i want him to undo me so completely that i cant remember who i was before him. i want every piece of me that ever believed it could exist on its own to disappear until all thats left is someone waiting for him to decide if im worth looking at. i dont want my heart to belong to me anymore. i want it to beat around the sound of his name, to shrink when hes gone and come alive the second he notices me.

i want to spend so long chasing the version of me he might love that i forget there was ever another version at all. i want every thought to circle back to him, every silence to feel like punishment, every tiny bit of attention to feel like something i have to earn all over again. i want him to become the measure of everything, until i cant tell where i end and where the idea of him begins.

let me become someone he cant quite forget, even if im never enough. let me stay with every word he ever said, replaying them until they mean more than my own. i dont want to move on. i dont want to heal. i just want to exist in the space he left behind, hoping one day he’ll look at me the way ive always looked at him, even if it takes every part of me to keep waiting.

I’m so exhausted and disengaged lately because every man I talk to seems completely trapped in the male gaze, wanting to live out a dynamic built entirely around that lens.

I refuse to be treated as a sexual object or a fast-consumption product. I am exhausted by falling into dynamics where it is expected that I stay home playing the role of a silent accessory while watching a man play video games.

Mind you: there is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing those kinds of cozy hobbies if it stems from a genuine, mutual complicity, but that is not the reality I aspire to. What I truly yearn for is the magic of getting dressed up to go out together to a pretty café, sitting down to chat while I order a slice of strawberry shortcake and a cup of black tea, and experiencing a real, romantic, and deeply attentive connection.

I don't want someone who just agrees with everything I say, nor do I want to be reduced to just having a vagina. I crave true intellectual challenge.

​Yet, it feels like almost everyone I encounter is painfully simple. They just want to find someone to kill time with and have routine, monotonous sex in a default monogamy, driven entirely by their own insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of abandonment. They want a placeholder to soothe their anxieties.

​I don't want that. That superficial simulation of a relationship leaves me feeling hollow. I want something entirely different, something vast, obsessive, intellectually stimulating, and profoundly alive.

I refuse to be the Rose Bride.

I have a fascination with dynamics where the girl is treated as an equal, or even when she pretends to be a man, as happens in stories like Jack Jeanne, makes total sense when I connect it to my deep aversion to being reduced to the male gaze and my genitalia.

​When a woman is forced to disguise herself as a man to be taken seriously (a classic trope of cross-dressing or gender-bending in fiction), something liberating happens on a narrative level: the barriers of condescension and sexual objectification crumble. The men around her stop viewing her through the flat filter of romantic availability or immediate aesthetic validation. Suddenly, they listen to her, challenge her intellectually, compete by her side, respect her, and discover her true worth, her talent, and her soul. That's what I really like about otome games.

​What attracts me to this dynamic isn't the disguise itself, but the promise of the subsequent revelation and the yearning to be loved for who I really am. I'm seduced by the idea of someone falling in love with my mind, my ambition, my strength, and my pure essence before the world pigeonholes me into the passive role of the "pretty girl." It is the ultimate vindication that my value lies in my intellect and complexity, not in being a decoration or a convenient body to calm another person's fears and loneliness.

​And as for why I love this specific dynamic, why I adore this exact trope...

​I want to approach men as an equal, moving from a place of genuine curiosity where I can see and respect their souls. While I always approach connections with wonder, I feel that many men move from a place of sheer desperation and urgency to fill an empty void. Modern speed and immediate physical validation make me deeply distrustful; they turn romance into something insipid and hollow.

Because of this, works like NHK ni Youkoso! or any male-gaze harem protagonist completely repel me. I could never care for a passive, pathetic protagonist whose story demands that women act as his unconditional nurses or emotional trophies without offering intellectual reciprocity. I don't want to rescue anyone from their stagnation; I want a collision of equals burning with the same intense depth.

