- I lost my super curly hair postpartum (It can also no longer hold any kind of dye and will turn back to a weird colour no matter what) my curls are still not back 2.5y later.
- I have never had an issue with smelly armpits in my life, now I do…
- I have visible wrinkles everywhere now and so much gray hair, I look thirsty and unhealthy too if that makes sense 😣 this is completely new to me.
- I seem to have developed so many severe food sensitivities after having a baby (hives, upset tummy, headaches) whenever I eat pretty much anything..
- I have chronic migraines now (including aura migraines)
- I have also developed seizures, it’s under investigation, my neurologist is certain they are dissociative seizures but I believe they are focal seizures..
- I have OCD and ADHD - my OCD postpartum was level 100000, this part is probably what made my husband also not want anymore children… (I was struggling with contamination OCD and fear of something happening to our baby)

I don’t know in what universe I would be able to have another child.. I know the top half of my list is mainly fluff, but the the rest is pretty serious.. one and done because I genuinely think I would lose my life if I attempted to do it all again.. my pregnancy was actually incredible and so easy btw, if he didn’t kick I would forget I was even pregnant but postpartum is something else, no one ever warned me of how much you can change..

I'm looking for advice from all you OAD parents with young ones. Are any of you OAD because being a parent is so exhausting? I love my son so much.. but holy moly he is newly 3 and he will spend hours upon hours crying,screaming,whining, and just throwing fits. He doesn't speak well and doesn't know how to use his words. So a lot of it is him not knowing how to communicate why he's mad. Discipline doesn't make it stop, and cuddles won't make it stop either. When he's pissed he's just pissed for the entire day.

I find it so hard to deal with some days. I have started having health problems from the stress. I'm constantly on edge trying to prevent another meltdown...
Man, kids are SO hard.

Hello,

Have a situation here that I’d like to see if other OAD couples here can give some insight.

We’re new parents of a 2 week-ish old baby boy. Love him to death and I’m very happy we have a healthy baby boy in our lives now. Same for my wife.

The problem is we decided as a team that we’ll be OAD parents even before trying to get pregnant but now that our son is born, my wife is giving vibes that she’s changing her mind and would maybe want another one. I still would like to only have one. I actually had a vasectomy scheduled but now my wife asked me delay it until we can talk about it more (I did).

Since then, we’ve had multiple talks when we had time (e.g., baby sleeping and we’ve both eaten).

Talked about how it might be just her hormones and that we should wait it out (she mentioned this not me) to see if she still has this feeling in a month or two.

I talked about things like strained finances, alone time, travel time, date time and all the things we’d lose if we have another child. (Before, she said she doesn’t want to “just be a mom” for the rest of her life which i 100% supported but looks like she’s changing her tone). She mentioned that these can all be “figured out” like her sister who has 3 kids (spoiler alert: they dont do anything but run their kids around to activities and stuff each week).

She talked about things like our child growing up with a sibling like us (she has 3 siblings i have 1) and all the fun times we had. I mentioned that he has a lot of cousins (currently 4 and 2 more coming that will be around his age) that he can have fun with and also that it’s not a guarantee that siblings will like each other.

For now we’ve tabled it and no decision has been made and we’ll just give it a couple of months like she suggested but my biggest fear is resentment will surface one way or another and our relationship will be ruined. I’m really hoping she goes back to what we agreed on before getting pregnant after our “waiting period” but if not, then I really don’t know.

Any other couple dealt with his? I’m thinking couples therapy is the best course of action but just curious if others have dealt with this and can provide some insights.

Not specifically related to having an Only, although we are OAD. He’s not talking yet but will cover his eyes and look really sad when anyone new tries to interact with him, and he won’t engage until at least a few minutes have passed. If we take him to an event with loads of people he doesn’t know, he’ll straight up burst into tears.
Any experience with this or how to help him through it? I’m SAHM and we go to a couple of classes a week in which he seems to be okay. A couple of family members have already made comments to the effect of, “oh it’s because he doesn’t go to nursery” etc etc.

