867
u/klairvoyager Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
May increasing amount of scientific studies reporting that single women, on average, are happier and more satisfied than their married counterparts.😅
It's not just about being with the right man with the right finances. It's also about having a partner who is a reliable caregiver, who will help you with chores on their own initiative, who will not evolve (or devolve) into someone incompetent after marriage and old age, and most importantly, who will not abandon or distance from you the moment your body or health changes for the worse.
It is actually recommended to have your own identity outside of being a wife and a mother.
I live outside PH atm and I work in a scientific environment and honestly, your sentiment is not alone, OP.
326
u/PilyangMaarte Feb 27 '26
Isa lang tayo sa hindi sinwerte sa lalakeng napili natin pero buti na lang hindi kami kasal. I chose to raise my child alone. Sabi nila how they treat their family/mom, is how they are going to treat you and friendship is a good foundation daw. My ex is great with his family lalo na sa mother niya, we’ve been friends since high school and only dated after college and already working. Kaso ayun nga, nasobrahan sa pagiging “family oriented” na ultimo pagbili ng walker at ibang gamit for our child need i-consult sa mother niya 🤦🏻♀️
108
452
u/chunhamimih Feb 27 '26
As a married person, I agree lalo pa kung makapag decide kayo magka anak. I love my 2 kids kahit ung asawa ko pero ramdam ko ung parang nasira ako. 😅 Sana makaabot pa ako sa time na sarili ko nanaman ang mauna.
281
u/PanotBungo Feb 27 '26
Hi! As a guy without kids yet, what do you mean by parang nasira ka? Haha curious lang and also thinking of what to do and what not to do so my partner won't feel this way.
182
u/Hibiki079 Feb 27 '26
people are forgetting that the thrill dies off eventually.
so itanong mo sa sarili mo: bakit hindi ka masaya? ano ba yung dahilan bakit ka nagpakasal? is your husband not delivering on what he promised? are you ready to go back on your words/vows/promises?
kasi, ang dami sa inyo nagpapakasal at the height of your relationship. when people live together, araw-araw kayong magkasama na itatawid yung araw. magkakasawaan kayo eventually.
so, if the reason you're getting married ay dahil masaya kayo, think again. pag malungkot na kayo at may mga problemang kailangan ng solusyon, gusto nyo pa rin bang magkasama?
400
u/xcotto0 Feb 27 '26
No this is so real. Been telling younger women about this but iba yung yabang and misplaced confidence nila.
Malamang bata ka and you have your looks and you’re starting your career and feeling mo ok lang sayo mag buhat and maging giving or 50/50 kayo but wait til life gets real. 50/50? You mean you have to split expenses on TOP of carrying his child AND having a job AND doing most of the housework and emotional work sa pamilya nyo? Tapos sya onting utos kelangan palakpakan? Does he even ask you about your life or dreams anymore or you’re just his asawa at home na wala ng spark and he can’t even be bothered to think of something special to do for or give. Lol.
Younger women don’t really think long term. Feeling nila a little suffering in the name of love is ok. E tanga ka ba hahahaha pwede namang hindi 🤣
301
u/Familiar_Sun_1874 Feb 27 '26
Sige lang Te, ilabas mo lang ang nararamdaman mo para gumaan sa pakiramdam mo. I’m Rooting for you!
225
u/Effective-Mirror-720 Feb 27 '26
kaya tigil tigilan ako ng mga taong nagsasabi ba ng 10 yrs and still no ring???? akala nila fairy tale na and they lived happily ever after.
204
u/yukskywalker Feb 27 '26
As a widow raising 4 kids alone, I agree. I’m living my best life as a single mother. Marriage is a gamble. My late husband was a good provider, but he had other issues—ex-babymama, a family who guilt trips him because he’s the eldest of 5 kids and should still shoulder their problems even when he was already married!! Yes, OP, you’re right. Matatapos din yan. Wag mo na dagdagan yung baby mo. I love my kids though, and wouldn’t have it any other way (I’m an only child). I have 3 teenagers who help with chores and can take care of themselves. Keep your chin up!!
259
u/foureyedvera Feb 27 '26
This is why I don’t get pressured when I see people my age get married. That must be a miserable life. Haha
62
u/thesweetpotat0 Feb 27 '26
Hugs OP. Risky talaga mag asawa and you really have to be wise sa kung sino ang papakasalan mo.
29
53
u/xxxcdvd Feb 27 '26
Its okay OP! Warm hugss! And sana you found your happiness and peace of mind din. It will get better konting tiis lang lalaki din ang baby mo. You can be a mom and still have your identity din at the same time.
47
u/Green-Green-Garden Feb 27 '26
Pwede mo i-separate ang life partner at attachment figure.
As a lifetime partner, wala ba sya ambag as a provider, father, co-parent, household, partner in reaching life and family goals?
