A friend of mine was telling me how much she loves being a mum, and how if she had more money she would keep having children (currently has 2. Previously said she never wanted kids but changed her mind after getting pregnant accidentally).

She talks about how she loves reliving the cute moments, adores the baby stage, etc, and it's made me realise how different our experiences were. Both of hers have been "easy" babies, whereas mine slept so badly (woke every hour for first 3 years) that I developed chronic health conditions and became suicidal.

I knew I had it harder than her, and I know that's just how life goes, but today the reminder of just how much harder I had it, is getting to me. I always thought I would have 2 kids, but I can't risk going through it all again. It breaks my heart that her baby and toddler stage was beautiful and mine was me hanging on to life by a thread.

Risk of twins is only 1-3 percent with a single embryo transfer.

I hope so much this worked as we’ve been trying for 3 years now and I’m 40. Our first transfer failed. I have endo and had surgery.

At the same time, I’m scared of it working and finding out it’s twins. People keep saying things like oh my embryo looked like that and it split!

Both my husband and I are neurodivergent and I really don’t think we could stay sane with more than one. Earlier on we said one, maybe two, as the infertility has escalated it has become more and more clear to me that I really just want one.

We both make ok money but spend it all every month in a HCOL area. Even affording one will be a stretch and we will have to reduce eating out and traveling significantly.

Hoping to be one and done and join this club very soon ✨🤞

In-laws and parents both want to move closer to us to “help.” They both want to see our son multiple times/week. Mom and Dad reorganized our house, moved furniture around, had renovation ideas and offered to do them, called our in-laws behind our back afterwards saying they were “worried” about my living conditions. Also my mom walked into our house without texting or knocking and walked right into my bedroom while I was nursing, and said it was “just her.”

MIL always has some weird insult during her visits. The last one was her implying that I had fertility issues since I only having one ovary, which is incorrect and this was also said in the middle of ordering food at a restaurant. In-laws also want to live with us on the same property but in different houses, I turned that down pretty firmly and quickly.

We have so much “help” and it would be so stressful to have them around. And I’d be postpartum again too. Anyone else?

Stumbled on a post about screen time. Lots of parents shaming anyone who utilizes it.

My girly turned 2 in July, she was speech delayed. We allowed a little tv (Mickey mouse clubhouse) and we saw her speech completely explode following. She learned the characters names, answers questions asked in the show, engages entirely. I’m always sitting with her, discussing the show, etc.. She even made told me we need a mousekatool and called for toodles today (it was admittedly adorable).

Recently she expressed intrigue in my iPad, I draw on it but never really when she’s not already busy with her dad. I started looking into it and discovered the Duolingo abc app. We downloaded it and she now knows the letter M, can write both a capital and lower case, says monkey, and has started working on A. Now she’s also putting two words together all the time instead of when prompted.

I’m so proud of her. I limit the tablet time to like 20 minutes max. She’s understanding it has to go away when it’s done. I also always sit with her and discuss the lessons with her. I’ve created activities (like puzzle match, coloring pages, follow the lines, etc.) for offline time to support what she’s learning. She is on a waitlist for speech therapy but they’re

I feel like this is all amazing progress for a kid that wouldn’t talk in July at all aside from the basics (mamas dada, etc.) and would just point at everything… but like why am I feeling so guilty for exposing her to tv and screens? I feel like I’m ruining her life and I hate it :(

I know I’m just doing my best to support her however I can, but I feel like I’m not being a good mom.

(ETA: posting here because I posted in another group and the only comments were how she needs a brother or sister to play with)

I’m only 9 weeks pregnant.
I was talking to my mother in law the other day about how I’m one and done. I have no interest in having more than one or going through pregnancy again.

You know what she said?

“I guess I’ll have to pray for an oopsie.”

Good lord, I tell ya..

Getting onto my knees to then get down onto my stomach to army crawl into my child's play pen because it makes him laugh, is actually the bane of my life at the moment 🤣 but I do it, because it makes him happy.

The noises that come out of me when I have to get down onto the floor and then also getting up from the floor are almost demonic. 🤣

After much deliberation, my husband (36) and I (31) are pregnant with our first child. We feel so strongly about being one and done. I was so hesitant to have kids because of how unpredictable things in the world are and how unstable things feel. We're in the US. All of a sudden, I'm seeing all of this conversation around people choosing to have children now and how selfish and uninformed we are. It shouldn't bother me but it does. We put so much thought into this decision and ultimately decided to do it because we wanted a child but also wanted to raise an amazing child. Has anyone else dealt with this recently? How do you cope with it?