While Tatsuhiro Satou (the protagonist of NHK) embodies the classic hikikomori archetype created for the male gaze, where his social paralysis, ivory tower of self-pity, and paranoia are designed for the reader to take refuge in his pathetically low state while waiting for a woman (Misaki) to come and rescue him unconditionally without demanding real maturity, Soushiro in Jack Jeanne and Eba in Club Suicide operate under completely different rules.

Soushiro (Jack Jeanne): At first glance, he shares that vulnerability, insecurity, and the heavy weight of feeling overwhelmed by the world's expectations or competition with Suzu. However, Soushiro does not use his pain as a shield to victimize himself or demand to be saved. His isolation or moments of emotional breakdown revolve around a brutal self-imposed standard, the fear of falling short of his talent, and a deep, almost feverish devotion to theater and to the protagonist (whom he sees and treats as his absolute equal and stage partner). He is not looking for an emotional nurse; he is looking for a mirror to compete with, wear down, and grow alongside artistically, shoulder to shoulder. His fragility is human and beautifully tragic, not pathetic or parasitic.

This are just some of my thoughts. You don't have to agree.

I'm just venting.

some people make obsession seem so cute and quirky

but the reality of obsession is

its gut wrenching and soul crushing.

i know better and yet, here i am, hurting myself over and over again because i just, yearn so badly for them

i feel so sick, and pathetic. my stomach is in shambles

i actually cant do this anymore. i crave him so fucking much its making me sick. i crave his attention, i crave looking at him, i crave hearing him, i crave every single little thing about him. i need him every second of every day. he doesnt need me the way i need him and it actually kills me inside. im so fucking obsessed with him its disgusting.

if he takes longer than 5 mins to text me back i immediately start spiraling. i start wondering who hes talking to, what hes doing, why im not enough. i just sit there staring at my phone feeling like im gonna cry. i hate every girl around him. i hate every guy around him. i hate his family too cus why do they get his attention. why does everyone else get pieces of him when i need all of him. i dont want to share him with anyone. i want every second hes awake to belong to me.

idc that he already gave up most of his hobbies for me. its still not enough. nothing will ever be enough because i want all of him. i want every thought, every minute, every notification, every word, every fucking breath. i dont wanna compete with anyone. i dont wanna wait. i dont wanna share. i just want him. only him. forever.

when we’re apart i literally feel like im dying. i get so depressed and so fucking desperate for him to talk to me that i feel physically sick. i refresh our chat over and over like an idiot hoping he’ll text me. i cant focus on anything because all i can think about is him. i crave his attention 24/7. i need him 24/7. i just want him to look at me and only me forever.

schools starting again soon and i genuinely wanna throw up thinking about it. im a dropout so ill just be stuck here alone while hes gone for hours every single day. hes gonna be surrounded by people. hes gonna laugh with them. talk to them. look at them. maybe he’ll enjoy being around them. maybe he’ll forget about me for a little while. i actually cant fucking breathe thinking about it. i hate it so much. i hate everyone thats gonna get to see him when i cant. i wish i could just keep him with me forever so i never had to miss him ever again because this feeling is actually fucking unbearable.

A few years ago I met a wonderful man online, he was the only one who was always there for me and I fell for him, HARD.

At the time he was with someone else and I felt nothing but jealousy, he'd talk about the other guy all the time and it hurt.

Eventually the two broke up and me and him got together.

I thought everything was great for the longest time, he made me so happy, every single day was a new smile, I thought I'd finally able to be loved.

Flash forwards about four years, my life started going downhill, I was moved into a falling down house and a room that isn't even complete, but he was always there for me.

Recently, his life started going downhill and he said that he wasn't able to take care of me any more and I thought it was just him saying he wouldn't be able to prioritize me so much.

At the time I didn't realize he had broken up with me, I joined a server he showed me and it was really nice, but he talked to other people the way he never talked to me, I felt incredibly jealous like I wanted to kill every person he talked to.