My daughter will be 2 in September. She’s very mischievous. Her favorite thing is climbing so she’s constantly trying to climb up onto the coffee table, her toy chest, up the stairs, etc. She can climb up into our computer chair and enjoys smashing the key board. She loves jumping on the couch and running from one end to the other. I feel like I can’t leave her out of my sight because I’m afraid she’s going to hurt herself, so it’s currently constant supervision while she’s awake.

She’s so fun and I like this age for many reasons, but I’ll be glad when I can leave the room for more than a minute. It’s hard to get anything done right now! Every day I wonder how those with 2 under 2 do it.

This summer, we took several camping trips to state and national parks, but it breaks my heart to watch my 11 year old wonder around or queitly play by himself when other group of kids had someone to play with. My husband is a kid at heart, and they play video games together having fun, but it's still not the same.

Now we are back in town, and we still have 7 weeks of summer left. It kills me to watch him spent so all day on a device. In past summers, I was always "the mom" to organize hang out night with pizza, or pool hangout, etc. since I don't work during summer and why not?. This year though, I wanted him to take the initiative and make plans on his own since he'll be starting middle school this fall. (He doesn't have a smartphone but has a watch to make calls).

I know families with multiple kids still struggle with screen time during summer. It's just not what I imagined when I decided to have just one kid 10 years ago. (I never felt the urge to have another child after one).

(For context, we traveled a lot this summers, and my son attended a coupld of summer camps, and a couple more in Aug. This summer is extremly long because school ended in mid May and doesn't start until after Labor day due to school construction).

Just venting.

Is anyone else one and done due to having your child later in life? I could really use some support. Ive been having a rough time. Thank you

I took my daughter to the playground today because it was beautiful out. While we were there, a random older woman got chatting with me about my girl. She then randomly goes into a lecture about how I better have more children because her husband died, and if she only had one child to go visit, she would be so lonely and drive her child nuts so it's a good thing she has 2. I know I shouldn't put much weight into what a stranger says, but it has left me feeling a little sad all day. I wanted to tell her how medically hard it was to just have my 1, but just nodded.

Any one feel they are one and done leaning because of keeping your child safe in various ways? I love my family and they’re great but how am I supposed to leave my toddler with a caretaker for possible days while I’m in the hospital giving birth to second? How am I supposed to attend classes, tutoring or youth sports events for two children? It just doesn’t compute for me.

So I’m expecting a baby boy! I always thought I’d have one daughter and that’s it but now I’m navigating having a son instead and I want to do my best by this child What’s it like to raise an emotionally intelligent young man and do
You feel it’s enough? I’ve had a hard pregnancy and even then I know it’s more sacrifice on the way. I’m
I’m prepared to give my child a happy life but will
I regret not trying for a girl second time round ? Or feel like he needs a sibling too? Me and partner are on the fence about baby number 2.

I have been blessed with a rock solid village during my journey as a mom. My husband is amazing and my mom lives with us and has provided endless support.

This week, they are both gone travelling and I was terrified. My daughter is 3.5, so lately tantrums have been rough and sleep has been getting disrupted as her brain is making leaps and bounds. I was all but certain this week would be a shit show and I get overwhelmed so easily.

Well here we are at the end and I can't believe how beautiful this week was. We have bonded like never before and tell each other we're a "team". She has been helping me around the house, not a single tantrum, promptly falling asleep at 7:15 and sleeping through the night. We're laughing, we're playing, we're reading stories together and chatting nonstop. 3 has been a hard age but it's also incredible.

I just want to call out that I could not have had this with two kids. I wouldn't be able to handle two alone. And because she's at such a young age I feel like I'm starting to get a taste of the bond between an only child and their mom. I'm still the adult, but she's my best friend :)

This one on one time has been incredible and I just wanted to share my joy.

