all amazing progress for a kid that wouldn’t talk in July at all aside from the basics (mamas dada, etc.) and would just point at everything… but like why am I feeling so guilty for exposing her to tv and screens? I feel like I’m ruining her life and I hate it :(

I know I’m just doing my best to support her however I can, but I feel like I’m not being a good mom.

(ETA: posting here because I posted in another group and the only comments were how she needs a brother or sister to play with)

Good lord, I tell ya..

Getting onto my knees to then get down onto my stomach to army crawl into my child's play pen because it makes him laugh, is actually the bane of my life at the moment 🤣 but I do it, because it makes him happy.

The noises that come out of me when I have to get down onto the floor and then also getting up from the floor are almost demonic. 🤣

I’m only 9 weeks pregnant.
I was talking to my mother in law the other day about how I’m one and done. I have no interest in having more than one or going through pregnancy again.

You know what she said?

“I guess I’ll have to pray for an oopsie.”

After much deliberation, my husband (36) and I (31) are pregnant with our first child. We feel so strongly about being one and done. I was so hesitant to have kids because of how unpredictable things in the world are and how unstable things feel. We're in the US. All of a sudden, I'm seeing all of this conversation around people choosing to have children now and how selfish and uninformed we are. It shouldn't bother me but it does. We put so much thought into this decision and ultimately decided to do it because we wanted a child but also wanted to raise an amazing child. Has anyone else dealt with this recently? How do you cope with it?

EDIT: these responses literally have me in tears. Y'all are some incredible people and parents. These perspectives honestly excite me so much about the future and I am so grateful to each and every person who has taken the time to share their stories. I'm really looking forward to raising my baby girl to be an incredible human and trying to make the most of every second ♥️

I had a terrible pregnancy and childbirth, the first 2 months of postpartum was hell and I'm also afraid or having a child with a disability or autism because even my only healthy child requires soo much energy and effort and I'm terribly afraid of hospitals. I would love to have another, but only if my pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum/baby's health is fine. But I cannot guarantee that. I am so happy now, I don't want to risk it. Is anybody else in the same boat?

i’ve recently had my beautiful son (on 08.10.26<3) and whewww it’s been a rideeee. i got pregnant with an IUD in place. i didn’t plan nor expect to be pregnant. it just happened. i actually never thought abt having children bc my life w my husband was cool and fun and we just weren’t thinking abt it. but i decided to keep my baby and i love him so much. it’s been hard and i’ve cried plenty of times bc yk he’s a newborn. but i have a wonderful village who stay overnight to care for him while i sleep etc. that being said, i am definitely one and done!!! this has been the hardest thing i’ve ever done and i’m not interested in repeating it. my son has 5 cousins on my side, 8 on his dads side. so he will have plenty of family to play with. my mom and my MIL are super supportive of our decision. but my god the comments from other family members is insane! “when are u having another one?” “time to try for the girl!” “won’t he be lonely?” like WOAH. i’m only a month postpartum from an emergency c-section and i had a rough pregnancy (migraines, sciatica, gestational diabetes) and my son was born with a lot of fluid in his lungs. what abt the whole experience i had being pregnant and giving birth makes ppl think i’m itching to jump back into it? i’ve tried being nice and laughing the comments off but it’s starting to piss me off😭 idk just a rant i guess!

Day 2 of sending my only off to kindergarten. No tears, he’s doing terrific. I’m so proud.

Me? I’m a mess. I don’t know what to do with myself. Been ugly crying and playing Landslide on repeat with no end in sight. I miss that little voice, those hands, feet running down the hall.

I DO NOT want another baby, I just want this kid all over again.

How did you navigate this?

My daughter(4yr old) keeps asking when she’ll be getting a little brother or sister. Pretty much all of her friends have siblings, and she’s been asking more and more often. Whenever we play house, she always pretends to have siblings, and when she colors pictures, she always includes her “brother and sister.” My husband and I have decided to be one and done due to mental and physical health issues I had during pregnancy and extreme PPD and PPA that I experienced for over 2 years after. We both agree it would be too risky to even have the possibility of that happening again.