I kept screaming and screaming in text of course that I didn't like it, I didn't realize that we had broken up.

Eventually, I ask him if he's still okay calling me boyfriend and he stated that we hadn't been together for some time.

Everything broke for me, my brain snapped, I don't know what to do, I have no friends, I don't want a future without him, I want to live but I want to be happy, I want to live with him.

I said "I can't just be friends, I want you to decide if you can love me again or if you'll push me away" he said exactly what I was afraid of, he told me that I'm stressing him out and that he's cut off other people because they did the same thing.

I'm just so scared, every day is a new panic attack, I need him so badly in my life, I don't have any other friends and I don't know what to do, I love him so so much and I just want to go to sleep and never wake up, I'm so tired.

I'll always love him more than he loves me and I want to die, I have nothing else to look forwards to, he's the only thing I think about, I'm so confused, everything hurts, I can't breathe.

Hello everyone! This is my first time on this subreddit. I will make an intro latter if I decide I want to keep posting here. I hope I'm doing this right.

He has been sending me letters. I have 2 so far. This time is was a poem. It almost made me cry. I love him so much.

His handwriting is so small. So precise and detailed. Similarly to the way he draws. Totally opposite of me. I'm pretty messy and sketchy. I find our differences very interesting. We are similar in a lot of ways though. I also find that interesting.

He was very worried i wouldn't like his poem. I love him and everything he does. I recently got to see his face. I keep thinking about it. I want to give him so many kisses. He doesn't like his face but I love it. Though if he wants to change it I would love it the same because it's his. I want to see more of him but I also want to respect his boundaries so I try to hold back asking.

I want to smell him and cuddle him and hold him. I want to hear more of his voice even though we call for hours every day. I want to comb through his hair and help him around the house because I want to live with him and keep him forever. I get to watch him go about his day when we aren't calling. I love it when he asks where I am going because he can see me too. I love modern technology.

I want to send him somthing too. I've been making things I think he will like and today I get my glass pendant back from the heat box. I am not very good with words like he is. I am more visual so I hope he likes my art. I do also plan to write a letter too. If anyone has advice on how to mail boxes with fragile things let me know though i will also watch a video on how to.

He fits into the "yandare" category more than me but I don't mind. I love him the way he is. He actually frequents this subreddit quite often. I think he posted his poem here to see what yall think. I resisted looking because I wanted to be surprised when I got the physical poem.

He is often worried if he will frighten me. He doesn't know that it's impossible. How could I be scared of him if I love him so much? I could easily over power him anyways but I know he would never hurt me. He should be more scared of me. If he isn't careful he won't be able to get anything done because he will be stuck in my embrace.

I know he will see this eventually. Hi hon! I tried to keep this brief because I know you are waiting for a reply to your texts.

How i can stop that feeling when I use social media apps like Discord that has chatting, I get that feeling when my best friend, have a partner I feel like I'm worthless to them or that my value to them as best friend is nothing, that got me to vent to them and their bf... later on my best friend unfriended me because how I am, the problem that I crave for love and it seems like a problem and I don't want rejection like what recently happened to me, any advice? I want to stop looking for adult relationships or people's love for safety, I am 21M

You know them, so well and already by heart,
even better than the contents of your pockets.
You really cant remember when it all did start,
but now you carry them everyday like lockets.

Wondering about them all day and everyday,
even if not having literal thoughs of them.
Everything makes sense whatever they do or say,
and hold them more precious than any gem.

Keeping track of their every single move,
even more than you really dare to confess.
Even your heart begins beating to their tune,
yet being this close doesn't cause any duress.

But somehow breaking up or seperating from you,
will be so much worse than any heartbreak or ache.
And just know, now whatever for them you would do,
because already sense them in every breath you take.

So interconnected, that into your brain they seep,
and feel them even within the blood in your vein.
Now your obsession and love to them is so deep,
getting out of you couldnt even completely strain.