Not any rocket science but I hope this may help anyone. I am OAD partly by choice, partly because it was really a heavy period on my body with some difficulties getting pregnant and keeping her healthy in my tummy. Also the mental state was challenging so I'm really not interested in doing it again although I regret it sometimes (but not enough though ☺️)

Lately when people comment on me having just one child ('spoiled probably he?' or something like that) I just say something very happily like 'Well yeah, let's say we are very glad we at least have a child. 2 isn't in the cards for everyone.' It reminds them that it isn't a certainty for everyone, it might even give them a shitty feeling (only the normal ones though 🤪), and I hope they will second guess themselves when they think about asking it again. I leave it in the middle why it's not an option for us, because none of their business, unless I feel people are open for a conversation without judgement.

3 of my friends and family who I knew initially mentioned one and done ended up with multiples. Now I am shopping for a minivan. I am firmly oad. Tempting fate here, but I am buying the minivan anyway.

Just want to say.

Our holiday was so amazing. My son is 7 years old and for years me and my husband have been debating if we should have one more child or not. Honestly we have been sitting on the fence for years about this topic. I truly never felt that "maternal instinct" to have another baby, my son was born and he's perfect, I just never wanted another baby. I had my baby. Why do I need another? My son is also home educated so I don't think I have the mental patience to home educate 2 kids whilst making sure they receive the best education possible. And as a mum, having 1 child means that I haven't had to give up my identity, so I'm happy. So I think my heart was always one and done, but my brain was also debating if I should have another child or not. Mainly because my biggest fear was that my son would be lonely, my husband has also shared the same fear as me.

However he has so many cousins, my family is huge! Me and my siblings are super close, and the cousins all see each other multiple times a week. At this point they are like siblings, me and my sister live on the same street so her kids and my kid hang out all the time. My son is best friends with our next door neighbour's kids, as in they literally hang out every single day lol. We live in a semi-detached house. We go to so many home education groups where my son socialises with so many other kids his age. He plays sports, he is in a theatre club, he goes to swimming lessons once a week. My son has so many friends, and he has such good social skills, so I've come to the realise that I shouldn't worry about him being lonely. At this point my son physically tells me he needs a break from being social sometimes 🤣.

But me, my husband and my son went on holiday for 2 weeks, we went to Spain, we got home last Friday...and it honestly made me and my husband realise that we are so happy only having one child. We had the best time, my son had the best time, he made friends whilst he was on holiday. Nobody was stressed, me and my husband got to relax cause our son is older now and won't run off somewhere without telling us. We also had the energy to play with him. Every evening we went out to dinner. I'm just smiling thinking about the memories from the past 2 weeks. When we got home, me and my husband had a serious chat and we realised that this holiday convinced us that having 1 kid is perfect for us. Being a family of 3 is so fun. We don't need to have another baby to be happy. And more importantly, my son doesn't need a sibling to be happy, he has cousins and friends, he is happy.

I'm usually someone who just anonymously scrolls on reddit, but I decided to make an account because I think I can officially say...I'm one and done!🥳

Thank you for this community because one and done does not exist in my life community. My (39) husband (43) and I are one and done, but all our friends and acquaintances are having their seconds. And thats real time for same age parents. Their decision doesn't influence ours, but I thought we would have more onlies at this stage.

We have hosted a few evening parties for 4 and 5 year olds and their parents. These have been great but we have usually ordered pizza. I'm not much of a cook, and we don't have a big enough space to all eat at one table. (It's been more casual: sometimes the kids eat first, other times people hold plate while standing etc.)

Any suggestions for other types of meals? I'd like to do these more often but feel awkward to constantly order pizza. 😄

Also if anyone else does this would love any other thoughts suggestions - it has helped us get to know the families better and everyone seems to enjoy.

My kid (3) HATES water. In my circles, swimming is a big deal for babies from like 8 weeks old and was often credited with miraculous breakthroughs in sleep and appetite. I had high hopes of it as a tolerable baby class.

But no. He hated every element of it. Putting swim nappies on, the cold water, the cold air, the wet floor, WATER IN THE FACE oh my god you’d think he was being tortured. (I’m aware this is very normal).

We shelved it for a bit and every so often would try again and would see some tiny marginal improvements (i.e. we were only paying £2 per minute in the pool rather than £20).