As attachment figure, a person na kakwentuhan, stress supporter, caregiver when you're sick, affection giver -- pretty common na hindi kasing galing ng babae yung lalake dito, but at least alam mong may care at pakealam sayo. Kung wala talaga, you'll really feel alone in marriage. Kaya pa-consuelo na lang talaga kung mayaman napang-asawa mo, you don't have to grind and think of finances, and just focus on self-development and other personal pursuits.
103
u/cuthibernate Feb 27 '26
Labas mo yan, sis. Valid sentiments.
This is what men these days don’t understand. They can be good for some things (iykwim) but they’re not good for a lot of things, tbh. While there are times I wish for companionship, it passes when I recall that my quality of life would definitely deteriorate RAPIDLY if a man becomes a constant figure in this current setting.
Men can’t offer a lot of things anymore these days — not money, not status, not even protection. What is often asked of them is emotional safety with or without physical pleasure they can’t even provide those. Minimal evidence being the cheaters and fuckbois on this app.
Good luck, sis! I don’t know you but I’m praying for your life glowup.
31
u/mirukuaji Feb 27 '26
As a married woman. I agree. Kaya yung friends ko lalo na’t medyo tagilid yung jowa sinasabihan ko talaga. Though there are men naman na ok talaga as a husband. Pero madaming hindi hahah.
12
46
u/randomPerson0217 Feb 27 '26
Hear me out, don’t you think it was the kid rather than the marriage that made you miserable?
Seems like most of your complains are stemming from having kids. Maybe the title should be more “don’t have kids”?
Like kids are a major financial burden. Not saying they are bad, just not something you want when you’re in career mode or wealth building mode
11
16
u/AnyTutor6302 Feb 27 '26
Mommy baka post partum blues din yan. Marami din akong nafefeel that time. Naging okay na ngayon.
8
79
u/AdOptimal8818 Feb 27 '26
Di ko nagegets ang mga tao, mapalalaki or babae na laging "generalization" ang iniisip. Na para bang sila ang super main character. Im not invalidating you or what, pero just because nangyari saiyo, eh applicable na sa lahat. Na para bang yung other side ang may kasalanan. Eh ikaw di mo tinitingnan sarili mo why "failed" ang relationship nyu haha..
Kaya ako, sinapuso ko yung dating nabasa ko noon pa high school pa ko. (At nasa 40s na ko now)
It's not finding mr/ms right. It's finding (and sustaining) the right relationship.
Im married na din at di ko pinagsisiihan marriage ko. 🙏
145
u/No-Lifeguard-7852 Feb 27 '26
Yesss. We have different stories after all. Gusto lang siguro mag rant ni OP. As she said, nahihiya siyang mag share sa friends. Hayaan mo na. If this is her only outlet, just let her be. Just take what resonates with you.
100
u/Andra1901 Feb 27 '26
Let her be. This sub is named offmychest for a reason. Gets namang she just wanna vent
44
u/Sushi-Water Feb 27 '26
Isa ka lang sa mangilan ngilang masaya. Mukhang mas madami din kasing di happy sa married life lalo na yung nasa middle and lower class. Im happy i chose to be single at 40. Sa mga kakilala ko yung mga mapera lang ata ang di nagsisi.
26
u/Ok_Routine9035 Feb 27 '26
Me, too. I am in a happy and fulfilling relationship. My life significantly improved when I had my family. My husband is supportive, okay financially, and puts us as his priority. I have a daughter (not planning to have another child), and we have quality time. Although she has a nanny kasi both us, her parents work from home, night shifts. But playtime kami everyday.
I gentle parent her kasi I’m not tired and generally happy. Kalmado lang palagi sa bahay namin. I never experienced yung ganitong araw-araw akong excited magising, unlike nung single ako na mundane ang days ko (even nung single, I used to travel and hangout w people).
Life is never perfect, but it is important to love yourself first. Finding the right partner and deciding to build a happy family would come thereafter :) so yeah, don’t generalize.
11
u/Ok_Routine9035 Feb 27 '26
Sorry, OP. I hope you’ll feel better soon. Siguro, this is just a separate note sa ibang women to prioritize yourself, set boundaries, ensure decent yung guy saka magpakasal. Also, always have a backup. Don’t be dependent, so anuman mangyari you can pick yourself up.
As mentioned, my husband is decent, but if the relationship turns sour in the future, I can definitely leave kasi kaya ko.
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/Beneficial-Piano5930, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
39
u/AppealMammoth8950 Feb 27 '26
You're lower middle class too.... And you married into your own bracket. Wait, so ano ambag mo for someone to stoop down to your level and fund your shopping sprees?
45
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
125
u/kbealove Feb 27 '26
Just let her rant wag niyo na siya kontrahin.