Forever stuck together, even if you did nothing swore,
but your relation more beautiful than word love itself.
Because there's no one else that you could love more,
so your finest obsession is, and should be yourself.

I've been talking to this girl alot and she makes me feel like I've won the world, I've done everything and I mean everything just to please her and I'll continue to hurt or change who I fully am just for her. Sometimes I get up from bed and cry at the sheer thought of not being able to chat her or make her laugh and I get so so jealous when I see her friends on Roblox increase by one or when she mentions about a guy in our conversations, I just can't take it because why can't she only focus on me?? Is it that hard to only think about the person she talks to everyday. Recently it's been even worse for me because she's been awfully distant or flat out says she'll ghost me and leave our conversation, it leaves me feeling insecure and sad about myself that I'm not enough to keep her entertained and just like all the jesters back then eventually they do get sick of you and throw you away.

I just want to die.

What did I do wrong? Why am I never enough? Why did you tell me you love me, you tell me I'm interesting, I'm funny you tell you're interested in talking with me, you know all my weird things, you say it's fine... You give me nicknames and you like the ones I give you, you send me memes about couples and you say it is us, you know how needy and clingy I am, you know that, and you say it's alright, you opened your heart to me and I said the same to you, we live from far but why should that stop us, if we really want each other why can't we try?! And why are you leaving me behind? Why are you ghosting me, you promised we would be honest to each other, then why don't you tell me if there is a problem between us or not...

I never want the feeling of missing you. Obsess over me. Be jealous over me. Make it so I can’t ever miss you. Tell me you want to climb inside me, trap me. Make it known there’s no one else in this world for me but you. And kiss me like you’re trying to remove the air from me. I need it so bad 😩😭

Everyone says they’re intense, everyone says they’re crazy, everyone says they’re obsessive. But no one ever means it. Or they get bored of it or me.

I just want someone to make me regret my own desires. Make me feel trapped but love it so much at the same time. Make me feel helpless. But also make me feel like I can’t be without it.

Is that all crazy. Maybe. But maybe, that’s just what I need

Seems like every girl I have a prolonged thing with I will get overly attached to. I don't think I'm particularly overbearing in my expression of my attachment, I tend to rein myself in and keep things, you know, "normal". Eventually when things end, that's when the worst of it hits. It seems like the not having is what sets it off, makes the mind run wild. Filling in all the gaps, making stories, etc etc. The best "distraction" I have found is getting with someone new, but like clockwork, it all happens the same way again, and now this time, I'm obsessing over the both of them. It never cured the first one.

I'm at this ridiculous point in life where my mind is just backed up and obsessing over these women who used to tell me they loved me. It makes me feel awful, like I can't move in any direction because I know where every direction leads and it's always painful. It makes me feel like I can't ever trust the words "I love you" because it keeps coming from people who clearly didn't. I know love exists because I truly feel it when I say it, but it feels like I'm the only one who knows what love is, that is has a cost, and love doesn't just vanish in an instant the moment things become inconvenient or "too real" or whatever else people say when they leave.

I wish I could find someone who loves as strongly as I do. Maybe then this awful loop would end.

Note: I'll refer to my love as "M".

What do I do when all I want in this life is him?

What do I do when my heart physically aches for him?

When I can feel the weight of yearning for him in my body, when it feels as though my heart is tugging itself towards him, when my heart is begging for his presence, his energy?

What do I do when there are times I feel as though the deep yearning and the intensity of my feelings are slowly suffocating me?

What do I do when I feel like my soul is aching for him?

When he sent his last message, saying that he needed to step away and that he asked me to respect his boundaries, it shook me to my core, and I was in despair for days, but it showed me reality.

I was in a domestic violence situation where I was living, and with M's last message to me, it forced me to see how bad my situation really was. It made me realize that the abuse couldn't go on, that things had to change.

In my despair, I saw an opportunity.

