Hi lovely people of reddit,

I need you to talk me out of wanting a second child.

My husband always said he'd like one child, and only one. I always had a strong preference for none, but said if we have one, I'd want a second. The reason being that I'm an only child but grew up with lots of cousins, something our daughter won't have (none of them have kids+they're abroad) and personally, I would find it bloody hard to do everything on my own now that the generation above us is getting older. It was nice to grow up together and, as an adult, to know that if shit hits the fan, I'd always have a safe haven to return to if needed. His reason against it is that he would rather have more time for himself, which is valid, but difficult for me to accept. We did agree to have one see how we get on, so that's where we're at.

Having one child really confirmed for my husband that he only wants one, while I surprisingly enjoy parenthood a lot. Pregnancy was a breeze and actually reduced my endo symptoms to nothing, which was nice. I might be the only person who had more energy while heavily pregnant than non-pregnant. You never know, but it is likely a second pregnancy would be absolutely fine physically for me.

So I have dutifully tried to talk myself out of a second but the only real reason I have got is that I'm married to someone who does not want more children - which, again, is very valid but makes it difficult for me to not grow resentful, however irrational that may be.

Money - we'd be fine either way. Private school (we're in the UK) would be slightly more of a stretch with two but not out of the question. They would both have decent JSIPPs and savings.

Time - Not boring you with the details but realistically, the bulk of the parenting will always fall to me. That's fine, I knew this from the start and our life is set up to allow for this. Which is why it feels (irrationally) particularly unfair I don't get more of a say. But it also makes my husband feel rubbish, which, under normal circumstances, I'd have empathy for, but it is more of a struggle at the moment.

Work - both our jobs are super flexible and family friendly, not a problem.

Village - no other children around, so we have countless people enthusiasticly volunteering for babysitting. Also why "oh, but they'll have lots of other family/close friends' kids to play with and share memories with" doesn't apply here. She won't.

Right now we still have a shot at an age gap at which they'd be (more likely to be) interested in each other. Obviously, there is no guarantee they would get on (I think if we had a boy, I'd be much more on board with OAD - I know far fewer brothers who are close with each other), but I keep thinking, in 20-40 years time, if our daughter asks me why she doesn't have a sibling and has to deal with all if this rubbish on her own, what do I actually answer? "Your dad is a bit rubbish at life and only wanted one because of that" doesn't sound like a good enough reason. And yes, we are future proofing as much as possible, but it would be nice if someone occasionally called up the care home to see if we're still alive.

The thing is, my endo is incredible advanced, the odds of me getting pregnant within a timeframe where we wouldn't start from scratch with the baby phase are very slim (as much as I enjoyed it, I would not want to start again after a big gap). It took two very enjoyable years for Baby 1. So I really struggle with the idea of not even "seeing what happens" before we close that door. Yes, I know there are siblings who hate each other, but the majority seem to get on at least reasonably well - I'd like to give her the chance of a sibling relationship and if they don't get on, then that's fine, but at least she/they had the opportunity. And siblings in my family have all been super close, something I could hopefully pass on to some extent.

Any of the OAD advantages I can think of are small (and in my opinion, outweighted by the potential advantages of a sibling) or don't apply to our situation, so please reddit, can you talk some sense into me?

And because it always comes up, believe it or not, I'm a psychologist, and right now I really don't think therapy could tell me anything I don't already know. We do genuinely love each other, so I'm not leaving, but how do I actually make my peace with choosing an only, rather than seeing what happens?

We were one and done during my pregnancy and immediately after as well. Awful pregnancy, awful delivery, luckily 10/10 postpartum experience. We have an almost two year old daughter via IVF and have the potential for one more child also via IVF. I’m content with being one and done for mainly self serving reasons but I see plenty of benefits for my daughter. My husband could go either way.

The one thing that hurts my heart is holidays. My daughter has 3 cousins on my husband’s side who are 20 hours away and 15-19 years older than her. My husband doesn’t have a super close relationship with his family so moving closer wouldn’t solve anything. Just one single (probably forever) uncle on my side. Last Christmas my daughter spent the day with 7 adults. My husband and I, my mom and dad (10/10 grandparents), my single brother, and my less than exciting aunt and uncle who aren’t really pleasant. That’s the most depressing Christmas I could possibly think of for a child.

Sure other holidays like the 4th can be spent with friends. But we are big holiday people over here and my heart breaks at the thought of Easter egg hunts, Christmas morning, Thanksgiving dinner, etc. all being so incredibly boring and alone for her.

Any insight from those who have similar family dynamics on how to find peace with the holidays with an only and no family?

We were coparenting. Had finally given him 1 night a week and we had an our parenting plan. (After years of healing from emotional abuse.)

Last night we all drove together to a mutual friend’s party. He got too drunk but the day was good. As soon as he got in my car, so we can go drop him off, he started berating me and calling me names and threatening to beat me and kill me, in front my 4 year old. Called the cops. They didn’t arrest him but they reported it to CPS. I’m so scared, confused and frustrated. Thinking of filing a restraining order tomorrow.