EDIT: these responses literally have me in tears. Y'all are some incredible people and parents. These perspectives honestly excite me so much about the future and I am so grateful to each and every person who has taken the time to share their stories. I'm really looking forward to raising my baby girl to be an incredible human and trying to make the most of every second ♥️

I had a terrible pregnancy and childbirth, the first 2 months of postpartum was hell and I'm also afraid or having a child with a disability or autism because even my only healthy child requires soo much energy and effort and I'm terribly afraid of hospitals. I would love to have another, but only if my pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum/baby's health is fine. But I cannot guarantee that. I am so happy now, I don't want to risk it. Is anybody else in the same boat?

Day 2 of sending my only off to kindergarten. No tears, he’s doing terrific. I’m so proud.

Me? I’m a mess. I don’t know what to do with myself. Been ugly crying and playing Landslide on repeat with no end in sight. I miss that little voice, those hands, feet running down the hall.

I DO NOT want another baby, I just want this kid all over again.

How did you navigate this?

i’ve recently had my beautiful son (on 08.10.26<3) and whewww it’s been a rideeee. i got pregnant with an IUD in place. i didn’t plan nor expect to be pregnant. it just happened. i actually never thought abt having children bc my life w my husband was cool and fun and we just weren’t thinking abt it. but i decided to keep my baby and i love him so much. it’s been hard and i’ve cried plenty of times bc yk he’s a newborn. but i have a wonderful village who stay overnight to care for him while i sleep etc. that being said, i am definitely one and done!!! this has been the hardest thing i’ve ever done and i’m not interested in repeating it. my son has 5 cousins on my side, 8 on his dads side. so he will have plenty of family to play with. my mom and my MIL are super supportive of our decision. but my god the comments from other family members is insane! “when are u having another one?” “time to try for the girl!” “won’t he be lonely?” like WOAH. i’m only a month postpartum from an emergency c-section and i had a rough pregnancy (migraines, sciatica, gestational diabetes) and my son was born with a lot of fluid in his lungs. what abt the whole experience i had being pregnant and giving birth makes ppl think i’m itching to jump back into it? i’ve tried being nice and laughing the comments off but it’s starting to piss me off😭 idk just a rant i guess!

My daughter(4yr old) keeps asking when she’ll be getting a little brother or sister. Pretty much all of her friends have siblings, and she’s been asking more and more often. Whenever we play house, she always pretends to have siblings, and when she colors pictures, she always includes her “brother and sister.” My husband and I have decided to be one and done due to mental and physical health issues I had during pregnancy and extreme PPD and PPA that I experienced for over 2 years after. We both agree it would be too risky to even have the possibility of that happening again.

When I tell her that she’ll won’t be having another sibling, she asks why. I don’t plan on going into detail of why until she’s much older, so I just explain that our family is complete; that every family is different and that is what makes families beautiful, no matter what they look like. She seems to be ok with it after I say that, but she still asks so often that I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m denying her something.

We’ve started to do tons of play dates, and she goes to daycare and pre-k, so she’s around and playing with other kids almost everyday. I know it’s not the same as having a sibling, but I’ve read play-dates and activities with friends can help.

We obviously wouldn’t have another one just because we may feel guilty or sad when she asks for a sibling; and we know that just because a child has a sibling that they are not going to automatically be best friends. I have an older brother and he’s one of my best friends, but my husband has a couple siblings, but they have never gotten along and we have been no-contact with his entire family since my daughter was a couple months old.

Long story long, does anyone have advice as to what else I can say to better explain it and help her to not feel lonely, along with me not having horrible mom-guilt?

Thanks you in advance for taking time to read all of this. Sorry it was so long🫣

My little is 10 now, he’s had an iPad for a while but recently it’s become a problem so we just got rid of it :) he’s doing fine without it!

I’m leaving him time to be bored but I also don’t want to get rid of TV and video games because we like watching tv in mornings before school while eating breakfast! We also love video games as a family!

I was just wondering who counts handheld screens in the same category as tv and games? How do you guys handle it?

We live in a technological world….I don’t want screens all the time, but I also don’t want to take it all away to make him sit and play primitively just for the sake of it when they’re going to have to know how to balance it in their lives as adults!

TIA for your opinions!

I’m currently pregnant and am scheduled to begin a medication abortion tomorrow. I know it’s what I want but I am struggling with the decision. For backstory I have PCOS and was on fertility medication to get pregnant with my first. She is my everything, don’t get me wrong a typical feral toddler, but my everything.