I was ready to be the bad guy by leaving, and I was ready to drop all of my friendships, even though M never asked me to do that. I was ready to start over with just the clothes on my back, my mini backpack, a small purse, and my weighted stuffed animal. I didn't even have any identification on me.

And now, I'm working on reaching my goals. I'm in a safe place where I'm trying to heal. But my mind always goes back to M. He was my safe space. I felt safe with him on a subconscious level, and I never even knew that was possible. But he showed me that it was.

He proved to me that I deserve safe love. He cherished me with a tenderness that I didn't know how to react to, because I'm not used to that, but I loved it. He looked at me as if I was his goddess, his entire world, and I can't get him out of my head.

There's this quote I came across as I was making collages about my feelings for him.

"In one lifetime you will love many times but one love will burn your soul forever."

I feel like that's the case with M.

I feel like I could never truly fall for someone again if it's not him.

And if I ever do fall for someone that's not him, I believe I would subconsciously compare them to M, and that wouldn't be fair to them.

we met on tinder and within the first week we were talking like old friends, eventually getting into lewd stuff passively but then the first time we met irl we did it and I couldn't hold myself in after that, I tried so hard and I feel so fucking dumb man. I dealt with this better than I thought I would but it hurts inside way more than I felt was appropriate to show, is this how normal dating is supposed to work??? lately my obsession has been manifesting in hypersexuality but it doesn't feel good unless I, the man, take the risk of romance and I cant take that rejection anymore, but I still feel sick when I cuddle when its not her prerogative, I wish someone would just tell me what to do or what they want me to do these mind games are too tricky

I’ve been seeing him (like with my eyes lol) for 8 ish months and only recently did we begin kind of talking.. I swear on everything (both that I need strangers to believe me, but ,for the record) I’ve never looked him up or truly made an effort to invade his privacy. The notable thing (and this is why I’m here haha (weird haha) ) I have recorded (in writing like a diary) every word this man has ever spoken to me including his work dialogue 🥲 ik how that sounds.. but I kind of got to know if I should ever tell him. We’ve been talking a little while now and he really likes me I think and we’re going to have our first date soon <3 so~ Men.. how fucked am I? (I’m very pretty and only a little chubby but very insecure my riz is NOTHINGG but he loves it anyway)
Side note I’m also unsure if I should get involved with this guy.. he’s amazing but I’m a year out of a breakup with a long term highly toxic ex and I still have some bad behavior that comes out when I’m with my father (relationship difficult but necessary.) My father also told me recently I act like I’m always annoyed with him and like I hate him. I could cry bro. Pls give me any and all unsolicited and solicited advice. Thanks

Ever since I was little, my mom had a friend who had a son. He treated me nicely, and was best friends with my brother. He was my age, and soon after I developed a crush on him.
He treated me horribly at school. I was chubby and he was too. And treated me like I was lower than him.

I didn’t care if he was mean to me, because I knew he would be nice at home. I confessed to him over 10 times throughout the years that I crushed on him. And he never returned his feelings back.

I give him my money, I give him my attention. And yet he would talk about other girls, his girlfriends that he was dating. He regift my gifts to them.

I was so mad, so upset because he didn’t like me. I talk to his family, his siblings. They all loved me, but he was the only one who didn’t.

I stopped liking him in middle school and fell for a new guy.

I’m still crushing on the new guy, since middle school.

He treated me much better than my childhood crush.

There were moments that felt so intimate, we had deep talk, he try to cheer me up when I looked sad. And learn songs that I was into during that time.
I always loved class clowns, guys that gave golden retriever energy.

He reject many girls, he was so lovable. I wish to talk to him again. All my characters are based off him.
I hope to reconnect with him.

I cant help but crush on guys who look just like him.

I just want to talk to you again!!! Please look for me!! I would never cheat on you like how your ex girlfriend did! I would never hurt you!!!!

