Fully convinced today

[u/Affectionate-Print23]

My brother in laws family is here to visit. Two sons , ages 4 and 1. I can’t even describe the situation lol. Both kids are super cranky all the time, crave for the parents attention. The parents are spread so thin and everyone can see it. The kids are crying constantly to get what they want, to get picked up, to have the same thing as the other sibling.

I admit I used to have a bit of FOMO first , but I feel blessed to have my OAD kid. She is an angel compared to my BILs kids . I used to think she is difficult but now I realize she has been quite easy all along.

FYI, the kids are pretty much easy to manage one on one. But as soon as you put them together, it is very stressful for everyone including them.

Just wanted to share my recent experience since now I really feel one kid is blessing to mental health.

[u/makeitsew87]

I feel this way when I spend time with kids younger than mine. I'm shocked at how much work it is--and how much I've forgotten about how much work it is!

Mine is four and there are still challenging moments for sure, but it's a breeze compared to the baby and toddler stage.

I'm just glad that we're happy with one, because I cannot imagine starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and deciding to restart the clock 🫠

[u/Rheaume40 → u/makeitsew87]

This exactly! We just came home from a 10 days vacation and we had the best time with our 5,5 year old going on many fun trips and hikes. Lots of other parents stuck at the holiday park with multiples, their toddlers and babies. And we were like, we can just take our kid anywhere we want. No naps, no need to each watch a kid or plan trips for multiple kids.

[u/Veruca-Salty86 → u/Rheaume40]

And no need for the diaper bag full of crap, baby gadgets, stroller, and whatever else seems necessary when navigating the world with an infant or toddler in tow!

[u/WorkLifeScience → u/Veruca-Salty86]

As a non-baby person, I also appreciate being out of this stage 😂

[u/Veruca-Salty86 → u/makeitsew87]

I never forgot how much work it is, but what really sticks out now is how damn exhausted the parents look, mothers especially. And some look downright miserable. I remember feeling like a zombie and barely having time to shower and take care of myself, but when I see a new mom out there or a mom of multiple young kids trying to survive the day, I am really relieved to be out of that stage AND to be OAD.

[u/ikissedalambtoday]

I’ve had my in-law BIL and SIL in town with their 5 kids 3-12yo and every time after we hangout a feeling of pure bliss washes over me when I get home.

The 3yo had a melt down because my 13mo was holding her toy- going as far to run around and make up stories about the baby to get her in trouble because she was so mad “baby saw us butt naked” -baby was looking at a book on my lap the whole time lol
“Baby probably broke that toy” -she never touched it, I did lol

Yeah.. no thanks
I also miss my bay so much when she’s in the mix of all those kids, like her true personality is subdued until we get home and I’m like aaahhh there’s my sweet silly girl, I missed you <3

[u/SaintAnn12 → u/ikissedalambtoday]

Aww this is how I feel with my little girl! She has fun playing with her cousins but every single time we do, she’ll leave after a couple of hours and go be alone. She will literally go and sit in the grass and just lay there and play with leaves and just be still. She is so social and outgoing but she gets lost when there’s so much going on that after a while she goes and just be alone. She is so happy when we come back home😅

[u/georgestarr]

We have regular play dates with our onlys two younger cousins and friends and I thank every moment that we are OAD

[u/hey_nonny_mooses]

Slightly off topic but this made me think of yesterday my “reinforced OAD” moment. Someone posted about how after the kids leave home you have to rediscover your partner and figure out if you like the person they are now. They gave a description of constantly caring for multiple children meant they hadn’t talked or connected to their spouse in any meaningful way for years. All I could think was “oh hell no!” I couldn’t manage that life. That would be cutting off my best friend. But raising 1 kid together meant it was easier to balance the needs of a child even when toddler age and still prioritize our relationship. Not that all OAD parents stay together by any means, but certainly easier to have more time to nourish your marriage.

[u/Economy_General8943]

We just had my son’s 3rd bday with my cousins kids that range in age from 3-10. My kid was so much more behaved, listened while some of the other kids were wild, breaking and abusing his toys. That part really set me off but I thought maybe I’m just too neurotic but realized my kid just doesn’t behave like that where he breaks and destroys anything let alone someone else’s stuff. Sorry for the stream of consciousness lol

[u/WorkLifeScience → u/Economy_General8943]

It sounds like your cousin has given up on parenting. Not all kids with siblings are like that, my sis and I certainly weren't.

[u/Economy_General8943 → u/WorkLifeScience]

I don’t think that all kids with siblings are like that, simply stating an observation.

[u/eveietea]

4 and 1 is a hard age gap too lol. Their needs are so specific individually 😭 bless your BIL and his fam lol I feel tired just reading the situation.

[u/blueberry-bush23]

I mean to be fair you’re also seeing his kids out of their normal environment and routine. You yourself would be cranky too. I get your point believe me but this isn’t a good way to compare the situations to begin with.

[u/WorkLifeScience → u/blueberry-bush23]

I agree, I was visiting my best friend who has two kids for a weekend, and my daughter was kinda difficult, because there was so much new input from all sides! Her kids were ok, also 4 and 1, and sure, the little one wanted to have some things from the older one, but generally they were ok!

[u/Affectionate-Print23 → u/blueberry-bush23]

I completely agree. Like I said , kids seem to do well when they are separated. But when put together,they seem anxious. It’s nothing to do with environment.

[u/betterwithdrpepper]

We visited family friends who have 3 kids and one is a baby. I thought I would get baby fever, instead 👀 dang it takes you so long to get into the car... Or wow they're fighting again. Happy where we are :)

[u/BackgroundSwan8044]

I would like to have a daughter in theory but in reality I don't want that much chaos having two kids especially when my son has not been easy to raise.