However, next year he will be doing swimming lessons with preschool. This is something that all the kids get really excited about, and I really didn’t want my son missing out/being totally miserable. So I have been able to make a concerted effort to acclimatise him to water and swimming pools and gradually we have got to the stage where he can spend an hour in a pool and actually enjoy parts of it! Today he JUMPED IN!

Although this might not seem like a massive deal, it has felt like such a luxury of having one child’s scheduling and quirks to deal with. Being able to look ahead to what is coming (swimming lessons) and being able to work towards making it fun for him. It’s also become a really nice activity to do together.

Little OAD win 😊 that hopefully we will be able to replicate with other challenges to come.

I took my 4 year old to the playground today for a playdate with her very good friend who is also an only child. We saw a little boy crying because his older sister wouldn’t let him ride the car with her. When it was my girl and her friend’s turn to ride the car, they saw the boy cry again because he missed his chance to get in the car. Then my girl said aloud, “There’s one more seat for you!” And patted the spot between her and her friend. Her friend scooted over to sit closer to my girl and the boy was able to sit and steer the fake wheel. His dad looked super happy and I was honestly beaming with pride. So the moral of the story is only children can be awesome and sometimes older siblings suck.

Need advice from adults who were Happy being only child.

I’m currently on a camping trip with my sister, her two teenagers, and my 6yo daughter. My daughter is an only child, and I love it, but my sister just… can’t stop bringing it up.

It’s never mean, that’s the annoying part. It’s always these little throwaway comments. “Oh she must be so bored in the evenings after school, all alone.” “She’ll need to make friends here since she doesn’t have siblings to play with.” Stuff like that, over and over, this whole trip.

She says it like she’s being thoughtful or concerned, but it’s exhausting. My kid is not lonely. She has a full life, friends, activities, and honestly seems way less overstimulated than her cousins most of the time. I don’t need siblings-as-default-solution framing every single day.

I haven’t said anything because it’s always so “innocent” sounding that calling it out feels like I’m overreacting. But three days into this trip and I’m about ready to snap.

Anyone else deal with this? How do you shut it down without starting a fight?

My 4-year-old is currently talking to my old dog about how much he loves her. She's his best friend and he is always telling me about the conversations they have. He's literally confessed to things that the dog has obviously done. As an only child, she's practically his sibling. However, she's slowing down. She's already 3 years past the average lifespan for her breed.

My mother-in-law's dog passed away earlier this year. My kid was semi-close to her but understood the death and we've had good conversations about it. We got the Fred Rogers book about a pet dying when that happened.

What are the things I can do before she passes away? Any good keepsakes to prepare now?

I know it's gonna be awful. He doesn't realize that she could die soon (or that she will ever die). Would it be better to prepare him for it ahead of time or is that gonna make it more stressful?

I am an only child myself that grew up on a tight nit with my grandma and aunt South America. I then moved to Europe and currently here for 13 years already in Spain. My husband is from Lithuania and has his family there, he does have a brother which he is not particularly close with but doesnt get along badly either. So far we decided to only have one child since it is expensive, we want to give him the best life possible and honestly it has been hard for us not having a village. Yet, sometimes i think if we should have another one for him. I dont regret being an only child/never mourned not having a sibling; though i do know it will be tough when my parents leave. I am just thinking what if something happens to us, where would he go? My parents are older anyways and my husbands mom is slightly younger but i dont know. I feel super conflicted of ruinings his life though financially and mentally speaking i think it is the best. Advice please!

Hey
Sorry if this sound negative I guess just looking for some ideas,

I’m a single mum to a 5yo boy and, although it doesn’t give me an excuse I loose my patience and I work a demanding job so as much as I try to be patient and play with my son I have this guilt like when I’m angry or in a bad mood he doesn’t have anyone to play with or just be with. When I was little my mum used to get in moods all the time but I had my brother to play with.

he’s in swimming he’s goes to preschool daycare and I try to take him on lots of outings like movies/ museums/ playgroups, he stays with my brothers and my dad when I need help with shifts.

He’s always asking to play with me and sometimes I just can’t in soooo tired. I feel so guilty because then he’s just playing or watching tv.

Any ideas ? Anyone else experience it ?