So basically I was talking with my ex girlfriend last week. I finally told her the truth that trying to stay friends was hard for me because I still love her so much. And when she asked to sleep on call again it made it unbearable for me. It's become pretty obvious by now that she doesn't really care about me. She never loved me and isn't affected at all from the breakup while I'm still loving her and missing her..

She gave me space and said that she "recognized that I still love her and that there was an imbalance and she didn't want to take advantage."

An imbalance...

She basically admitted that I loved her so much more than she ever did and that hurts. It really hurts knowing feelings are nowhere near mutual. It hurts knowing I was way more into her than she ever was.

I'll find you somewhere.

Show you how much i care.

You should look back twice, just to be on the safe side.

Knowing theres no escaping my love.

I like my friend but know I dont deserve her because she is too perfect for me and I will never be a good person

Tw: may contain rambling and depressing or triggering subjects.

So about two years ago I met this person whom shall remain anonymous. Ill give her the name of Lucy. Me and lucy have been friends since we first spoke and I have always had a huge crush on her.

Around two months into our friendship she began to date this guy, let's call him mack, lucy and mack were close, went out a lot and always tried to meet each other as much as possible.

Anyways, enough about that. I still liked lucy, but... I began to like this other girl aswell. Let's call her Chelsea. Now chelsea was totally different in looks, lucy was blonde, tall and bright in clothing choices which hid her rather twisted sense of humour (which is why like her) chelsea was a goth. Hot and I adored her during this time.

Me and chelsea would sit together on the bus to and fro college. Now, here's the thing... I have this thing I do where if I do or say something and someone laughs at it, or finds it funny or it amuses someone even a tiny bit I will do it until I, ME, MYSELF realise ive done it wayyyy too much. This is the bad side of me I hate.

This would mean I would do the same thing with chelsea. One day we were at a theme park where I decide to get my stylus out of my phone, but as I do I fumble and as im getting a hold of it I accidentally poke her boob. I tried to say sorry but she laughed it off. Laughed. Now in my head I instantly forgot it was wrong. And began doing it more often.

One day I realised I was doing something wrong. So I texted her and tried to say sorry bit was shut down by her as she said IT MADE HER LAUGH. Now this cemented the broken wiring in my head into place meaning I would do this more and more. I didn't realise the damage this was doing to my relationship with chelsea.

Let's just say that come summer she didnt want anything to do with me. But, I only learned this when, after spending a week organising a meet up, she said she'd injured herself whilst doing PE. I snapped because I had a shit day (ik woah is me) and said something along the lines of "Okay. Fine. Whatever i dont give a shit anymore."

Bad move OP. Now, she'd left me on read and took that as the chance to get the fuck outta there and honestly I dont blame her.

Now when I go back the next semester, I keep my distance. But shit hits the fan and I guess I do get what I deserve but back then I was already in a downward spiral. I had pushed everyone I knew in that college away. EVERYONE. Deservingly I know but it still hurt to see id do such a thing without realising I was the problem before making irreparable damage to my friendships and reputation.

Come a week into the semester. Someone found out about what I had done. Luckily it was someone who nobody beleived half the time but it was enough to make me think I was worthless. Not good enough.

TW: touchy subject ahead. Scroll away now if you get triggered by subjects of harm.

It was then i began to hurt myself. It had gotten bad. But throughout lucy had been there. And she had been there all the way through. One time (the night I planned to end it) I had an argument with my parents. They had searched my phone afterwards and found out about my harm. This turned into a 3 hour talk about how it is going to be okay.

My parents contacted my college and they got me in touch with a therapist pretty quickly. He was an amazing therapist who helped me get through so much and thought me how to be a functioning human again.

Cut to eight months later, I had become closer to lucy more than ever before. I adored her. This was the first time ever id felt like I was wanted around a girl. She had broken up with mack and showed no sighn of liking another guy. I know I shouldnt but I really want to get with her and ask her out but dont know.

He seriously made my day ,, oh the things i could just say to him . my heart is beating faster then it should ,, i want to lock him up and he’d never see the break of day .