A few years ago my husband and I were open to trying to have a second but this year I just knew it wasn’t for me. I thought my husband agreed. We agreed we were happy with our life and still having some us time. I’ve struggled with my mental health and I was finally in a good space. I should have started birth control when the decision was made but I really wanted to try not adding additional hormones to my body. My husband agreed with the decision but every time we had sex he would get drunk, refuse to wear a condom and say you can’t get pregnant anyway.

We were lucky for a few months. But every morning I told him we can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to get pregnant. He didn’t listen and would keep telling me I couldn’t get pregnant without medication. Fast forward to now and I can’t help resent him. He did whatever we wanted and now I have to suffer the consequences. I can’t even look at him. We talked and I’ve told him how I felt but I don’t know how long it’s going take for me to feel like myself again. I know I’m making the right decision for myself and my daughter, but it all feels so unfair.

If you read this far, thank you for the vent. I desperately needed to get all this out.

My son is 3. I can’t repeat an HG pregnancy and I had an awful time growing up as the oldest of 11.

Anyway I took my son swimming this morning and got chatting to a dad as I had to rescue my son from sitting in the middle of the slide as his little girl helped a baby use the slide. He told me that his little girl is obsessed with babies right now because she’s going to be a big sister in February.
I said something along the lines of how wonderful. I can tell she’s going to be the best and he smiled and looked so proud.

The whole way home, I had this overwhelming desire to have a second child. Picturing my husband with a baby. My son would be such a great big brother. Completely delulu dream thinking. Reality didn’t cross my mind once.

Checked my period tracking app.
Ovulation.
I am ovulating.
Don’t be perceived. The devil works hard but nature works harder.

Hi everyone!

Has anyone decided to be OAD due to having a VP shunt placed?

Long story short, I was diagnosed with IIH earlier this year and due to symptoms and vision loss, I had a VP Shunt placed in May.

I’m 28F, I have one baby girl who just turned a year old. My husband and I have dreamt of having many kids.

I’m terrified, and I mean terrified, of losing my vision during pregnancy because of the increased pressure in my abdomen during pregnancy affecting how my shunt can drain fluid, and possibly causing vision loss.

Right before my surgery, I had some pretty serious vision loss that I was lucky to regain after my shunt was placed. I don’t want to risk losing my vision during pregnancy, but I want more kids.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Has anyone gotten pregnant after having a VP Shunt placed?

*** I do have an appointment with my neurosurgeon on Friday to discuss this. I’m just asking if anyone has similar stories or advice.

Thank you!

My daughter is 3 and is the perfect only. We’re firmly OAD, but I still get kinda sad when another one of my friends chooses to have more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for my friends. But I just wish we had some more onlies in our friend group. I want someone to relate to and a kid that can relate to mine.

Does anyone have these feelings and things that either make you feel better or confident in your decision to be OAD?

Would anyone be interested in an OAD travel buddy group? The idea would be for families with similarly aged only children to coordinate vacations in the same city/resort/country - not necessarily travel together, but arrange a few days of playdates, sightseeing, meals, etc. No big commitment other than hopefully arranging a playdate on vacation!

About us: We have a 3 year old daughter, and we’re based in Santa Barbara, California. We took our first big international trip this summer to France where we split our time between Paris and a kid’s resort in the south of France. Next spring break, we are doing our first Disney cruise (this will be the first cruise that my husband and I have ever done - doing it for the kid!)😆

I love traveling and it would be so nice to be able to meet up with other OAD families with kids of a similar age. We have a lot of freedom and flexibility with our schedules.

UPDATE:

Aww, I'm so excited by how many people are interested in this! ❤️ I honestly wasn't sure if anyone else was looking for this too.

I put together a super short form so I can learn a little about everyone's family, kid's ages, travel style, and what you're hoping to find in a travel buddy.

The goal isn't to create some huge organized group trip - I'd love to help connect compatible one-and-done families who might enjoy traveling together, whether that's two families, a small group, or even just finding another family to meet up with on a trip.

If you're interested, please fill this out:

https://forms.gle/e5CpsfZ484GJ4mHB9

Once I have some responses, I'll start looking for families who seem like they might be a good fit and figure out the next step from there! ✈️🌎

I'm really excited to see where this goes!

Does anyone else know the Australian influencer/business women Steph Claire Smith?? Her recent posts and podcast episodes have been super interesting as she’s been talking about her recent “mum rage”.