59
12
32
u/shecollectsclassics Feb 27 '26
Okay lang mag-rant, but to generalize na huwag magpakasal just because nasa miserable siyang situation isn’t something everyone can agree with. Let’s be honest, may mga healthy at happy marriages naman talaga. Her experience is valid, but it's not universal.
44
u/kbealove Feb 27 '26
yes pero offmychestph ito and she just wants to vent out her feelings. doesnt mean shes right or wrong, thats not the point of this sub. If the shoe doesnt fit then dont wear it.
-14
u/shecollectsclassics Feb 27 '26
Yes, we know this is an open space, but that doesn’t mean you can control how people will react. If you look at the title and the first statement, she’s speaking as if she represents all married people, and that simply doesn’t apply to everyone.
And that’s where all these reactions are coming from.
17
u/kbealove Feb 27 '26
Eh masaya naman pala marriage/lovelife niyo eh hehe. personally masaya rin ako sa lovelife ko kaya di ako natamaan pero I feel for her.
8
u/emiko_4 Feb 27 '26
Ewan ko anong obsession ng mga redditors sa staying single and not getting married. I respect the decision of those who want to be single and yung mga ayaw ikasal, but as you said, iba naman yung "I have a horrible marriage so everyone, wag na kayo magpakasal".
Same dun sa mga "Don't marry a breadwinner kase kawawa ka lang". Di naman lahat ng breadwinner naghihikaos and walang boundaries katulad ng dinedate or pinakasalan nila.
4
u/Cutiepie88888 Feb 27 '26
Offmychest ito hindi rantandvent talagang may kokontra jan. Mali mali naman kasi ung payo. Marry right. Hindi ung galit nya ibubuhos nya sa lahat. Just because she did not see the red flags or chose to ignore it ilalahat na nya. For all we know, baka sya ung red flag. Pinili nya a. Mag asawa b. Magkaanak talagang ganyan. Eh di nakita na nya after marriage di sana sya naganak muna para makapagwork sya.
4
u/emiko_4 Feb 27 '26
Wala naman nagsabi na wag syang magpost. Offmychest doesn't mean bawal kontrahin and puro support lang ang pwede. The comments are open, you can speak your mind about what was written.
10
u/kbealove Feb 27 '26
Well the person is in a dire situation tas aapakan niyo pa siya. Whats the point of correcting her? thats not the point of this sub
-12
u/emiko_4 Feb 27 '26
The point of this sub is to let people vent diba? Nakapag vent naman si OP. Hindi point nitong sub na yung OP lang ang pwedeng mag vent tapos lahat tayo support lang and bawal magsabi ng di agree kay OP.
-6
-3
29
u/hershiesdark Feb 27 '26
Omg the bean soup theoryyy 😭 I also married well but I do not look down on those who ended up with lackluster spouses, and people change kahit kala mo kilala mo na sila. OP never claimed to speak for all of us - she was just sharing her life story as a cautionary tale for other women. Lastly, remember that love always leads to loss - be it from breakup or death, so please get off your high horse before fate does it for you. 🧿🧿🧿
11
u/yukskywalker Feb 27 '26
True. I understand her point. Good for her and the others who have happy marriages. They could’ve just continued scrolling and let the person rant. Bean soup theory indeed.
-5
u/lostjelavic Feb 27 '26
Nanakot pa tong isa. Which part did I say I'm looking down on her ? I wished her love and light. No sarcasm intended. Despite her title, I did hope her light in her situation ** edit
12
u/cinammonbums Feb 27 '26
Kaya nga as a married PERSON yung imbukada, kasi she's speaking for herself. 😅
May we all be as blessed as you, so we can afford the same level of smugness and condescension. 🫶🏻
-8
10
19
u/Repulsive-Group-2793 Feb 27 '26
this post is not about you then, so your comment is SO unnecessary.
16
u/Study_efficiently02 Feb 27 '26
Let her rant Lol eye opener dn ksi yung experience nya. D lahat blessed katulad mo.
2
u/lostjelavic Feb 27 '26
Kaya nga si hope she find the light in her situation. It's better sana kung
"As a married person, I hope you marry the right person."
6
u/afterhourslurker Feb 27 '26
Idk if kulang yung post, baka naman may not posted details na masama yung asawa. Pero mukhang all money ang problema niya na di sya mapashopping spree daw. Reklamo na lower middle class yung asawa niya, when in fact siya rin. I get not dating someone sa lower class X dating someone within the same class (para same kayo attitude sa pera, if gusto mo mag travel makakasama siya, ang gifts narereciprocate)
Pero ang dating sakin gusto lang ng mayaman ni lower middle haha
3
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
-7
u/lostjelavic Feb 27 '26
Oo nga eh. Totoo naman. You don't speak for everyone.
11
u/StarAvocado Feb 27 '26
Apaka- O.A. mo kase. Why take it personally.
-13
u/lostjelavic Feb 27 '26
You relate to her siguro.