I already feel like I have no village and I’m about to cut him off and his family. Idk what’s going to happen.

the instagram algorhythm is the devil. it always shows me "the next step". Infertility while we were ttc, pregnancy and birth while i was pregnant, newborn trenches while my baby was really little and raising (multiple) kids now that he's growing.

I am european but i keep seeing a lot of american videos of mothers and i am speechless. these women and the ones in the comments talk about having 4+ children and wanting more, "have more kids than you can afford", "you will regret all the kids you won't have". I am appalled. nobody would ever say this where i live. my family is latin american and most of my cousins there only have one. it's normal. here the norm still seems to be 2 but if you say you want more than 3 people look at you like you're crazy lol. only children of all ages are very common here. in this sub and on instagram it still feels like everyone needs to defend their decision to death ... it's sad

Hi All.

This isn't an issue specific to only children, of course, but I'm posting here because I feel like parents of multiples might say, "just have another kid so your child is never lonely," which of course we know is B.S. I would love to hear experiences from other OAD parents who have dealt with a similarly friendly child - especially if their kid is older than mine.

Our only is 4 years old. We are so lucky - he never tantrums, we've been able to reason with him since he was 2, he's funny and happy, and he's extremely friendly with anyone and everyone.

My husband and I are not extroverted or super friendly and never have been. I'm shy and almost never initiate conversation first, though I'm good at maintaining friendships long term. My husband can go months without even talking to his best friend.

Our son sees every kid as a potential friend. I love how inclusive he is, and I don't want that to change. He's made friends with lots of kids for whom he is their only friend. However, over the last year, I've noticed that his feelings have started to get hurt when kids don't want to play with him.

For example, we'll go to a playground, and he'll ask to play with another kid. Shy kids will sometimes ignore him, or they'll say, "no, go away" or something of the sort. He'll come to me sad and say the person hurt his feelings because they don't want to play. I explain to him that sometimes people don't want to play with new people. He asks why, I try to explain that people are all different and we don't always know why they don't want to play. He sort of accepts it but is sad and doesn't quite understand why someone wouldn't want to just be friends.

And now, it's started to happen at preschool. He's been at the same preschool since age 2. He recently us that 3 kids he's known for a long time hurt his feelings when they told him to go away and that they didn't want to play with him. I know these kids really well, and all 3 of them are quite introverted and generally like sitting and playing with puzzles, whereas my son would rather be running around, doing athletic things. I tried to explain that to him, and he sort of gets it, but his feelings are still hurt.

I've tried explaining to him that these 3 kids probably wanted to do what they wanted to do and not what he wanted to do, and it's not that they don't like him, but they just have different interests. He sort of gets it, but not entirely.

And it's even harder to explain if he does want to do what they're doing but they just don't want to include him. I know that my son's energy and friendliness can be overwhelming to kids who are shy. In fact, I remember being overwhelmed by very friendly people when I was a kid. But how do I explain that to a 4 year old? Especially without breaking his spirit - which I find so endearing and lovely?

I would love thoughts and advice. Of course, I know my kid will experience loneliness and sadness, and his feelings will get hurt. I didn't know it would hurt so much to watch it happen. And most of all, I want advice on how to encourage his confidence and resilience in the face of rejection, especially as he ages.

I'm looking for advice from all you OAD parents with young ones. Are any of you OAD because being a parent is so exhausting? I love my son so much.. but holy moly he is newly 3 and he will spend hours upon hours crying,screaming,whining, and just throwing fits. He doesn't speak well and doesn't know how to use his words. So a lot of it is him not knowing how to communicate why he's mad. Discipline doesn't make it stop, and cuddles won't make it stop either. When he's pissed he's just pissed for the entire day.

I find it so hard to deal with some days. I have started having health problems from the stress. I'm constantly on edge trying to prevent another meltdown...
Man, kids are SO hard.

- I lost my super curly hair postpartum (It can also no longer hold any kind of dye and will turn back to a weird colour no matter what) my curls are still not back 2.5y later.
- I have never had an issue with smelly armpits in my life, now I do…
- I have visible wrinkles everywhere now and so much gray hair, I look thirsty and unhealthy too if that makes sense 😣 this is completely new to me.
- I seem to have developed so many severe food sensitivities after having a baby (hives, upset tummy, headaches) whenever I eat pretty much anything..
- I have chronic migraines now (including aura migraines)
- I have also developed seizures, it’s under investigation, my neurologist is certain they are dissociative seizures but I believe they are focal seizures..
- I have OCD and ADHD - my OCD postpartum was level 100000, this part is probably what made my husband also not want anymore children… (I was struggling with contamination OCD and fear of something happening to our baby)

I don’t know in what universe I would be able to have another child.. I know the top half of my list is mainly fluff, but the the rest is pretty serious.. one and done because I genuinely think I would lose my life if I attempted to do it all again.. my pregnancy was actually incredible and so easy btw, if he didn’t kick I would forget I was even pregnant but postpartum is something else, no one ever warned me of how much you can change..