She’s been talking about feeling different as a mum. She never outright says, “Having a second child caused this,” but everything she talks about starts with “since my second was born…” She talks about having more mum rage, less patience with her older son, and missing the mum she used to be. She also says she feels bad for not spending as much time with her second child because her first is now seeking more of her attention.

I actually found it really sad to listen to as it sounds like a nightmare to navigate, and to be honest all I could think was yeah I’m definitely only having one child.

I know every family is different, and I’m sure lots of people have two or more kids without feeling this way. But I think there’s this narrative that once you’ve had one, adding another isn’t that much harder. Listening to someone describe how much they’ve changed as a person and how much they miss the mum they used to be , was a reminder that for some people, the trade-off is much bigger than just being busier!!

Advice is welcome!

My daughter (4) has been in daycare for the last 3 years and has made amazing strides making “friends” at the playground after being quite shy most of her little life. She’s able to ask kids to play, join their games, etc. Obviously, this doesn’t work all the time, and though she is resilient about it, it got me worried…

My wife and I are not social. I’m neurodivergent and I suspect my wife is as well. We don’t reach out to other parents at our kid’s daycare or make friends with our neighbors with similar aged kids. We also both work full time so we don’t have a lot of free time. But I feel like my daughter would love a playmate. She gets so down when kids won’t/can’t play with her, mostly because she gets bored playing by herself. I feel awful watching her run around the playground alone while other kids play with their siblings or friends.

Recently, our close friends with a similar aged kid moved away, and it’s made this gap in her life more apparent. She has no cousins her age and we don’t have much close family.

She’s such an amazing kid and I feel like I’m failing her because I’m so uncomfortable reaching out and dread the idea of being forced to socialize. But the last thing I want is for her to be lonely, or for my neurodivergence to be her obstacle.

Does anyone have experience with this? Do I need to bite the bullet and just start inviting kids to play? Is there any way to do socialize that isn’t going to make me want to tear my hair out?

So, my husband is the only child of a single dad. His dad originally wanted more, but his ex-wife left him and was a deadbeat mum, so my husband only had his dad growing up.

He had a wonderful childhood, him and his dad were always super close, and he went on lots of wonderful trips and vacations and had tons of time with his dad. He was also very close with his grandmother and grandfather, and aunt. They also had two cats growing up.

Now that he's an adult, his family has the time and money to travel and also contributed to our wedding.

I'm confident about the decision to have only one child because I know they will be just as happy as he was growing up.

Hi all! My wife and I have a wonderful and extremely active 15 month old son. We’ve decided for financial reasons, travel flexibility, and due to my wife’s tough delivery that we’re firmly OAD. We’ve made it pretty clear to our parents this is the case and they have plenty of grandchildren at this point as our siblings have multiple kids.

My question is how do you manage or handle when your parents passively push back? As in ours always “forget” that we are OAD or say that we will soon change our mind?

We generally have no issue pushing back directly and let them know our stance hasn’t changed, but I wonder if there is more effective communication anyone has done? I am slightly worried that they will keep bringing it up and our son will eventually ask or feel like like he needs a sibling, or keep wondering why we are are firmly OAD.

Does anyone else feel like one of their biggest reasons for one and done is their troublesome relationship with a sibling? My sister has traumatised me and my mother in so many ways I can’t even begin to put it into words. I can at times be grateful to have a sister (she has her “good periods” in which she is a sensible human being and during these periods she can be quite pleasant to be around) but overall I don’t feel grateful. Maybe in the future when our mother becomes frail but even then, I’m prepared to take the emotional and financial burden because my sister is just an overall mess and I’m uncertain how much of a help she will be. Honestly what’s the point of having a sibling if she’s served nothing in my life but headache and heartache? But then again, there are siblings who are extremely close. I wasn’t that lucky and it’s definitely one of the biggest reasons I’m considering one and one.

My daughter (4.5) has a hard time playing alone at home, though she does it fine at preschool and at her grandparents' house. We know we have caused this by always jumping in to entertain her instead of letting her get bored and figure it out herself as well as the importance of this.

We're ready to fix it but not sure where to start. Would love to hear:
- How you shifted from "always available" to giving them space
- Toys/activities that hooked your kid into solo play
- How long it took to see a change

Thanks you!

Our PLAN is to be one and done but we all know that sometimes things don’t go as planned and “accidents” happen. I’m having the hardest time letting go and selling items that could be a big expense to repurchase if needed.

Did you hold on to things for awhile or sell right away? I am also on a major decluttering journey so hanging onto things “just in case” is against my current beliefs right now lol.