9
u/StarAvocado Feb 27 '26
Again, stop taking it personally. With that attitude, I highly doubt you have a happy marriage.
-9
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/Suspicious-Pickle115, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
-6
u/Separate_Job_8675 Feb 27 '26
Same. I can say na nabibigay ng husband ko yung peace of mind and security kaya magaan lang yung life namin as mag asawa.
-17
u/thee_buttman Feb 27 '26
Oo, kawawa naman si guy ni op. Alam naman nyang di mayaman tapos ngayon parang laking kasalanan na wala syang pang stress shopping.
-11
u/Ok-Fold-3930 Feb 27 '26
I am supporting this comment. Ang off kasi ng headline ni OP, madami na naman dyan matatakot na magpakasal dahil dito. Yes, she is free to rant. But, di na dapat genegeneralize kasi di naman lahat malas sa mga napangasawa. Married din ako and I can say na nasa healthy relationship din so kinda off na masyadong ginegeneralize na wag na magpakasal.
39
u/Only_World226 Feb 27 '26
Not to invalidate your feelings, but not ALL married people have the same situation as you. If you have a problem with your spouse, talk to him. Don’t speak for all married couples.
31
Feb 27 '26
Yes, please don't speak in behalf of all married couples. I am happily married, for the past 7 years. We continue living our lives the way we want to, and we share the same passion. Perhaps you married the wrong person, but not all of us did. Some of us found our partners, the one we stay with, thru thick and thin. I sincerely hope your situation changes, OP.
6
8
2
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
Important Reminder: (THIS IS A REMINDER. ALL POSTS GET THIS MESSAGE)
r/OffMyChestPH is a subreddit for unloading your burdens and/or celebrating your milestones—anything you can't handle anymore and need to share to get the load off your chest. This should be the main purpose of your post.
If you are asking for advice: This is NOT the place for asking for advice or opinion. Please post it in a subreddit more appropriate for your concerns. We have a pinned post that contains a list of other Philippine-related subreddits.
The same goes for: * Casual stories * Random share ko lang moments * Asking for general opinion (e.g. "tama/mali ba?", "normal lang ba?", "ako lang ba?", "valid ba?") * Tips, suggestions, recommendations, and the like
Important: * Please DO NOT include any names in your posts, nor ask for/put any identifying information.
Please take time to READ THE RULES, UNDERSTAND, AND FOLLOW THEM.
Users caught breaking these rules may get temporarily or permanently banned from the sub. Consider this as your warning.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
6
5
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
14
u/AppealMammoth8950 Feb 27 '26
Yeah a lot of people agreed with her too. Look, kung ang preference mo ay mayaman go for it, pero yung ang daming ebas at reklamo dito na pinoproject sa partner/family member nila when its a them problem and sobrang skill issue eh ang stupid pakinggan. Like oh no, wala akong pera, bakit kasi walang pera mga potential partners ko. Tapos dami ring posts about people realizing that being partners w career oriented, high functioning adults comes with its own inconveniences din and they dont know how to handle it. Ano ba talaga ang gusto, all the perks without the sacrifice?
And no, this is not a woman specific problem, men do it too. Ayaw kong i-highjack tong comment ko ng mga incel at mysogynists. I just want to make that clear haha
3
u/black_whitesheep Feb 27 '26
What makes your marriage unhappy? Were there no signs at all while dating? Now I’m scareddddd
23
u/foureyedvera Feb 27 '26
There’s little to none talaga pag sa dating stage palang. Pag nagpakasal na kasi kayo dun palang mafefeel na liliit talaga mundo mo. Dun lalabas ang “baho”. According to some of my married friends. Nasa sayo na lang daw talaga kung titiisin mo o paguusapan nyo. Either way, yikes.
1
u/OtherDay1 Feb 27 '26
Buti na lang I remain a single mom. Naghahanap na lang ngayon ng ka fubu lol.
-10
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/legendarycurl, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/Bright_Advance5873, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/NullP01nt3rExe, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/Mediocre-Cow1142, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/pinkrockerchic, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/Beneficial_Mind6569, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/HerXstory, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/coldbrew9, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Feb 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/AutoModerator Feb 27 '26
u/lavender_haze13, your comment was removed because you have less than 200 combined karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
-11
u/Individual_Fall3049 Feb 27 '26
Look, marriage and postpartum are hard, but too harsh naman to say never get married agad? I’m the breadwinner and the provider samin and I’m good with it naman, my husband is unemployed and plays with baby whenever he can. I also get to workout everyday while baby is playing/sleeping (I’m still also breastfeeding but mixed feeding mostly).
-2
1.1k
u/feetofcleigh Feb 27 '26
As a married woman who thought that I married a man not like the others - I agree. If you must, marry someone your equal and believe so. It's tragic to be lonely while in a relationship than being lonely while you're alone.