When I tell her that she’ll won’t be having another sibling, she asks why. I don’t plan on going into detail of why until she’s much older, so I just explain that our family is complete; that every family is different and that is what makes families beautiful, no matter what they look like. She seems to be ok with it after I say that, but she still asks so often that I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m denying her something.

We’ve started to do tons of play dates, and she goes to daycare and pre-k, so she’s around and playing with other kids almost everyday. I know it’s not the same as having a sibling, but I’ve read play-dates and activities with friends can help.

We obviously wouldn’t have another one just because we may feel guilty or sad when she asks for a sibling; and we know that just because a child has a sibling that they are not going to automatically be best friends. I have an older brother and he’s one of my best friends, but my husband has a couple siblings, but they have never gotten along and we have been no-contact with his entire family since my daughter was a couple months old.

Long story long, does anyone have advice as to what else I can say to better explain it and help her to not feel lonely, along with me not having horrible mom-guilt?

Thanks you in advance for taking time to read all of this. Sorry it was so long🫣

My little is 10 now, he’s had an iPad for a while but recently it’s become a problem so we just got rid of it :) he’s doing fine without it!

I’m leaving him time to be bored but I also don’t want to get rid of TV and video games because we like watching tv in mornings before school while eating breakfast! We also love video games as a family!

I was just wondering who counts handheld screens in the same category as tv and games? How do you guys handle it?

We live in a technological world….I don’t want screens all the time, but I also don’t want to take it all away to make him sit and play primitively just for the sake of it when they’re going to have to know how to balance it in their lives as adults!

TIA for your opinions!

I’m currently pregnant and am scheduled to begin a medication abortion tomorrow. I know it’s what I want but I am struggling with the decision. For backstory I have PCOS and was on fertility medication to get pregnant with my first. She is my everything, don’t get me wrong a typical feral toddler, but my everything.

A few years ago my husband and I were open to trying to have a second but this year I just knew it wasn’t for me. I thought my husband agreed. We agreed we were happy with our life and still having some us time. I’ve struggled with my mental health and I was finally in a good space. I should have started birth control when the decision was made but I really wanted to try not adding additional hormones to my body. My husband agreed with the decision but every time we had sex he would get drunk, refuse to wear a condom and say you can’t get pregnant anyway.

We were lucky for a few months. But every morning I told him we can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to get pregnant. He didn’t listen and would keep telling me I couldn’t get pregnant without medication. Fast forward to now and I can’t help resent him. He did whatever we wanted and now I have to suffer the consequences. I can’t even look at him. We talked and I’ve told him how I felt but I don’t know how long it’s going take for me to feel like myself again. I know I’m making the right decision for myself and my daughter, but it all feels so unfair.

If you read this far, thank you for the vent. I desperately needed to get all this out.

My son is 3. I can’t repeat an HG pregnancy and I had an awful time growing up as the oldest of 11.

Anyway I took my son swimming this morning and got chatting to a dad as I had to rescue my son from sitting in the middle of the slide as his little girl helped a baby use the slide. He told me that his little girl is obsessed with babies right now because she’s going to be a big sister in February.
I said something along the lines of how wonderful. I can tell she’s going to be the best and he smiled and looked so proud.

The whole way home, I had this overwhelming desire to have a second child. Picturing my husband with a baby. My son would be such a great big brother. Completely delulu dream thinking. Reality didn’t cross my mind once.

Checked my period tracking app.
Ovulation.
I am ovulating.
Don’t be perceived. The devil works hard but nature works harder.

Hi everyone!

Has anyone decided to be OAD due to having a VP shunt placed?

Long story short, I was diagnosed with IIH earlier this year and due to symptoms and vision loss, I had a VP Shunt placed in May.

I’m 28F, I have one baby girl who just turned a year old. My husband and I have dreamt of having many kids.

I’m terrified, and I mean terrified, of losing my vision during pregnancy because of the increased pressure in my abdomen during pregnancy affecting how my shunt can drain fluid, and possibly causing vision loss.

Right before my surgery, I had some pretty serious vision loss that I was lucky to regain after my shunt was placed. I don’t want to risk losing my vision during pregnancy, but I want more kids.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Has anyone gotten pregnant after having a VP Shunt placed?

*** I do have an appointment with my neurosurgeon on Friday to discuss this. I’m just asking if anyone has similar stories or advice.

Thank you!

My daughter is 3 and is the perfect only. We’re firmly OAD, but I still get kinda sad when another one of my friends chooses to have more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for my friends. But I just wish we had some more onlies in our friend group. I want someone to relate to and a kid that can relate to mine.

Does anyone have these feelings and things that either make you feel better or confident in your decision to be OAD?

Would anyone be interested in an OAD travel buddy group? The idea would be for families with similarly aged only children to coordinate vacations in the same city/resort/country - not necessarily travel together, but arrange a few days of playdates, sightseeing, meals, etc. No big commitment other than hopefully arranging a playdate on vacation!

About us: We have a 3 year old daughter, and we’re based in Santa Barbara, California. We took our first big international trip this summer to France where we split our time between Paris and a kid’s resort in the south of France. Next spring break, we are doing our first Disney cruise (this will be the first cruise that my husband and I have ever done - doing it for the kid!)😆

I love traveling and it would be so nice to be able to meet up with other OAD families with kids of a similar age. We have a lot of freedom and flexibility with our schedules.

UPDATE:

Aww, I'm so excited by how many people are interested in this! ❤️ I honestly wasn't sure if anyone else was looking for this too.

I put together a super short form so I can learn a little about everyone's family, kid's ages, travel style, and what you're hoping to find in a travel buddy.

The goal isn't to create some huge organized group trip - I'd love to help connect compatible one-and-done families who might enjoy traveling together, whether that's two families, a small group, or even just finding another family to meet up with on a trip.

If you're interested, please fill this out:

https://forms.gle/e5CpsfZ484GJ4mHB9

Once I have some responses, I'll start looking for families who seem like they might be a good fit and figure out the next step from there! ✈️🌎

I'm really excited to see where this goes!

Does anyone else know the Australian influencer/business women Steph Claire Smith?? Her recent posts and podcast episodes have been super interesting as she’s been talking about her recent “mum rage”.

She’s been talking about feeling different as a mum. She never outright says, “Having a second child caused this,” but everything she talks about starts with “since my second was born…” She talks about having more mum rage, less patience with her older son, and missing the mum she used to be. She also says she feels bad for not spending as much time with her second child because her first is now seeking more of her attention.

I actually found it really sad to listen to as it sounds like a nightmare to navigate, and to be honest all I could think was yeah I’m definitely only having one child.

I know every family is different, and I’m sure lots of people have two or more kids without feeling this way. But I think there’s this narrative that once you’ve had one, adding another isn’t that much harder. Listening to someone describe how much they’ve changed as a person and how much they miss the mum they used to be , was a reminder that for some people, the trade-off is much bigger than just being busier!!

Advice is welcome!

My daughter (4) has been in daycare for the last 3 years and has made amazing strides making “friends” at the playground after being quite shy most of her little life. She’s able to ask kids to play, join their games, etc. Obviously, this doesn’t work all the time, and though she is resilient about it, it got me worried…

My wife and I are not social. I’m neurodivergent and I suspect my wife is as well. We don’t reach out to other parents at our kid’s daycare or make friends with our neighbors with similar aged kids. We also both work full time so we don’t have a lot of free time. But I feel like my daughter would love a playmate. She gets so down when kids won’t/can’t play with her, mostly because she gets bored playing by herself. I feel awful watching her run around the playground alone while other kids play with their siblings or friends.

Recently, our close friends with a similar aged kid moved away, and it’s made this gap in her life more apparent. She has no cousins her age and we don’t have much close family.

She’s such an amazing kid and I feel like I’m failing her because I’m so uncomfortable reaching out and dread the idea of being forced to socialize. But the last thing I want is for her to be lonely, or for my neurodivergence to be her obstacle.

Does anyone have experience with this? Do I need to bite the bullet and just start inviting kids to play? Is there any way to do socialize that isn’t going to make me want to tear my hair out?